A/N – Finally…finally I know. It took me some time to get this the way that I wanted it to be. I hope you enjoy.
Thank you to everyone for taking the time to read this story, I truly appreciate it.
A huge thank you to Tiggrmommi, Pomme_de_Terre and VJGM!
I do not own the characters, only the story.
We sat there together, our fingers tracing the contours of each other's bodies. She kept whispering 'so soft' as we sat there holding each other, savoring, searching, learning. I reached the point where I couldn't wait any longer. I had to kiss her, to taste her. I moved my lips to hers and she sighed against them as she opened her mouth to me.
I pulled her head closer to mine as I took my time exploring her, my tongue slowly and delicately pushing inside her warmth as I tasted her for the first time. She was the same as she had always been except stronger, more aromatic. I couldn't get enough and I pushed her back on the bed as I continued my exploration. I hesitated before finally settling my full weight upon her. She wrapped her legs around me, trying to get as close to me as possible. I put my lips to her throat. No longer able to feel the flow of her blood underneath the thin layer of her skin, I was still able to vividly remember her taste as if it were fresh in my mouth.
The entire experience of delving into her body again was delicious and overwhelming. I stroked her, grasping her supple skin, finally being able to actually feel all of her. She moaned underneath me and her body bucked against mine almost throwing me off of her. Without warning I was suddenly underneath her. Her eyes were dark red from the combination of her new state of being and her desire. She sat on top of me and looked me up and down like I was a piece of meat to be devoured. She ripped open my shirt and the buttons went pinging across the room. Her head moved to my chest and she rubbed against me.
"You're so soft," she purred against me, "so warm." Her hands were reaching for every inch of me and she was moaning just from the sensation of my body under her fingertips. I could tell that her senses were overwhelmed; there was so much that was new to her right now but her focus was solely on me. She looked amazed as she trailed her fingers down my stomach. "You are just so soft." If she only moved down a little further she would quickly realize that I was anything but soft.
I wanted to touch her but she had my arms pinned down to my sides, her thighs digging into me, but I wasn't about to stop her. She moved her lips to my chest, kissing her way down my body. My stomach clenched as I held my breath. Her lips still felt like fire trailing down and the experience was made even more erotic by the fact that she was no longer hesitant with me. Her fingers dug into my sides and she rubbed her breasts against me knowing that I was no longer capable of hurting her. She, however, was fully capable of hurting me, but I wasn't going to point that out to her and ruin her fun. I knew Bella and I knew that she would stop immediately if she thought she was causing me pain.
She slid herself down my body as she continued her exploration. My arms were now free but I kept them there. I wanted her to be in charge still. Her lips moved further down over sensitive skin until she came to the top of my pants. She began shaking her head from side to side.
"Can't have these on now can we?" She started to unbutton my pants and then a growl rumbled deep in her chest and she ripped them off me. I trembled with excitement as her throat continued to vibrate low and sultry. I closed my eyes, enjoying not knowing where her tongue was going to explore next. My eyes opened immediately when I felt her get off of me, though. I blinked and looked around only to find her standing in the middle of the room completely naked. You would think I would have heard or even noticed her taking her clothes off but somehow it had gotten passed me. My mind had been otherwise occupied.
"Get up, against the wall now." I ran, shedding the tattered shards of my clothing as I made my way over.
She strolled across the room as she slowly made her way over to me. I'm not sure if she realized the confidence with which she walked now, but it was stunning to behold. She finally made her way over to me. She looked up at me seductively as she got up on her tiptoes. Her tongue darted out as she began to lick my neck and then moved further up to suck lightly on my ear. My body shuddered in pleasure and I lifted her up easily and wrapped her legs around me. I was no longer willing to be a silent participant in this.
She was still soft and warm around me. I pulled my ear away from her and brought my mouth to hers. Our kiss was hot and frantic, each of us finally realizing how important this day was; this was the beginning of our forever.
She nipped at my lip, my tongue and then pulled away and looked at me, her eyes shining.
"I love you." She came back to kiss me with a little more force than necessary, pushing my head back against the wall. I could feel the drywall crack a little underneath my head.
There was a knock on the door.
"You okay in there?" Emmett's voice fluctuated between concern and amusement.
"Go away!" She didn't even remove her lips from mine as she growled her response.
"But we could hear growling and it sounded like the wall cracked a little." He was trying hard not to laugh.
"I…SAID…GO…AWAY…" With each word she punctuated herself by slamming her hand on the wall. I didn't point out the drywall cracking underneath her hand or the hole she was creating in the wall. In the grand scheme of things, it really didn't seem all that important.
"Well if you are sure. We wouldn't want Edward to get hurt." I was about to warn them to stay away when I heard him go back downstairs confident that we were more than alright.
Her hands wrapped around my back, pulling me closer to where she needed me to be. The pain I felt was overshadowed by the pleasure that was coursing through me. I pushed my hips forward, my body making its intent known. I was working on pure instinct here, my brain fuzzy and clouded with desire.
