Unfortunately I am NOT Stephenie Meyer so I do not own Twilight or the characters - I just like to play with them
Alice, Rosalie and Esme were out at Olympia shopping. Jacob was sprawled on the couch snoring and Edward, Emmett and Jasper had gone hunting. I was content spending time with Renesmee and Carlisle headed upto his study eager to make a record of how I was transformed, as advice for others of how to make it a painless experience.
The problem was it wasn't a painless experience and I knew I had to tell Carlisle. I scooped Renesmee in my arms and headed to the study.
"Can I come in?" I asked after opening the door.
"Of course Bella, you know you're always welcome - is there anything wrong?" he asked.
"Not exactly" I mused.
I put Renesmee down and she headed over to a pile of books and started to flick through them.
Carlisle sat up and looked at me attentively.
"I just needed to tell you a few things about my transformation, help make sure that you record it accurately" I began.
"I'm listening" said Carlisle.
"Well.... i'm afraid I haven't been honest with you and more importantly Edward" I stammered.
Carlisle frowned and leant forward. "In what way Bella" he asked "I'm sorry Carlisle but it wasn't the painless experience that I told you all and whilst I would prefer that you all continued to think that, I realised that I had to tell you so that others aren't put under the false impression of this pain free process" I said.
"Bella.. I want you to tell me exactly what you remember" Carlisle prompted.
"Okay I will, but I have one small request, please don't tell any of this to Edward" I pleaded.
"I won't betray your confidence Bella, not intentionally anyway" he said and I knew as well as he did that there was always a risk that he could think of this conversation and Edward would find out, but I trusted him to do his best to avoid that.
I proceeded to tell him about the pain and the burning and the way the morphine had prevented my body from moving. I told him of my body wanting to scream, but how I had kept my mouth clamped shut to avoid that. I explained how hearing everyone nearby and counting Edwards breaths had helped me to focus.
Once I finished pouring over every detail Carlisle looked at me with a strange expression and jumped to his feet.
"Fascinating, simply fascinating, I am sorry that you were in pain afterall Bella and that the Morphine held you down like that, but there are so many facets of what you've just explained to me that are truly amazing" he said.
"What do you mean" I asked.
"Bella, When someone is going through the transformation they usually sense nothing but the burning, they aren't usually aware of their surroundings, but you were and you were able to focus on not screaming and were far more aware of your surroundings than you should be" he said.
Carlisle paced the room a little first and said that he'd make 2 records, the account that I had everyone believing and the one he now knew to be the truth, which he would keep hidden. He said he'd do the true account first before doing the false one so that his mind was filled with the correct thoughts.
I thanked him and he hugged me like a true father and kissed my head. "Edward is so lucky, to have someone like you who loves him so deeply that she would go to such lengths to suffer in silence to spare his feelings" he said.
"I'm the lucky one" I quipped and with that I scooped up Renesmee and headed back downstairs.
By the time I got downstairs Jacob had just started to wake up. "Hey, where is everyone" he asked in his husky voice.
"Some are shopping, some are hunting and Carlisle is up in his study" I replied absent mindedly.
"Jaaaaaaaaaaaake" shouted Renesmee and bounded over to him.
"Hey Ness" he said whilst ruffling her hair and giving her a cuddle.
Just then Esme, Alice and Rosalie returned. Followed shortly after by the boys. Edward came straight over to me and embraced me in his arms. "Well hello there Mrs Cullen, did you miss me"
"Of Course I did Mr Cullen, How was the hunt" I asked.
"Managed a couple of mountain lions and had to rescue Emmett from a Grizzly Bear" he mused.
I heard a growl from Emmett who looked like he was sulking. If Edward had to truly help him then I can imagine that his pride was surely dented.
"Daddy" shouted Renesmee and she made her way towards Edward. He scooped her up and gave her a cuddle.
I left them to catch up whilst I went over to Alice and Esme as I could sense that Alice was desparate to show me what they had bought.
I listened to Alice as she reeled off all the purchases to me whilst occasionally glancing over to Edward and Renesmee who looked so perfect together. She had her hand to his cheek, no doubt giving him a full account of everything that he'd missed whilst they were apart. Edwards sat and smiled and chuckled at whatever he was showing her.
Suddenly though his face froze. Jasper was by his side in a flash looking at him with sheer confusion. "I... don't fully understand that emotion" he groaned I studied Edwards expression more carefully and realised that I had seen it before.
"Carlisle" I shouted and he appeared down the stairs in a flash.
