A/N: I'm so frustrated with the readers on this site, it isn't even funny. I'm apologizing in advance to you, Cara. Thank you for listening to my angry rants on AIM lol.

"I can't believe they're making me tag team with you," The Brian Kendrick muttered, leaning up against the wall. They were waiting for Cara and Natalya's match against the Bella Twins to finish before he could go on.

Punk stood there with his arms crossed, facing the unlikely duo of The Brian Kendrick and Ezekiel Jackson. "You're kidding me, right? You could have easily fought against Vickie's idea to team us up. And if I remember correctly, she forced me to work with you. I had no say in the matter."

"But if I guessed correctly, which I'm sure I must have since you just told me this yourself," Kendrick started, opening the left side of his jacket and reaching into the inside pocket, "I was not in the office with you. How the hell could I argue against her if I wasn't there? God, Punk, your theory of relativity is so off right now."

"Don't you even know what the theory of relativity actually is?" Punk asked, shaking his head.

"Yep. Relatively, you're a jackass. Theory confirmed." Kendrick opened up the plastic bag he had taken out of his jacket pocket. "Zeke, could you hand me ol' Lucky?" Kendrick asked, opening out his palm that was dwarfed by Ezekiel's hand.

"Sure." Big Zeke reached into the pocket of his giant white coat and extracted a blue glass pipe. He handed it to Kendrick and resumed his bouncer like stance.

"Are you seriously going to light one up right here in front of everybody?" Punk asked, looking around at all of the backstage workers around them.

"Yep," Kendrick nodded, packing some weed into the pipe.

"You do know that I'm straightedge, right?"

"Yep." Kendrick raised his leg up, bending his knee to rest his boot clad foot against the wall. "So, what's your strategy to take on those Colons tonight? I'm not really in the mood for a heavy brawl. I was thinking that you could take most of the fight tonight. Don't want to break a nail or anything."

Punk turned around and placed his head in his hands. Was this guy seriously about to smoke right here in the open with everyone watching? With his eyes still covered, he turned back around and walked to his previous location to go over a real strategy with Brian. "Okay, dude—AHH!" Punk had walked right into Kendrick's smoke cloud he had just blown out of his mouth.

"What? Like you didn't know what I was doing?" Kendrick rolled his eyes and inhaled from the pipe once more, closing his eyes and leaning his head back against the wall. "Fuck, that's some good shit. I owe Orton big time."

"You're not afraid of the fines? What if you get caught?"

Kendrick shrugged nonchalantly as he took the glass piece away from his lips. "Like that's ever stopped me before? Haven't you heard? I've been fined twelve times. Twelve. I just pay it every time just so I can do it again. How else do you think I dance like that down to the ring? I wouldn't do that if I wasn't completely blazed out of my fucking mind."

"Twelve? Are you insane? Then if you get caught again, that's a thirteen thousand dollar pipe you're smoking. I should just walk out on you right now. I can't tag up with a drugged up douchebag. You need to stop this," Punk said, reaching out and grabbing the air around Kendrick's hand, trying to get the pipe away from the smaller man.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," Brian said, his quickness playing to his advantage.

"And why not?" Punk angrily growled, eyeing Ezekiel, who hadn't moved at all.

"Because this is why!" Brian yelled, dumping the contents of the pipe all over Punk's shirt.

"UGH!" Punk grunted, trying to wipe away as much of the drugs as he could. This was exactly why he didn't want to be Kendrick's partner. Not so much the fact that he was a smaller wrestler who didn't have a good reputation, but the drugs were a big issue.

And CM Punk was currently doused in that issue.

He quickly peeled his shirt off over his head, carelessly tossing it aside.

"EW!" a female voice screeched.

The heads of all three men snapped to the curtain, where Natalya and Cara had just walked through. Punk's shirt was on Cara's face, and she tried getting it away from her.

Natalya looked at the scene around her. A half naked guy covered with piercings and tattoos, a short blonde guy who looked severely underage and wearing a horrible jacket, a big guy who was just standing there, and a girl screaming in horror. "Good god, I feel like I just walked into a really bad gay porn movie."

"Ew, this shirt fucking smells like weed!" Cara said when she finally got the shirt off of her. She looked at it and saw the straightedge fists logo of CM Punk emblazoned on the shirt. "Really? I knew it had to be an act!"

"It is not an act! You don't even know what you're talking about!" Punk screamed, ripping the shirt out of Cara's hands.

"You sound really defensive, Punk," Natalya noted. She knew it wasn't a joke, but it was fun egging him on. "Maybe your edge isn't as straight as we thought."

"Ladies, ladies," Kendrick interrupted, placing the pipe in the pocket of his obnoxious red jacket. "You two vixens aren't going to snitch on us, are you? What would the WWE be without The Brian Kendrick?"

"Did you fall down the rabbit hole or something? Or did it puke you back up?" Natalya asked.

The Bella twins, bruised and battered, walked past the five others by the gorilla position.

"Oh, look, it's—Ow! Their sparkles are making my eyes go nuts!" Kendrick exclaimed, trying to make fun of the Bellas but failing epically.

Natalya shuddered. "Those two girls make me ashamed to be on this brand, I swear." She shook her head and waited for the twins to be out of sight. "Come on, Cara, let's leave Smoky the Bear and his two protégés alone. Cara? HEY YOU!" Natalya sharply smacked her friend in the arm, who was transfixed with studying the tattoos on CM Punk's arms.

"Oh, okay," Cara sighed, removing her eyes from his body. "Sorry, Punk."

"Whatever," Punk mumbled, completely blowing her off.

"Is he always like that?" Cara asked, her head turned to the side so she could see Punk in her peripheral vision.

"Kendrick? Yeah, he's always stoned out of his skull."

"No, the other one."

"Punk? No…This is the first time I've seen him like a complete asshole. Kids really dig the straightedge thing, I guess," Natalya explained.

"Oh…" Cara sighed, disheartened. "He would be perfect if he were a jerk."

"Your reasoning sucks."