This Is Our Sordid Love Affair – A Collection of KakaSaku One-Shots
Word Count: 2015
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, so don't sue me.
Summary: "Kaka-sensei, are you…ticklish?" Her sudden realization of my weakness brought a mischievous smile to her face. I was petrified. For a moment, I thought Sakura discovered a weakness far greater –herself.
A/N: This may sound strange… but I didn't write this. Hatake Kakashi –or should I say Masashi Kishimoto- takes all the credit. I was sitting in Anthropology class one day when he suddenly appeared in my mind, begging me to tell his story.
(Maybe it's because my teacher is so monotone that I start hallucinating from boredom…)
Do things of this sort ever happen to you?
I am a man with only three weaknesses: Icha Icha, miso soup with eggplant, and my unusually sensitive skin.
My alarm clock flashed 10:42.
It's Thursday and I just can't pull myself off my bed.
It's Training Thursday and I just don't wanna.
Because Thursdays are always the most strenuous and taxing days of the week. More so than Friday Bar Nights, and even more than Council Meeting Mondays. Spending quote-'quality time'-quote with my old students is far more exhausting than any mission. Hell, I'd choose a lifetime of S-Class missions over Training Thursdays in a heartbeat. The physical exhaustion is nothing to its mental counterpart. You'd think training with my 'genins' (not in rank, but in maturity) would have become less problematic now that Team 7 is eight years old… but that's not the case here.
Even after they've been promoted to Jonin, Naruto and Sakura still insists on dragging Sai and I to spar every Thursday. And I'm not talking about the 'go-ahead-and-fight-each-other-while-I-catch-up-on-Icha-Icha' kind that used to satisfy the 12 year-old Team 7. They want the full-blown battle that usually ends in forest fires and gigantic craters.
Seriously, training with my ex-genins was more trouble than it's worth.
Ugh. Waaaay too early in the morning to be feeling sorry for myself.
Good, it wasn't even 11 o'clock yet; I still have some time until Naruto and Sai drive Sakura crazy.
"Ne, Kaka-sensei. You're late again." Sakura sighed as she fanned herself with her hands. The sun released waves after waves of blistering heat overhead. According to the news (and the talk among obasans around Konoha), today was supposed to be 'the hottest day Konoha's ever experienced since the first Shinobi War'. Well, it definitely looks like they hit the nail on its darn head today; I don't think I've ever experienced a hotter July noon. Sakura's usual attire was replaced by a simple wife beater and blue short shorts. Ah, those very short shorts. My mouth suddenly felt dry, and I realized that I haven't given them an excuse yet, and that I've probably been staring at her shapely legs for too long.
"Ano...You see, I was waiting for your guys here at 9' when I suddenly remembered that I left my stove on and I-"
"Why would it be on when you can't cook?" Naruto probed.
When did Naruto get so perceptive? …And where's Sai?
"… I was boiling some water to make tea. An-"I was cut off again.
"You hate tea, remember?" The blond remarked.
Oh, right. Sai's on a mission. Lucky bastard. Would it be too obvious to request a mission every Thursday?
"UGH! Whatever, just quit it!" The pink-haired Jonin fumed. "Let's start training."
I turn around to see Naruto gave me a look that conveyed Is it that time of the month again?
He understood my 'I sure hope not' look immediately.
Several shuriken flew my way and Naruto's presence behind me could no longer be felt. This is where our sparring begins.
Here we go again.
My mask was damp with perspiration. The sweat from my forehead tickled my sensitive skin as it rolled down my face, glazed my chin, and traveled down some ten meters. The bead made an inaudible tink with the fallen leaves below. It was inaudible, but I'll bet my mask Sakura heard it.
The sky is littered with clouds. That was the first thing I noticed when I opened my eyes again.
"Ugh." Something was touching my calves. It sent shivers up my body.
