YAY for a silly one-shot! I was inspired to do this while reading some MattxMello crack. I hope you guys enjoy a little break from the angst.

"The Times and Life of an Ex-Mafia Housewife"

Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note or any of it's characters.

5:00 AM

The annoying sound of an alarm clock broke through the fog of sleep for a certain badass blond known as Mello. Rolling over to retrieve his gun, he paused as he remembered Matt making him hide his precious weapon across the room in the dresser.

"Fuck Matt," he groaned as he banged his head against an Egyptian cotton pillow. "If I was attacked, it's comforting to know that my only defense is across the damn room."

Looking over at his sleeping lover, he resisted the urge to slap him around some. The brunette needed his sleep since he was heading off to work soon enough. The soft sound of pale feet shuffling across the carpet accompanied Mello as he tried to figure out how to turn off their new alarm clock. The last one ended up thrown out the window. Mumbling curses, Mello just settled for yanking the cord out of the wall.

"There, take that bitch."

Heading towards the foot of the bed to search for his bathrobe, the loud crash of him running yet again into the chest at the foot of the bed only made Matt roll over in his sleep. Whimpering in pain, Mello limped to his side of the bed and searched for a few minutes before finding the much needed article of clothing. Slipping it on, he was careful to avoid the damnable chest on his way to the bathroom.

"I am so throwing that fucking thing out today," he grumbled as he blinked painfully at the sudden brightness of the bathroom lights. "We don't need it, so it's gone."

Looking down at his bruising leg, he winced and shook his head. He had run into that thing nearly every morning since Matt convinced him to get that thing, but enough was enough. His perfect legs were tired of being abused like that. Grabbing the green toothbrush, he moistened it and applied some cheap toothpaste. Grumbling, he twisted the cap off and washed it out yet again. That bum of a lover seemed to have difficulty keeping the thing clean and he never bothered cleaning his own messes. That's what a housewife was for, right? Damn right.

Staring at his reflection, Mello bemoaned the fact that he looked like an utter mess. What happened to the days where he could wake up gorgeous and flawless? Now? Gah, he looked like some hobo off the street. In all honesty, he was lying to himself. He still had the perfection he was born with, but it wasn't as interesting if he acknowledged that. Washing out his mouth and the toothbrush, he took a moment to relieve himself at the toilet. Matt forgot to keep the lip up yet again, but he was used to looking before he did anything for that exact reason. Living with an idiot was a little wearisome at times.

After he washed his hands, he pulled a brush through his well-kept blond hair. Opening up one of the drawers under the sink, he pulled out a few hair-pins before skillfully pinning his hair back in a half ponytail. He hated the way rubber bands left a crease and he needed to keep the hair out of his eyes, so bobby pins were the only solution. That and clips. Next, he washed his face, and then slipped on his bunny slippers (a gift from dearest idiot, Matt) before heading down the stairs towards the kitchen.

Once in his kitchen, Mello stretched out lazily and sauntered over to the stainless steel refrigerator. Eggs, milk, butter, and whipped cream were pulled out alongside bananas and strawberries. Pancake batter was pulled out from a cupboard as were the tools necessary to mix the ingredients. Yawning, he dumped the stuff into a bowl and mixed them lazily. Getting bored, he shoved the bowl onto his super mixer and let the machine mix the batter while he chopped up the fruits. Soon the bananas and some of the strawberries made their way into the mix. Once the fruit were in, he pulled the batter away from the machine and finished mixing by hand.

It didn't take long for the electric skillet to heat up, so he took the stick of butter and just ran it along the hot metal until it was coated to his taste. After dumping out some of the batter into imperfect circles, he headed back upstairs to wake up his darling. If he could just remember how to turn off the darn alarms then there wouldn't be a need to let the food burn while he woke up the sleepy head. Of course, he could have just waited to cook the pancakes after waking Matt up, but that required more thought than his sleepy mind wanted to put into it.

"Matt, get your ass up," he commanded. Matt didn't even bother to roll over. "Bum, I said get your motherfucking ass out of bed." Still nothing. Time for his secret weapon. Grabbing a water bottle intended for spritzing hair or something else, he pulled the blankets away from Matt and began spraying him with water.

