"Bass! Care too explain what this," Blair held up a neon pink bow-tie in her hand. "Is doing mixed in with my white silk sheets?" She demanded.
"You tell me, Waldorf." He smirked back at her. "And since when are they your sheets? I thought that now that we were living together the whole 'what's mine is yours' thing would kick in?"
"Oh it's already in place," Blair assured him sweetly, throwing her arms around his neck. "Except you got some of the lines mixed up. It's 'what's yours is mine and what's mine is my own'. Get it?"
"Love you too babe." Chuck said sarcastically. "Remind me again who makes the money around here? For someone who's not a gold-digger you are surprisingly carefree about using my credit cards."
Blair's arms dropped to her sides. "Excuse me?" She asked dangerously. "So now I'm just some two-a-penny slut who's only interested in you for your money?"
"You said it, not me." Chuck restrained from laughing at the look on her face. Well, he attempted to anyway.
Her eyes hardened. "Fine. If that's what you think." She grabbed a pair of scissors.
"Waldorf what are you doing?" He asked warily. "Because if you're going to kill me you could at least have given me some notice."
Blair gave him a reassuring smile. "I'm not going to kill you. And even if I was I wouldn't do it with a scissors."
"Why of course not silly! I don't plan on killing you until at least after we get married." She said casually. "No, I'll give it a few months. Then after the honeymoon period runs it's course, I'll start dropping hints about you banging your secretary, then, one day when you least expect it, I'll subtly pour a little poison into your morning coffee and then after you croak it I'll plead the fifth and escape to Bermuda with all of your money and a fabulous new man."
"Chuck close your mouth, regardless of your name; the gaping fish look is very unbecoming on you." She told him brightly.
"We've been living together for less then a week and already you've signed my death warrant." He stated hoarsely. "You know what? I can't even say I'm surprised anymore."
She shrugged and took all of her credit cards out of her purse, she then raised the scissors, and then, with shaking hands and more then a few failed attempts, she snipped each one in half while her boyfriend watched on with a smirk on his face.
"You do know what you've just done?" Chuck asked her. "It will take at least a few days to get those reinstated, and you know that I only have my platinum card with me until the joint account is set up."
"I know." Blair told him, looking all wide eyed and innocent.
"So you've just given up all ability to shop and to eat out for the next few days? Don't you have that big shopping spree with Serena planned for later?"
"Yep." She made sure to pop the 'p' at the end of her sentence.
"And you are planning on doing what for money...?"
"Oh I'm sure I'll think of something." She winked at him before sauntering back to their bedroom. "After all, golddiggers are very good at getting nice men to do them favors..."
"You're bluffing." He shook his head. "You wouldn't dare. B? Blair!"
"Wait, am I hearing this right?" Serena laughed incredulously. "You voluntarily cut up all of your credit cards?"
"For the hundredth time, yes." Blair sighed exasperatedly. "Why is that so hard for everyone to believe?" She took one look at Serena's face. "On second thoughts, don't answer that."
"But what are you going to do?" Serena giggled. "I mean you can use mine if you want but-"
"And let that Basshole win?" Blair asked, looking completely aghast at the idea. "Never. I'll find a way. Don't you worry."
"I know that look B. What are you planning?" Serena looked concerned.
"What about that guy?" Serena asked. "He's cute, he's obviously wealthy, and he doesn't have a ring on his finger." She glanced at her best friend who was currently trying on a strapless, red satin dress. "Then again, with you dressed like that I don't think it'd matter either way."
Blair shot her a look. "That guy's ugly S. His hair is too short and too blond, he's too tall, and he has dimples. Dimples, Serena. Who the hell has them anymore?"
Serena put her hand to her mouth to stifle her laughter. "Blair, if I hadn't already known it before, this proves it. You are hopelessly devoted to Chuck Bass."
Blair's eyes widened. "I am, aren't I? Oh God. That's it. I'm going in." Blair deftly unzipped the back of the dress while adding a few extra tugs on the zip, and stepped out of the changing room and into the store. "Excuse me, sir?"