I clutched her tighter than I had ever dared to, pulling her until I slipped inside her. It had only been a few days but that was far too long to not feel her around me. I moved slowly at first but she used her feet to push me deeper, to move me faster.
We were moving together, our breathing ragged, our focus solely on each other, ignoring all else around us. I moved her to the bed, needing to feel her underneath me as I devoured her body. I slammed her down onto the bed, our bodies' never losing contact.
Her back arched against me as I thrust into her. I brought my lips to her breast, sucking, nipping at her. Harder and harder I slammed into her, moans tumbling out of her open mouth as she moved her body up to match every move I made.
Her moans turned into screams as I nibbled at her neck. I could see the faint scar marring the whiteness of her flesh. The mark that represented the moment I had tasted her, the moment when I had made her mine forever. My tongue reached out to it, savoring all that it represented and a surge of possessiveness came over me. I couldn't hold back any longer. Moving faster than I had ever thought possible, I moved my hands under her hips and held onto her as I continued to push into her. I didn't know where her screams ended and mine began as the room filled with the sounds of our pleasure.
I collapsed on top of her, panting as she trailed her fingers along my back and kissed on my shoulder. She didn't seem phased in the slightest. I worried if I would be able to keep up with her. As if she could read my mind she began to shift her hips underneath mine again.
"Bella, I might need a second here."
With a small show of strength on her part, she shifted until she was back on top of me.
"Bella." The look in her eyes was a mixture of hunger and desire. She had to be hungry, hungry for more than what I had to offer her.
"Bella, I think we might need to go hunting together." I spoke softly, trying to not awaken a hunger in her that she couldn't control. She cocked her head to the side as if she were thinking about it and then shook her head no and began to move her hips again.
It was hard to concentrate but I knew that if I didn't get her to hunt soon, things could potentially end very badly.
"Bella, we have eternity to continue this. Let's go and get dressed so we can hunt." I tried to push her off of me but she wouldn't budge.
"Are you trying to tell me no?" Her fingers grasped my wrists as she pushed my arms above my head.
It was getting exceedingly difficult to remember why, exactly, I was trying to stop her. "No, of course not. I just think that you need to focus here."
"Oh I'm focused Edward. I'm incredibly focused on one thing right now." She kept one hand wrapped around my wrist as she moved her other hand down my body and, as her fingers wrapped around me, I made one last feeble attempt to stop her.
"Bella, I really think you should hunt before we go any further." That did it. With a mix between a growl and a moan she stood up and looked down over me.
"I really think we have other things that need to be attended to before we go hunt. I'm hungry for only one thing right now." She leaned down and lifted me off the bed. It was so incredibly hot that I realized that hunting could wait a little while longer. She seemed to be perfectly in control at the moment. Turning me around, she pushed me back against the wall. Apparently she had a thing for walls now.
You would think that after she was able to lift me up with ease she would have realized her own strength but she was obviously thinking of other things. She pushed me into the wall a little too hard and the studs in the walls creaked.
"Bella!" My body was screaming at me to shut up, she couldn't hurt me too badly and a house could always be repaired. She pushed me again and I thought I heard cracking.
"Dammit! What could you possibly need more than me right now Edward?" She was getting frustrated and there was nothing more dangerous than a frustrated, hungry, newborn vampire. She slammed her hand against the wall by my head and it went straight through. She looked surprised as she stared at the spot where her hand used to be.
"That's it Edward, we're coming in!" I had enough sense of mind to wrap a blanket around Bella and I before the family came storming into the room. I moved to the bed and sat Bella down next to me, not trusting her enough to put her on my lap. They all had the decency to look a bit embarrassed at the state that they found us in. I can't imagine that they were surprised given the sounds that had to be coming from our room. Bella gave them a challenging look as if to dare them to try and stop her. She started rubbing her hand along my leg under the blanket and kept moving her hand further and further up.
"Bella I think you need to get out of here and go hunt." Apparently Carlisle had been delegated as the voice of reason as he tried his best to convince her to leave the room.
"I think everyone needs to get out of here and give me some time with my husband." She wrapped her hand firmly around me and I tried my best not to moan but Jasper pulled Alice a little closer to him as my mood became evident to him.
"Bella I really don't think that that is a good idea." Carlisle moved slowly across the room. It was evident that he was trying to appear as non-threatening as possible.
"What I don't think is a good idea is everyone staying in this room while I reacquaint myself with my husband." Her hand started moving and I was ready to remove them myself. So she punched a hole through a wall? Really, in the grand scheme of things, was that even a big deal? I very clearly remember some of the things that Emmett and Rosalie had destroyed in their day and I didn't remember anyone ever making a federal case out of it. "I would really prefer to not have an audience but…" Her words trailed off as she began to kiss me.
"Go ahead and go, we will be okay." I urged them as I moved my lips to her neck.
