***** Ok had to make a change and remove the little Bluestreak part. I honestly had no idea someone out there had done a story about Bluestreak having a cat! I didn't mean to jump on someone else's story. It just made sense to me. Out of all the Autobots, the one who would most likely have a pet would be cute little Blue! So anyways, I removed it so no one would be upset. Sorry for the inconvenience and sorry if you were the one who made a story about Bluesteak owning a cat. :( *****
1st BATALLION ARK-1 AUTOBOT AIR FORCE
08 February 2009
MEMORANDUM FOR: Diversionary Tactician/Psychological Officer
FROM: Chief Medical Officer Ratchet
SUBJECT: RE:RE:RE:RE: Go frag yourself Smokescreen
Go frag myself instead? Oh that was very creative Smokescreen. I've heard better comebacks from Ravage.
1. Wiffle bats? Well at least you gave them real weapons as an option instead of something lame like shoulder missiles.
2. Now look here you Prowl clone. You make one more crack about my paintjob resembling underwear and I will rearrange your frame so that "arrow" of yours ends up upside down and where your aft should be!!!
3. Jazz doesn't just now. He finds things out because mechs like you have mouths big enough to dock Astrotrain!
4. Good idea. Maybe if you all actually paid me per visit I'd have enough to hire a real CPU shrink who actually knows their processor from a hole in the ground; thus giving them the ability to see the obvious and tell me that THERE ISN'T A SINGLE FRAGGING REASON FOR A PERFECTLY HEALTHY MECH SUCH AS MYSELF TO BE WASTING MY TIME ATTENDING USELESS ANGER MANAGEMENT THERAPY!!!!!!
5. Explain to me why Sunstreaker using Cliffjumper as a bowling pin is a bad thing?
6. You son of a glitch! You knew they painted things in my storage closet and waited that long to tell me?! Oh, oh yeah, you and me are going to dance.
7. You'd be surprised how much more cooperation I get from scaring a mech to the point of lubricating on himself instead of just saying "please."
8. I never said that I used duct tape to fix your primary coolant pump. I said I used it to hold it together.
9. Your motherboard would enjoy every second of it and you know it. Ironhide and I are not in the same category. Allow me to elaborate. I am an ambulance. Ironhide is a soccer mom van. I fix injured mechs. Ironhide blows other mechs up which makes him feel better about having a soccer mom van for an alt mode. I have a chevron on my helm which houses an advanced sensor net allowing me to better diagnose my patients. Ironhide has a mohawk that serves no real purpose so far as I can tell except making him look like that ridiculous human Mr. T.
10. That's it! When the duct tape starts to fall off of your primary coolant pump you can go to Wheeljack to fix it! Let's see how you feel about his explosive record when he has his hands in your chassis! You're a betting mech; I give you a 50/50 chance of something going BOOM during the procedure!
11. Very good Smokescreen, welcome to the world wide web. Now do me a favor. Google waste of time and tell me if your anger management class pops up.
12. I felt sorry for the tree, not Sideswipe's aft.
13. Gasp! Did you use the term retarded? Tsk, tsk, tsk. How very inconsiderate of you Mr. Sensitive. I do believe the correct term is mentally challenged. Now what do you suppose the human therapists would have to say about your usage of such vulgar and derogatory terminology?
14. Ah yes, I can see how the reverse polarity puts things into a different perspective. I am still clueless as to where the kitten plays a role in all this. Wait; please tell me it has nothing to do with the whiskers!
15. Companionable pillow!
16. I can use my wrench to change the flow from your energon converter which could turn you into an explosive.
17. Oh and way to skip number 16 and go straight to a number 17 on your last reply. I'm assuming math was not a deciding factor when you were selected to go to Psychiatry School.
// SIGNED //
RATCHET, CMO, AUTOBOT