"Mnnnn, noooooooo," Matt whined as he tried to avoid the constant mist of water. "I don't wanna get up, Mello!"

"Tough luck, bud. You were the one who said, 'Oh Mello, I want to support you, let me work while you stay home and rest'."

"Ugh, I said that?"

"Yep."

"Was I drunk?"

"Very much."

Leaning over, Mello planted a sweet kiss to his lover's wet cheek. "Come on, I've got pancakes cooking."

Just as he was heading down to the kitchen, a small cry from the bedroom next to the master bedroom caught his attention. Sighing, he made his way back up the stairs and entered the small room. A small pouting child looked through the bars of his crib as if he were imprisoned for the terrible crime of dirtying his diapers. Well, that wasn't too far from the truth.

"Are you up so early?" Mello asked sarcastically as he lifted the small child out. "You just want some of your dad's pancakes, right?"

"Mwah," was the only reply.

Smelling the now burning breakfast, Mello rushed down the stairs with the child in his arms. Balancing the little boy on his hip, he scraped the charred remains of food off the skillet and into the trash before reapplying butter and adding more batter. Balancing carefully on one foot, he used the other foot to drag the high chair closer to the stove.

"Mmm, shmelf good," Matt complimented as he reached the bottom of the stairs with a toothbrush still in his mouth.

"Matt, that's my toothbrush," Mello growled as he flipped the pancakes.

"Sthorry."

Grinning stupidly with some of the foam slipping down his chin, Matt pulled the child out of the high chair and carried him up back to the bathroom. Mello just rolled his eyes and focused on not destroying the rest of breakfast. Matt would take care of sweet innocent Lawliet for a few minutes.

By the time Matt came back down with the baby, Mello had already set the table and served the steaming hot pancakes. Syrup slipped down lazily while the whipped cream and extra strawberries decorated it nicely. Lawliet wiggled around as Matt tried to get him in the high chair making it difficult for him. Sighing, the older man got up and helped his mentally challenged boyfriend set the baby in his chair.

"Thanks Mels," the brunette said with a large smile. "He hates it when I try to put him in that damn thing.

"It's 'cause you're so clumsy, Matt."

"Mmm hmmm," he replied with a mouth full of hot breakfast.

Mello poked at his own food for a moment. "Fuck, what I wouldn't do for some decent bacon. Damn you and your vegetarian persuasion."

"I love you too!" Matt replied as he drizzled more of the thickened sugar onto his food.

The blond just focused on feeding diced fruit to his son. He found it fascinating how the boy would really concentrate on getting his fingers to gently take a hold of fruit, lift it to his mouth, and deposit into the warm cavern. More often than not, he failed for the first few attempts, but it was still darn cute. Were all babies like that? Still, he couldn't help but clap along with Matt when Lawliet managed to get the fruit into his mouth. Giggling, the little boy would clap too and make some contented noises.

"Aww, I can't wait until he starts talking," Matt sighed.

"Tch, between you and him I'm not sure I'll ever have a say again."

"Mwah," Lawliet replied.

"Mwah, mwah, mwah!" Matt shot back, before he leaned forward and planted loud kisses all over the baby's giggling face.

"Hey, you need to get dressed," Mello informed the happy father.

"Thanks for breakfast."

Matt planted another loud kiss right on his lover's cheek before taking the dishes and dropping them in the sink. Mello grinned stupidly and watched his boyfriend's ass as he made his way back up the stairs. Thank the stars for underwear as hot as those striped boxer briefs. A sticky strawberry smacked him in the face, successfully pulling him out of lecherous thoughts. Lawliet pouted, not at all happy with having the attention pulled away from him.

"Fine, fine. Here, let me feed you."

Opening his mouth expectantly, Lawliet munched happily on the pieces of banana and strawberries that landed on his tongue. Once all the fruit was gone, Mello wiped down the high chair and hauled the child out of his seat. Yawning sleepily, he sat down on the couch with the boy snuggled in his arms. Matt came down a few minutes later, all dressed up and ready for another boring day of work.