"Hey, come on now. Let's leave this room PG rated okay. Don't think we don't know what is going on under that blanket." Leave it to Emmet to ruin a good thing. I looked at Bella, waiting for her to blush or remove her hand from me but she did neither of those things. Blushing was now impossible and apparently so was being embarrassed. She was just so focused on one thing that she wasn't worried about anything else. Of course, I liked to think that her insane need for me made it impossible for her to concentrate on anything else. Come to think of it I really did like the sound of that.
"We will be fine, she won't hurt me." Bella nodded her agreement, acting offended that anyone could even think her capable of harming me. Everyone looked apprehensive but they backed out of the room anyways.
"You have five minutes." Carlisle issued the warning as he exited the room. Five minutes? Who did he think I was? I would need at least thirty to do this right and even that was cutting it close. I was a little offended at the insinuation that that would be an adequate amount of time.
"We better make this quick then." Bella pounced on me as soon as the door closed and I tried not to wince as her full body weight pushed me into the bed. I heard the distant sound of cracking but paid it no heed. "I kind of think that some of them wouldn't mind walking in though." She laughed as she threw her head back and began moving against my body. "Now where were we?"
I tried to prolong it, counting down in my head, five minutes, 300 seconds, 298 seconds, but that was no challenge for me and my hands came up to her hips grasping for leverage. I could hear the creaking of the bed and she moved above and I hoped that they would realize that she wasn't hurting me and give me the time that I needed.
She moved her lips down to my neck, nipping at the skin there, before moving down my chest, her hair trailing after her and tickling me. I leaned my head back and just gave in to the pleasure she brought me. I could happily spend every day with her just like this. I would bring her food whenever she needed it, rabbits were quite portable and if I got enough I could make it all work. I could design a special cage…. I was planning it all out in my head when I was snapped to attention by her lips wrapping around me.
"Oh Bella!" She pulled away from me and smiled at me. It was the smile of someone who was confident in herself, her body. A smile I had never seen on her face before. I liked the way it looked there. She moved her attention back to me and closed her eyes and she licked her way up and down, sucking and nipping at me. My fingers clenched at the blankets bunched within them. I closed my eyes and let the sensation wash over me. She was going to kill me, that much was certain. But what a way to go.
Her head moved faster and faster as my body clenched under her capable tutelage. How was I lucky enough to have found all of this? My pleasure coursed through me and she didn't stop moving once, my satisfaction seeming to please her as moans fell from her lips along with mine.
"How about that?" She was looking at me smiling and I wondered if I was expected to understand what she was talking about. My body felt as if it had been through war but I had a feeling that I was going to have to get used to this and fast because that glint in her eye was still there.
"What?" I stretched, my body spent with satisfaction.
"I guess I was hungry after all." She licked her lips slowly and I couldn't even comprehend what she had in mind for me next. "Speaking of food though, hunting really doesn't sound like a bad idea." As soon as the words were out of her mouth her eyes turned darker and her hands clenched. Time was of the essence so I quickly threw her some clothes and led her outside.
She took off as soon as her feet landed on the soil and she acted on pure instinct. I was in awe watching her, her head lifting up to the sky, taking in the scents around her. When she found what she was looking for she took off. I watched her from afar, not wanting to get in her way. She moved so gracefully that all my hunger was forgotten as I followed her with my eyes, keeping a safe distance.
It was a messy affair. She took her prey down quickly but her hunger took over and her control wasn't what it would come to be in the future. It was still an amazing turn on to see her in action. Not surprisingly, she felt the same way. Her eyes searched for me as she swallowed the last of the blood. Her body trembled with power as the blood coursed through her and I worried about the structural integrity of the house as we raced each other back there. I knew for the time being that everyone would remain within arm's reach if help was needed but they would give us as much space as possible. We were definitely going to need it.
It was really no shocker that Bella had taken to this vampire thing with ease. The girl really was amazing. It was my turn to be "on duty" as we called it. What that meant was that it was my turn to try and tune out as much as I possibly could. It was rather impossible though. Those two had no qualms about their vocalizations.
I hadn't been brave enough to enter their room; no one had. From the sounds of it, there was no furniture left. Edward was lucky he couldn't bruise because that boy would probably have been black and blue from head to toe. Not that you would have heard any complaints from him. It had only been 24 hours since she had woken up and it seemed liked she was putting the no sleep thing to good use. I stuck my head phones in my ears and turned up the music as I waited out the duration of my sentence.
4 Days Later – Family Meeting
"Really, this is getting ridiculous." Alice looked up at the house as Jasper clenched her to him tightly. "How long are we going to let this go on?"
"Hey, no one stopped us." Those were some good memories. I traced my fingers along Rose's arm and Alice shook her head.
"Thankfully, I wasn't around for that." Alice shuddered as the sound of a loud crash caused us all to look up at the house. "She's going to hurt him."
"You don't hear him complaining do you?" I don't know why they always had to be up in Edward's business. The poor guy was making up for lost time. I didn't see the big deal.
"But she isn't hunting enough. When she does hunt she is ten times stronger and we are either going to lose Edward or the house." As if to prove her point the house shook a little as a scream filled the air. "I think they need some time apart. She needs to acclimate herself to the lifestyle."