"KAKASHI!" Someone screamed. I could tell it was Sakura without looking. "Stop throwing shurikens at me when I'm trying to heal you! And don't throw so accurately, goddamn it. "
"Sorry. Occupational habit." Something was off. "Where's Naruto? And how did I end up like this anyways?"
She sighed. "Who will heal your Tibialis Anterior if you kill me? It's their 2nd anniversary today. He went to drop off the kids at Tsunade's so he could go to dinner with Hinata-chan. I think it was a combination of exhaustion, dehydration, and heat. You gave me quite a scare." She suddenly laughed. "You were halfway done your seals when you suddenly dropped to the ground. But not without hitting tree branches on your way down and cutting your leg, may I add."
She continued sending chakra to my left leg, and I ignored the innate desire to squirm and tried to think of something else. I could see Sakura, kneeling over, scrutinizing the wound on my knee. She had a large cut on her shoulder bone –it was slowly drenching her outfit a deeper shade of crimson. My eyes wander up her delicate face. Her cheeks and lips were still flushed from the fight. I wanted to reach out and-
Bad Kakashi. I close my eyes and try to erase the thought. What the hell are you thinking? She's barely twenty and you're thirty!
Fine, if you want to be that precise, I turned thirty four years ago.
Which is even more sickening.
"I'm done, Sensei. You can open your eyes and relax now, you know?"
"Thanks." I let go of the breath I've been holding.
Damn. I probably shouldn't have done that.
"Kaka-sensei, are you…" Fuck. She knows! "Ticklish?"
I was petrified. For a moment, I thought Sakura discovered a weakness far greater than my tickle spot. I sigh inwardly this time. Shinobi never make mistakes twice.
"Ha! You're ticklish, aren't you!?" Her sudden realization of my weakness brought a mischievous smile to her face.
Her hand was itching to poke my middle –I could see it even without my Sharingan. I caught her hand halfway.
"Don't even think about it, Sakura." Perhaps I held her soft hand for a millisecond more than necessary.
Sakura laughed and fell back onto the grass with hands clasped behind her head. She turned her head to show me her lovely smile. "Never in a trillion years did I think the great Hatake Kakashi could be so vulnerable."
And she'll never know just how true that statement may be. I peeked at her from behind my Icha Icha. The scene before me was quite picturesque; again, I found my eye glued to her. She laid there on the grass, hair fanning out in every direction, eyes closed. Angels are probably up in the clouds, looking down in jealousy.
She is an exquisite thing. Aesthetically pleasing, and devastatingly charismatic. Sakura's the kind of woman that can put men on their knees with just a smile… or chakra-infused punch if you rub her the wrong way. It's a well-known fact that Sakura has about a hundred successful 'quiet assassination' missions (or 'Seduce-n'-Slaughter' as people like to call it) under her belt.
People commonly underestimate the power a girl can hold in her petite 5'3 figure. I understand. It is hard to take someone seriously when they only stand to your shoulders and have soft pink hair –pink!- on their head. Of course, Sakura uses this to her full advantage -she exploits it, to put it bluntly. She'll give you the best fuck of your life (so I'm told), but she won't hesitate to stab you with a deadly senbon in your moment of weakness. And wait till you find out everything was just a genjutsu –the sex wasn't even real! But by then, you'll be long gone from this world.
This is one of the reasons why she's been single since her teens; her reputation precedes her.
Men are afraid of her, and even Shinobi who claims to admire her are secretly fearful. I doubt she would use her techniques on Konohians, but who knows; maybe a small comment can indeed leave you castrated.
Okay, I'll admit: Even I'm scared of Sakura.
Albeit not because she can cut off my balls.
I'm scared of what she can do with a smile.
I'm scared of the naughty thoughts about my ex-student.
And I'm scared of following Orochimaru's footsteps into becoming a dirty pedophile.
I'm scared shitless of the power Haruno Sakura has over me.
"Nee, Kaka-sensei?" She asked suddenly.
