Narroch: Yes, here we are again with yet another delightful chapter. It has been a while, and I know we promised faster updates, but that sorta just failed. It was entirely my fault this took so long. Sorry guys! You can rest assured that the next chapter is already under construction!
RR: Nyes, I'm sure the entire readership will join me in a "Surprise, surprise" sentiment directed towards your admission of the slowness of this update being entirely down to you, Narroch. Because, well, really…
Narroch: A HUGE thankyou to everyone who reviewed our story! Your comments mean so much to us! Special thanks go to: teito13, OneWhoSitsWithTheTurtles, xXPixiexxStikXx, SutaakiHitori, xHelloPinkPandaX, rain angst, Deus3xMachina, EmoButterfly1, NeoAddctee, Tainted Ink And Paper, Meany, re-harakhti, Xelena, darkbloodymoon, Liviania, heitone, Tamouri, sadevesi, Perdue, Mime in the Water, Quiet, -Red Angel-Blue Angel-, Shakuhachi Jade, silverfox, Famirka, Little Ryuu, MattTheGamer, Scripta Lexicona, ?, rein hitomi, HPANDHGFOREVA, ChasingCaffeine, Cursed Cain, Synonymous Brian, Melodic Masterpiece, Gabi Howard, bookenworum, Seidene Asche, larsa7, HereIGoAgain, Soul-Jazz, Bligy, Star Jinin, Sexykill69, yAmAmoTO'13, Nardaviel, 4udball, TheRoseByAnyOtherName, BewaretheArd-Ri, Apophenia, Viskii, PikaNecoMico, Pseudo Hanyou, AuraBlackWolf and Kutsushita-Socks!
RR: Yes, really, thankyou all so much for the reviews! I didn't realise we had so many (204, last I saw) until I went on my FFNet profile the other day and idly looked at the review count… So, yes, thankyou! We're glad you like The Monster You Made!
Narroch: Aaaand, without further ado, here is chapter five.
The Monster You Made – V
All revolutions have points: Some are complex, some are simple.
The main point of Kira's revolution was very simple. As hard as life was, injustice and powerlessness in the face of unstoppable violations made it doubly hard. Crime was harmful to everyone whose life it touched, and the eradication of injustice and powerlessness was a goal that would not be achieved easily or quickly. Justice could not be bought cheaply. Peace had to be paid for with the blood of criminals.
It was difficult, too, to create, maintain, and extend a revolution. Kira had to make the blood of iniquity run through the streets before people began to notice, before they began to understand that it wasn't a string of freak accidents, but a conscious force propelling the death toll.
Evil still existed. Twisted politics remained. Class struggles went on – and so, too, the struggle of every oppressed group denied human dignity by persistent systems of inequality.
But through Kira, hope, though tempered in the midst of so much despair, had been ignited. Kira's small dent in the social sphere had given people a path to follow, an example to admire. And of course, in that sense, the largest question pertained not to political parties but to the popular will and the engagement of the silent masses in a history that was not in their control, but which nonetheless had to reckon with them.
It couldn't be called a revolution if it was only one person making a change.
But Kira made sure everyone knew. Kira made certain his revolution was more than just a string of names, that it transcended heart attacks until death became a metaphor under his control: of good and evil, of right and wrong, of blessed and damned.
Kira wanted to ensure that his message reverberated throughout the world until no-one could ignore him, whether they agreed or not.
And he succeeded—
—Because the world was watching.
He asked me why Kira kills.
Hypothetical question – on the basis that he couldn't prove what he knew. It was a trap, one in which he never expected me to become ensnared, but which he carefully laid out anyway.
So, hypothetical answer – on the basis that he couldn't prove what he knew.
Because he knew. We both knew that he knew. But even with the Death Note in his clutches, he couldn't prove a thing against me or Misa.
Misa. M. How fitting. M for 'mistake'.
Why does Kira kill?
Maybe out of anger. Because I'd kill Misa right now, if only I could. Oh, I know she was trying to help – to save me, in her own little way. But as with everything Misa does, she didn't think it through, probably not even a little. She pretty much told L that I'm Kira. And to someone like L, her little stunt was an admission of her own guilt as well. She almost cost me my life – and may still have.
I don't know what's wrong with him. I've always known how dangerous he is; so even if his attack on me back there frightened me, it didn't really surprise me all that much.
To be honest, I expected him to kill me.
He didn't. At the last moment, he couldn't do it. Is this, after everything, what sets us apart? He's the one who likes to make such a point of saying how similar Kira is to himself, and in turn how similar I am to him. Typical L Mathematics. Though I can see his point on several counts – certainly I've never met anyone who is as much my equal as L. Truthfully, the thing I have always credited with dividing us is the fact that I'm Kira and he's the guy trying to catch Kira.