"See you later, babe," he murmured as he pressed a soft kiss to the older man's lips. "Take care of Lawliet, ok?"

"I will, and you just take care of yourself."

They shared a smile before Matt said his goodbyes to his son. A few kisses and giggles later, the brunette was heading out the door.

6:37 AM

Mello was startled awake with the feeling of something wet trailing down his chest. Looking down, he saw his six-month-old fast asleep on his chest, with drool spilling out of his round little mouth. Making a face at the disgusting spit still working its way down his bare chest, he carefully lifted up the child and stood up. Seeing the play-pen, he rested his little darling on the soft material before tucking a small blanket around him. Even if he did slobber, puke, and make a huge mess in his diapers, that kid was still so darn cute.

Wiping his chest with the edge of the bathrobe, Mello turned on the news and vaguely watched it as he commenced with his cleaning routine. Everything was dusted carefully, and then the windows were all wiped down. By the time he was finished with that, Lawliet was trying to stand in his play-pen and he was gurgling some childish gibberish.

"You want to go out for a walk?" the Slovenian asked as he looked around the spotless house. "Let me vacuum and then I'll take you out."

A happy giggle was the only response. Grabbing his high-powered vacuum, Mello attacked the expensive carpet. As usual, he waited until later to clean the hard-wood floor. He usually did that before getting in the bath so that it would have time to dry off before he had to walk all over it again. Once every particle of dust was removed, the blond put away his cleaning instruments and hauled the child to his bedroom so that he could get dressed.

Lawliet rolled around on the large bed happily while his mother pulled on tight black yoga pants, the only things that resembled his leathers but wouldn't scare the neighborhood kids. A tank-top that looked suspiciously like it came from the women's department was pulled on before he fought with the bobby-pins and pulled his hair back into a ponytail. Yes, he had mad skills with those little black pieces of metal.

"Damn, you're pretty excitable aren't you?" he asked as his son gurgled some more.

Slipping on his tennis shoes, he pulled the pajamas off the chubby boy. Making kissing sounds, he teased the child while he changed the diapers. Once a fresh diaper was in place, little shorts and a nice polo shirt were slipped on Lawliet. Cute spider-man shoes that Matt had bought for him a few weeks ago were strapped on, before he was hauled up and carried down the stairs to his stroller. Once the boy was strapped in, Mello set his favorite sunglasses on and shoved his keys into the baby bag that was strapped on to the stroller. Yeah, super-mommy was always prepared.

Sighing happily as he made his way down the sidewalk, the ex-Mafia leader leaned his head back for a while and enjoyed the feeling of the sun caressing his skin. The cool air was perfect for a nice jog, and Lawliet always enjoyed it when they went fast. Jogging had become one of the few things that kept his perfect body from wasting away into the fat blobs that he would occasionally see huffing along with their strollers.

"You ready to go?" he asked as he peeked down at his son chewing on one of his toys.

"Mwah!"

"Here we go!"

9:03 AM

The hour long-jog was perfectly refreshing, and Mello was in a good enough mood to take his son to the local park. Setting him in the swing, he lightly rocked him back and forth in the contraption. A small blond-haired girl approached the man as he cooed at his son and gave him encouraging words.

"Hi, Mr. Mello!"

Rolling his eyes, he turned to face the child with a few gaps in her mouth were teeth had been recently pulled. "Hey there, kid."

"What'cha doing?"

"What does it look like?" Yes, he was tempted to add "bitch" to the end of the sentence but he remembered that saying something like that to a ten-year-old wasn't deemed appropriate.

"Hmm, it looks like you're swinging Lola."

"Yup, got it right…wait, did you just fucking call him Lola?!"

The girl giggled at his use of a bad word.

"Don't say naughty words!" she chided between her giggles.

"His name's Lawliet, so don't go calling him some girl's name, got it?"

"Ah, Mello! Is Jennifer bothering you?" A dark-haired woman with impeccable make-up and expensive slacks approached the two arguing blonds. Her ruby red lips upturned in a graceful smile that could only be found on the ridiculously rich folk around there.

