Me: Hello fanfiction... fans! And welcome to my next crack story in a long while! Be prepared to laugh and feel all warm and smiley not please consider the following warnings...
warning 1: I officially apologize to any person reading this that is personally emo. I'm am incredibly sorry if I offend you in any way
warning 2: there is Sakura bashing but it's moderately light and go just bashing for the sake of hating her.
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, Pokemon, Yugi-o and anything else I might have forgotten.
Angst Emo Angst, Angst
"Nobody loves me" Sasuke said in a voice filled to the brim with emo-ness. "I'm all alone." he cried out again and again. In his mentality he punched his brown teddy bear given to him by the hospital on "that day". That day his life ended. On "that day" he had one and only one purpose and that's to kill Ita-
"Sasuke!" Naruto yelled, kicking in Sasuke's door which was brand spanking new. Why did he have a band new door? Because Naruto kicked the first one in as well. "Oi Sasuke!" Naruto called again, helping himself to whatever food he could find in Sasuke's over stocked pantry.
"What do you want Naruto." Sasuke said in his I-don't-care voice. In reality he was very glad Naruto had stopped by but there was no way on earth he was going to let Naruto or anybody know that.
"Come on! Me and Sakura-chan wanna go to the festival today but Sakura-chan won't go unless you come to!"
'Ugh' Sasuke screamed on the inside, still retaining his calm I'm-ignoring-you-and-the-world demeanor on the outside. 'Why must this baka bother me now?' Sasuke twitched on the inside 'The... emo... ness.... IS COMING!!"
"Did you just twitch?" Naruto asked, leaning closer to Sasuke. Sasuke gulped and did a very uncharacteristic thing for him, he laughed.
"W-why would you think that Naruto?" Sasuke laughed again. It wasn't a jolly, hearty laugh. It was more like a I'm-hiding-something laugh. Naruto knew this and was determined to get to the bottom of it.
"Sasuke." Naruto mimicked the fearsome voice of Ibiki. Sasuke cursed his emo-ness which was starting to drive him crazy and turned to run. Naruto being the ninja he is jumped on Sasuke forcing him to the ground. Naruto straddled Sasuke's waist with his knees and pined Sasuke's arms above his head. Now not being the ninja Naruto failed to notice Sakura standing in the wide open doorway but in the blonds defense Sasuke didn't notice her either. The emo was being too strong for him to resist.
"Sasuke!" Naruto yelled which was quite pointless because his mouth was not two feet from Sasuke's ear.
"Baka!" Sasuke yelled right back. "Don't yell in my ear!"
"I'll do whatever I want!" The blond color blind- I'm mean what ninja wears a bright orange jumpsuit-ninja grabbed the collar of Sasuke's shirt and brought Sasuke's face up to his own. "Believe it." Naruto muttered darkly.
Sasuke was about to cry on the inside for the build up of emo-ness. Outside he was death glaring Naruto.
Naruto and the emo-ness that was pressuring him on the inside was becoming too much to bear. He had to get Naruto off him somehow so he could go and be alone and emo.
It was them that he notices Sakura the also color blind ninja-what ninja had bright pink hair? It don't matter if it's natural or not! His face was that of utter shock and disbelief when he saw what she was holding. In her hands was a camera... and she was talking pictures. Sasuke had to get Naruto of, fast. Steal Sakura's camera and get the heck out of there. It was then that his genius Uchiha mind hatched up a perfect plan...
"Naruto!" Sasuke screamed as if in a fit of passion. "Stop that! You're hurting me!" Sasuke wriggled under Naruto, glancing to the side as he hoped Sakura would be snapping to action, pulling Naruto of him but atlas. He was meet with the sight of Sakura... taking more pictures.
'Dangit' Sasuke cursed. He felt like he was going to explode from the emo-ness. His plan had failed and he had just ran out of time. He tried to prevent it, the others seeing him in his wretched state of emo-ness. He knew that one day they would find out...
"Angst! Emo! Angst! Angst!" Sasuke yelled at the top of his lungs. Naruto jumped off him in fright while Sakura just stood there, her mind in yoai land. "No one loves me!" He cried out, pulling on his hair.
Naruto blinked a few times, he had never seem Sasuke like this. "But that old lady that lives next door pays your rent and cooks you dinner every Wednesday night and bakes cookies for you whenever you finish a mission."
"No one cares about me!" He cried about and again Naruto blinked.
"But the kind grocery owners gives you food every week."
"I'm all alone" Sasuke's knees gave way and he fell to the floor.