A line entitled The Law.
But maybe it's less than even that. After all, during that silly chasing-in-circles "conversation" we had barely an hour ago, he agreed with some of Kira's ethos and acknowledged that some of the reasons for my campaign were just.
So maybe, in the end, what it really comes down to is that he can't kill.
Is it a fear of staining his hands with blood? It can't be because he thinks killing in of itself is wrong – he promised death to Kira. So is it a terror of connecting physically to the act of killing, rather than the killing itself? It seems to me that he has no problem with it if he can be involved from the behind the mask of the law. Because if that's the case, I can't call that justice or a moral high-ground.
I can only call that cowardice – employed for the sake of self-preservation.
These people need to die. It's the only way. I deliberated long and hard over using the Death Note to change the world, and in the end, I was forced to conclude that there was no other way the world was going to cured of its sickness. Our law systems are weak. There are too many loopholes. People who deserve to be punished aren't. Look at the man who murdered Misa's parents – if I hadn't judged him, he'd have gone free after killing two people and ruining a young girl's life. Of course, my sympathy for Misa has depleted somewhat since being forced into a partnership with her, but the principle remains the same:
He deserved to be punished.
I believe in freewill. I believe that people are capable of being good or evil, and those that do evil choose to do so. If that was where it ended, that would be alright, because that's their choice. But it's a given that those who do evil usually hurt good people in some way or other. That is unforgivable. Why should it be that a fifteen year old girl – someone like my sister – can't walk home at night from a friend's house without the fear of being murdered? Why should it be that someone has to ensure that every door and window of their house is tightly locked every time they go out for fear of someone breaking into it? People commit crimes out of selfishness and arrogance, because they don't care who they hurt and because they think they won't be caught.
So I'm changing not only the world, but the world's mentality. Evil won't be tolerated anymore.
So, L, why does Kira kill?
Because he has to—
And because he can.
Kira had been the only one willing to follow this chain of thinking to its logical conclusion, and the only one with the power to see it realized. So when Kira was supposedly captured, it was as though a keystone had been yanked out of place and the entire mountain began to crumble; though the avalanche itself was eerily silent.
After Misa's announcement, there were no riots; there were no angry phone calls or picket lines demanding his release. People didn't know how to protest against a letter, how to disagree with a phantom detective. And with no outlet and with nowhere else to go, the rage turned inward. Turned poisonous. All the vindicated victims felt betrayed by the system, all the neophyte criminals reformed by fear felt lost again, all the unaffected masses, who never cared about Kira or his mission, felt a new paranoia creep in that hadn't existed before, and even the naysayers, the ones fighting against Kira and who cheered at the announcement, wondered quietly to themselves, 'But at what cost?'.
Revolutions are not maintained by people whose faces are in the mud. They are most frequently sustained by people who have just recently lifted their faces out of the mud, looked around and realized there was something better. By taking away the one who had given them hope for a better reality, it was as if L was shoving their heads back down into the grime, back into the old systems of injustice.
It had been good enough in the past, but no-one thought it was adequate now that they knew what a crime-free world looked like.
No one could stomach the thought of going back to the way things were.
The revolution had already gained too much momentum, too much awareness of itself.
They couldn't demand change from L, so instead they focused on themselves, on what powers they had to find their inverted Christ and put him back on his cross where he could continue killing for their sins. As they grumbled amongst themselves, degrees of separation dissolving under the collective heat of their voices, the will of humanity began to solidify in the shadows.
They locked me in my room.
I thought they'd question me, but no-one has really spoken to me at all, not even Mochi.
Well, I don't care. Nobody messes with Misa Amane. People will help find Light, I just know it. I'm not the only one who knows that Kira is good and accepts him as a saviour – and I felt it was my duty to tell the world that our saviour has been captured by the one person bent on his destruction.
I could help Light more if I had my memories, or even just my notebook. Right now, my only weapon is Rem, and I know that she's restricted in what she can do to aid me. Light said something about having buried my notebook, but he didn't tell me where and I'm not free to leave and go get it anyway. Rem can't get it because she's not allowed to interfere directly with the human world, so right now I've done all I can to help Light.
I hope he's okay. God knows what that creepy L is doing to him. But it'll be alright. L didn't think that Kira would have an army.
He has no idea what he's gotten himself into.
I don't care what they do to him, as long as they save Light. They can hang him or torture him to death or hack him into little pieces, as long as Light is rescued from him. Kira is the figurehead of the establishment of the new world order – the god of a world in which only good people are permitted to exist. That's what he said, and he said that I'll be his goddess. Even if L isn't evil, if he stands in the way of that world, then he deserves to die. If he doesn't acknowledge Light's utopia, then he doesn't deserve to live in it.
