Apologia

Summary: Companion piece to my story "My Sister Rosalie". Lemonerific. Spoilerific. Violenterific. Other summaries urge you to read their stories, this one urges the opposite: DO NOT READ THIS STORY! You have been warned.

I really had no desire to write this story. Really. But, as I'm sure some of my colleagues know all too well, some stories simply refuse to remain unwritten.

In my story "My Sister Rosalie", a story told entirely from Bella Swan's perspective, her dream of the honeysuckle and rose garden begs the question: what was happening in the world outside her dream? What was Rosalie experiencing as Bella floated in the ocean of her dream? The only way the reader would know the answer to those questions would be if Bella would know, and Bella, although very inquisitive, has not had much success in prying information from her captor. Prying this story from Rosalie would be an impossibility. Certainly Rosalie does share things with Bella, but if she were to share something from this experience, it would only be a word or two, not the complete story presented here.

That's a shame for me and for some of my readers on my story "My Sister Rosalie". So, I am providing this story as a community service for me and for them. I am providing it as a service, but I really must say the following.

Please don't read this story for two reasons.

First and foremost, this is the Midnight Sun-equivalent, the companion story, to my story "My Sister Rosalie", specifically, this story revolves around the thoughts and feelings Rosalie experiences on Bella's dream-filled night in February, 1934. This means starting from the end of the chapter entitled: "Compulsion" (circa chapter 22) and ending just past the end of the chapter entitled: "Rain by a Rose Garden" (circa chapter 24).

Please meditate carefully on this conundrum, dear reader. Rosalie's thoughts are opaque to Bella for the entire first book of "My Sister Rosalie", and Rosalie does not begin to open up to her captive until after the second book picks up steam.

In short, this story is a very big spoiler for "My Sister Rosalie". Put another way, you didn't read the Midnight Sun fragment until after you had read Twilight (several times) first, right?

Don't read this story.

Second, Book I of "My Sister Rosalie" is, to use the colloquialism, lemon-free. There are no explicit descriptions in that book of things of a sexual nature.

This story, my dear reader, is nearly the opposite. This contains Rosalie's unmasked thoughts, and so things that happen to her in those chapters mentioned above from "My Sister Rosalie" are graphically depicted. Also, she reflects, quite frankly, on her current situation vis-à-vis Bella, including, but not limited to, contemplating murder in the first degree, as well as other feelings equally as explicit, possibly intimate, and definitely Not Safe For Work (NSFW). She also reflects on her experiences throughout her human life ... those human experiences that she is able to recall now as a vampire, that is. There are actually only a few human memories she has kept. Most of them are painful. As we know from Eclipse, she recalls quite clearly her rape and torture at the hands of her fiancé, Royce King II. She thinks about these things in Eclipse, and she also thinks about them here in this story, as well.

In short, this story is graphic in its depiction of things of violence, things of a sexual nature, and things of containing elements of both.

Don't read this story.

Still reading this story? Sigh! If I could have given this a story a more exclusive rating that "M", then I would have. Since I have not found a way to do this, I have this caveat.

You have been warned.


Chapter Synopses:

1. A/N — "Apologia et Synopses": Author's note. Companion piece to my story "My Sister Rosalie". Lemonerific. Spoilerific. Violenterific. Other summaries urge you to read their stories, this one urges the opposite: DO NOT READ THIS STORY! You have been warned.

2. Chapter 1 — "The Task: Rosalie": I have a task to do. It is as simple as that.

3. Chapter 2 — "Memories and Sight: Edward": Edward. I was made for him, and he suits me. Beautiful, smart, a gentleman: courtly. Then he had to fall for this plain little excuse of a girl. Did I mention she's human? Edward is such a stupid brat, isn't he? Too bad he's going to kill me.

4. Chapter 3 — "Transformation: Esme": One of the many things vampires shouldn't do is to play "house". All vampires are islands, and it's best that they stay that way. Of course, Esme doesn't really count as a vampire, though. Esme, the 'mommy' vampire! Does she even drink blood?

5. Chapter 4 — "Intermezzo: Medicine: Father": Bella would drink more than a little taste of what she thinks is the distillation of Rosalie's voice to ease her coughing fit. But what was it, really? Rosalie recalls her own human experience and the bittersweet taste of the medicine on her tongue and in her heart.

Chapter 5 — "Her Name: Mother"

6. Chapter 5, part I —"My Own Little Girl": Eternity. One would think one has plenty of time to think deep thoughts. One would think rightly. But when those thoughts are thought, what is to be done about them? What if nothing can be done about them? Eternity renders time moot, but it doesn't grant patience. Just the opposite, in fact, for me.

7. Chapter 5, part II —"Birds and Bees": All children grow to become their parents. You think my father was harsh? It's not polite for the undead to speak ill of the living, so I'll only say that I wish, wish, wish I turned out like him, instead of ... Well, if wishes were horses ...

8. Chapter 5, part III —"Opposites": Vampires must be very, very careful in everything they do in this world, for, if not, we destroy what we touch. Even our very thoughts can destroy so, so easily. Even my very thoughts. I so liked that name, too. Ah, too bad!

9. Chapter 5, P.S. —"The Help": Anything, anything, touches a Hale or what is a Hale's, and I'll make sure that it, and all its friends, know how terrible a mistake that was. I will make them know, and never forget, and never, ever, trespass on a Hale again. Ever.

10. Chapter 5, P.P.S. —"Gwendolyn Hale": Mother. She was right, in her way, and I was wrong. But being right? It was nothing to gloat about. The surprising thing for me? Mother didn't gloat, but she didn't whine, either. Instead she did what she must. Mother is a Hale.

Chapter 6 — "The Soul: the Singer"

11. Chapter 6, part I —"Scents, Venom": I come home from hunting wolf — ugh, wolf! — to find this? You'd figure with everything giving this area a wide berth because I had marked it as my territory, this would be a safe haven for the girl. But how can I protect her from herself? ... How can I protect her from me?

12. Chapter 6, part II —"Family Time": Nothing like a group of vampires getting together to play family. Except when one of them doesn't march to that happy tune. And then comes a little cowgirl: Oh, this is the one we really wanted! What to do? What to do?

13. Chapter 6, part III —"Escape": You really have to wonder at the impudence of the girl to come barging into what she knows is a vampires' house and then parade her detecting skills so brazenly. What did she think I would do? Pat her on the head?

14. Chapter 6, part IV —"Lust": You know, I'd rather not summarize my thoughts here. All the girl did was lay there, dying, and all I did while I tried to save her was to become a more wretched and despicable monster with each passing second. "No Summary" just sounds better.

15. Chapter 6, part V —"Bloodlust": How had Edward done it? The call of the girl's blood was so strong — so strong — that if I didn't find a way to fight it, she would be drained and dead this very moment. He resisted her song somehow. How had Edward done it?

16. Chapter 6, part VI —"Why?": As if I cared about what my venom can or can't do. I only care about one thing, okay? Me. Rosalie Lillian Hale. I don't need anything other than that. I don't need her, either. So leave me the Hell alone, okay? ... please?

17. Chapter 7 — "The End: God": Well, at least I don't love the thing. That would make killing her really hard, now, wouldn't it? If I loved her, it would just destroy me to kill her, so I simply must not allow myself to love her. No matter what.

18. Epilogue — "Reveille: Rose": I have this "consolation." It can only get worse from here, and then she will die, because I will kill her with my own hands, hopefully, ... and then I will be destroyed. And this is the best-case scenario.