{I do not own any of these characters, they all belong to Stephenie Meyer}

Waking Up

So many months and I was finally able to come back home, or what was left of my home, only Carlisle and Esme remained. Emmet and Rosalie left almost right after I did and Jasper and Alice were hardly ever home anymore. Alice was still very angry, constantly trying to avoid my presence and blocking her mind from me with unusual thoughts, it hurt some, but no pain was worse than the one I had been feeling sense we left Forks.

I never thought this feeling could even exist, the way it consumed me and slowed down all my senses. I don't run as fast anymore, I can hardly hear, the noises are always far and hollow, the colors are faded, blood tastes sour and it is never warm enough, hunting was becoming harder and less frequent for me. It was only her that I thought of, day and night, only the memory of her was still bright and vivid, her smell was still as addicting as I could remember, the warmth of her skin, the sound of her voice, it was the only thing that made sense, the only thing that mattered and now I don't have any of it anymore.

"It's been days…" – Esme's thoughts were background noise.

"Oh Edward, please, move, you've been sitting there for days, please son, I can't stand this anymore. I can't bear to…" – I turned to look into her golden eyes and smiled. A smile that didn't reach my eyes and I knew looked forced and painful, but it was something for Esme and she smiled back.

"It's OK Esme, I just have a lot on my mind…" – I stood and watched as she stretched her arm to me, her palm opening calling my own.

"10 days 'till Valentine's. Not red, red is too predictable, purple… I'll do it purple, purple with silver…" – Alice's voice was also background noise and I sighed and looked down, I was twitching with disappointment. I missed that frightening little monster, I missed everyone, the way they would all make me feel, I miss knowing what it was like to feel something, something other than this excruciating…

And there it was, that smell, every muscle in my body tensed and I heard loud screeching noises in my head, the tremor came suddenly and my knees bend and snapped the wooden floor, my chest felt too heavy to carry, my arms dislocated, it was her sent, it was like dying all over again…

"Edward!" – The three voices were too loud for my head and I growled, because I couldn't form words to beg them to be silent. Hands wrapped around me trying to hold me steady. – "Edward what is it, son!?" – it was Carlisle and without any thought I held on to him, my fist ripping at his shirt trying to find support, my face buried in his neck as I let that pain consume me. I wanted to scream, the way I had done when he changed me, but no noise came, nothing but growling. It was worse than dying, the smell kept coming and for a moment I feared it was her who had come thru the door, and that thought just made the room spin. I loosen my grip, not out of will, but because I was again falling.

"Edward, talk to me!" – My father's voice was so loud, everything was so loud "Jasper, help him!" – he yelled some more.

"I can't… it's… I don't understand what it is… it's too much" – he stuttered loudly, it was death Jasper, this is death, it's not a feeling, is beyond your control. Finally I opened my eyes and searched for her, through the blur I saw nothing.

"Bella…" – and it was hardly a whisper, it was hardly even a noise, it was air being released from my mouth, but it was loud enough for everyone to hear me, I heard Alice gasp and I focused enough over Carlisle's shoulder to look into her eyes.

"I smell like Bella…" – she spoke and she trembled along with me, her tiny hand rested in her mouth and finally she opened her mind to me and revealed all the secrets she had been hiding.

Bella's tears fell as she held on tightly to Alice. Her body was so much smaller now, her eyes had lost their sparkle, her lips were a livid color and she felt cold, weak and broken. The screams from her nightmares, her pleas to not hear my name, the car crash… The pains that had subsided now started all over again, along with more screaming.

"Edward!" – Esme's voice.

"Please son!" – Carlisle's voice.

"I'm sorry… I didn't think… Edward, please… Please, Edward" – Alice's voice.

"Alice, what have you done?!" – Jasper's voice.

---

I cannot put together how long I held on to my father, but as if I had just awoken I filled my undeserving lungs with a sudden, sharp, intake of breath that warned everyone I was back to myself, they all stood again.

"Edward?" – Carlisle's voice was softer now, as he stretched his arms to look at me. He held me by my shoulders, trying to keep me from falling forward against him again. I couldn't straighten my spine, I nodded looking into his eyes. No one dared to move or think.

"I'm sorry" – her thoughts sounded like she had been crying. I searched her eyes, "I couldn't stand it anymore, I waited for as long as I could, but I had to see her, I love her too Edward and I love you, but I knew that you were barely alive and I needed… I needed to know if she was well…" – she sobbed, with tearless cries, "oh Edward, she's just as bad as you, you need… you need to go back now… it's time… I've seen it already… you can't waste any more time, you bring Bella back from the dead Edward, just like her smell brought you back…"

Before Jasper could register my attack, I launched at Alice growling, sending both of us flying across the room, I held her head preventing her from hitting the wood that lined the fireplace. Her tiny arms circled around me tightly and she sobbed some more. Jasper was crouched and growling, I held my little pixie and rubbed tiny circles over her back "I'm… so… sorry Edward" – she spoke now, her head resting under my shoulder. I sighed and placed a kiss in her forehead. Jasper growled even louder and then I finally felt it. My heart could have started beating for all I knew and I felt that love I had lost for my family, the small little devil that sobbed in my arm, my mother, my father, the brother that was about to tear out my limbs, my two missing siblings, I felt myself sob along with her with the love that I felt for my Bella.

I felt Jasper's hand on my shoulder then, he squeezed tenderly, "Welcome back" – I turned and released Alice, turning to face him. He patted my shoulder again and I engulfed him in a hug. I heard his laugh and felt more patting against my back, my feelings tripled suddenly and my chest felt like it could have collapsed. "Go get her Edward…" – his thought was soft and calm, just like the feeling that suddenly hit me "and next time you attack Alice I am not going to hesitate to snap your head and throw it in that fireplace" – I laughed and broke the hug, he smiled and turned to meet his wife.

"Edward" – she spoke so softly I could hardly hear, but just as fast as I had taken Alice into my arms, I took Esme and lifted her small form off the ground. She sighed and wrapped her arms around me, her body shook with her own tearless sobs.

"I'm sorry mom" – she held me tighter and Carlisle's hand patted my back. I placed my mother down and turned to face my father figure, he sighed.

"I'm glad you're back son" – he embraced me and I sighed, my arms coming around him as well.

"I'm not completely myself until she's with me; if she ever forgives me" – I sighed in horror, the thought of how she could deny me entranced back into her life after what I have put her through, how could she forgive me? He released me and placed both his hands on my shoulder, smiling.

"I'm sure Bella will find a way to understand" – he reassured me.

I was awake now, there was no going back. I couldn't stay away now if I wanted to, even being the reason for her danger, I couldn't bear to stay away one more second, I needed her.

"You should be on your way. We will meet you in Forks in a couple of days" – my father spoke. I turned for the door.