"But me, Sakura-chan and Kakashi-sensei are almost always with you!"
"No one loves me" Sasuke repeated, not listening to a single word Naruto has said as he curled up into a fetal position on the floor.
"Is that a birthday present from Itachi!?" Naruto pointed at a bright yellow and orange wrapped gift that had a card attached that said in big black letters: Happy B-day Sasuke, this is a honest to true gift, love big bro Itachi.
"The world hates me..." Sasuke sniffed,
"OMG!" Naruto lost his temper at this point. "Will you shut up you emo!"
The word "emo" Echoed throughout the room despite the fact that the room was small and therefore should have no echo.
"Naruto!" Sasuke yelled, offended as he jumped up onto his feet.
"Sasuke had challenged Naruto!" A deep male voice boomed from out of the blue.
"Wah!" Naruto yelped in surprise. "Where are you!"
"What will Naruto do?" The voice boomed again. "Fight, Items, Summon, Run."
"F-fight?" Naruto said, very confused. The voice really creeped him out.
"Ramen, Shadow Clone, Rasangon, Flashback" The voice boomed.
"W-what?" Naruto yelled at the ceiling. He was so lost it wasn't even funny. Where the heck did that voice come from!
"Choose your attack" The voice explained.
"Ohhh." Naruto said, trying to sound like he got it when he really didn't. "Well I choose..."
"I choose..." Naruto squeezed his eyes shut, thinking really, really hard.
"You forgot your attacks didn't you." The voice said matter of factly.
"Yes, you did."
"Okay!" Naruto yelled, throwing his arms into the air. "I forgot! Just tell me my moves again!"
"What's the magic word??' The voice asked teasingly.
"Please..." Naruto grumbled.
"Please what?" Pressed the voice.
"Please tell me my attack options... please...."
"Ramen, Shadow Clone, Rasangan, Flashback." The voice said as Naruto stroked his chin thoughtfully. While Naruto though Sasuke grind his teeth together, getting more and more impatient.
Naruto glared as Sasuke, determination etched into his face. "Ramen!" He said with a fierce roar. Sasuke fell back in a very anime manner, his legs sticking up in the air. A bowl of Ramen popped out of the air about Naruto's head. The blond ninja eagerly grabbed the bowl and started to chow down.
"Air of emo!" Sasuke shouted as he bent back, breathing deeply and like the way he would when performing a fire jutsu he snapped forward, blowing out the air. Black emo air emitted from his mouth and filled the entire apartment he lived in.
"Air of emo missed!" The voice narrated as the attack brushed past Naruto, not affecting him at all. Sakura however was another story. From her spot in the doorway she was still caught up in the attack and it did affect her. She drew a kunai from her leg strap and chanted "Angst emo angst, angst" under her breath as she cut her wrists.
Meanwhile Naruto finished his ramen.
"Round two. Fight, Item, Summon, Run?" The voice asked Naruto.
"uh... there's no way I'll run so... item?" Naruto screamed like a little girl as his vision faded out and faded back in on a picture of a rucksack. There was flashing hand that pointed to a bunch of words that had little arrows pointing to certain parts of the rucksack. The arrow scrolled down and stopped on the words "Usable items." A list appeared off to the side.
"Ooh! Flash bomb!" Naruto squealed excitedly. The words "flash bomb" on the list lit up and as Naruto's vision returned to normal a flash bomb appeared above his head and was thrown at Sasuke.
"No effect." The voice announced.
"Awww..." Naruto outed, he was so sure that the power of shiny would defeat the power of the emo. Sasuke was starting to lose his nerve and decided to call for some back up.
"Emo call!" Sasuke shouted and not a second later a swarm of bugs filled his entire apartment and Shino was right beside him.
"Shino has joined Sasuke!" The voice said excitedly.
"That's cheating!" Naruto pointed accusingly at Sasuke.
"It's legal." The voice proclaimed.
"Flashback!" Naruto yelled, grinning as Sasuke and Shino's eyes widened with fear. For this wasn't your normal flash back... no it was a... anime flash back!!!!
The flash back showed Naruto all alone as a child. Naruto with Iruka and happy. Naruto with a bunch of people and blah, blah, blah, pity the demon kid crap. Shino and Sasuke tried to claw out their eyes out. Sasuke was about to call out his next attack when he was rudely interrupted.
"May the power of youth cleanse the world of... EMO!!!" Lee entered the fry with Gai's dynamic entry, smashing Sasuke's windows in the process.