Though I think he doesn't deserve to live for what he's done, too. I can't forgive him taking Light away from me. I love Light more than anything in the entire world. He punished my parents' killer when nobody else would. He understood my pain and served justice. It didn't give me back my parents, but it gave me back my faith in humanity. The law didn't care, but Kira did.
That's why I acknowledge Kira above the law. Justice shouldn't be measured by stupid rules, so rigid that people can slip through them when it suits judges and lawyers. Justice should be measured by human compassion, by an understanding of the pain of victims of crime, and by an absolute intolerance for both evil and those who commit it.
So those who heard my message, save Kira.
Save Light Yagami – so he can save us.
Demegawa sighed as he scanned the weekly television rating print outs. Since his station had been taken hostage by Kira all those months ago, their ratings had spiked and remained consistently high, as though people were anxiously waiting for another message from their saviour.
Though, as time wore on, he could clearly see the downward trend. People were beginning to look elsewhere for information when it became obvious that Kira, much like lightning, wasn't likely to strike the same spot twice. Demegawa had realized that also, long ago, but hadn't admitted it aloud. He still proclaimed himself to be Kira's hand-selected spokesperson and proudly bragged to anyone who would listen about his involvement.
But skimming a profit off pro-Kira propaganda stories wasn't enough. Demegawa craved more – sweeter dealings, so to speak, with the source. Having tapped – at least in his mind – into such a powerful pipeline, he couldn't go back to airing crummy tabloid stories. But as soon as the deal with the infamous Kira tapes was done, the connection had ceased. There was no way for Demegawa to reach out to Kira on his own. His "sure thing" evaporated before his eyes, and people were starting to notice.
Rather than being the first station with news about Kira, his reporters always seemed to be the last to know; their breaking news was always a few hours too stale. He didn't even bother watching the other stations anymore since their news stories always put him into an impotent rage at the ineptitude of his own reporters. He had considered firing all of them on more than one occasion; it was only the huge hassle of rehiring a new team that stopped him.
It was easy to blame them, easy to believe they interfered with his connection to Kira rather than admit that the killing god had moved on.
He looked over the rating sheets propped in his hand to glance at the easel board across the room holding the pitch design of his "Kira's Kingdom" programme. It would only be a little longer before the set design was finished and then he could start raking in the ratings once again. He ground his teeth in irritation before murmuring under his breath;
"If you want something done right…"
He took out a cigarette, lit it, and drew the smoke deeply into his lungs; let it simmer there, soak into the blood, before he slowly forced it out through his nose in two thick plumes.
"…You gotta do it yourself." He popped his feet up onto his desk and let the chemicals soothe his frustrated nerves. Half of the slender cigarette had disappeared into blue smoke when the phone beside his feet began to ring. With a snort, he sat up and stubbed out the cigarette.
"Sakura TV, this is Demegawa," he answered the phone gruffly.
There was a clicking noise, then a sound like paper being crumbled floated over the line. Demegawa sneered and was on the verge of hanging up when a gravelly voice finally came across:
"I am sure that by now you have heard the news about Kira's capture."
There was a long pause as Demegawa tried to understand what had been said. Not only was the caller obviously trying to mask his voice, either via a distortion program or his own vocal manipulation, making it hard to hear, but Demegawa also couldn't comprehend the meaning of the words being said.
Kira… captured?! And I didn't know about it!
The dead silence strangling his thoughts grew painful. In contrast to his wordless, trembling lips, his heartbeat pounded painfully at his temples and his ears buzzed as if rejecting what he was hearing.
Quickly, before the shock could numb him further, he fumbled for the remote and turned his personal office television set on, flipping to the nearest news channel. There the unforgiving message replayed itself; the concreteness of the flashing headline crawled to the center of his brain, cementing the truth of what he had been told.
And yet, despite the oppressing weight of the real, Demegawa could not comprehend what he was seeing.
It wasn't the downfall of Kira and his mission that bothered Demegawa, but the fact that his cash cow was being led away by some clandestine detective.
The man on the other end of the line gave a questioning hum and Demegawa shakily replied, "Yes, I, uh- just found out about it…"
"And as a vocal Kira supporter, I am sure you can't accept what is being done, can you?"
"N-no, I can assure that I will not stand for this alleged arrest," Demegawa stuttered in return, sales figures already whirling about in his head, calculating his losses and working together speeches decrying Kira's arrest.
"Then would you be willing to lend us your aid, in both your leadership and resources, as we free our saviour?"