We all looked at Alice like she was crazy. She was planning on asking a sex crazed newborn to leave her mate. Even I wasn't willing to be around for that conversation.
"So ask her to hunt more Alice. I think that might be an easier conversation." You knew things were bad when even Esme wasn't willing to broach the subject with Bella.
"I don't think that will fix the problem. Yesterday I saw Edward come into the house with a cage full of squirrels. Squirrels! You can't live off squirrels!" She looked indignant as she said the word.
Man I would have paid to watch Edward hunting squirrels. They were surprisingly fast for such small animals.
"I nominate you to talk to them, Alice. You seem to have some good arguments prepared." I looked around the circle of us and we all nodded, even Carlisle who was rubbing his chin as if he had pondered this a great deal.
"You are all a bunch of sissies!" She pushed herself up off the ground and stormed off to the house.
"Should you go with her?" I asked Jasper who had remained rooted to his spot on the ground.
"That's all her." He shook his head. "I've been enjoying this to be honest." We all looked away as his meaning became clear.
We were too far to hear any of the conversation that took place but we were all apprehensive when five minutes passed by without any sound from the house.
"Should we make sure she is okay?" I worried about what Bella might do to her. Alice wasn't that big and wouldn't be able to put up much of a struggle.
Just as the words left my mouth we heard a scream and a crash. We were all on our feet heading towards the house when in a blur Edward passed by us. He appeared to have no clothes on, which, given the way the last four days had passed, was not a surprise. We could hear howling coming from the house and I knew that whatever Alice had done it was not going to be pleasant dealing with the aftermath.
These past few days had been trying to say the least. Bella had finally calmed down enough to be willing to talk to us, well most of us. She was not talking to Alice so I sent her and Jasper to stay with Edward who I couldn't' imagine was in much better shape than Bella here. Even given her lack of restraint in certain areas of her life, her change had been relatively smooth. Her anger was fast and unpredictable. The smallest thing set her off and she snarled more than she talked most days. We tried our best to keep her calm but she only wanted one thing and that was something that was out of the question right now. For both of their sakes, they had to be separated.
Luckily, Esme had been considering redecorating the Alaska home because it was in rather sad shape. Bella hadn't gotten control of her strength yet and there were holes everywhere one looked. Some were hand shaped and some were just large missing chunks of drywall. I had considered relocating but why ruin more than one house at a time?
We all tried to be cautious of what we said and did around her. She missed him so badly that I felt sorry for her. She spent a lot of her time in her room by herself. We all took turns taking her hunting, trying to get her to talk but it was obvious that she would make it through this in her own time. All we could do was sit here and wait.
Things had finally quieted down enough for me to make the phone call that I had been dreading. There was really no need to prolong the inevitable. She was too different from what she once had been for someone not to notice. There was no way that she was going to blend in with humans any time soon. By the time she was capable of it, the people that she had loved would be long gone. It was the choice that she had made though. Unfortunately, I had to be the one to break the news to her family though. As a doctor it never got any easier to tell a family member that someone they loved was gone. I only hoped that I could ease his mind and let him know that their last few days together were filled with happiness.
I deliberately waited until it was early in the morning there. Charlie was far more observant than most humans and I didn't want him to ask any more questions than necessary. With a deep sigh, I picked up the phone and dialed.
I awoke to the sound of the phone ringing. I reached around in the dark trying to find it on the nightstand next to my bed. I had been a cop far too long and realized that any call coming at this hour would not bring anything good. My mind ran through one scenario after another as I brought the phone to my ear. I was fully alert as I spoke my greeting into the phone, reaching on the ground for my uniform pants fully expecting one of the deputies to be in need of some assistance.
"Chief Swan?" I couldn't quite place the voice and paused as I was buttoning my pants.
"Yes?" My number wasn't listed so I waited for the person on the other end to let me know why they were calling me at…I looked at the clock, 2:16 in the morning.
"Chief Swan, I'm sorry to call you so late but this couldn't wait. I'm afraid I have some bad news…" And that is when the voice became crystal clear. It was Dr. Cullen. The same Dr. Cullen who lived close to Edward and Bella, the same Dr. Cullen who would likely be the first person contacted in any emergency situation. My heart froze and I couldn't say a word. These past few months with Bella preparing to get married, the wedding, and then her moving away, I had felt like I was losing my little girl. I had never imagined the possibility that I would ever actually lose her; that I would never be able to see her again, talk to her again, tell her I loved her, hug her. I was probably just overreacting though; he was simple calling about an accident. I could fly out right away and visit her, touch her, see her. I shook my head trying to replace the mental images that had flooded my mind.
"Chief Swan?" I'm not sure how long it had been since I had said anything but he sounded calm and in control on the other end of the line. It was eerily similar to the voice I used when having to break bad news to the families of a victim of a car accident. He was a doctor, he would know what tone to use to calm people. My mind went wild again.
