The end at last…
I return form burying the shifter's car in some forgotten place deep into the ground. I did my best to crush the thing into an unrecognizable figure and then dispose of it as far away from Bon Temps as I could manage. The pictures and wallet I burnt on the fireplace until there was nothing but cinders left. Sookie had done a good job of cleaning the kitchen and hopefully there really would be no incriminating evidence left for her to worry about in the future. Alcide's little show earlier during the meeting where he had all but thrown Debbie out of his life and from his pack had also helped. Despite tonight's upsetting events, I can't help but feel happy that I have proven my worth. I'll no longer have to be burden.
Sookie is in bed, the weight of sleeping falling heavily upon her as she hugs her legs and body to herself. I reach out to hold her hand and kiss her chastely on the cheek.
"All done," I tell her.
"Thanks, baby," she mumbles sleepily though her hold on my hand is firm.
"Anything for you," I whisper in the night, barely audible enough for her to hear. "Good night, my lover." She smiles drowsily and then her breathing slows as sleep takes her away from me…
Dawn is coming, I can feel the weight of sleep dragging me in slowly but I must fight it because I am compelled to be by her side for as long as I can manage. There is this feeling… a sensation that after this night, nothing will be the same. Her brother is still missing and I have done nothing to keep her from pain.
I could have killed Debbie when I had the chance. It could have saved her the pain of staining her mind, forever ingrained in her conscience. But I didn't. Just like Bill has failed her in the past and just like he failed to watch over Debbie tonight… But I know I have not failed her and I do not think myself capable of ever doing so. As long as she will have me, I will do my best to keep her safe whilst I am at her side.
She is deep in sleep. I know this simply because the grip she had on my hand has weakened and I am holding on to her, too afraid to let go. Am I afraid of losing her? Or am I only afraid of losing myself without her? Nothing is certain now… But dawn is near and I must leave her side as the pull becomes stronger.
There are things I must tell her, though it must be done in whispers because I do not want to wake her from an already troubled sleep. I thank her for her kindness. I apologize for my uselessness and the trouble I have brought her in her life since the beginning. I look inside myself like she suggested and find these feelings to be true. It's my fault her brother is missing, surely. And I whisper that I have developed feelings for her beyond what I admitted, perhaps even the beginnings of love.
How very foolish of me, a part of me thinks.
I pull myself away, and slowly release her hand from mine as I am now the one who is gripping hers for comfort. My hand caresses hers as it begins to pull away, and I can feel every tiny vessel of blood pumping in her hands against mine. I am aware of every beat of her heart and every change in the texture of her skin. Her hand is on the bed now and the tips of our fingers are the last to touch until I am left cold without her warmth.
I can't help but hesitate to walk away from her and that blessed room that was our sanctuary from the world. But the dawn approaches and I must hurry, to keep myself safe from the sun; to keep her from ever losing me. My own existence is more important than ever than before because it matters to her. I inspect the windows and kitchen, ensuring that all locks are in place and that there is no trace of the shifter she killed tonight. There is a chair wedged underneath the door knob that the shifter had used to break into our home. There is nothing I can do about that but tomorrow I will set about to fixing it. And I remember her calendar. She had nearly forgotten about that until I had reminded her of it. It's a part of her daily routine and I change the page for her so that she can remember. The new word of the day is, Vicissitude- unexpected change, mutability, variation of a circumstance in life- it's all a jumble to me now and I must rest. I shall ask her about that tomorrow night.
The crawling space is a tight fit and the smell of mold and humidity does not make the experience any easier every night. If all goes well, now that there is no danger at bay, I shall make accommodations and protect her. In all her preoccupation tonight, she had the foresight to leave it open for me and even included a small pillow as well. I close my eyes.
The water drips. There is the sound of gunfire and flesh being blown apart, a gasp of surprise and shock… a stab of pain in my chest that I can hardly bear it. Is it my cry or hers, or the shifters as the gun blows off half of her body? There is red everywhere- in the flashing city lights, in the fireplace, in the blood that stains the floor and my lover's face. There is the smell of blood and sweat and the cries of agony of those on the battlefield. Swords and axes- guns and wooden knives… So much blood and death and I am enjoying the thrill and horror of it all. She kisses me as I make my promises to her, her eyes wide with surprise and sadness all the same. And her lips… her lips are red with blood and I only want to taste her crimson lips. In my mind, we travel backwards home, the way we should have gone all along instead of joining the battlefield.
And the water drips and drips, stained red with blood. There are so many things and words and whispers that I try to keep together as I feel them slipping away. I do not want to forget but there are things I do not want to remember. She is telling me she cares for me, she is telling me about her family and their deaths. Beatitudes and loss. And her feelings that she has begun to develop for me cause her to blush pink. But these feelings are nothing but a nuisance and an inconvenience if I plan to survive.
