*****The original of this is much funnier. I made it look like an official memo like what we use in the United States Air Force. Silly won't let it look like that though. Shame as I even added an Autobot symbol like a seal. Oh well. Enjoy!*****
1st BATALLION ARK-1 AUTOBOT AIR FORCE
02 February 2009
MEMORANDUM FOR: Diversionary Tactician/Psychological Officer
FROM: Chief Medical Officer Ratchet____________
SUBJECT: Go frag yourself Smokescreen____________
I am writing this because Primus hates me; also because Smokescreen seems to think that writing down random thoughts may help him understand my so called out of control temper. Normally I would tell him where he can shove his suggestion but Prime has seen fit to agree with our local CPU shrink.
1. The Lamborghini twins are insane.
2. I don't care how cute and innocent he appears, I assure you, Bumblebee is none of the above.
3. If you are sure you have a secret that no one else knows, Jazz knew about it a week before you.
4. Wheeljack has blown his left hand off 28 times since we've arrived on Earth.
5. I forgot about Red Alert. ALL LAMBORGHINIS ARE INSANE.
6. Due to excessive bitching, the following mechs are hereby forbidden from talking in my presence…Gears, Huffer, Cliffjumper, Red Alert, Sunstreaker, and Tracks.
7. I will kill whoever taught the Dinobots how to fingerpaint then told them they could practice on the walls of my med bay. This is not a threat; it is a promise.
8. I am offering a reward to the mech who brings me a remote control with a functioning mute button for Bluestreak's vocalizer.
9. I never actually thought I'd find anything useful amongst the humans' primitive tools. I was corrected when introduced to the marvel known as duct tape.
10. Datsuns are a close second behind Lamborghinis on the sanity scale (yes, I am including you Smokescreen).
11. If it is explosive, don't let Wheeljack anywhere near it.
12. If it is flammable, don't let Wheeljack anywhere near it.
13. If it is flammable, explosive, toxic, radioactive, poisonous, or corrosive don't let Wheeljack near it!!! For the love of all that is holy PLEASE just don't even let him look at it!!!
14. Add fruit to that list. Who knew oranges could create napalm?
15. I load my reports with spelling errors just to piss Prowl off.
16. Whoever gave Sideswipe his very first jetpack…I hate you.
17. I got my motto from a human t-shirt. "Violence may not be the best option…but it's still an option."
18. The incident with Cliffjumper on August 29th...I don't care who did it; I just want to know how?!
19. Ironhide is ticklish.
20. My wrench is more aerodynamic than you think.
21. The next human who asks me if I am wearing red underwear will be squished; interspecies peace act be damned.
22. 29 times. If you want a bigger list you're going to have to wait until after I've reattached Wheeljack's hand…again.
// SIGNED //
RATCHET, CMO, AUTOBOT