"I'm still here Dr. Cullen." I had the presence of mind to find it odd that we were being so formal with each other. We were family, or had been. "How did it happen?" I said the words hoping that he would instantly correct my wrong assumption.
"An accident, they spun out of control, dead on scene…." The words all ran together and I could still hear his muffled voice as I dropped the phone and fell to the ground.
1 Week Later
As I pulled my tie around my neck I couldn't help but think of the last time I had gotten dressed up. That day seemed so long ago. I remembered being worried that I was losing my baby girl that day as I handed her over to Edward. If only I knew how wrong I was. She was so happy that day, so excited, so alive. What I wouldn't give to have her back here again. Edward could move in for all I cared, I just wanted to see her again. I didn't even get a chance to tell her goodbye, to see her one last time. All that I would have would be a small urn that held the essence of what my daughter used to be, an urn that I couldn't bring myself to hold onto.
They were so happy together that I knew that that was how they belonged for eternity so Carlisle, Esme and I had decided to place them together here in Forks. Although neither of them had lived here for very long we all agreed that this is where they were the happiest and that they should rest here. It only seemed fitting that even though their time together was cut short they would remain side by side for eternity.
I didn't remember much after the phone call until Carlisle and Esme showed up at my door. They seemed so composed that I was envious. I felt lost and alone, my house in shambles around me. I couldn't recall whether or not I had eaten since that moment. Carlisle went to the front room with me and talked to me, told me about their last days. They were excited about starting their lives together and had been looking forward to starting college.
Esme had brought me a plate of something to eat. Her presence was invaluable these past few days. She helped to bring me back from the edge. I couldn't imagine my life without Bella but I knew that I would survive, one day at a time. I would make it for her because she wouldn't have wanted anything less from me.
As I slipped on my coat I couldn't help but smile as I thought of the two of them together. If there was a bright side to any of this it was that they were together and neither one of them would ever have to deal with living with the loss of the other. I wasn't sure that either of them would have been able to survive that. The love that they had shared was rare and precious and I was happy that she had found that, even if only for a short time. I wasn't particularly religious but I was comforted by the idea that somewhere, somehow they were together.
It had been 8 months, 28 days, 7 hours, 34 minutes and 12 seconds…13…14…15. Well you get the idea. We had all had hopes that Bella's transformation would be seamless but we couldn't have been more wrong. She was ruthless, strong, and impulsive. Plus, now that she knew that I couldn't hurt her anymore, she wanted to try out her new body so to speak and…well it only made me want her more but that was out of the realm of possibility at the moment. She couldn't control herself where sex was involved. When she saw something she wanted she went after it -and she wanted me. Oh how she wanted me. She was crazed, but you didn't hear me complaining. I would like to say that she couldn't hurt me but even I knew that that was a lie. I liked to believe that she wouldn't do any permanent damage to any of the important areas of my body. After all they were just as important to her as they were to me.
Those last five days we had together were the best days of my life. Then Tinkerbelle over there had to come and break up the fun. We weren't hurting anyone so there was really no need for the interruption. Bella certainly didn't appreciate the pause. I had to stop her from attacking Alice and that was when the wall went down and I was forced to run away naked through the woods. I had every intention of going back to her but Emmett eventually caught me and restrained me after throwing me some clothes.
I should have been scared, after all it wouldn't have been too difficult for her to hurt me badly but I almost couldn't stay away. She was like a drug to me. I knew what her body had to offer and it was worth risking injury to have a taste of it again. I mean, come on now, we had been intimate with each other for quite a while before she was changed. We had a rather healthy sex life given the whole vampire/human thing and a man got used to certain needs being satisfied. Sex was an almost religious experience after her change. I was willing to worship at her body every day for the rest of our existence. To suddenly have that ripped away from you is hard in more ways than one.
The family decided that it was for the best if we were sequestered from each other. There are only so many times you can fix walls before the structural integrity of the house gets called into question. So Bella, Carlisle, Esme, Emmett and Rosalie lived in Alaska while I traveled with Jasper and Alice. I wanted to go alone so I could have some private time but Jasper couldn't handle being around Bella.
I tried to come back after a few months, but we had learned a few things about Bella during that time. First and foremost was the fact that she was strong. Emmett has learned that the hard way one day when he got in front of me when I returned home the first time. She did not take kindly to him blocking her access so she did the most logical thing she could think of at the time. She picked him up over her head and threw him across the woods. It was hands down one of the biggest turn-on's of my life. Not that there was anything I could do about it at that time but thankfully I had the photographic vampire memory so that I could replay it over and over again in my mind for my own personal use.
They had taken to testing Bella to see how she would handle exposure to me. They used clothes of mine and cut them up into little pieces to test her reaction. In the beginning, Alice had thought it would be cute to sew little mini-Edwards to give to her but everyone found it somewhat disturbing to find mangled mini-corpses of me scattered about the house. So they just waited, waited until she calmed down enough to actually be around me. I missed my wife desperately but I would have eternity with her so this seemed like a small price to pay for now. I tried to tell myself that anyways.
