Too Many Girls

I looked around Ashley and Kyla's huge loft at all the people here for the graduation party. It's calm and serene and smiles are easily on everyone's face. The air is comforting, especially after the drama of this year. I look at everyone; Ashley and Spencer are off together, Madison, Glen and Chelsea and Mr. And Mrs. Carlin and Kyla sitting comfortably next to me as I stroke her hair.

I look over at Spence and Ash again. They look so peaceful and in love. There was a time where I would've been jealous, but not now. I feel so bad for causing all the drama last year, because it's so obvious that they are perfect for each other. Everyone can tell.

As I look around I realize it's a bit weird to be here with three ex-girlfriends (one of which I am sort of back with) and an almost girlfriend.

I think back to when I first saw Spencer. I think I was attracted to her because it was someone new. She was someone who wasn't part of the drama that is Ashley and Madison. She looked innocent and nice. The thing with Spencer was unknown and I think curiosity drove me to Spencer, that and Madison's overbearing ego. I was suffocating in my relationship and Spencer was a way out, not that it worked.

Now Madison. I don't really know why I started going out with her. I never really loved her. I cared for her, deeply but I was never in love with her. Our relationship was kind of a cliché. It was perfect, the basketball star and the head cheerleader. Plus she was really hot. After Ashley dumped me because of the baby Madison was there ready to pick up the pieces. She's a great friend but I never felt the same way about her. She was so overbearing, planning out our futures. To be honest I think the only reason she wanted me was because I was the star and I could set up her future. As soon as Glen came around she dropped me like a hot potato and I'm glad too. I was never heartbroken over her because I guess I had strings to tie up with Ashley.

I truly loved Ashley. At least the first time around I did. We were happy. She was funny and creative and not afraid to speak her mind. When I heard about the baby I was nervous but I was so happy because it meant Ashley and I would have something that was ours, and we could be happy. She wanted the baby so bad and she literally glowed. I know people always say that about pregnant women, but Ashley was radiant. Then we lost it. It was terrible and everything changed. Ash and I broke up and it killed me. Maybe it I would've felt better if we had ended on better circumstances but I always felt like there was something more to say. But I started going out with Madison and Ashley started going out with…whomever she was going out with. The second time around, after all the drama at the prom. I think it was just a hurricane that was a long time coming, especially since we started hanging out again. I felt jealous of Spencer because I never got my chance to truly say goodbye to Ashley. It had to eventually happen and I knew it was wrong but I was selfish. I knew Ashley was hurting after Spencer broke up with her too and I took advantage of the situation. I knew Ashley didn't feel the same way but I messed everything up. At least now things are back on track. We're just friends, like we were meant to be and she is back with Spencer.

And I'm sort of with Kyla. Don't get me wrong I know it's weird to go from one sister to the other and back and then back again. But Kyla like Spencer interested me. She reminded me of Ashley too. She's funny and cute. I loved her too and I never meant to hurt her at prom. I'm just glad that she stayed my friend and we built up the friendship. Now I know I can count on her. She was there for me when I was going through my stuff. She brought me back down to earth. I think I do love her. She is amazing and wonderful. We were talking about Vegas today. And I think Kyla could be the one. Our relationship has been rocky but we stuck together.

I look back at Ky, still leaning against me. All my relationships lead me here. Spencer, Ashley, Madison, Sasha and Kyla. Everything played out how it was supposed to I guess. Spence and Ash are happy. Glen and Chelsea are together. Even Madison is doing great and going back on tour soon.

I can't help but think this is where I'm supposed to be. Right here and now. Only time will tell the future but I think it's better to live in the present. I guess I'm off to Vegas.