For NewMoonFlicker, who understands the deeper meaning of the word 'shatter'.

Why can I not touch you?
Why will my lips not move?
What happened to my heart
Beating fast and furious in my chest?
Why am I not cold?
How am I still alive?
Questions cloud my
Mind and soul like a
Fog of thoughts and emotions
I'm so confused
And I feel so alone
But that doesn't make sense, because
There you are
Right there
So why are you so far away?
Why can I not touch you?
How can you be so distant
And yet so near?
I think I know
It's because of me
Me
What a concept
How can I be me
When there is no me to be?
How can I exist
When I cannot be seen?
No instruments can detect me
No matter how keen they are
All they'll see is nothing
Nothing nothing nothing
That's me
Sometimes I wonder whether
Living is truly real
Sometimes I think I've
Imagined my life before this existence
Imagined
Or maybe those 'memories' were thrust upon me
Like reluctant afterthoughts
Didn't he know they'd only confuse me
More than ever?
But no
He was kind to give me these memories
(If give them he did)
For without memories, what would I be?
Empty empty empty
But isn't that what I am?
Look for yourself!
Feel inside my chest
Do you feel my heart beating?
Am I warm to the touch?
No, of course not
Because I'm not real
And I never
Was me
Such thoughts would make anyone else
Cry, but I am not anyone
And I cannot cry
Sometimes I wonder
What it feels like to cry, and whether
That would make me real
I think these things in the
Unaccusing darkness of night
But when the sun rises
There I am, and I exist
And I'm me
No doubts, because look!
There's my brother
And he's smiling at me
And how could he smile at me if I was not real?
I think I'm alive
I think I think I think
But does that make me be?
I'm not so sure
Because every
Dreaded passing of the sun
Brings more and more confusion
And I feel desperate once again
I am indistinct like
Vapor
And gas is the most permeable state of matter
So that is how I can be molded
Into any shape he wants
He needs my support, so that is what I give
So what am I?
These questions circle
Around my head all night
Till the sun rises yet again
And I am sane once more
Al Al Al
That's always what he says
It's what he calls me, so is that
The truth of what I am?
Sometimes, I pretend that I have
An identity
That I am someone
Rather than an undefined entity no one sane could call human
And unless I forget
I can keep up the pretense till I believe it myself
That is, until someone comes along
And shatters me
Sometimes it's cruelty
Or simple innocence
But most often it's me
Smashing my own nonexistent heart to pieces
As I remember that I am nothing
Because I cannot forget myself
Sometimes I go to him
And ask him, "Am I real?"
He always says I am, and that makes me
Happy happy happy
It gives me hope
Wrapped up like a birthday present
That he hands me with a smile
But that only makes me want to be real all the more
So that I can smile too
I think I know the
Secret to my existence
It's faith
Faith in my brother
That he will win
That he will give me a body
That he will make me real
Like the Blue Fairy
Who turned Pinnochio into a real boy
And I don't think that's too hard
As long as I believe in him
I can hope that one day, I will be real
But tonight that hope
Lies in pieces on the ground
Shards of life lying like bits of
Stained-glass windows ironically on the floor
Instead of the wall
It's so colorful
The black, and yellow, and red
I might even say pretty
If it didn't make me feel even hollower
Than any empty suit of armor
Because there's nothing pretty about this sight
It makes me want to feel sick
But how can I?
How will I ever?
How will this murdered heart ever feel again?
Brother Brother Brother
Why did you do this?
Why didn't you tell me
You would give yourself up for my sake?
We could have worked something out
Or at least have said our
Tearful, heart-wrenching, never-ending
Goodbyes
That my life will live out to the end of my days
Because, Brother, you're
Gone gone gone
Lost in your own sacrifice
And I'm
Shattered
Without you, what would I ever be?
You were great and strong
You could live on your own
Move on, maybe
Survive
But me?
What am I?
A frightened soul in a body I no longer know
And I need you
I need you, Brother
I cannot live
I cannot breathe
Without you
Because when you are with me
I know that I
Am real


Shatter: verb (used without object) - to break into fragments


Author's Note: I wanted to do a companion poem to "Vindicate," from Al's perspective this time. I wasn't sure exactly what the subject matter would be or how I would go about doing it...that is, until I heard the beautiful song "Shattered" by Trading Yesterday. That is possibly the most beautiful song by a modern band I have ever heard, and the soft, almost grieving love it speaks of resonated with my soul.
The lines "I think I think I think/ But does that make me be?" are referring to the famous quote, "I think, therefore I am." I don't agree with it, but I have a feeling Al would probably mull over something like that. Also, the lines "I cannot live/ I cannot breathe/ Without you" were inspired by the chorus of Skillet's powerful song "Comatose." I'm not as happy with this poem as I was with "Vindication," but as J.K. Rowling says, lightning doesn't hit the same place twice.