A/N :::To start this off and give you insight on what's going on, all of the TDI competitors are arriving to their Miami Villa where they will again reunite to not only put up with each others bs but live together for 2 months. THAT'S ABOUT 8 WEEKS. Can you wait to see what kind of stuff is going to pop off this season? Me neither, so stay tuned and read this is TDI: The Real World.
FYI: TDA NEVER HAPPENED and yea its long but funny
"Oh my gosh, look at this place", Lindsay whispers to herself as she approaches the huge crib.
Confessional (Lindsay): hi people it's Lindsay from TDI and I am sooo hyped to be here! I cannot wait to see all my friendly roommates and live with each and every one of them. Nor can I wait to see my baby Taylor!!!
Lindsay 'tries' to drag her unnecessary amount of luggage up the stairs with her new red Jessica Simpson Stilettos that just came out but breaks her long sexy just done nails and lets loose of the luggage which slides down the wheel chair ramp next to her.
"Oh DARN!" She cries and wines, "I broke my freaking nail"! She sits there and ponders how she's going to get her luggage up the stairs without breaking another.
Just in the rode, LeShawna pulls up to the curb of the mansion.
"DAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMNNNNNNNNNNNNN!" She shouts like most ghetto girls do whenever they see a huge ass house like this. "This is fat cabbie, I ain't never been close to a homies shit this damn big! Let me get out this hoe!"
She gets out of the ride with her cheap booty shorts on and generic 5$ South Hole halter top and nods her head and sucks in her lips thinking: Oh hell yeah. It's bout to go down up in hur. How many brotha's can I fit up in this bitch? There's Tyrone, Queshawn, DeShawn, Marcus….
Her thoughts are rudely interrupted when she notices some hoochie by the house wearing 100$ Jessica Simpson Stilettos that just came out with blonde hair struggling with 5 cases of luggage up a 5ft stairway- Lindsay.
"What the hell?" She frowns questioning herself why the fuck Lindsay is carrying 5 cases at a time up some damn stairs when she can move one at a time and why Lindsay's mind can't figure out that there is a wheelchair ramp right beside her she can use. Not to forget the shoes that don't match her hair color or her attitude. "Hmmmm, this is going to be a long ass two months", she whispers under her breath. LeShawna continues to stare at Lindsay and remove her luggage from the cab.
Meanwhile Gwen and Trent arrive at the scene also amazed by the house.
Confessional (Trent): yeah this place is tricked out!! I can't wait to score with my girl Gwen tonight! Maybe I'll even right a sing to do it to.
"Wow this place looks cool", Gwen says as she rushes out of the car, slamming the door before Trent exits which is smashing his face against the window.
LeShawna sees the green pale chick, Gwen, wearing a shirt and skirt from the medieval times and screams her name only across the street from her.
"Gwen, girl is at chu?" She shouts bending over with her left hand above her eyes blocking the suns rays.
"Yeah LeShawna, it's me and Trent".
"Girl I know that silly hair style from anywhere", LeShawna shouts sarcastically.
"Ha-ha LeShawna don't get me started on what mess you got on, by the way do you see Trent anywhere?"
"Girl I know I look good, and no but I do see Lindsay up there wearing some expensive ass stilettos I tried to buy yesterday. Poor thing has been struggling with her luggage from the minute she arrived."
"Oh well, that's too bad. Why didn't you offer to help her?" Gwen questioned.
"Girl does it look like I'm a damn physiatrist?" LeShawna answered.
"Ha-ha, no but you could have helped her anyway." Gwen suggested.
"True…. But I didn't." They both laugh but LeShawna's being extremely loud enough to shatter the window Trent's face was smudged into.
"Yeah ladies, I'd love to laugh with yall but…… I CAN'T!!!!!" Trent screams.
LeShawna jogs her thick ass over to Gwen and Trent to get him out of the cabbie while the cab driver throws all their shit out of his shit.
"LOS PUTOS!" the cab driver yells.
"Wow, bitches in Spanish…… clever…..", a familiar voice speaks hysterically.
LeShawna, Gwen, and Trent all turn around to see it's nobody but looser Noah.
"AW DAMN", LeShawna pouts. "The smartass with no class!"
"Yes, yes it's Noah", Noah replies.
"Where the hell did you come from?", LeShawna asks.
"Are you seriously asking of this?", Noah questions.
"Well if I didn't wanna know--- "
She was cut off in mid- sentence with:
"Well, I came from Canada, home of the---"
"SHUT UP…. Didn't mean it! JUST CEASE THE TALKING!" LeShawna suggested.
