Two

Colleen walked with Mr. Carlson and Andy into the lobby of WKRP. She felt a bit insecure when she saw the beautiful blond receptionist, and thought of her own short stature and distinctly Irish facial features. A dark haired man sat on the edge of the receptionist's desk trying his best to get her to respond to his overtly sexual advances, and she was successfully ignoring him. His plaid suit and strong smelling cheap cologne could only be described as a crime against nature.

Colleen gently tapped Andy on the shoulder, "Who is that?"

"Oh, I was just about to introduce you," Andy said.

Mr. Carlson rushed off, saying he would be in his office if anyone needed him. The man in the plaid suit was now eagerly chasing after the bewildered station manager, calling him "Big Guy" until Mr. Carlson closed his office door in the face of the man in plaid.

Andy had led Colleen over to the receptionist's desk," Colleen, I would like you to meet out receptionist, Jennifer Marlowe. Jennifer this is our new station assistant, Colleen Murphy."

Jennifer gave Colleen a friendly smile, "I am so glad to meet you Colleen." She stopped smiling and for a moment looked concerned, "You don't receive messages from alien civilizations, do you?"

"Uh," Colleen was speechless for a moment, "No, I don't. Should I be?"

Jennifer laughed and looked up at Andy, "Wow, she's already an improvement."

"Yup," Andy replied.

"If you don't mind me asking, what exactly am I improving?" Colleen felt uncertain.

"Oh, our last station assistant thought she was getting messages from alien civilizations," Jennifer tried to laugh it off, "We had to let her go. She had Les much too paranoid."

"Les Nessman? The News guy?" Colleen asked.

"That would be him," Andy sighed.

"Actually, I never really thought of him as news, necessarily. I always take him more as comic relief," Colleen shrugged.

"As do all of us who have to work with him," Jennifer smiled that same friendly smile.

"Hell, I'm surprised she even listens to the station," Andy gave a half hearted laugh.

"Well, I applied for the job, Mr. Travis. Of course I listened. I wanted an idea of what I might be walking into," Colleen shrugged.

Jennifer giggled, "Dear, you could have listened to this radio station twenty four hours a day for your entire life and not have a clue what you were walking into. "I wish you lots of luck."

After much time wasted pounding and pleading at Mr. Carlson's door, the dark haired, plaid suit wearing man turned his attention to Andy. He walked with the posture of a man in a singles bar. All talk, and, thank heavens, no action. The kind of guy who wrote down his phone number on a bar napkin, even after the most obvious turn downs, and then would point and wink and say things like, "See you later, doll." Colleen tried to do her best not to judge a book by its cover, but with this guy it was hard to do. He seemed to secrete a proverbial slime like substance from every pore, and this didn't even start to explain some of his accessory choices, namely a white vinyl belt with white vinyl shoes to match. Looking as his polyester and vinyl gave Colleen a headache. Soon, however, she would find that this man would become less of a headache and more of a pain in the ass.

"Travis!" he cried out as he crossed the lobby, acting as if Andy were some long lost relative in need of a con job.

"Herb," Andy said patiently, "I would like you to meet our new station assistant, Colleen Murphy. Colleen, this is Herb Tarlek. He is our general sales manager here at WKRP."

Herb looked down at Colleen as if she were an ant he was about to step on, "Nice to meet you, blah blah blah. Why don't you run down and check your hair and make up while Uncle Andy and I have and adult conversation."

Before Colleen could even open her mouth, Andy sternly gave Herb a warning, "Herb, do you remember that talk we had yesterday? The one about the line and how you continuously cross it? You are walking precariously on that line Herb."

"Yeah, but I have three words that will change your life forever!" Herb was almost jumping up and down with excitement.

"Oh, Herb, why don't I like this? Why does the feel like a bad idea?" Andy put his hands on his hips and looked at the ceiling before looking back at Herb."Okay, hurry up and get me out of my misery. What is it Herb?"

"Are you ready? Are you really ready?" Herb was beginning to be more excited, while Andy was still non plussed, "Crutcher's Custom Caskets." Herb stood back proudly waiting for Andy's reaction, but Colleen's came out first. She laughed. She tried not to, but couldn't help it. Herb glared at her as if she had stolen his god forsaken hideous tie that he was wearing.

"Crutcher's Custom Caskets? Are you insane?" Colleen blurted out.

"Of course I am sane!" Herb protested, "Do you have a problem with this gopher girl?"

"You're crossing the line Herb!" Andy said through clenched teeth.

"Well, " Colleen said as she regained her composure, "When I listen to music, I want to have fun and enjoy myself, not think about my own mortality.

Andy let out an impatient sigh, "No casket companies, Herb. Remember that stupid fiasco we got into a couple of years back with that funeral home? I do not want a repeat of that.. No casket companies, custom or otherwise, do you understand that, Herb?"

Herb muttered something along the lines that he did understand and a few more words directed at Andy that Colleen couldn't quite make out, except that she was pretty sure it was a nice list of obscenities.

Andy turned to Colleen, "You ready to see the rest of the station and meet the other employees? I promise they are not all like Herb."

Colleen shrugged, "Sure, I figure it can't be worse than that."

Andy shook his head and began leading her down a hall which led to the rest of the station, "It can get a little crazy around here."

Colleen stopped in the middle of the hall as Andy walked ahead, she put her hands on her hips and said, "Oh, Mr. Travis."

Andy turned, "Problem, Ms. Murphy? Oh, and just for the record, call me Andy. Mr. Travis just makes me feel old."

"Okay, Andy, and you can call me Colleen. Just plain Colleen, " She said politely before beginning her explanation. "First of all, I have to tell you, Andy, I am only 5'1". It takes me two steps to keep up with one of yours. Second, I graduated with a BFA in English Literature. I have two choices. I can work here, or I can flip burgers. Personally, I can deal with a little insanity much better than the thought of asking people, 'Do you want fries with that?' for the rest of my life."

Andy smiled, "You have a sense of humor. That is great. You'll need it around here. Trust me."