I thought I had uploaded an AN before I left but obviously something went wrong? Anyway, sorry for not telling you then that I would leave for a while. I haven't been feeling good, and I just needed to get away, just leave and I don't know? Find new inspiration? Myself? All that stuff people are always talking about. I was kind of picturing how I would spend some time looking out over Grand Canyon, reflecting over life and the choices I have made that have taken me here, where I want to go and who I want to be.
Well, I didn't find myself, instead I found someone else. And he broke my heart. It may seem a bit dramatic (points to above text as reference), but I have honestly never felt something like that before. Never. It was a few intense weeks where I actually felt more alive than I've done in the last 3 years. And now... Now I remember why it's so much better not to feel at all.
Isn't it strange? I was looking at amazing waterfalls, gazing out over Grand Canyon in the sunset, gambling my money away in Las Vegas, sleeping in the desert, listening to country music in Nashville and now all I can see is him.
It just hurts so freaking bad. I don't know how to explain it, it was just so intense, and now the hurt is just as intense as those feelings. I know this must sound stupid and over dramatic (hey I'm a wannabe writer, of course it's dramatic) to some, but I literally feel like I've lost a part of me that I didn't even know existed. I was just so different with him? More happy and carefree. Like I didn't have all the usual problems waiting for me when I got back home.
A few weeks filled with laughter, passion, jealousy, fights, smiles, hugs, tears... and I'm changed, whether I want to be or not. Suddenly I understand the meaning of the words; "You can never to go back..."
Anyway, if anyone's been making it through this depressing text, I'm back. Expect angsty updates and probably more angsty stories for the next decade or so. I'll post this AN to the stories I'm currently working on to explain my disapperance. Right now I just want to run, just run away, but I'm trying to resist that urge.