"Rock Lee had joined Naruto!" The voice announced, slightly bored.
"Ha!" Naruto laughed. "Now were even!"
"Emo chidor!" Sasuke yelled, not letting Naruto had his moment of victory. Naruto and Lee's eyes grew as big as saucers and they ran around the room, screaming like little girls. Little did they know that emo chidor was very different than a regular chidori meaning that instead of injuring the enemy it dose all damage onto the person using it, or Sasuke in this case.
"Sasuke is hit with recoil!" The voice boomed.
It was Lee's turn to move next. "Anti-Emo kick of youthful justice!" Lee jumped into the air and... hit Shino!"
"Shino has fainted." The voice said sadly as Shino lay sprawled across the floor.
"Victory!" Naruto and Lee cheered.
Sasuke spit before using "Emo Call!" He was so smug about his choice of attack.... until it was Sakura that answered the emo call. She was still under the affects of "Air of Emo."
"Sakura has joined Sasuke!" The voice laughed hysterically, he knew just how "helpful" Sakura really was.
"Aw dangit..." Sasuke cursed frowning at Sakura who was still slitting her wrists.
"Sakura-chan!" Lee's eyes turned into huge pink hearts as he gazed upon the love of his lofe.
"Lee was affected by Sakura'a cut charm."
"Lee!" Naruto waved a hang in front of Lee's heart filled face. "You need to attack!"
"Lee is infatuated" The voice snickered. "He can not attack." The voice held his breath as Sasuke and Naruto stared each other down. Next to them health bars appeared beside them, Naruto's was full while Sasuke's was only half full. Not that they noticed.
"Let's end this Sasuke!" Naruto ran forward, not waiting for a response. "Shadow Clone!"
Sasuke smirked as he shouted. "Emo fire burn!"
Now to narrate all this fast paced action is the ever dutiful Narrator.
"Naruto's 200 shadow clones were wiped out in one go by Sasuke's fire attack! But wait! Naruto and Sasuke are still charging each other! Naruto combined his attacks Ramen and shadow clone created giant bowls of ramen and started to beat the crap out of Sasuke! But the attack was not effective. Sasuke used Emo chidori! Sasuke is hit with recoil, bad move on his part for he barely has any HP left."
The health bar next to Sasuke turned red as a mysterious pinging noise came out from nowhere.
"Make it stooooop!" Naruto covered his ears, trying to block out the horrible sound. "Yo! Bob!... Voice!"
"My name is Ricomonveras." The voice said.
"Uh... That's too long for me so Bob it is!" Naruto couldn't see the narrator so thus he never knew about Rico sweat droping at his nickname. "Tell me my options again!"
The sound monotonously replayed Naruto's options.
"Summon!" Naruto bit his thumb and flew through the hand signs and finished it all off by slamming his hand onto the ground. There was a puff of smoke and from said smoke appeared Gai.... in his birthday suit.
"OMG!" Naruto and Sasuke squealed, the sight of Gai naked turning them blind.
Then total chaos erupted. Since Naruto and Sasuke were blind they could only cower in fear as they listened to the voices of just about every ninja in Konoha- just the one's with names, you know the important ones and those two guard guys don't count- that had stuffed themselves into Sasuke's tiny apartment. From what they could hear Ino was eaten by choji, Kiba was violated by Hinata, Neji's hair was cut completely off by Shizune and Tonton was on the ceiling doing what ever a spider pig can do. Lastly Tenten was being tortured by the chunin instructor guy and after that... silence.
"Dude..." Naruto breathed, as the silence stood around them. "What. Just. Happened."
"I-I don't know..." Sasuke stuttered.
Slowly but surely their vision stated to came back to them. When their vision was a hindred percent again they found that they were "no longer in Kansas"
"OMG!" Naruto blinked, hoping, praying that what he was seeing was not true and that he and Sasuke were not in a giant metal cage suspended thousands of feet above the ground.
"Angst, emo, angst, angst." Sasuke chanted as he curled up into a tiny ball. "Angst emo angst, angst.
"Oi! Oi! Baka!" Naruto slapped Sasuke across the face, stunning Sasuke.
"Y-you slapped me!" He exclaimed.
"Well yeah!" Naruto was hungry, so very hungry and his hunger was making him more angsty... oh dear pie the emo was rubbing of on him!
"Naruto's emo level had raised a level!" The voice said.
"Bob!" Naruto shouted joyously, in his joy he did 5 back flip handstands, and finished off the acrobatic display with the splits.