Demegawa was startled out of his deliberations by the forward request. Leading a mob for breaking and entering wasn't exactly what he had in mind, not to mention that the caller was beginning to sound like one of the Kira fanatics who worshipped the killings as miracles. He had intended to make a profit off these nut-jobs by creating a cheap temple for them, but Demegawa was much too shrewd to consider working with them beyond cash, credit, or checks. The man noticed Demegawa's hesitation and immediately cut in:
"As someone who was contacted directly by Kira, we thought it fitting that you deliver the news of his release to the world."
Demegawa gave a small start.
"You want me to televise you guys breaking into a prison? I don't think—"
"It isn't a prison," the caller interrupted again. "We have loyalists in the police department who know the location of L's task force, as well as information about the layout of the building. This isn't going to be a disorganized rabble, but an elite revolutionary force. And it will be you that the world sees."
The steely determination in his voice as well as the impressive insider information reassured Demegawa, but it was the promise of fame that caused him to grin.
"Well, then…" was his carefully-precisioned reply, "…what is your plan to release our Lord Kira?"
Sometimes I forget that he's younger than me.
Perhaps that's not saying much – I might be seven years older than him, but I acknowledge myself to have something of a rather childish mentality.
But I'm not a child; and, on the contrary, in a lot of ways, he still is.
Light Yagami. It's never been more obvious than it is right now. His age. His mentality. Of course I knew he was Kira – and he knew that I knew.
We also both knew that there was a possibility that I would never be able to prove it.
This was before Misa Amane publicly announced his guilt on national television. Let it be said that, towards Light at least, Amane is incredibly well-meaning – that is, I am certain that she did not intend to put him in any kind of danger. Her way of thinking is incredibly simple. I believe she acts almost entirely on emotion alone. Perhaps she is actually incapable of rationalizing or simply prefers not to. She is, I expect, what would be called a "romantic" – governed exclusively by feeling over thought.
Either way, it's easy to unravel the meaning behind her actions. She's powerless against me herself, and so hopes that Kira's followers will take heed of her words and rally to save their god.
There are so many flaws with this plan that it does not worry me. Misa Amane is the Second Kira, but she isn't a threat. Light rendered her completely powerless when they began to work together – that much was obvious in the sudden change in the Second Kira's behavior, way back before the pair of them were even incarcerated.
And Light may be Kira – as I've always thought – but, at present, he isn't a threat either. If he was able to kill me, he'd have done it by now. The fact that I'm still alive proves that he can't.
And I can't kill him.
I don't know why I stopped. It was only at the very last moment, in the final seconds before his spine snapped completely, that I realized that I couldn't do it.
But I don't know why.
I suppose I would still consider him to be the tenuous "friend" I always have, even now that I know he's guilty – because I always knew, really, that he was guilty, and was friends with him anyway. But it isn't that which protects him from me, because even if I'm his friend, I always knew he was Kira, and I always believed that Kira deserved death for his crimes.
This doesn't change anything apart from the fact that I know I'm not wrong.
Maybe I couldn't do it because it would cross the line that separates us – a line that, at times, is barely there.
I didn't set out to be friends with him. I didn't think I would ever end up liking him. He always came across as arrogant and spoiled and uptight. Even if I admired his intelligence, he never seemed like someone I would be comfortable with. Maybe I'm all of those things myself, but I didn't think I'd be able to get along with someone harbouring those attributes.
But he wasn't like that – well, at least not as much as I had expected him to be. And our minds are so alike we often almost think in tandem. I'd never met anyone like him before – never met an equal.
So he's my equal. That's why I was drawn into my first ever friendship.
But he's Kira, and always has been.
We've discussed it numerous times. In the end, it's not that I completely disagree with Kira's ideals. Our mentality entails the idea of evil deserving to be punished – and the means to the end is death.
For the crime of dealing death, I promised to deal him death.
Even if I don't accept Kira, I understand.
I don't believe that Light is evil, truly. I don't even believe that his intentions are evil. But I think that his morals are warped and his sense of justice twisted. Still trapped in the absolute black-and-white way of thinking of a child, he believes that what he is doing is good, but no matter how pure his intentions, I maintain that he is a murderer and nothing more.
And if I accept Kira, then I am accepting that I could just as easily be Kira as Light Yagami.
I could be a murderer too, if only I could kill.
Misa had been wrong in thinking that there were Kira supporters in high enough positions to force L to relinquish his grasp on his suspect. No-one, Kira supporter or not, had that kind of power over L; he could, and would, do what he liked, regardless of what the world leaders requested of him. But Misa had been right in thinking that there was a hidden army under Kira's sway:
It only took her little nudge to unite them.
