Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of the characters. If I did, Blackwater all the way baby.

Chapter 1 – The world hates me, it really does

"Leah are you ready?"

Seth banged on the bathroom door and I inspected myself in the mirror quickly. I had bought a new dress for today, it was white, tight fitting, and I had even made an effort to pin my hair pack and to stick a white flower behind my ear. I didn't need much make up, I just put on some blush and lip gloss and that was all I needed. I was going to Emily's baby shower against my will. Seth and my mom were forcing me to go, being that she is my cousin and all and I decided that if I had to go, I was at least going to dress up and make myself feel better before heading to a party that would only serve to remind me that I was a genetic dead end. My life sucked. Seth pounded on the bathroom door again.

"Leah come on, Jake and Billy are already here."

I slipped into my white sandals and opened the bathroom door before hurrying down the stairs. I didn't want us to be late, all the more reason for people to stare at me and offer their sympathies for the fact that I would never conceive and carry a child. When I reached the bottom steps Jacob was waiting with his back to me.

"Took you long enough Clearwater," Jacob said sarcastically as he turned to me and his face went from smirk to shock, "Leah…wow."

"I'll take that as a compliment Black," I said proudly and Jake nodded still not taking his eyes from me.

"It is, you look nice," he said nodding his head to affirm his words.

"Hey pervert don't you have an imprint?" I joked smacking the back of his head and Jacob suddenly looked sheepish, like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar and I looked around but couldn't see her anywhere, "where is Renesmee?"

After six years Jacob had finally convinced me that I wasn't allowed to call any of the bloodsuckers…bloodsuckers or leeches. He made me use their names, and while I didn't like it, I did get used to it. He threatened to demote me if I wasn't nicer to them so I had to do as he commanded. The Cullen's still lived in their big house. Dr Cullen still worked at the hospital, although we knew they would have to start thinking about moving soon, since he didn't look a day over thirty and was playing forty-two. Esme tended to the house, Alice and Jasper travelled by themselves for a while then came back every so often to visit. Rosalie and Emmett both hung around the house and Edward, Bella and Renesmee lived in the cottage nearby. I didn't interact much with the Cullen's. Jake was always over there, and he was too backwards to have a cell phone so if I wanted to tell him anything I had to report to the house. Esme was always sweet to me, as was Alice when she was home, Rosalie ignored me, which was fine with me, I barely saw Carlisle, Jasper kept to himself and Emmett liked to tease me to see how riled up he could get me. Since I caught onto his game I had been nothing but sweet to him, just to piss him off. Bella and Edward were over sometimes, and both were always polite to me although I think Bella was afraid to be with me alone. She sure could hold a grudge, since that time I'd yelled at her for leading Jake on, she'd never let herself be alone with me, not even when she became a vampire. Renesmee grew into a beautiful young woman, she looked about eighteen now, although in years she was only six. While everyone still called her Nessie, I refused to indulge the pet name and always called her Renesmee.

"She couldn't make it, Nahuel is visiting from South America and they wanted to spend time together," Jacob explained and I frowned at his words. He was seriously letting his little imprint girlfriend spent time alone with the only male of her kind that we knew of and he didn't seem to mind? Jacob was a saint.

"You aren't worried about them?" I asked and Jacob shrugged.

"No, Renesmee is my imprint, I can trust her."

"I wouldn't trust any girl around you," I blurted without thinking then I flushed bright red and dropped my eyes to the ground. Why oh why was I so stupid? I always let my mouth do the talking without thinking first. I could hear Jacob's chuckling at my expense and channeled my embarrassment into anger as I shoved him, "don't you dare laugh at me Jacob Black."

Jacob and I had grown close in the past six years. He was there for me through Sam and Emily's wedding, he was always around making me smile. He and Seth were the only ones who could. I loved him, as a friend and as a leader. Possibly even more, but I had pushed that thought to the very back of my mind. I would not allow myself to get hurt again. I was so grateful to have Jacob Black as my friend. I had tried in the past six years, consciously tried to be nicer, to be a better person, Jake brought that out in me. I would always be grateful to him.

"Come on sexy lady, we got a party to go to," Jacob said throwing a large arm around my shoulders and steering me out to the car where Billy, Seth and Sue were waiting and I laughed and punched him in the stomach.

The party was so boring. After doing my allotted amount of time oooing and ahhing at Emily's swollen belly (Jake said I had to do it for at least five minutes) I fled back into the house looking for somewhere to sit and hide until Seth and Jake saved me. I didn't hate Emily and Sam anymore, I truly didn't, but it still wasn't nice having to see them. They had everything I would never have; it was hard to be around them. I passed into the kitchen and considered where to hide.

"Leah looks nice," a voice said and I cocked my head to one side and took a quite step towards the doorway to the living room. There were some of Sam's pack all sitting on couches watching a football game. Sam wasn't with them, he and Jacob and Seth were in the backyard. Quil was also out there with Claire who was now nine. This was the old school pack, Jared, Paul, Colin, Brady and Embry.