"I love ya Bob! Now I choose Ramen! Ramen!"
"We're not doing that anymore Naruto." The voice said , snickering at Naruto's crestfallen face. "We're doing something new!" As the voice stopped speaking a deck of cards along with a strange devise randomly appeared on Naruto's and Sasuke's arms.
"Lets duel!" Both boys shouted at the same time which was really odd considering they had no clue what was going on. Next to them their health bar appeared only now it was health points both of them at 3,000.
"I summon Emo Kid and place two cards face down." Emo kid card came on to the field in a burst of light and two cards face down appeared behind it.
"Thats the best you got baka!" Naruto mocked. "I summon Bowl of Ramen and I put three cards face down."
"And so the fight between Emo and Ramen begins. Who will win? Who is-"
"I'm not done yet!" Naruto cut off the voice.
Naruto grumbled but continued his turn. "Bowl of Ramen! Attack Emo kid!" The bowl of ramen... lunged?... at emo kid.
"Ha! You activated my spell card!" Sasuke smirked as his face down card flipped up. "I activate Emo pain! Emo pain takes the attack power of one monster card on the field and doubles it!"
"Wah!" Naruto gritted his teeth, things were not looking well.
"But that's not all! Emo kid will now take that attack power and cut itself with it!"
"..." Naruto wondered if all emos were stupied as Sasuke's monster killed itself.
"This is boring..." The voice commented as Sasuke's Hp points dropped by half.
"Yeah can't we just fight?" Naruto was really bored. "This story has gone on far too long."
"Yep..." The voice sighed. "Okay boys let's just follow his plot line!"
Naruto and Sasuke looked at each other and shrugged, what could happen?
"Okay" The voice started. "Sasuke, you go to Orochimaru and live happily ever after on emo farm and Naruto, you get all angsty and try to bring Sasuke back."
Sasuke shrugged, he had no complaints.
"What!?" Naruto exclaimed, outraged. "There is no way thats going to happen! Believe it!"
"This is what happens..." The voice said not telling them that he had a copy of the manga in his hands.
"In the anime and manga..."
"Bob... This is what's going to happen..."
Everyone's vision faded out and fades back in on crude picture of Naruto that looked like it was drawn by a first grader... or Naruto.
Sasuke: Ah! Who the heck drew that?
Ricomonveras: Boy, you sure can't draw Naruto.
Naruto: Shut up!
Next to Naruto in the picture Sasuke appeared, just as badly drawn.
Naruto: Now shut up so I can explain.
Next the pictures started to move in choppy animation, Sasuke turns and faces Naruto.
Naruto: Fist Sasuke admits that he "could never hope to beat the almighty Uzumaki Naruto."
Naruto: Then all the Akatsuki came and tried to grab me!
The ten Akatsuki members walk into the picture. They all look pretty accurate minus Deidara who was drawn as a girl with (cough, cough) big round chest.
Ricomonveras: Isn't the blond one male?
Naruto: What! No way! She looks more like a girl than Sakura!
Sasuke: hehehe... girly men...
Naruto: For the last time shut up! I'm the one telling this story!
Ricomonveras and Sasuke: …
Naruto: Okay now anyways I kick Akatsuki butt- believe it- and granny Tsunade makes me Hokage!
The picture animation ran showed Naruto standing on top of the pilled up pwned Akatsuki corpses wearing the Hokage outfit. Tsunade stood off to the side looking very happy with your giant bottle of sake.
Naruto: And them me and Sakura-chan get married and we walk off into the sunset together with ramen.
Ricomomveras: I agree with the emo.
Naruto: Waaah? You guys don't know a great story even if it hit you on the back of the head!
Sasuke: Roll credits!
This story was written by the awesome Tally Mai-chan.
Naruto: What? End credits? Since when was their end credits?
Story idea by the beautiful Tally Mai-chan
Produced by the clever, foxy mind of Tally Mai-chan.
Naruto: Stop! Stop!
Music by the spectacular Tally Mai-chan
Special affects by the Queen of crack Tally Mai-chan
Naruto: Music? Special affects? When was there any of that!?!
Special thanks to the wonderful and kind Tally Mai-chan
Sasuke: Well that's all folks! Go home and cut yourself (Note from Tally: Do not listen to him we all know that Sasuke makes bad choices)
Ricomonveras: Narrator for hire
Naruto: What kind of ending was that!
Sasuke: The anti-climatic one.
Me: Well I hope you enjoyed my lates crack fic! Please review!!!