Disclaimer: I do not own Psych. Grrr!! Nor do I own The Writer's Toolbox. Okay, well I don't own the rights to it, but I do own one. It totally comes in handy for a story like this!
Author's Note: I got the idea to do this story after watching the Psych webisode "Calling Lassie". (If you haven't seen it, go to the Psych website and watch it. It's hysterical!). Enjoy!
INT. Psych Office. Day.
(GUS sits in chair as SHAWN enters from kitchen carrying a small box labeled "The Writer's Toolbox".)
SHAWN: Alright, Gus. It's time to kick the Prank Calling War up a notch!
GUS: What're you talking about, Shawn? You won the Prank Calling War. I thought we were done with that.
SHAWN: Au contraire my cocoa colored friend! We have only just begun.
(SHAWN sits in chair and opens The Writer's Toolbox)
SHAWN (con't): This is the answer to our every prayer, our ever wish, our ever whim… Whim?... Whimsical?… Whim?… Gus, which is it?
GUS: It's whim.
SHAWN: Egh, I've heard it both ways.
GUS: Just get on with it, Shawn.
SHAWN: Calm down, Gus. No need to be a steamed artichoke… Now, where was I? Oh yes! The box.
(GUS rolls his eyes)
SHAWN: In this box contains the most ridiculous of statements, statements that we will use in our Prank Calling War. In order to win, you must pull a random statement from the box, work that statement into the conversation with Lassie, and keep him on the phone for the longest amount of time. If you fail to incorporate your statement, 30 seconds will be deducted from your time… So what do you say, Gus? Deal or no deal?
(GUS ignores SHAWN's last remark and eyes the box)
GUS Where did you get this from?
SHAWN: Barnes and Noble.
GUS: What were you doing at Barnes and Noble?
SHAWN: Picking up this.
(SHAWN holds up a book called 1001 Ways To Cook A Pineapple)
GUS: Sweet! Let me see that!
(GUS reaches for the book but SHAWN pulls it away)
SHAWN: Uh ah ah. Not so fast, Gus. The loser has to cook the winner whatever he wants from this book.
(GUS thinks this over for a second)
(SHAWN grabs the phone)
SHAWN (con't): Shall you go first or shall I?
GUS: I got this.
(GUS takes phone from SHAWN. SHAWN smiles mischievously and holds out the open box for GUS. GUS closes his eyes and reaches in, pulling out a popsicle stick that says…)
GUS: "Eloise was my half-sister, but everyone thought she was my cousin." What am I supposed to do with this, Shawn?!
SHAWN: That's up to you to figure out, buddy. Now get dialing.
(GUS gives SHAWN a dirty look but dials anyway. SHAWN looks at his watch and begins to time the call)
INT. SBPD. Day. Lassiter's Desk.
(LASSITER's phone begins to ring and he answers it)
LASSITER: Detective Lassiter.
(GUS disguises his voice as a high-pitched, girly voice)
GUS: Yes, hi. I would like to report a missing person.
(LASSITER becomes alert and quickly takes out a pen and paper)
LASSITER: Who is the person and what was your relationship to them?
(Cut back to: SHAWN and GUS)
GUS: Eloise was my half-sister, but everyone thought she was my cousin.
(GUS sticks his tongue out at SHAWN in victory for using his line in the conversation. SHAWN scoffs)
GUS (con't): Although I don't really understand why, because we hung out so much that we could really be considered friends. Well, best friends, actually. We did everything together, told each other everything. But, like I said, she was my half-sister.
LASSITER: And how long has Eloise been missing?
GUS: About an hour.
LASSITER: … An hour?
GUS: Well, fifty-five minutes, actually.
(LASSITER is annoyed. He doesn't have time to deal with someone like this)
LASSITER (con't): Hang on, Miss. Let me transfer you to someone who can help you in this troubling matter.
(LASSITER presses a button on his phone, shaking his head in annoyance)
INT. SBPD. Day. McNABB's Desk.
(The phone rings and McNABB answers it)
(Cut back to: SHAWN and GUS)
(GUS looks confused)
GUS: Buzz, just ignore this call, okay?
(GUS hangs up the phone and looks at SHAWN)
SHAWN: 42 seconds.
(GUS smiles and hands SHAWN the phone)
GUS: Beat that!
(SHAWN closes his eyes and reaches into The Writer's Toolbox, pulling out a popsicle stick that says…)
SHAWN: "Dad gave me a wink, like we were pals or something." Sweet!
(GUS does a double-take)
GUS: What? You got an idea already?!
SHAWN: You bet your shiny head I do.
(GUS slumps back into his chair, beginning to time the call. Shawn dials)
(Cut to: LASSITER's Desk)
(The phone rings and LASSITER answers)
LASSITER: Detective Lassiter.
(SHAWN speaks in deliberate slowness)
SHAWN: Hello, sir. My name is Ichabod Humperdink, and I am calling on behalf of your ears! Did you know that as you age, it gets harder and harder for you to hear everyday sounds, such as someone talking? Well, I have called to give you the chance to take a simple and free auditory test, during which I will determine how old you are based on how well you can hear. The test, sir, is quite simple. Just listen to what I say and repeat it back. Ready?
LASSITER: Look, I don't want to participate in any test -
(Cut to: SHAWN and GUS)
SHAWN: Dad gave me a wink like we were pals or something… Now, repeat it back.
(Click. LASSITER hangs up)
(SHAWN looks at the phone, then back up at GUS)
GUS: 47 seconds.
(SHAWN smiles in triumph and tosses "1001 Ways To Cook A Pineapple" in GUS's lap)
SHAWN: I would like the Pineapple Pudding, please.
GUS: Uh uh! No way, Shawn! I want a rematch!
SHAWN: Sorry, Gus, but I won fair and square. Pudding please.
(Gus looks as though he is going to hit Shawn but then thinks better of it)
GUS: Fine! But we're playing again tomorrow.
SHAWN: You bet!
Author's Note: So what did you think? Please review and let me know. Oh, and don't forget to go the Psych website and watch "Calling Lassie" if you haven't already seen it! It's awesome! Please review! Bye!