"Edward, I don't care who is a vampire and who is a werewolf. You are Edward and Jacob is Jacob. If Angela turns out to be a witch, she can join the party too."
I turned away from the crystal ball, stunned. How did she know I was a witch? I had known for a long time about the Cullen's and Jacob's pack. How could Bella possibly know about my magical powers? I had never used magic in front of her. How long had she known? Did she know how dangerous witches were? Did Edward Know? Did Jacob know? Did I change my underwear twice this morning?
I sighed and turned to Bucker, my black pet platypus. "What do you think Bucker? What should I do?" Bucker seemed to concentrate very hard for a moment or, at least, he went cross-eyed. He paused for Maximum effect and said, (yes I have a talking black platypus) "Killher!" Even though Bucker can talk, he can only say two words; killher and muffin.
"Why muffin?" you ask. Well to make a long story short, I like muffins. So there! "Bucker," I said almost in hysterics, "I can't let you kill Bella. You would get blood and guts all over the carpet, and I still haven't gotten the stain out from the last person." Bucker looked crushed. A single tear welled up in the corner of his eye and trickled to the floor. "Maybe the next one," I said relenting as Bucker gave me that 'eat your heart out' look.
I reached over to the end of my desk and picked up a notebook and pencil. When even I get in a pickle, I like to make a list of all the ways I can handle the situation. I started of with the simplest one:
1. Kill Bella
It wouldn't have been the first time Bella had been attacked by a rabid platypus. I shuddered, remembering the last time. She had been walking out on the beach in La Push, when she slipped on a banana and fell on a hornet's nest. Then the hornets had attacked, causing Bella to run into a cliff causing an avalanche, which threw out a rock and hit a cow. The cow then bit Bella and dragged her to a drainage ditch, where 32 platypuses were having a pie sale. She fell on top of a cherry pie, pissed off the platypus salesman, and got her butt kicked with some pretty cool kung-fu moves. I swear, some of the stuff she gets into!
2. Sneak into Bella's house and steal her memories while she is sleeping
Bucker shook his head as he read my second option. Actually, I don't know what he was doing. Why else would he bash his head against the wall? I don't even think he can read. Though, that would explain why I keep finding dictionaries in the pond outside my house… Anyway, the main problem with sneaking into her house would be getting my mother's giraffe out of the basement (don't ask), riding it all the way to her house, and climbing up it's neck into her window. It really sucks that my broomstick is broken. I sighed.
Suddenly, a wave of genius struck me in the head and I fell to the ground. Dazed, I looked around. It hadn't been a wave of genius that hit me, it was a rock! I stared at the medium-sized purple rock that had collided with my head.
"You should have had a V8!" I heard a sneering voice call from outside. I got up and ran to my shattered window, just in time to see Emmet Cullen jump into his huge jeep. He started to drive away giggling uncontrollably. He was laughing so hard that he swerved at the end of my driveway and took out my mailbox. Then a stop sign, and then tree. He was still laughing when he bailed out of his smoking jeep and sprinted into the woods, cackling like a mad man.
"Muffin," I heard Bucker comment, as he pulled himself up on the window sill. "I agree," I said massaging the growing bruise on my forehead.
I will write more later,