Jasper might not agree seeing as how he had been forced into a semi-solitary existence for the past few months. Although he had been smart enough to not complain around me, he at least had Alice to help him. I had no one.
He had thought that living around Bella was bad but when forced to spend time with me away from her I feared he was about to break poor Alice from the blatant desire that oozed from me. I was literally shaking with my desire for her, unable to carry on even a semblance of a normal conversation. To put it nicely, the two of us were a mess.
But, on a lighter note, she had adapted to the vegetarian lifestyle quite nicely. I suppose you really have no choice when you are living in the middle of nowhere and there is nothing else to eat. She had developed quite a fondness for moose. Leave it to Bella to pick one of the most dangerous animals to like. She always seemed to be drawn to the wrong things. Where before it used to bother me, I've learned to appreciate it as a part of her that I wouldn't dream of changing. After all, if she hadn't been attracted to the dangerous I would still be alone and I couldn't fathom that kind of life anymore.
I couldn't wait to see her hunt again, couldn't wait to see her run, and couldn't wait to simply see her again. I missed her touch, her smell, her taste. I wished that I could dream so I had at least one place where I could hold her again. Every day I felt the loss of her but I knew that with each day that passed it brought me closer to her. As the sun set each day I hoped that the new day would be the day that gave her back to me. So as each second ticked by, I waited anxiously for my wife to be my side again.
So far this vamp life wasn't all I had dreamed about. I had no special powers; as usual I was just plain old Bella. But I mean honestly, I was a vampire. Wasn't anything more than that just overkill? Oh look at me I'm a sparkly super strong vampire who can fly? Was it not enough that I was so beautiful it hurt to look at me, had a voice like a choir of angels and skin that could put a Bedazzler out of business? I bet you thought vampires were all deep and moody but these were the things I would think of day after day. Well, there was something else that I spent a lot of time thinking about. Freedom, I wanted freedom.
I wanted them to leave me alone, wanted them to stop watching me every minute of the day. I hated being the center of attention and this was no exception. It was like everyone kept waiting for me to snap. Okay, so I had attacked Edward that day, who wouldn't? He was my husband and I had needs. It was all Alice's fault; she had to come and break up a perfectly good time. Sure, I probably hadn't been eating as much as I had needed to but Edward's cage of squirrels had been taking the edge off. They didn't taste very good but the trade off of not having to leave him was worth it.
It was evident that I didn't fully appreciate the newborn strength as I had pushed him through a wall or two. I didn't see him complaining. I wouldn't have seriously hurt him, of that I am fairly certain. I mean I would give it at least a 50/50 chance. I had liked to think that once we were together, our need for each other would take over and we would have nothing else to worry about but no one was willing to let it get that far again. They acted like they didn't have needs when they first got turned. I had heard the stories. They were all worse than Edward and I had been in the beginning. I think that they still thought of me as breakable or something.
They all learned rather quickly though to not get in my way. Emmett took a little extra encouragement but I kind of think that he liked it. I was beyond enraged when they took Edward away from me and tried to appease me with silly dolls. Alice seriously had too much time on her hands if she could make up doll after doll. Perhaps I needed to have Edward talk with Jasper so he could give him a few pointers. I ripped them apart just to show them that stuffing wouldn't satisfy what I really wanted. I mean if they were really trying to help me out, they could have at least made the thing life size and anatomically correct with hair that was soft to the touch and other parts that were oh so hard….sorry let my mind get away from me there for a second.
Eventually they gave up that little charade though.
I spent my hours alternating between pacing in my room like a caged animal and wandering the forest for food. I tried it all, like a buffet. An elk here, a bear there and, just to mix it up, I had the occasional badger. Nothing quite satisfied me like a moose did, though. I could feel the power of whichever one I happened to feast on transferring from their body to mine. As the blood hummed through me I could tell that I was still missing something, that I wasn't completely satisfied, that my body still craved more and I knew that that must be the bloodlust. It was at these moments that I understood the need for protection, the need for vigilance but those were the only true moments of clarity that I had. The rest of the time I growled at them for denying me.
Emmett loved it and would taunt me constantly.
'Here, Bella Bella,' he would call as if I were some kind of dog.
He wanted to do everything with me, hunt, wrestle, and run. He would walk by and poke me just to get a reaction. He annoyed me to no end but I appreciated the break from the monotony. What did they do all night long without sleep? Okay, that was a stupid question because I could hear what they did without sleep. It seemed a little impolite to rub it in when I was around but I wasn't about to interrupt. For them, nighttime was a time for joy. For me, it was hour after hour of emptiness, one hour bleeding into the next.
So I would sit there and think about what it meant to be a vampire, what my life was like now. I spent hours staring in the mirror and poking at my skin, it was all so new to me. But for every hour I spent looking in the mirror I spent five more hours frantically tearing down everything around me in order to get to Edward, to get food, to get my needs met immediately. It was like a constant chant of 'now, now, now' was running through my head. When I wanted something, I could think of nothing else until that need was satisfied.