They gathered that very day, from all walks of life, from all backgrounds, from every nook and cranny within the woodworks of the world. From a thousand places and nowhere at all, converging on Tokyo like flies to a carcass, silent and hungry. Though many came, the only ones specifically called were those with specific talents. Hackers, police force members, weapons specialists, reporters, tacticians… Not a single one of them had a chance of outsmarting L alone, but combined, their collective knowledge was a reckoning force.
Not to mention the homicidal drive pushing them forward, forcing them to drop their fears, making them willing martyrs for Kira and his cause.
The chosen few, around two dozen people, gathered in the shadows of the Sakura Television station, darkened by the late hour. It was quite obviously closed, same as every other building on the block, but inside a man beckoned them to enter. The group slipped in silently, masked by the darkness.
They began to talk, awkwardly and hesitantly at first, but quickly overcoming their nervous fear as the hours wore on. Schematics were pulled out, computers set up, recording equipment packed and repacked as they began to lay out their plans.
They all agreed they needed to act soon, for who knew when L would pick the execution date?
It was decided, unanimously, that, like so many other battles in history, they would attack at dawn.
It's over, then.
I don't know if it's that I never truly did believe that my son is Kira, or simply that I never wanted to.
L took him and they both vanished without a trace, but while everything within me tells me that I should be worried for my child's safety, Amane's "confession" has left me utterly without feeling.
Everything, all these months of hard work, all that pain before, when he was incarcerated and I, almost beside myself with despair, demanded that I be locked away too…
I don't whose safety it was for, really. I just didn't know what to do. Facing the possibility that my own child could be Kira was simply too horrible to stand. That, and that sick little play L scripted to test if they were Kiras, back in the car with a gun aimed at my own son's head, telling him I would see him in Hell.
Before the notebook, the fact that I didn't die in that car at the hands of Amane served as proof enough that neither she nor Light were Kiras.
But we didn't know about the notebook.
Not that it matters how Kira kills. Not now. The damage is done. Light is Kira.
My son is a murderer—
And I don't know what to do. How do I tell Sachiko? What do I say to Sayu? When will I ever be able face anyone ever again and not think that they're judging me – blaming me – for having brought a monster into the world?
The feeling is alien. I've never been anything but proud of him. He's respectful and kind and courteous, his grades are excellent and he works hard to maintain them. I've never thought to ask anything more of him – I've never needed to.
But now it's as if… he's pulled the mask off, and underneath is something so unholy I can hardly bear to acknowledge him as recognizable, never mind as my own son. All the lies and solemn words, promising to catch Kira should anything happen to me… I feel as if I imagined him saying all those things, conjuring them from a hopeful dream that L was wrong.
I detest Kira and his methods. I cannot accept them, and refuse to stand down to his laws while I still live – and even if that devil takes the form of the child I love, I won't be swayed.
Kira is wrong.
But it's not only anger, and it's not only grief. I've always pitied Kira, because I've always believed that he didn't realise that having the power to kill as he does is a curse and not a gift.
And the curse has fallen upon Light, and now I feel that the only thing I can do is stand back and watch helplessly as it devours my son.
Kira – Light – is wrong, but he's not evil. Even if I despise everything about what he has become, I know that he is not evil.
But the power to end lives is, and if he can't realize that, then perhaps he deserves to be destroyed by it.
The windows to the lobby shattered in a cacophony of alarms, though they were quickly silenced through a subroutine as the preliminary security system was hacked. Heavy-soled boots came charging in, strangely quiet beyond the footfalls, and they headed in the exact direction of the main headquarters.
The break-in was swift, efficient, and by the time Watari noticed the secondary silent alarm flashing on one of L's many computer screens, the intruders were already placing their charges on the door hinges. He only managed to get out a single shout of warning before the contained explosion echoed through the room and the door went flying off of its jamb.
I don't think you know what you're doing.
Narroch: Does anyone else have the distinct desire to go on a B&E right about now? Cause I know I do. Maybe... maybe the Kira Crazies just wanted to kick a door in...? :I
RR: Narroch rather kindly stuck a link to a segment of a Dane Cook stand-up routine talking about "B&E" (breaking and entering) from YouTube here, but we all know that FFNet devours links like… I dunno. Lucky Charms? O.o
Uh, anyway, I removed the link before FFNet did. If you want to see the clip, just type 'Dane Cook, B&E' into the YouTube search bar. It's pretty funny. :)
Narroch: Thanks again for reading, drop us a review! Let us know what you think! And take a breath, cause next chapter... the shit is gonna hit the fan. :D
RR: But it'll probably take another three months. You know, just saying.