That water keeps on dripping, cooling her heated skin as I caress her and silently claim her as mine with my lips. She has already claimed me as hers. But instead I am walking back from the shower, the curtain falling back into place as she stands there unaware of my presence. There is steam and water… Water, water everywhere, nor any drop to drink. I can't help but laugh if only to bring her comfort from the pain she is in.
I want to go forward but I am being pulled away. Can she hear me?
There is no longer a feeling of peace and comfort without her trust though she has allowed me into her bed and held my hand. She slept soundly then, untroubled by the deed she will commit in a few days or of her brother's disappearance the next morning. She is still so innocent and her hand is small and warm.
The water that drips into the basin is stained with blood and grime but my feet are just as hurt. She is wary of me and irritated… Where is my lover? Where am I? To where am I headed? And who has placed me on this road? The void will swallow me whole and I must run back to her, and take comfort in her safety. My heart desires nothing more than to be with her, even if there is nothing but danger ahead. I try to run forward and feel pulled back, a never-ending road with no end in sight.
"When did her brother go missing?"
"The very next day after Chow and I paid you a visit here."
"Pam, did you take him?"
"No though it really is shame I never though of it. I'm beginning to think his disappearance has nothing to do with you or the witches at all." Pam looks at her freshly polished nails and there is no trace of the fierce battle she claims to have had with Hallow the night before.
I nod in silent agreement. Ever since I woke, I have been frantically trying to recall anything, even the slightest memory of these past few nights. But there's nothing. Over a thousand years of knowledge that I can recall in an instant but nothing of these recent events. Chow is dead as well as Hallow. Jason is gone and Sookie is far too distant and strange and it bothers me that I care why.
I still can't forget the way her face when she realized that I remembered nothing and though she tries to brush it off, I know she is lying.
"Are you well?"
I look up at Pam from where I am sitting, drumming my fingers idly on Sookie's old kitchen table. The entire place reeks of ammonia and various cleaning products. It's far too clean for a kitchen that is used by humans on a daily and nightly basis. I was here for several nights but in this kitchen, there is no traceable scent for me to follow. Odd. At least the room I had woken up in had been familiar to me in scent but this was far too strange.
I look around, half expecting to see Sookie standing behind me until I remember that she had left nearly an hour ago. I had been to preoccupied settling my affairs with Pam that I had not even noticed when she had left. At the mere thought of her, there is the feeling that I should set something right though I have no idea what I have done wrong. Ever since she came into my life, I often find myself doing things for this mere human girl that I have not done for as long as I can remember. It's foolish and idiotic. More importantly, it's suicidal that I should think of her so often when she is nothing but a mere human. A very delectable and desirable human, of course.
"I am well." I say as I rise from the chair and look around the kitchen one last time. Pam keeps a close watch on me and glances at me carefully with glinting eyes, "Did you bring the checkbook with you?"
"Yes," She replies.
"Good. I want to pay her what is due."
"The full amount?"
"According to her and you, she took care of me these past nights and as you can see," I motion to myself, "I am unscathed."
She pulls out the checkbook from her Chanel purse swiftly and hands it over to me. Once I am done with it, I place it neatly under her salt shaker for Sookie to find when she returns home. Meanwhile, Pam has occupied herself with roaming the kitchen and the house only to return with a man's modest brown jacket made out of poor quality. She carries it over to me with a theatrical air of disgust for its quality.
"This," she raises it up and hands it to me, "belongs to you. Last night you took great care to keep it clean and hid it safely behind a tree. Kind of cute of you actually." She adds smiling.
"Pam," I glare at her. "Do you know what happened while I was here?"
She shakes her head innocently in reply but I know she is lying. Why is everybody lying to me tonight?
"All I know," Pam takes the jacket from my hands and begins to help me put it on, "is that you followed her around like a puppy. You two became quite attached to each other but aside from that," she says as she tries to dust the jacket's shoulders on me by standing on tip-toe. "I really have no idea. You're going to have to ask her yourself if you really want to know what happened."
There is no point in lingering any longer in this house. There is nothing for me to take and I hope that the money I have left Sookie is more than enough to repay her for what she has done for me. I step out into the cold evening and see the first snowflakes begin to fall in the darkness.
"Are you coming with me?" Pam asks as she closed the front door behind her and follows my gaze up the sky.
"I'll think I'll fly tonight."
Pam knows me far to well to say anything about that and walks down the porch steps and gets into her car. The engine roars as she flashes the headlights at me and waves at me. Soon, she is gone. I tuck my hands into the pockets of the jacket and see something fall from the sleeve. It's small and the white snow begins to swallow it easily but I recognize it for what it is. Brain tissue. I give the front door one last glance before I take off into the white night.
So thanks for following this story and I really loved all the lovely reviews. Real life got in the way so it took a while to finish but finally got around to it. I'm actually proud of myself for finally being able to label this as complete and not having it be a one-shot! =D
I'll be enjoying True Blood and hopefully getting some new ideas!