So I was feeling all fired up the next morning, I may not be wearing orange, I may not have eaten ramen in far too long, but dammit I was not going to get flicked with pebbles again, awesome shinobi weren't covered in loads of tiny bruises 'cos of tiny stones. I mean if it was one giant bruise cause I stopped a boulder running over a town or something that would be cool, but that's different.
But when I get to my training ground I heard a stupid weird little giggle and there was this creepy old man being completely perverted and gross. He kept saying things like "yeah, yeah wash her back for her", and "oh, you are naughty aren't you?". Iruka-sensei says I'm not allowed to become a pervert
But girls are scary, except for Sakura-chan who is awesome...and sometimes a bit scary too.
"Oi, you. Pervert! Get your own tracing ground to be perverted in." I yelled. I swear my eyebrow was twitching I was so annoyed.
Dammit I wanted to get some extra practise in before the closet-pervert arrived. The exams are really soon, and if I'm going to beat that asshole Neji I have to be way better than I am now.
I'm beginning to think that I'm really not all that good at being a ninja, yet that is. The more I learn, the more I realise there's so much more I have to learn. I'm way better than I was before the start of the chunnin exams. I bet I could kick Sasuke-asshole's ass, unless he's also getting kick-ass training from Kakashi. I bet he is. I bet he's learning to do all sorts of awesome stuff. But I'll show them both, I'm a way better shinobi than Sasuke-asshole and then Sakura-chan will love me more than him. Probably.
"Who are you called pervert?" The weirdo yelled back, suddenly appearing in front of me before I could blink. Shit he was fast. I just pissed off a super strong and slightly familiar looking ninja. Shit, shit, shit- he must be famous or something. Quick bluff him. Bluff like you've never bluffed before.
"You, you fricking weirdo, if you want to be a creeper go to the hot springs or something- some of us are awesome shinobi who have training to do."
"I've been to the hot springs, and they are not enough to sate my love for the wonderful female form. The amazing Jairaiya, super-pervert and renowned author finds and appreciates the pretty ladies wherever they go."
"Super loser more likely. I bet every woman runs away when she sees you."
No lady runs from...Jairaya of the legendary sannin." He actually did a weird clicking dance on the head of a giant toad that had suddenly appeared in a puff of smoke. I am embarrassed for Konoha- even I know doing a hopping dance is just lame.
Wait, he's one of the sannin? I asked Ebisu-pervert what he knew about Orochimaru aka-creepy-mc-snakeface. He just told me he was a super powerful shinobi, one of the three great legendary sannin and that he was a traitor to Konoha. Then he told me that I had to find out the rest myself- he set me homework. Evil I tell you!
He must be really powerful then, way more powerful than Ebisu-sensei. I bet he knows loads of cool jutsu too...but he probably won't teach me any. But he might, and it would be awesome! But Ebisu-sensei has been a pretty cool teacher- I mean for a pervert, and he said he won't teach me any jutsu for ages. But he did say I had to earn them first, and I've learned loads of other stuff. This is tricky. I scowled at Jaraiya-pervert.
"Good morning Jairaya-sama. Uzumaki-san and I are honoured by your presence. May we be of assistance to you in some way."
"Yes, you can. Uzukoki or whatever his name is was being a nuisance."
I felt my heart sink. Stupid bloody lying sannin. Ebisu-sensei might send me away now. They always believe the other person.
"I see. And what has he done that has inconvenienced you?"
I suppose I could beg Old-Man-Hokage to find me another teacher. Wait, what?
"He interrupted my research. And he's rude."
"I must apologise for my student. But in my experience, Naruto-san is rarely rude first."
I, I have no idea what's going on. Am I supposed to find another teacher or not? Is Ebisu-sensei sticking up for me? No way!
I felt that warm feeling in my chest again, the one I got after Ebisu-sensei said I'd done well after training hard all day, or Iruka-sensei told me I was ready for the next book, but ten times stronger this time.
I had to look away.
"He insulted my greatest work, other than training the fourth hokage. The peerless, incomparable Icha-Icha series!"
And then he hit my sensei in the face with an oddly book so hard it knocked him out.
"You asshole! You knocked out my sensei! What the hell is wrong with you?"
Oops? Oops? That's all that absolute asshole could say?
"Don't worry he's mostly unharmed. He'll be fine tomorrow."
I felt so relieved. The guy may be a right ass, but he wouldn't be so calm if Ebisu-sensei were really hurt.
