Author's Note: Okay, so this is just a little CB humorish fic I thought of. It takes place during the pilot after the party at Blair's penthouse at the very beginning of the episode. I hope you guys enjoy it! Please read and review. :) Oh, and special thanks to Michelle (sunday nights) for looking this over and assuring me it doesn't suck. :)
Disclaimer: If I owned Gossip Girl, there would have been an episode this week.
Blair Waldorf sat sprawled across her bed, staring intently at her navy Dell laptop as she checked her email, still clad in her dress from her mother's party.
She wanted to scream. Who did Serena Van Der Woodsen think she was?
First, she disappears for almost a year for God knows what reason and then she comes back and just expects everything to go back to normal.
Ugh, and the way Nate looked at her made Blair sick. The only good thing that had come out of Serena leaving was that she had Nate to herself, even if he had been acting strangely ever since.
What was wrong with her? Why didn't Nate want her? Why did he leave her partially undressed in bed to greet his dear old friend Serena?
Blair took a deep breathe. That was it. She needed to fix this problem and now. Nate should be worshipping the ground she walked on, not walking out on her for her best friend.
Suddenly, an idea entered her mind and she allowed a smirk to entertain her features as she went to Google.
She quickly typed in "how to become irresistible to men" and waited for the results to load. Scrolling through the list of results, she found an article that looked promising.
She opened it and began to read.
Like yourself. Be confident in who you are. Confidence is sexy.
Ha, as if she could do that. What was there to like about her? She was short, not nearly as skinny as Serena, and clearly couldn't capture a room as well as Serena could.
Don't complain and dump all your problems on the guy.
Well, she couldn't dump all her problems on him if she wanted to. He wouldn't even listen.
Take good care of yourself. Eat healthy foods and exercise.
That would just be completely useless. Blair could try as hard as she wanted to and she would still never measure up to Serena. She would never be the tall, pretty, thin, blonde goddess that everyone loved.
Be mysterious. Guys love a mysterious girl.
Please. They had known each other since they were five.
Be nice. Don't gossip, nag, insult, or alienate other people.
Blair snorted and hopped up from her computer. This was hopeless. She sauntered over to her vanity and began critically examining her appearance. She ran her hands over her face and through her hair as silent tears began to fall from her large brown eyes. She was repulsive. She was hideous. What was there to love?
No wonder Nate didn't want her.
Her thoughts were interrupted by a knock on her bedroom door. She rose to her feet, wiping her eyes, and headed over to the entrance to her bedroom, swinging the door open expecting to see Dorota or her mother. Instead, none other than Chuck Bass stood before her clad in a pink shirt and black dress pants.
"Waldorf," Chuck greeted with a smirk.
"Bass," Blair returned, "I'd say it's nice to see you, but honesty really is the best policy."
"As much as I enjoy our verbal sparring, I actually came here for a reason," Chuck explained.
"And that would be?" Blair probed.
"Did I leave my jacket here?" he inquired.
"No, are you sure you didn't leave it in whatever whorehouse you spent the rest of your evening in?" Blair questioned.
"For your information, I haven't been in any whorehouses tonight. But there is a chance I left in the Palace bar. I met a blonde there after your party. Great physique and one of the best…" Chuck began.
"I don't need that mental image," Blair retorted, disgust evident in her voice.
"No need to be jealous. I know you wish it was you," Chuck retorted.
Blair smirked back at him before sticking the heel of her shoe into his foot.
"You're just proving my point further, Waldorf," Chuck insisted.
"You're heinous," Blair responded, walking over to her bed and sitting down on it, Chuck in close pursuit, "I don't know if you caught on, Bass, but me physically abusing you and insulting you, was your cue to leave."
"Relax, you know you love me," Chuck responded, sitting next to her and glancing over at her computer,
"In your dreams," Blair snorted.
"Oh, but you are. One particular one involves…" Chuck began before Blair interrupted him.
"Keep your fantasies to yourself," she insisted.
"'How to Become Irresistible to Men'?" Chuck questioned with a smirk as his eyes fell on her computer screen.
"That's private!" Blair glared, slamming her laptop shut.
"What the hell were you looking at that for?" Chuck insisted, refusing to drop the subject.
"No reason," Blair replied.
"Blair, come on," Chuck pressed.
"Fine, do you really wanna know? Nate finds me repulsive. Apparently sex with me isn't half as appealing as a two minute conversation with the almighty Serena Van Der Woodsen!" Blair lamented, "You know, should a girl really have to work this hard to get her boyfriend to have sex with her? Shouldn't he be begging me to do it and I be the one refusing? Why doesn't he want me? Am I really that horrible and disgusting?"
Blair fought as hard as she could to not cry. She would not cry in front of Chuck Bass. She wouldn't allow herself. She had to maintain some kind of control. But, despite her best efforts, she began to feel tears fall down her face as Chuck pulled her into a hug and held her.
They stayed like that for what seemed like hours but was probably more like a minute before Chuck pulled away and began to speak.
"Blair, Nathaniel is an idiot. You're gorgeous and he's just too blind to see it. And honestly, if he can't see it, then he doesn't deserve you," Chuck told her.
"Thanks," she replied, smiling softly, "That really means a lot."
"Of course. It's the truth. If I was Nate, I wouldn't need any Viagra to get me going," Chuck smirked.
"And just when I was beginning to think you weren't quite as disgusting," Blair responded, raising an eyebrow.
He caught her eye and simply held her gaze. They sat like that for a few more moments before Blair finally spoke up.
"It's late," she announced, "You should probably go."
Chuck nodded in agreement, rising to his feet and heading toward the door. He grabbed hold of the knob, swinging the door open and turning to look at Blair one more time.
"Oh, and Waldorf, you really didn't need to be looking at that sight. You've got it covered," he smirked lecherously before shutting her door and leaving Blair alone in her room.
But somehow, she felt a little less alone then she had before.
A/N: I hope you liked this and it wasn't too random and out of character. Review please! :)