It was hard to get used to so many warring needs trying to make themselves known in my mind. I had the capacity to think of so many things at once that it was overwhelming. One thought was always in the front of my mind, Edward, and everything else was filler.
It wasn't my fault that he was so damn appetizing; I mean really I couldn't be held accountable for my actions when my husband was so perfect. I could sit there for hours and think about his chiseled chest, his tousled hair, his expressive eyes, his strong hands, his long fingers. The hardest part was that the last time I had touched him properly was stuck so vividly in my mind that it made my desire for him all that much more intense.
If they would just give me ten minutes with him I think it would make this whole thing much easier. Just enough time to touch his body, feel his muscles ripple under my fingers. Kiss his lips and savor the taste of him. Sit on his lap and kiss his neck, his chest, as he moved under me. I gripped the chair in front of me tighter and it shattered in my hands. I looked out the window and wondered where he was. Why wasn't he here when I needed him so badly? He had promised that he would always be here for me. I searched the room frantically for a way out. If I was quick I could get out the window before he could stop me and track Edward down.
"Take it easy Bella, you're not going to find him," Emmett came behind me and waited for me to make my next move. He was big and strong but he wasn't as fast as I was. I punched out the window and jumped down before he had time to wrap his arms around me. I started running, having no clue in which direction to go but just running in hopes that I would find him at some point.
I could hear Emmett behind me but I didn't slow down. I was sniffing the air, focused on finding him. Edward, Edward, Edward. It was all I needed right now.
Then, suddenly, the air was filled with his scent. I stopped and whipped my head in the direction from which it was coming and followed it. It wasn't moving so it was easy to find the spot from which the scent was coming. I pounced once and I found it. It was just one of his shirts but it was saturated with the scent of him. I moaned as I rubbed it against my face, my body and licked it, trying to taste him.
"I'm not going to lie, Bella, this is a bit disturbing," Emmett was smart enough to keep his distance but not smart enough to keep his mouth shut. I growled in his general direction as I went back to licking the shirt and held it against me. I could almost feel him there with me as I savored it. I moaned at one point when I reached a portion of the shirt that was completely saturated with the scent of him.
"I think you need a room. You do realize it is only a shirt right," he was giggling at me. I didn't drop the shirt as I pinned him against a tree.
"You think you're funny big man? How would you do with months without Rosalie? I hear you two grunting like pigs every single night so don't judge me. You can barely handle the hours when you have to watch me and not be with her. So imagine being away from her night after night, lying in an empty bed while someone tries to make idle conversation with you." I had pushed both him and the tree over while trying to make my point. I turned and walked away from him while rubbing the fabric against my cheek.
"Bella?" I didn't turn around; I just kept walking through the woods wanting to be alone with my fabric, with my thoughts. I just wanted to be with him. "Bella! Bella! Bella!" It was obvious that he was going to keep calling my name but I didn't care. I wished that I could cry. I just wanted to see him again, hold him against me. I missed my husband. I sat on a fallen tree, I remembered clearly when I had knocked that one over, and put my head in my hands.
"Bella?" He was tentative as he reached out to put a hand on my shoulder. "If it is any consolation, this is the first time in weeks that you didn't tear the fabric apart as soon as you got your hands on it." I looked down at the fabric I was holding and realized that he was right.
"Then not too much longer right? Please tell me it won't be much longer," I needed something to get me through this, I needed some hope. To know that there was a light at the end of the tunnel. I sighed and replayed the thoughts of Edward in my mind again. His hair, his eyes, his scent, like the woodsy smell of a moose. Moose, moose, moose. I could smell one not too far from here, it smelled like a male, full grown, a few hundred pounds. I took off and took it down in mere seconds, the warm wet blood soothing me, distracting me for a moment.
I put the carcass down and headed back towards the house with his shirt, now my most valuable possession. At least there I had pictures of Edward to look at while I put the shirt on and pretended that it was his arms and his body wrapped around me. At this point, I would take anything I could get.
"I think she is ready." I felt sorry for the poor girl. I thought Emoward was bad but he had nothing on depressed Bella. Man, she made me want to cry when I had to spend time with her. When she wasn't pacing and growling around the room then she was curled in a ball hugging his pillow to her wailing. It was amusing in the beginning but the novelty quickly faded.
"I don't know if we should try again. It's only been a few months." Carlisle wasn't willing to take any unnecessary chances. Bella was hard to control and contain when Edward was around and he didn't want anyone to get hurt.
"Have you seen her? She looks like hell and that is quite hard to pull off when you are a vampire. I actually saw some twigs in her hair and when I pointed them out she just shrugged. At least Alice isn't around. I couldn't handle her reaction to all of this."
"Perhaps we should try again. Alice says that Edward is in pretty bad shape too." Esme was almost pleading with Carlisle. She looked distraught. She hated for any of us to be sad and this was starting to wear us all out. Esme just wanted us all under one roof again. I wanted to suggest that if he did return that we should let Edward and Bella camp out in the backyard because after months of being apart I didn't want to be anywhere near that reunion.
