A/N: Possibly the stupidest thing I've ever written. Oh well. Enjoy my dumplings. And Happy Valentine's Day!

Disclaimer: Still not mine. I reserve the rights to my created holiday though. *grins evilly* You shall soon see…


A Lovely New Holiday

It was official. Pink was her new enemy. Screw Voldy. He couldn't hold a candle to that retched color.

Unless, of course, he someday decided to wear pink robes. Then she'd have to reorganize her priorities.

Stalking her way to the Great Hall for breakfast, Hermione couldn't help but feel completely nauseated by the cardboard cutouts surrounding her. Pictures of pink hearts, pink arrows, pink teddy bears and pink roses were everywhere. It was revolting. Such things shouldn't be allowed in a building of education, she decided. It could make pupils sick. The health of the student body should always be put first.

Add on the pink bows, the pink confetti, the pink frou-frous and the pink glitter dust that hung, painted or covered every surface of the castle… the decor could practically be considered as visual pollution!

She held back a groan as she entered the Great Hall. It was even worse: pink fairies were actually flying around. It was a bit of a pick-me-up that there weren't any cupids soaring about this year, though.

Hermione smiled. The little buggers had gotten quite nasty last year. Who could've predicted their violent reaction to free Firewhiskey?

She spotted Harry and Ron sitting at their usual spots. Automatically, she made to go join them, but stopped herself half way. Ginny was attached to Harry's face and Ron was in the process of eating Lavender's tongue. Hermione sighed. Was she really in the mood for a free sex show this morning?

Her eyes trailed up and down the Gryffindor table. She felt her mood hit an all time low. Every face was either glued to somebody's neck, hidden behind somebody else's mop of hair or getting sucked off in one way or another.

She was about to turn around and head back up to the common room, hungry or not, when a splash of red caught her eye. Hermione frowned. Fred was sitting all alone at the edge of the table, sipping a cup of coffee, oblivious to the human-sized hormones that plagued his surroundings.

She took a deep breath. Did she dare go sit with him? She rarely initiated a conversation with Fred and other people were almost always around when they hung out together.

Plus, he looked so gosh-darn cute with his tousled hair and sleepy grin.

Hermione shrugged, tucking her warm feelings for the boy away. She made herself walk forward. Fred was the only social contact that she'd be getting on this horrible day. She glared at the huge banner that stretched from one end of the Great Hall to the other: "HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!" was painted in violent red.

Hermione suppressed another urge to retch. She wasn't too fond of red things either, come to think of it.

Her eyes turned back towards the redheaded boy she was approaching.

But it was better than pink at any rate.

"Mind if I join you?" She asked, trying to sound cheerful as she took a seat next to the distracted boy.

Fred gave a start, having been jerked out of his lovely daydreams. He looked Hermione up and down with a grin. I love it when my dreams come true, he mused, shaking his head.

"How could I refuse such a pretty little thing?" He quipped.

Hermione tried not to blush. It was true that she had made a bit of an effort this morning, in a futile attempt to give herself a little bit of self confidence. Just to outlive the day. But she still hadn't been able to call herself pretty as she had analyzed her reflection in the mirror.

"Feeling sarcastic much?" She joked, grabbing a piece of toast. Pink toast. She grimaced.

Fred laughed, seeing her reaction. "I know. It's horrible. I almost wet my pants when I woke up this morning. I thought I had died in my sleep and been sent to Hell."

Hermione giggled. "You hate it too, huh?"

"With a passion. If it were possible to murder a color, I'd be on my way to Mexico now with a body in my car trunk."

Hermione burst out laughing, earning glares from a few bothered lovers.

"So how do you plan to get through this horrible day, exactly?" She asked once somewhat composed.

Fred gave her a mysterious look. "Well that depends…are you flying solo as well?"

Her heart gave a squeeze. What is he implying?

"Um…yeah. Why?"

Fred's eyes sparkled. "I have a plan, but only single people are allowed to help me out. Trustworthy, single people," he added. "Doesn't hurt if they're cute as a button, either."

Herione giggled again, suppressing a sigh. Fred was adorable.

"Why only single people?" She inquired.

"Because we're the guys who hate this stupid day." He said with a sly grin.

Hermione shook her head. "That's not true. Some single people don't mind Valentine's Day."

"Are you one of them?" Fred asked, cocking an eyebrow.

Hermione bit her lip. She didn't like admitting it. It sounded weak. But Fred wouldn't judge her. "Well…no. I despise it, actually."

Fred beamed. "Then welcome to my plan!"

She smiled at his enthusiasm. Maybe she should've expressed a little more caution…this was Fred Weasley after all… but going along with one of his plans would be a lot more fun than moping around the castle all day. And she'd get to spend more time with him. Grinning at the idea, she asked, "Who else is in on it?"

"You and…you."

Hermione laughed. "Sounds great. So…what is it exactly?"

Her heart skipped a few beats as Fred leaned over to whisper in her ear. His lips brushed against her skin.

"We're going to…"


People gasped in shock as they entered the Great Hall. Some of them stood frozen in their tracks. A few teachers fainted.

Who on Earth had done such a thing? Painted on top of the Valentine's Day banner were the words: "HAPPY HERPES DAY!" in flashy yellow.

Hermione and Fred stood to the side of the crowd, not even pretending to look surprised. Nobody was looking at them anyway. Who could possibly turn away from their creation?

"You're a genius," Hermione whispered.

"You're the artist," Fred reminded her, grabbing her hand and giving it a kiss.

It had been quite fortunate that their plan had gone so smoothly. It had also been quite lucky that Hermione had slipped on a spot of wet paint and fallen into Fred's arms while painting on the final letter. It had also been great timing that Fred's lips had then landed on hers. The fact that they had both been harboring a crush on each other for some time had just been uncanny.

Smiling like a loon, Fred conjured up a pink rose for his beloved.

Hermione laughed as he delicately placed it in her free hand.

"How did you know? I love pink."

Fred chuckled. "Any chance that you now like Valentine's Day, too?" He asked.

"Nope. Still hate it."

"So do I."

"I do like Herpes Day though," she smiled.

Fred cracked up. "Happy Herpes Day, sweetheart."

And he kissed her right on the lips. Don't you love irony?


A/N: *Covers face* Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb…but did you like it? :)