That awkward moment when you realize that you should update.

Disclaimer: Hi, my name is jabberwockyandthevorpalblade, I enjoy long walks on the beach, eating chocolate, stealing my friends' lunches, and writing long, incomprehensible disclaimers just to prove that I don't written this series—thought after almost thirty chapters and three years of doing this parody, I think you all realize that by now.


1. Kindergarten Teacher:

Not only should Rumpelstiltskin avoid children at all costs—umm, hello, he steals people's kids—but what four-year-old knows how to spell Rumpelstiltskin?

"Mr. Rumplyskin? I have to go to the bathroom!"

2. Mobster:

"I can make you a deal you can't refuse…"

3. Doctor:

"Nurse! Someone kidnapped all the newborns!"

"I knew there was something suspicious about a neurosurgeon going into the maternity ward."

4. Babysitter:

Ha. Those parents are going to come home to an empty house. But on the bright side, at least he cleaned the kitchen after making the kids dinner.

5. Guidance Councilor:

Wait. He already tried that in Book Two. Then blew himself up… I'm still trying to figure that one out…

Woo! Another chapter done! I picture Rumpelstiltskin as that creepy old guy who laughs to himself too much. I'm trying to figure out the moral to this fairytale: Apparently, it's don't make deals you can't keep, because an unfortunately-named man will steal your offspring and then blow himself up after you just so happen to guess his name. Hmm, I wonder why Disney hasn't made a movie about this fairytale yet?

Next is…