"If you say so.. But you did ask", Noah says.
"Where is your stuff at dude?", Trent asks.
"Uh beside me" Noah answers.
"You sure didn't pack much", Trent said.
"This is only a quarter of it. The silly cab couldn't fit all of my presents unfortunately." He frowns and looks down but suddenly looks up when he too notices Lindsay struggling with her luggage, "Not another season with the blonde". Noah shakes his head and closes his eyes in shame and total disbelief.
Lindsay 3yrds away from the group tries to get their attention for help.
"Hey guys….. Can you help me? I'm having a bit of an issue with my pumps."
The crowd continues to chit chat.
3 cars then arrive with Sadie and Katie, Izzy and Beth, Courtney and Geoff.
"Thank goodness I am out of there with party boy! I swear if I had to listen to another damn country song, I would personally hang myself", Courtney swears angrily to herself.
"Well nobody asked you to listen", Geoff said all up in Courtney's grill.
"Well nobody told YOU TO PLAY THE MUSIC!!!!!!!!" Courtney screams with her hands in fists.
"Alright, alright lets not fight", Beth says.
"OHHHH, Katie and I NEVER fight, we only have disagreements", Saide states happily hugging her BFFL.
"That's right Sadie", Katie says.
Confessional (Noah): Oh great! Dumb and dumber are here. Why should a top of the class student settle for a disaster waiting to explode?
(LeShawna): Oh lord, one of the complainers has arrived with geek and the 2 tricks from the corner of 5th and Market. This will be very interesting.
(Katie and Sadie): OMG! This is going to be amazing -talks over each other- SO AMAZING and FUN!!
The large growing crowd grow angered by the small space of the sidewalk. The house was no longer the main topic of discussion, now it was all about themselves. Where LeShawna got her fake wear from, how Noah's mom picks out his clothes and what song Trent is going to come up with this time to seduce Gwen. Everybody forgot about Lindsay. When suddenly Courtney's thought cross her eyes and she is suddenly pissed out of no where.
"Why aren't we all inside?" Courtney asks.
"Inside….. Inside what?" Geoff asks confused with a V on his forehead.
"INSIDE THE FUCKIN' HOUSE DUMBASS!!!!" Courtney strikes back.
"PMS!!! CHILL!" Geoff says.
"Courtney girl calm down", LeShawna says rubbing Courtney's shoulders.
"This is so crazy"
"Speaking of crazy where did Izzy go?", LeShawna asks very suspiciously.
Everyone stops talking and looks around to scope out Izzy but she can't be found.
Confessional (Izzy): -----In a hyper tone like she's on crack she speaks----- yeah nobody knows where I am which is in the house but I'm preparing the most delicious entrée's for everybody. It's called shit stew made from elephants, lions, tigers and other creatures. it's going to be so yummy with vodka.
While confusion is still being argued about on the sidewalk, 3 more cars pull up in the traffic. This time with Duncan and Cody, Ezekiel and DJ, Tyler and Harold.
Duncan exits with a big 'vault' that is personally stalled into the back of the house. Courtney is shocked thinking it's her 'happytoseeyou sweetheartgift' but happy to see her boo.
"Hey Duncan boo, is that for me?" Courtney asks all hugged up smiling on Duncan who is wearing his usual Goth outfit just added with a belt with cup holders and pouches.
Duncan's high maintenance girl laughs and he takes a swig of Smirnoff, then he panics and hesitates to answer.
"NO NO NO!!!! It's all for me.. ALL MINE.. If you're good to daddy then maybe he'll offer you some." Duncan replies.
LeShawna now across the other street notices a big black sexy brotha step out of the cab.
"Hey DJ", LeShawna screams, "What's crackin boo?"
"Hey LeShawna, nothing much just warning Ezekiel of his drinking and talking to girls incorrectly", DJ says.
"Aw………….Well, you can do that lata. Come help mama out with her new new shit."
Cody nervously exits his ride and gets down on knees to pray in the street of moving traffic: "God please let me win Gwen back and give me the strength to kick Trent's sissy ass and win me my girl. In return I will-----"
In less than half his prayer he is hit by a moving vehicle and taken to the hospital with nobody caring.
Harold exits his car and looks around to see LeShawna but she cannot be found. So he sees the humongous house and is wondering why everyone is out side of it.
"Why aren't we all inside the house?" Harold deep stupid Napoleon Dynamite voice manages to squeak out.