"If it helps any, when she found the shirt that Alice planted in the woods today she didn't tear it to shreds. That would have been easier to watch than to see her fondling that thing but she seemed controlled." Everyone looked hopeful as we all turned to Carlisle for some kind of decision. We just wanted this over with. Perhaps it could be like a conjugal visit in prison, a little something to take the edge off until she was free.
"I'm still not sure. We're barely staying on top of the repairs to the house as it stands now." Poor Carlisle, he was always focusing on the stuff that really wasn't that important. The house was fixable, the two of them weren't. If they decided to do something stupid we would all pay for it. I was surprised that they had actually managed to survive this long without each other.
"It won't hurt to try will it? We can keep them outside if we need to." Esme was determined to make this happen. I feared for Carlisle if he told her no on this. "Emmett could keep her restrained if necessary." I didn't have the heart to point out to Esme that last time I had tried that I had wound up being thrown around like a rag doll. I wanted this thing to happen too so there were going to be no arguments on my part.
"I'm just not sure if it is a good idea." I could tell that he was relenting though. It wouldn't be long before he gave in and we had Edward on his way back. I was pretty sure that he would break all land speed records to get here as soon as he possibly could.
"Please," Esme pleaded, her voice low. Oh man, when Rose used that tone of voice and rubbed her hand along my arm, I was putty in her hands. Looks like things worked the same way in this here relationship because Carlisle smiled at her and nodded.
"Can I be the one to tell her? Please, please, please!" This would secure my position as Bella's best friend if I could give her this piece of news. Alice had pretty much given up the title when she took Edward away.
"I'll tell her the news." Carlisle stood up from the table. Damn, Dr. Daddy always wanted to be the one who made things all better. Just once I would like to be the good guy. He headed upstairs and it wasn't long before we could hear the screams of complete and utter joy coming from Bella's room. Since he was occupied, I decided to do the next best thing and so I opened up my phone and dialed Alice's number. Things were about to get crazy around here again and I couldn't wait.
When Alice's phone rang I froze. Could this be the phone call that we had all been waiting for? I had no issue with searching her mind to find my answer. As soon as I had the information that I needed I was off. I didn't wait for them, and honestly, I didn't care. I had more important things to take care of. I ran and ran, the forest becoming a blur around me. The stars were shining when I finally stopped in back of the house. She was in there, mere footsteps away from me. I took in a deep breath and I could smell her, almost taste her. Moving slowly, I made my way to the door, focused only on seeing her again. I was barely aware of the door opening before I was thrown onto my back. Her body settled above me and she began kissing every inch of my face.
"You're here, you're actually here." She buried her face in my neck, as she held onto me. I wrapped my arms around her, never wanting to have her away from me again. Slowly she lifted her head and brought her lips to mine. A shiver of satisfaction went through my body as her lips met mine. We moved together slowly. There was no animalistic desire taking charge this time, it was just pure love that guided us.
Our lips molded to each others as we moved softly against each other, each one of us letting out small sighs of delight. This was where we belonged, together. Everything in the world was right again now that I had her back in my arms.
I was sure that we were still under surveillance but this time there was no need to worry. There was nothing to fear from her, there never had been. I would have gladly taken any pain she could have inflicted on my body though, being away from her was more painful than anything she could have done to me. Eventually she rolled to my side, resting her head on my chest.
"I love you. I never want to be away from you again." She looked up at me in order to place a light kiss upon my face and put her head back on my chest.
"Don't worry, you never will be." We lay there together, holding onto each other and staring up at the stars for hours. You would have thought that given our last encounter we would have rushed inside, unable to keep our hands off of each other but we were satisfied to just be together at this moment.
As the sun started to rise and lighten everything around us I moved her off me and rose up from the ground. I reached my hand down to her and helped her up. She came off the ground slowly, rubbing her body along the length of mine as she stretched up from the ground. Her arms rose up and wrapped themselves around my neck.
"I'll race you." She whispered those words into my ear and then she was off. I followed right behind her. We reached the door at the same time and I pressed her up against it, my body straining to be even closer to her. As I kissed her neck she reached for the doorknob and we fell backwards into the room.
My body was on top of hers, I wondered if I would ever get enough of actually being able to feel her. As our lips met and our bodies moved together I knew that I would never be able to get enough. She was my reason for existing, the one I wanted to watch the sun rise with every morning and see the stars with at night. Without her, nothing else mattered.
As we picked up where we had left off all those months ago, albeit in a more restrained matter, I pulled my lips away from her body and looked at her and smiled.
"I love you." Those three words which I had never imagined I would utter still filled me with pride whenever I said them or heard them. Because in the end, after everything we had been through together, after everything that had happened; in the end, those three words were all that really mattered.
Well there you go. There will actually be some outtakes added to this story rather soon. Thanks again for reading!
I do have a new story that is almost complete called Angel of Death if you want to check it out. Be warned that it is an angst filled story so proceed with caution. Thanks!