"She just needs to learn names better," he snapped as the girl stuck her tongue out at him. "Isn't she supposed to be in school or something?"

"Jenny has a dentist appointment later, so I didn't feel like taking her to school."

"Hn." Mello rolled his eyes at how these people always pampered their children. At Wammy's he never had a day off even if he was sick.

"Oh, could you watch my little angel for a moment? I need to run home for a minute! Thanks!"

"Wait, I can't-"

The woman was already in her car and driving off leaving a short-tempered European with her precious daughter. Both blonds looked at each other before the little demon decided that running away would be a fun idea.

"Catch me!"

"No! Fuck, wait!" Torn between chasing after a stupid kid who could run into the street and his stationary son, Mello cursed under his breath and ran after the small girl. It wouldn't take long to catch her. Five minutes later, he was carrying the spoiled girl under his arm as he made his way back to his baby. Looking up, he saw a man leaning over the child looking like he was about to pull the boy up from the swing.

Maternal instincts kicked in at full force and he sprinted towards the threat. Dropping the ten-year-old girl on the grass, he launched at the larger man with a basic capoeira kick. The startled man fell back from the impact of the spinning kick and he was jumped on by a pissed off Mello. Almost instinctively, the man tossed the blond off of him and sent out a kick of his own which was painfully blocked by the fearless mother. Falling into his systema (1) stance, Mello tackled the taller man and after a few minutes of struggling, managed to pin him down on the mulch covered ground.

"Ha, take that bitch! You think you can just take my kid and get away with it?!" Feeling the adrenaline running through his veins, he slammed the man's head into the ground again. "Well guess what? You aren't getting away with this! I'll call the fucking police!"

"W-wait," he man managed to choke out. "I am a police officer!"

Frowning, Mello turned the guys head to get a better look at him. He wasn't in any uniform, so the ex-Mafia head kept him pinned down.

"Really? And why would I believe you?"

The man chuckled as he spat out some of the wood chips that made their way into his mouth. "I live not far from here, and I was taking a walk. I saw this kid by himself and I got concerned. All I wanted was to see if he had any identification on him!"

Biting his lip, Mello stared at the guy trying to figure out if he could trust this guy. Slowly, he eased the pressure on the guy and he stood up. After all, he could just take this guy down again if he needed to.

"Show me your badge, bastard."

Chuckling, the man pulled out his police badge. Glancing at the name and ID number, Mello memorized both before crossing his arms and glaring at the man.

"Man you've got some nice moves there, kid," Dan the police officer complimented as he rubbed his arm.

"Don't try touching my kid again, and I won't have to kick your ass."

"WOW!!!!" Jenny screamed as she glomped Mello's leg. "Mr. Mello, you're soooooo awesome!"

"Mello?"

The Slovenian felt like back handing the girl for spilling his identity, but he just glared at the man some more.

"Yeah, I'm Mello."

"Well, it's nice to meet you," Dan chuckled again, still amazed at how someone so scrawny and small could take him down. "It's good to know that this kid's got a protective father like you watching over him. Sorry for the misunderstanding."

"Yeah, yeah, get lost," Mello growled still pissed off.

With a wave, the police officer made his way back to the sidewalk and headed off. Jenny waved at the man and looked up in awe.

"You really got Mr. Dan, didn't you?"

Mello stared down at her in shock. "You know him?!"

"Yeah," she replied innocently. "He's the neighborhood watch and he helps out at my school."

Mello felt like banging his head against the metal swing set for a few good hours.

11:34 AM

"Finally, back home," Mello muttered as he pulled the stroller into the house.

Lawliet was happily sipping his apple juice from his bottle while his mother put everything away neatly. Lastly, he was pulled out of his seat and set on the floor for a moment. Once his stroller was tucked away in the closet and all the security systems were on, Mello sighed in relief and looked at his happy little boy.

"Good thing you're a happy kid. I don't know what I'd do with you if you were all creepy like Near."

"Blethh."

"Yeah, Near is yuck. Wanna take a bath with Mommy?"