"What house?" Geoff asks confused once again but scratching his hat this time.
"The FUCKIN' HOUSE WE ALL ARE GOING OT LIVE IN DUMBASS." Courtney screams all the way across the street.
"Hey calm down down there", Tyler says looking down.
"Don't you tell me to calm down wannabe athlete!" Courtney launches.
"I wasn't even talking to you, for your information I was talking to Tyler jr. who happens to be every happy to see something…" Tyler says.
"WHAT?" everyone shouts.
"Man a game of pocket pool is never safe", DJ says. He then goes on with one of his boring stories that nobody cares about but one simple person, "One time I was so turned on that my little one leaked through my shorts! I had to relax it but I couldn't because I hadn't done it often. So I ran into the boys restroom and closed my stall to release the tension off my shorts. I started to produce white slippery icky stuff when all of a sudden somebody was peeking in my stall. I nervously acted when I came all over the ceiling of the restroom and the dude starts laughing and screaming 'BONER' and 'SCORE' and 'FAGGOT'-----"
"OKAY DJ, I think we have all had enough of your sad shit for one day", Courtney yells.
"Well I mean I was just informing the dude to be careful where you release your juices and who you're around when you do it", DJ corrects Courtney.
Out of nowhere a loud horn burst out when the last 2 cabbies are joined to the sidewalk. Out comes Geoff's bitch Bridgette wearing the latest surfer swimsuit with her hair all down for the first time EVER and poses like she's a fuckin model and the wind blows through her blonde hair and she smiles with her hypnotic eyes, Izzy's fat ass bitch Owen, Baldheaded bitch Heather, Pretty boy Justin with no shirt on and Eva with a dick.
In fuckin mid air mode Geoff does a damn Edward Cullen stunt to get to his hoe Bridgette.
"Aw Bridge, I missed you", Geoff cries as he caresses Bridgette's face.
"Me too but before we make out, do you notice anything different about me?" Bridgette asks curiously. She poses and blows kisses like she's some super model there ever was. BETTER THAN JANICE DICKINSON..
Geoff being as slow as he is concentrates very hard to figure out what's different about the new Bridge.
Hmmmm he thinks. I don't know what's so different about Bridgette, blonde hair, no ass, little tits and wide hips… Nope I don't see anything different.. OH OH OH or maybe she got a sex change!!!!!
"You………………………got…………………..A……………………..sex…………………change?" Geoff finally gets out after pausing after every word he said for a bout 30 seconds.
"What did you just say?" Bridge asks blankly and slummed over.
"You're a female?"
"Geoff, if I wasn't a female before then why would you be dating me?" Bridgette asks flat.
Oh no, Geoff thought, she's going to find out that that that that I'm not what she thinks I am… Quick ignore the question.
"Bridge you know I was just kidding, now kiss me lovely", Geoff says.
"UH NO, not until you figure out what's different about me." She storms away from him angry and not surprised because she knows how stupid Geoff is.
Confessional (DJ and Geoff): Geoff - Man I hate it when women try to hold out on men with their goodies. DJ- yeah man one time I had this fine dime piece and I was bout to hit ---he did the hit it signal---until she asked me what time my moms got home and I told her she's already home and she sent me flying through the window. Geoff and DJ- yeah women ain't nothing but trouble.
Geoff goes running after Bridgette until a huge as sonic wave sends everyone flying. Owen. Everyone is using foul language towards Owen, even folks that aren't in the show.
"Oppppps, ha-ha", Owen says.
Out of nowhere……..
"Aw shit nobody better hold me back cause I've been waiting to attack this bald headed clown since TDI", LeShawna says making her way to Heather.
Heather, like the angel she is, hops out of the cabbie kisses her hand and blows kisses to everyone. To everyone's surprise the ugly hoe got a makeover. Heather then looks at LeShawna and says:
"Honey please, look at that trash you have on. It looks like somebody shopped at Generic Fashions By L."
"Look at this ugly bitch", somebody shouts as Eva steps out of the cabbie thinking someone about her.
With piercing eyes Eva point her finger and says, " I will find out who said that." Eva says.
Last but not least Justin exit's the car. His handsomeness blind most people (including Geoff) but to some it's old and tiring.
"Ladies and Gent's, why are we all standing out here?" Justin says.
Out of most peoples speechlessness and statue movements Lindsay manages to say.
"Because Justin, everyone is so happy to see each other, all except me because nobody is talking to me."