I grunted to cue her to continue.
"… My father left me a book that you may be interested in."
"Does is have to do with Icha Icha?"
She glared at me, silent with anger. Fortunately, she recovered quickly –her mischievous smile graced her face again.
"It's so sad that such an enlightening book on the Sharingan has to collect dust in my basement somewhere." Sakura sighed in a dramatic manor.
"Hai –A very ancient book too. I think it's been passed down from great-grandpa-Haruno…" There goes another sigh. "Since I don't have enough space in my new apartment, I guess I'll have to leave it with my neighbor. I think it'll make a good accompaniment to her new fireplace. Firewood prices are just ridiculously high in Konoha these days, nee? Too bad, though."
She watched me from the corners of her eyes.
"This book… Why was it in your family's possessions?"
I pretended to not notice her smile impishly -like she'd just reeled in a big fish but hiding the delight.
"I was told my great-grandpa won it in a fight."
Damn, she played things well. "May I take a look at this book sometime?"
"Sure. It's too heavy to carry around, so do you mind dropping by my place?"
Sakura smirked. "Tomorrow afternoon at 2' then."
I nodded and waved goodbye.
"Take it easy on the leg and drink lots of water! Oh, and don't forget to wear comfortable clothes tomorrow!" She yelled to me.
Damn kunoichi. Always so devious.
The door swung open before I had a chance to knock. The pink-haired woman inside the apartment looked pissed-off. I'll take a wild guess: I'm late?
"Well, don't just stand there! Boxes don't move themselves, you know?"
After 36 boxes, 4 bookshelves (and as many books as there are dirty scenes in Icha Icha), a mattress, 4 nightstands, a dining table, a fridge, countless stares from civilians, 20 round trips across Konoha and 2 hours later, Sakura clapped her hands together and turned to give me a big, toothy grin.
She stood in the middle of her new living room, hands resting on her hips."Thanks for helping me move, sensei."
"Glad I could help…Now about that book…"
She stared at me cluelessly.
"The one your great-grandpa-Haruno won in a fight, regarding Sharingans…?"
She scratched the back of her head and chuckled nervously.
I sighed. "It doesn't exist, does it?"
Of course it didn't. I had known from the moment she smiled. I played along to see what she would do, and because I'm not strong enough to refuse.
"Would you have helped me move without a bait? I didn't think so."
To be honest, I would have. But only because I'm a dirty old man with a weakness.
"But thanks again for helping me." She smiled again.
"Iie, iie." I replied and turned to leave. "See you at training next week."
I turn around to face the owner of that enchanting voice.
"Won't you stay for dinner, Kaka-sensei?" She batted her eyelashes. "It's the least I can do for your help."
Seeing my hesitation, she added, "I'm making miso soup and eggplant…"
"Uh… Why not."
Damn kunoichi. Always so devious.
It looked like I was just in time –the weak sunlight signaled the arrival of dawn. If I had left her apartment any later, I would have been caught –seen.
I crawled into my bed fully clothed. My sandals were too tight; Icha Icha was digging into my back; my pants were on backwards as a result of re-dressing in the dark.
But I didn't give a damn. Sleep was all that mattered.
Yes, I stayed the night at Sakura's.
I couldn't refuse. Devious kunoichi –she knew I couldn't.
Like I said, I am a man with only four weaknesses: Icha Icha, miso soup with eggplant, my unusually sensitive skin… and her.
Haruno Sakura will always be my biggest weakness.
A/N: Ugh, this one just didn't want to be finished. I've had the idea for 3 months. How sad… =(
Hehe, anyways, I got a new phone! It's the Keybo (ENV2), if you're asking. The QWERTY keyboard makes my life so much easier! I love being able to just pull out my cell phone and write a Note when inspiration comes. A big upgrade from having to a lug around a notebook.
Now I need to think of new excuses as to why I don't update…
Jan 29, 2009 – April 19