By now, he was used to referring to himself as the mother. After all, he was the damn housewife, so why wouldn't he be the mother too? Besides, it kind of made him feel warm inside when that little face would light up at the sound of "Mommy".

Lawliet clapped his hands excitedly at the suggestion, so Mello quickly mopped the kitchen floors before heading up to the master bath with his son. He filled the tub with warm water and bubbled before stripping out of his grass-stained clothes. Next, Lawliet was stripped and then Mello stepped into the bath with the squirming boy. Grabbing a washcloth, he held the baby close to his chest as he scrubbed him clean. The boy squealed happily as the bottoms of his feet were tickled by the soft cloth, and Mello couldn't help but tease the child.

Once they finished the bath, Mello prepared a quick lunch before deciding that he needed to go grocery shopping or they wouldn't have any dinner. Grabbing the baby carrier, he tied Lawliet into it and then tied it on like a backpack. Looking over his shoulder to make sure that his son was comfortable, he then headed out with his oversized sunglasses and his emergency baby bag.

A few blocks later and he came up to the small neighborhood grocery store. It was his favorite place to shop not only because it was close enough to walk to, but also because its friendly atmosphere made shopping an enjoyable experience. He had become friends with the owner and was able to special order certain foods when he felt like it.

"Hey Russell," Mello greeted as the little bell announced his entry into the shop.

"Ah, Mello! How's you been doing?" A plump Polish man looked around from the boxes he was unpacking and gave the blond a large smile. "Is Lollet be doing well?"

"He's being a righteous pain in the ass like usual," Mello joked. "No, he's being a good boy. How're you doing?"

The man gave two thumbs up before going back to his unpacking. The younger man just smiled and went about his shopping. Corn flakes for Matt, chocolate for himself, some formula for Lawliet, and then he was headed for the vegetable aisle. Really, sometimes he hated Matt being a vegetarian, but he just shook his head. His lover never forced him to become a vegetarian, but the look on his face as Mello bit into poor Betsy the cow was enough for him to stop eating his beloved meat.

As he was picking out celery sticks (ick), he noticed that a man went to the register to pay for his food. Forcing his attention back to the task of vegetable picking, Mello jumped when a crashing sound came from the register.

"Put up your hands, old man! Now hand me the money!"

Swiftly diving behind a box of granola bars, he sighed in relief as he noticed that the thief didn't notice him. The haggard man was waving his gun in a threatening manner and he didn't bother covering his ugly mug since the shop was too poor to afford security cameras.

"Come on, hurry it up!" he yelled making Russell shudder in fear. He opened the register and began pulling out his money. A plastic bag was shoved at him and he started filling it up with all the money he had.

Rolling his eyes, Mello reached into the baby bag and pulled out his Winchester. Slipping on its silencer, he took aim and fired off two shots. One went through the hand holding the gun and the other sunk into his arm. The man screeched in pain as he dropped his weapon and the lithe blond jumped out and tackled him to the ground. Planting his knee in between the man's shoulder blades, he held the man face down so that he couldn't be identified later.

"Call the police," Mello commanded the shaken older man.

In a few minutes, the sound of sirens broke through the air. Mello looked up and winked at the poor older guy. He placed a hundred dollar bill on the counter and after pistol whipping the back of the attempted-thief's head he gathered his stuff.

"Don't tell them about me, ok?"

Russell nodded. "Thanks," he whispered.

Smiling to himself, he ran through the back with his groceries and made a perfect escape. Yep, he even had the bullet that went through the man's hand in his pocket.

1:41 PM

"Hmm, Matt'll be here soon," he mumbled to himself as he cut the fresh apples into small bunny shapes for his son. The phone ringing brought him out of his thoughts and he cradled it against his shoulder and ear as he continued his work. "Who's this?"

"…Near."

"Tch, what do you want now," he grumbled as he looked at the fruit he was slicing.

"Well…Rester attempted cooking and ended up food poisoning everyone here but me."

"…And why would I give a damn?"

"I need food, Mello."