"Yeah, too bad she's a bitch," Paul said gruffly laughing at my expense and I glowered at the back of his head. I had tried to not be a bitch for the past six years; I couldn't help it if I had a low bullshit tolerance and hated the sight of Paul. I tried not to get too offended by their words, they only knew me when I was a bitch still hurt about Sam's betrayal, but Embry knew the way I was now. I was much better, I knew I was and he did too. He had even told me so at my birthday this year.

"I don't know how you can stand her being in your pack, much less take her orders," Jared said looking over at Embry and the others all groaned at the thought.

"I have to, I don't have a choice."

Wow that one stung. I had thought Embry actually liked me as a friend. Guess I was wrong.

"She so bitter and twisted," Jared said shaking his head.

"Good thing she can't be anyone's mother, she'd probably kill the kid or something, or eat it," Paul said the most cruel words I had ever heard and I couldn't stop the gasp that came out of my mouth and very slowly they all turned to me, their faces frozen in shock. Embry was the first to move.

"Leah, I'm sor…"

"Don't," I stopped him with my hand I didn't want to hear the apology I knew was coming, he was supposed to be my friend and he just put me down like the rest of them instead of standing up for me, "just don't Embry ok; I think you've done and said enough."

I turned and ran. I reached the woods and phased bursting out of my nice new dress that I had saved up for weeks to buy; it fell in pieces onto the ground. I was running and running, I didn't care where to, I just had to go. I had to get away from here, away from them.

Leah please I'm sorry, Embry's voice came into my head, he must have run after me and phased. He didn't have to pretend that he cared, not now that I knew the truth.

Go fuck yourself Embry, I replied hatefully not slowing down or stopping.

Leah I really am sorry, I should have stood up for you, I didn't want them to gang up on me for defending you, I know it's no excuse, please believe me, I am really and truly sorry, Embry said again, his voice in my head apologetic.

What the hell happened in there? Jacob bellowed into both our minds and I let Jacob see what had happened. An angry howl rose out of the forest.

Embry phase now, go back to the party, Jake commanded darkly and I heard Embry howl as though he were in pain.

Jake I am so sorry, Embry said his voice full of sorrow.

You want to be like your friends so much? Then go back and join Sam's pack, we don't hurt our family, Jacob told him icily and Embry howled again.

I don't want to go back to Sam's pack

Well you aren't welcome in ours till Leah forgives you, Jake replied and I growled at his words.

When hell freezes over, I spat out angrily and Embry became more desperate now that he thought Jake would throw him out of the pack.

Please Leah, I'm so sorry, please forgive me please I…

Embry go now, Jake demanded and Embry let out a howl and then his mind left ours.

Jake didn't say anything for a long while. Embry and Jake were best friends, I couldn't let them tear the pack up just because I was oversensitive. I was angry at Embry, but it wasn't worth breaking up our pack for.

Don't force him to leave the pack Jake; I'm not worth all this fuss over

Leah, we are all family, we don't treat family like that

And we don't just kick family out when we have a fight either, I retorted.

Jake was silent again. I could almost sense the anger radiating off him. He was really pissed off with Embry, but I could tell that he saw my point.

Fine, I'll let him worry over it for tonight though, serves him right


We drifted into silence again and I stopped running. I was in a meadow, it was beautiful, peaceful. I collapsed down onto the grass and rested my head on my paws. I couldn't stop the scene replaying in my head and it hurt all the more the second time. It hurt, it felt like my whole body was being crushed and I couldn't breath, quickly I tried to hide the feeling from Jake but I wasn't quick enough, he caught a glimpse before I stowed my feelings away.

Leah, those guys are jerks, Jake said in my head and if I could I would have laughed.

Preaching to the choir, I joked forcing myself to sound light hearted.

Don't let what they said get to you ok? He said carefully and I sighed deeply. I hadn't fooled him as much as I thought. I focused harder on hiding the pain I was feeling.

I'll try

Where are you going?

Dunno, I think I'm just going to be alone for a while, I said hoping he would get the hint. I love Jake to death, but he couldn't help me, not with this. He didn't know how it felt.

Want me to stay phased with you? Jake offered and I spoke quickly. If he stayed in my mind any longer I wouldn't be able to keep hiding the depth of my hurt from him and he wouldn't leave me alone if he knew. He would want to try and fix me, because that is what Jake liked to do. He liked to fix people. But I didn't think he could fix this.

Naaa, I'll phase back for a while just to clear my head

Okay, well I will come see you in the morning

Okay, thanks Jake

That's okay, love you Lee

Me too

I phased and stood naked in the meadow and the tears started to fall. I had stayed strong for Jake, I had pretended that their words didn't affect me as much as they had but now that he was gone and I didn't have to hide my pain I couldn't stop the sobs that erupted from my chest. I crouched into a ball on the ground and wrapped my arms around my legs as I cried. I would cry until I let it all out, only then would I be strong enough to phase and keep from the others how deeply today had hurt me. I wasn't going to let them feel this pain, I wasn't that Leah anymore. No matter how hard a time others had believing it.

AN: I uploaded this chapter just to get the feelers out to see if anyone is interested in the story so please review. I've been sitting on this story for a while, its going to be uber long, but I thought if I posted it I would be more motivated to complete it. I was reading through all the Blackwater stories and I just fell in love.