Bathtime (or The Revenge of the Rubber Duck)

Author's Note: Written for the livejournal batfic_contest prompt "Birds" in less than 500 words; first posted there on 19 January 2009.


The rubber duck floated gently in the sea of bubbles, its black lipstick and cherry-red nail varnish decoration suggestive of a certain teenage sidekick's avian costume.

"When the red red robin comes bob bob bobbin' along…" Harley sang, volume and enthusiasm making up for being slightly off-key.

Her voice echoed around the large bathroom, and she thought again how nice it was to hideout somewhere with hot running water for a change. She wished Mistah J would decide to crash ritzy apartments rather than abandoned warehouses more often.

"There'll be plenty of sobbing when he goes swimming with concrete shoes?" a voice offered the next line from the other side of the door.

"That doesn't rhyme Puddin'!" she called back. "You need somethin' that rhymes with along – like song, or wrong. Or thong. Or Hong Kong…"

"Harley, I lost interest even before you started talking again. Carry on drowning yourself or whatever you're trying to do in there."

"A-okay Mistah J! But the offer's still open if you wanna join me – this tub's huge, there's plenty of room for two…"

"That toaster from the kitchen will be joining you before I do, Pooh."

Harley giggled. Her Puddin' was evidently still in a good mood from having fun with the former owners of the apartment earlier, and when he was happy she was happy.

She returned to her Boy Blunder duck and dragged it down beneath the bubbly surface.

"Oh no! Glug glug! Help me Batman!" She was no Vetriloquist but she thought she'd got the voice down pretty well, dialing up the squeaky teenagerishness a bit. "I'm – glug – drowning!"

Then she lowered her voice to a comical growl. "Never fear my jailbait sidekick – I'll save you! Batloofah to the rescue!"

Batloofah looked raring to go, with his hastily-constructed flannel cape 'n' cowl and lipsticked grumpy frown. She launched him in the general direction of the Robin duck where he rapidly started to soak up the bathwater.

"Oh no – I'm sinking!" she growled. "Glug glug! Why did I make my stupid costume from such absorbant materials? Glug!"

Harley cheered as the Batloofah sunk to the bottom of the tub. "Ha! Serves you right, stupid ol' Batloofah."

She encouraged the Boy Blunder duck to drown himself in sympathy, but it kept bobbing back up to the surface.

"Puddin'!" she called, frustrated. "The Robin duck refuses to stay dead!"

"They're troublesome like that, pumpkin," the voice offered cheerily from the living room. "Just keep trying."

Tying a pumice stone around its neck just made the floatation problem worse, and dousing it in shampoo did nothing. Pouting, Harley clambered out of the tub and wrapped herself in a fluffy towel before grabbing the duck and dropping it into the toilet bowl.

"Bye bye birdie!" she sang, pressing the handle and giggling with satisfaction as the duck was sucked down into the swirling vortex.

Harley smiled in contentment for a few seconds until water started backing up and cascaded over the floor and her feet.


Author's Note: Honestly? I have no idea either. My thought process was something along the lines of "rubber ducks – they're fun".

And how did I just write 500 words of naked!Harley and keep it PG?