The blond couldn't help but snicker. He was probably spared from food poisoning because he refused to eat anything out of the ordinary. Of course, ordinary consisted of oatmeal with honey, crustless white bread, and a cup of whole milk.

"Hah, so you come to ask me, the great Mello, for food? I bet you feel real good about that!"

"Actually, I figured since you now all you do is cook and clean that you would have a better chance at making decent food than Rester does."

"Why you little-!"

At that moment, the knife sliced through one of his pale fingers making him howl in fury. Dropping the phone on the floor and kicking it into the wall, he stuck his injured finger under the sink and ran cold water over it. Lawliet didn't even budge from his watching Sesame Street. Applying pressure to the cut, Mello thought of violent ways of beating his lover when he came home. After all, no one else knew that he was an obedient little house wife nowadays.

The sound of his cell phone ringing only served to piss him off even further. Throwing the digital device into the toilet in their spare bathroom, he turned his attention back to attending his injured finger. Once that was taken care of, he served the clean, non-bloody, food to his child. Chubby fingers groped blindly at the food as his dark eyes continued to stare at the puppets on screen. Smiling softly, the blond pressed a loud kiss to the sticky cheek before he went back to prepare dinner. Leaning over he turned on the radio where the American Golden Oldies was playing shamelessly.

"She had an itsy bitsy, teenie weenie,

Yellow polka dot bikini

That she wore for the first time today…"

And yes, Mello sang along with the song as he continued to prepare dinner.

2:13 PM

"~Honey, I'm hoooome~" Matt sing-songed as he walked in through the front door. Seeing his darling son sitting on the floor with half-eaten apple bunnies made him squeal in delight before he rushed over and glomped the little child. "Mwah, mwah, how's my little boy? Did you miss Daddy?"

A small burp made Matt cry in happiness and he coddled the child. How could something so small and precious even exist in this world?! Lawliet was just too cute for his own good!

"Hi there," Mello said with an icy smile on his face. The knife in his hand didn't do much to help the image either.

"Er, hi?" Matt made sure to place their child between him and the angry man. "How was your day?" Gulp.

"Oh, it was just peachy, darling. Now, I received a very interesting phone call from a certain Near. Do you know what he said?"

"Uh, no?" Man, Mello was going to be uber pissed when he found out that Matt had picked him up so that he could join them for dinner.

"Hmm, he said something along the lines of, 'since all you do is cook and clean, why don't you just be the bitch for me and make me some food.'"

"Um, I'm sure that Nate wouldn't say something like that," Matt said as he sweat-dropped.

Mello took a step forward brandishing his weapon. "Did you tell him about this, my darling sweet cakes?"

"W-well, it kind of came up in a conversation," he squeaked as he began backing up cautiously. His lover had impeccable aim and he was pretty sure that Mello could throw that knife at him and stab him without so much as scraping a skin cell from their boy. "But I didn't say much! Besides, he asked and I don't lie!"

"You're going to die a painful death, you know," Mello threatened before the door opened to reveal a short, white-haired boy. Well, he was a man really, but he kept his boyish looks and height.

"Am I interrupting something?" he asked blandly as he looked down at his toy robot.

A few veins popped on Mello's forehead as he glared at his idiot of a boyfriend. Was this guy really that clueless? Could someone really be that stupid?!

"You, you-" the blond choked as he tried to decide who he wanted to stab more.

"I brought Lawliet a gift," he said slowly as he held out a neatly wrapped gift. "I hope he likes it."

Taking a deep calming breath, Mello calmed down and took the gift. "Thanks," he mumbled as he handed it to the clapping child. Lawliet absolutely adored the bright color and with the help of his patient father, he tore it open. Squealing with childish delight, the boy glomped the stuffed Optimus Prime.

"He was imported straight from Japan," the small boy said off-handedly.

"Thanks a lot, Nate," Matt said with a huge smile. His son was happily rubbing his face against the fluffy material and he couldn't help the warm bubbly feeling in his chest. Even Mello couldn't help but soften at the scene in front of him.

"Well, come on," he huffed. "Dinner's ready."