Justin looks at Lindsay struggling with 5 cases of luggage up stairs when there is a ramp made for luggage's next to her. He smiles and says:
"Ah, well Lindsay, I wonder why."
Finally Justin turns around and everyone is back to their normal self.
"Lindsay babe' is that you?" Tyler says. "I'm so sorry I couldn't rush to you baby, I had some business to handle." he looks down.
"Oh Taylor it's okay, I still like you". She lets go of the luggage and it rumbles down the stairs to hit Tyler in the nuts.
"OUCH!! And it's Tyler".
She kisses him all over and hugs him. They both get up so they can move her luggage up the stairs once again. But now both of them are struggling trying to get the cases up the stairs. (hmm i wonder why too)
LeShawna is done making contact with DJ and pronounces:
"iight yall let's go into the crib and get our rooms!"
Everyone started to charge into the house, all except Lindsay and Tyler who are still trying to bring in luggage, screaming about how large the building is… 3 floor mansion with 10 bedrooms that includes 2 master bedrooms with a deck, basketball court, kitchen, game room and a long stretched bathroom per floor.
Everyone starts scrapping for rooms:
"I call the master", Courtney claims.
"Trick no you don't", LeShawna yelled back.
They both race to the second floor but are surprised to see both bedrooms are closed and locked.
"What the…." LeShawna and Courtney say in unison. (theres a master bed room per floor so courtney is on the third and LeShawna is on the 2nd.) They knock boisterously at the doors of the room when Katie exits the 3rd floor and Heather exit's the 2nd.
SECOND FLOOR ACTION
"What does a hoe like you want with a lovely chick like me?" Heather asks.
"Oh No you didn't trick", LeShawna screams taking off her babiefat earrings.
"Look, I claim this is my property, I have already moved all of my belongings into the room…..". Heather says but then pauses to see Beth carrying her last case into her dorm. "Thank you dear, now you can bring all of your belongings into the house and camp out in the chill area."
"Chill area? You told me I could stay with you in the master bedroom if I brought you your luggage!" Beth says.
"No, I told you that you and Lindsay could stay with me in the master bedroom if both of you brought my luggage but it appears that only you have made it to the race. Sorry." Heather slams the door and laughs a wicked hardy har har.
"It's okay girl, atleast there are still 2 bedroom dorms." LeShawna says to cheer Beth up. "Atleast what I know of". She runs away quickly to claim her bedroom and roommate.
Already Gwen and Trent are in room 1 on the second floor:
"Gwen, it's about to happen right here and right now", Trent says holding Gwen tight.
"Let's not wait", Gwen says trying to kiss Trent but pushed to the bed out of Trent's arms. Trent grabs his guitar and starts to sing as Gwen is romantically moved.
Noah and Cody are across from Gwen and Trent in room 2 setting up their geeky technical shit.
Room 3 is empty---
Room four is taken when Beth and Lindsay (hmmm where did Lindsay come from) enter the room just when Duncan and Courtney were 2 milli seconds from stepping inside.
"Why would we get the room right next to Heather if we are trying to get away from her?" Lindsay asks out of nowhere.
"Well, we're not, we're just staying near her to watch her every move for tricks and stuff." Beth thinks.
"OHHHHHHHHH, so why can't Taylor room with us again?", Lindsay asks.
"Because Lindsay, he'll ruin our cover."
"OHHHHHHHHH okay." Lindsay peeps her head out of the door and says:
"Sorry Taylor, you can't stay here , you'll ruin my cover", Lindsay says.
"Your cover? You mean… Gosh this is embarrassing. I promise I will try to control Tyler jr.", Tyler whispers so nobdy else can hear.
"Taylor not MY cover but me and Beth's", Lindsay says.
"Wait… You…. Beth…..NAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW… you're kidding right, this all made up?"
"No! Now stop playing and go room with someone else, we'll talk about it later." She slams the door and he is shaken.
Meanwhile upstairs Room 5 is taken by Bridgette and Geoff who are still fighting over what's so different about Bridge.
"Bridge why does it matter how different you look? I think you look beautiful either way. I'm sorry for paying such short attention but the fact is I miss you and no other girl will ever look as pretty as you do." Geoff says sadly and proud at the same time.
Bridgette is astonished when she hears Geoff's choice of words and runs to him and kisses him like never before.
"Oh Geoff, that's the smartest and nicest thing you have ever told me. I think….. I might love you for it".
"Aw baby that's my girl, now can we make out PLEASEEEEEE, I've been dying for love since TDI."