He looked at me then turned his eyes towards Edward and his expression was that of a concerned father.
"What happened" he asked. "Renesmee was telling him of her day and his emotions were full of joy and love but then they suddenly changed and I don't fully understand them" said Jasper.
"Carlisle" I whispered. He looked up at me with curious eyes.
"Remember when we were on honeymoon and I asked if vampires could go into shock, when I realised I was pregnant" I continued.
Carlisle looked at Edward then back to me and said "Oh"
"This is exactly how he looked then" I said.
Renesmee took her hand from Edwards cheek and said "Mummy, Why is daddy so still"
"I'm not sure Renesmee, he looks like he's in shock about something, do you mind showing mummy what you showed daddy?" I asked.
Renesmee wriggled out of Edwards embrace and jumped into my arms, as she touched her cheek to my face my mind was full of her day, Everyone heading out, Jacob snoring on the couch then me talking to Carlisle in the study whilst she read a book.
"Oh No" I whimpered "What is it?" asked Carlisle. "Renesmee showed Edward our little discussion in the study" I said in a strained voice.
"Ah I see" said Carlisle.
I passed Renesmee to Rosalie who was standing next to me expectantly, with a bemused expression on her face. I then made my way to Edward and kneeled in front of him getting as close to his face as I could.
"Edward" I said gently No Response "Edward" I repeated. "Look at me please"
Still no response.
I placed my hands on his face and pressed my lips to his, initially it was like kissing a rock, but slowly and surely he started to respond and kissed me back passionately, we were both totally lost within the kiss, but eventually we stopped as Emmett started making lewd comments.
"Ah! Emotions I understand again" said Jasper relaxing.
"What emotions?" I asked "Well there's a strong sense of love and passion, but there's also a dash of anger and large helping of sheer Amazement and wonder" he said.
I looked back at Edward who was looking at me intently. Suddenly he flashed his crooked smile at me, which he knew I loved and said "You Mrs Cullen are in so much trouble"
I sprang to my feet and took a few paces back, I looked around the room and back at Edward said "You'll have to catch me first" and darted towards the door.
As I chased Bella through the forest my mind was replaying what Renesmee had shown me over and over. I was filled with so many emotions. I knew our love and feelings for each other were intense, but even so this revelation totally knocked me for six.
Only Bella, my Bella could go through the transformation and experience thoughts other than wanting to die, to think that whilst she burned she was still being so selfess and desperate to avoid my suffering! It took me a moment to realise that we were at our meadow and I slowed to a walk as I saw that Bella had stopped now and was sitting on the ground waiting for me.
"You were never supposed to know about that" she groaned.
I sat down beside her and embraced her with my arms.
"I realised that, I supposed I should be a little irritated at how calculating you and Carlisle were trying to be in order to try and hide it, but I can't seem to feel anything like that" I whispered.
"I can't believe how careless I was, having Renesmee in the room with us, but Jacob was asleep and I thought she was busy playing with the books" Bella muttered
I leant back out of our embrace and gazed into her eyes and placed my finger to her lip and said "Shhhhh"
She looked as though she was about to say something else, but she just gently nodded her head and kissed my finger.
"You know all of this brought back an old memory" I said.
"Which one?" she replied "Remember after I rescued you in Port Angeles and you were being interrogated by Jessica Stanley the next day" I began.
"When you were eavesdropping?" she retorted.
I couldn't help but chuckle at that. "Yes and do you remember what upset me about that conversation"
Bella thought for a moment then said. "You mean when I said that I liked you more"
I simply nodded then said "Remember I told you that you were wrong and that you couldn't possibly like me more than I liked you"
She grinned and nodded whilst slumping against my chest.
"Well i'm starting to question that assumption... I love you more than I ever thought possible back then, but this revelation has made me realise that your love for me is so so strong and I feel so overwhelmed, words cannot express how I feel." I muttered.
Bella's next reaction surprised me, but then even after all we had been through to get to where we were today her reactions always did surprise me.
She burst into laughter!
I was a little stunned at first and wasn't sure how to react. "What's so funny?" I asked She just sat up and turned to face me and flashed me the biggest grin.
"I was just imagining how much fun it's going to be over the next few decades if we're going to be trying to prove to each other who loves who the most" she giggled then playfully wrestled me to the floor.
As we lay there I smiled back at her and allowed my mind to wonder. The thought of us each trying to prove that they loved the other more, could be fun.. so much fun, then I began to plot.