All of them went into the clean kitchen and sat down at the table. A bowl of steaming oatmeal with honey drizzled on it was set beside a plate with crustless white bread and a glass of whole milk. Matt couldn't help but smile at Mello's preparation. Even if he didn't like Near, the blond would always welcome the lonely boy into their home.

5:23 PM

Because of the early dinners they always had, there was always lots of family time in the Jeevas-Keehl home. They went swimming in the backyard pool and convinced Near to at least read a book under the protection of an umbrella. Matt gave Lawliet his lessons in swimming while Mello swam laps as his exercise. Taking a breather, he couldn't help but notice that Near was blushing. He snickered, knowing that the cause for that coloration on his cheeks was the stylish black Speedos he was wearing. Even Matt got distracted every time he swam past.

"What's wrong?" he teased the younger boy, making Near shift uncomfortably.

"Nothing. It is just cold."

"Yeah, sure."

"Mels, let's go watch a movie!" Matt suggested as he swam over with Lawliet in his shark floatie.

"Ok, I'm done with my laps anyway." Pulling himself out of the water, he took the time to stretch out lazily before sauntering to his towel.

"Are you trying to give me an orgasm?!" Matt whined as he set the baby on the deck and pulled himself up. "You're so mean!"

"Don't be a big baby, Mattie," Mello chided as he wrapped the towel around himself. "And I already had a bath with Lawliet, so you can just wash him off."

"Ok," Matt grumbled as he adjusted his swimming trunks. "Darn Mello and his sexy swimwear."

"I agree," Near grumbled as he shuffled into the house.

"Wow, I didn't just hear that," the brunette assured himself as he stared at Near's retreating form. "Yeah, I definitely didn't hear that."

8:00 PM

Two Disney movies later, in which Matt and Mello stared at the screen stupidly and Near and Lawliet were completely enraptured, it was time to put the baby to bed. He blinked sleepily as he sucked slowly on his warm milk. Snuggling into Mello's chest, he soon nodded off. When Matt tried to pry the bottle out of his hands, Lawliet jumped awake and diligently sucked on the bottle until he slipped off into a sleep again. Both doting parents sighed happily and watched as he slept. Near just curled some hair around his finger.

"So you don't regret adopting him?" he asked as he pulled his leg up to his chest.

"Tch, of course not," Mello snorted.

"Yeah, it's one of the best decisions we've ever made," Matt supported as he stroked the soft face.

"But isn't he messy? And doesn't he require a lot of attention."

"Well you did too, and Roger didn't kick your ass out," Mello laughed softly.

"I don't think that he kept me of his own will," Near replied dryly making the other two chuckle.

"He didn't keep us willingly either, buddy," Matt replied. "I'm sure L and Watari had a lot to do with that."

Near nodded in understanding and stared at the little bundle that seemed to make the other two so inexplicably happy. The child was fat and warm. He was also loud when awake, and wiggled around when asleep. What was it about babies that made the people around soften like ice cream out in the sun?

"Want to hold him?" Matt asked as he finally managed to pull the bottle away from the sleepy fingers.

Near considered it before deciding that he might be able to further understand a baby's manipulative nature if he actually touched it. Nodding his head slowly, he shuffled forward. Matt instructed him on how to hold the child, and in a matter of a few seconds he was holding the decidedly heavy child. Looking down at the round face, Near tried to find some hidden secret.

Watching the scene in front of him made Mello think about how lucky he really was. He had a loving boyfriend, a happy and well-behaved son, friends, and a nice house. Even if he was no longer living the fast life of a mobster, this kind of life was more than fulfilling enough.

"I love you," Matt whispered in his ear, making him smile.

"I know you do," he teased, pulling Matt in for a soft kiss.

Maybe being a house wife wasn't that bad.

Author's Notes: (1) Systema is a Russian style of martial arts.

Ok, anyone notice how children always seem to have sticky cheeks and fingers?! Is it just me? Am I crazy? Probably…

Anyway! I hope that you all enjoyed this silly little thing. Please review and let me know what you think. Also, should I make a two-shot, by showing what Matt's day is like? Thanks for reading!