"Yeah, well now I'm going to have to bring him to the hospital." And miss a whole day of training. God, I am so telling Old-Man-Hokage on you. Let's see him get out of that.
"Now, now, no need to be hasty. How about I train you instead? I am the best you know, trained the fourth hokage myself- his only sensei. I though him everything I know."
"Yeah, and then he was way cooler than you. I bet he never accidently knocked out a Konoha ninja by smacking him in the face with a perverted book." I huffed.
"Perverted? This is not perverted...it's super perverted! We are legally obliged to sell nose-plugs with every book!" The creeper yelled with an odd shine in his eyes.
Right. Time to take sensei and run. Escape the weirdo now, while I still can.
I got sensei up on my shoulders and one step in the other direction before he grabbed my arm and stopped me.
"And where do you think you're going."
"Uh the hospital, I told you a minute ago. Man you're going senile as well as being creepy."
"I am not creepy nor am I old, I am mature. You'll understand when you're older. And really, there's no need to going running off to the Hokage. I'm about to let you learn the most awesome technique any ninja will ever learn...summoning."
"Don't care." I really just wanted to get sensei to the hospital.
"You little idiot! Do you even know what summoning is?" He yelled.
I hate being called an idiot. Also I know it has something to do with bringing something- so in his face! I gave him my best Ebisu-sensei you're-fooling-no-one-look.
"Still don't care." I said, but man Ebisu-pervert-sensei should kinda cut down on non-ramen foods.
"Clearly your pitiful little brain doesn't understand the magnitude of what I'm offering you. Behold!"
And then a giant toad appeared and ate Ebisu-sensei.
"What the hell did you just do?" I screamed
"I sent him to the hospital. I summoned a carrier toad. Much quicker than carrying him there. Now, to business." He got into a really stupid pose again, not as bad as the clicky-dance one, but pretty bad.
"In order to summon, you must first sign a summoning contract. A contract like this one" And he summoned another toad, one that vomited up a giant scroll.
Yeah, I'm not going near toad vomit.
"Just prick your finger and sign your name in blood right here."
"What?" he almost screamed.
"Firstly you're not my sensei, Ebisu-sensei is. Second I don't trust you- you just threw a book at my real sense's face and knocked him out, then you had a toad eat him. And lastly, I'm not going near toad vomit."
He just looked at me with this stupid shocked look on his face, so I turned to go find Ebisu-sensei in the hospital.
"Your sensei would be angry with you for turning this down. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity. The last person to sign a summoning contract with the toads was the fourth hokage, he even rode Gamabunta the toad boss into battle against the kyuubi, and you're turning this down?"
"The kyuubi was supposed to be as tall as a mountain, the toads you summoned were only as big as a house. So nice try, but I don't believe you."
"That's because I didn't summon Gamabunta."
"Don't believe you." He is such a liar!
"Well I'll prove it to you then." He said and did a few handseals. Ok, maybe he was right. That is one big-ass toad.
"Jaraiya, why have you summoned me here? I was in the middle of dinner." He boomed.
"This little brat didn't believe that you had gone toe-to-toe with the kyuubi."
Such a tattle-tale.
"Who? Oh, you. Yes I did, one of the few summons to go against a bijuu and survive. That's where I got this scar over my eye."
That is a very big scar on a very big eye
"Ok, fine. I'll admit it. Toads are pretty damn cool." I reluctantly had to admit.
"So you'll sign then?" He had this oddly hopeful look.
"Nope." Ha, in his face! Like I wanted to be stuck around this weirdo.
"Like I want to be stuck around you!" I stuck my tongue out at him.
"Sorry Gamabunta, eh, sama. You are all sorts of awesome, but I have to go check on my sensei in the hospital. Someone knocked him out. And then I have to go find someone to train me for the day- the chunnin finals are really, really soon."
"I see, little Naruto. Let me offer you a trainer for the day. I feel obliged to fix the mistake of my summoner." A toad with a twin set of swords appeared. The only thing more awesome than a giant toad, is a giant toad with loads of pointy weapons.
"Work well. Gamahiro is a master swords-toad, and his knowledge of chakra manipulation is excellent. Jaraiya and I have to go have a little chat. "
The pervert suddenly turned a nasty shade of greenish-white.
'Thanks Gamabunta-sama." I replied as sweetly as I could.
The pervert got even paler. Sweet, sweet revenge.
Eh, I'll deal with that when it happens. OH GOOD GOD- I've turned into Shikamaru...NNNNNNOOOO! Repeat as many times as possible "It's not troublesome."