"I was just wondering if you could help me with my dress? The zip, it wont go up and I can't find the shop assistant - Do you think...?"
Serena had to admire the way Blair's cheeks flushed with pink at the exact moments and her shy smile was expertly done. The girl was a born actress, she thought wryly.
"Sh*t." The man swore. "I think I broke the zip."
"What?" Blair cried, her eyes widening in despair. "But I need the dress for my friends gala the day after tomorrow!"
"Couldn't you buy it now and get it fixed before then?" The man looked so guilty that Blair had a sudden surge of conscious.
"No, I forgot my purse at home and I fly to Paris tonight." Blair explained patiently. "I was going to have the shop assistant fly it out for me but they won't possibly do it if I damaged it!"
"Well allow me to purchase it for you," The man offered graciously. "No, please, I insist." He pushed her towards the till and handed his credit card to the cashier amidst Blair's feeble protests.
"I can't possibly let you do this." Blair said weakly as he handed her the receipt. "You have to at least let me repay you. What's you name and telephone number? I'll ring you to reimburse you the second I get home."
"Really, there's no need." He smiled, "Although, I would be delighted to have a beautiful woman join me for lunch?"
Blair hesitated and put her hand on his arm. "I'd really love to join you, but I can't lie. I'm actually in a relationship right now."
"Of course you do," He looked faintly disappointed, but soon shook it off. "A pretty girl like you..."
"I just wanted to be honest." Blair said sincerely.
"Well surely your boyfriend wouldn't mind two friends having a little lunch?" He tried.
A wicked smirk came upon Blair's face. "I'm sure he'll be thrilled that I've made a new friend. I'll just go and get changed shall I?"
"You called her a what?" Nate spluttered, in between bouts of laughter.
"I didn't call her anything," Chuck said, growing irritated at his best friend. "She called herself a golddigger, I just... Failed to correct her?"
"You realize that you're a dead man walking?" Nate was practically doubled over.
"Yes Nathaniel, I had realized." Chuck spat. "She wouldn't do anything stupid though, would she?"
"Nah," Nate waved the question off unconcernedly. "Blair doesn't have an adulteress bone in her body, most likely she'll just flirt with some guy to piss you off and get Serena to exaggerate the details."
Just then the door opened and Serena walked in, laden down with bags. Blair entered a few seconds later with one single bag clutched in her hand and a smug look on her face.
"Hey guys." She said cheerfully. "Want to see my new dress?" She held the red satin up to her chest for them to see, while Serena sat giggling in the corner.
"It's nice." Nate choked out, unable to meet any of them in the eye lest he start laughing again.
"Serena was very generous." Chuck told her, clearly relieved that she came home in one piece.
"Oh I didn't buy it for her." Serena assured him. "I ate lunch with Dan today."
"What?" Chuck asked tersely as Blair skipped into the bedroom to change into her new dress. "Who the hell bought it for her."
Serena shrugged mysteriously before collapsing on the sofa with Nate as Chuck stormed after Blair.
"Who bought you the damn dress?" Chuck demanded as his girlfriend examined her reflection in the mirror.
"It's cute isn't it? I mean aside from the torn zip, but I can get Dorota to run that up." Blair said thoughtfully.
She finally turned to face him. "You know Chuck, I learned something today. I'm a pretty girl, and pretty girls are never lonely for long."
Chuck glared at her. "Don't even try it Waldorf. I know you would never cheat."
Blair smiled at him. "That's another thing I learned today – I would never want to. I'm happy, I like our apartment, I like that I get to wake up to you every morning and go to sleep with you every night. I like that I can drop in to see you at the office at any time, and eat lunch with you whenever I want..."
"So you're saying that me worrying my ass off all day was redundant because you are too comfortable to ever bother to stray?" Chuck asked in exasperation. "Couldn't you have just told me you loved me and made me apologize for being an asshole and left it at that?"
"Probably." Blair shrugged happily. "But what would be the fun in that?"