She smirks and lands a slobbery wet one on him.
Across from them in room 6 is Courtney and Duncan, who still seems a little preoccupied with the Smirnoff.
"DAMMIT DUNCAN, put the drink down! You have been sucking your lips on that thing instead of me! I am starting to think you may have a thing for a new habit that came from who knows where! CLEARLY you haven't even ASKED me how I am or called me any of those PET names you love or used to! You're too busy sucking face with a DAMN BEER BOTTLE!!!!" Courtney complains after picking up the bottle and breaking it on the soft carpet.
"Calm down sweetheart, I'll be up and running in a few just let me catch some Z's in the meantime while you unpack everything." He lies down on the bed and suddenly remembers the 'vault'. "Oh by the way dear, don't go near my vault, it's off limits to anyone or anything".
She rolls her eyes and unpacks their luggage.
In room 7 Owen slips in with nothing but a change of underwear. He ponders.
OWEN: HMM I wonder where my crazy girl Izzy is.. I bet she's in the kitchen cooking up something for her bear daddy.. Yeah that's me. I can't wait to explore Miami with her. Go to the beach where nude is allowed, eat seafood and have the most funniest contest… yeahhh this is going to be amazing.
In room 8, Eva decides it's far away from drama (Ezekiel) until he arrives at her wide open door.
"OH NO YOU DON'T, THERE ARE PLENTY OF ROOMS LEFT AND YOU SURE THE HELL ARE NOT ROOMING WITH ME!! Justin is."
Justin out of nowhere shoves Ezekiel out of the presence of the door way and smiles at Eva.
"Thanks, I owe you won." Justin says.
"No…." she says in a dreamy weary voice, "I owe you one".
Justin slams the door and laughs.
In room 9, Ezekiel unpacks all of his luggage while he listens to the sound of honking from traffic from impatient drivers.
"Females these days just give men their respect. Eva is going to get it I promise."
The door creaks open when Harold stretches his long neck into the room.
"Can I room with you?"
"Uhhh sure, it'd not like anybody is scrapping to be here with me."
"Ha-ha yeah, I can't find LeShawna anywhere here. I know she's looking for me I have to keep my eyes peeled."
"yeah you do that, I'm just focused on Eva".
There is one room remaining and 3 bodies left. LeShawna, DJ, and Tyler (everyone knows Izzy is going to room with Owen, I think). Room 3.
LeShawna hears from Courtney that Tyler is on his way to room 3 where it next to most of her groupies but on the same floor as heathers. She sprints down the stairs stumbling her fat ass on the stairs and causing mild earth quakes throughout the house. Finally she makes it.
"YES. YES. YES. I made it! This is my room bitches MINE! And of course DJ's cause Tyler and me in a room together.. Yeah that shit ain't happening."
"Aw ma you got us a room. Thanks." DJ says.
They both enter their room and close the door behind them.
Tyler all stranded pouts in the chill room because he has no where to sleep.
"Guess I'm stuck with the chill room."
Everyone exits their pads into the chill room where- in this story- all the 'magic' happens- well most anyway-.
Random shouts are yelled out of no where:
"DAMN, I'm hungry" "Where's Izzy?"
"Where's Taylor?" "Is the phone is the phone room?"
"Who's got a boner?"
"Amateurs" "My nut sack itches"
"Where the fuck is the television?"
"Where are some hot damn beers around here?"
"Girl eat pussy"
"bitch swallow dick" "I know"
"Just like men"
Suddenly the kitchen door is propped open with a shitty stank ass aroma.
"WHAT THE FUCK IS AT?" LeShawna screams.
Everyone is coughing and choking from the smell.
"DAMN, IT SMELLS LIKE S.H.I.T". someone yells outside the house.
"They smell it too?", Owen says..
Out of all the smoke a orange haired fugly bitch is revealed.
A/N:: Yeah i don't know if this is bad or good but my sister influenced me and I love being silly with TDI becuase it's just so funny. It may sound immature for a 16 yr old but I'm just as silly as almost any other girl. So if u liked it PLEASE REVIEW and give me some ideas cause I know that most of you watch Real World on MTV. I would really appreciate constructive critism and I'm sorry if i write slangish cuz that's just a way i am used to now. lol but thx! I will try to put a chapter every weekend or so because high school really messes with you physicallt and mentally. Oh and I don't like hatters so if you gonna critize my stuff to better yourself oh yeah.. it aint happenin.