"The Kazekage's missing!"


"He's gone! Disappeared! Vanished!"

"You're his escort! You're supposed to be with all the time! He couldn't have just walked away!"

"Well, he could have, he has the sand." THUNK.

"Shut up, Kankurou!"

"Shit, Temari, you didn't have to—" THUNK.

"You! I want a scan of the street he was on in two minutes. You, tell me what happened."

"We left the guest rooms at 1600 hours. For thirty minutes Kazekage-sama was with the escort team touring Konoha's market streets. At two minutes past 1630 hours he entered a store. Shortly after the shopkeeper came out and told us that Kazekage-sama had disappeared."

"Scan of the street and store revealed a struggle in the back, out of sight from the cashier desk. There was none of Kazekage-sama's sand, but his fingerprints were on a few of the products and the ground. Rattlesnake detected his chakra and no other. We suspect the abductor masked their chakra."

"Alright, send two Anbu to inform the Hokage."

"Yes, Sabaku-sama."

"...You think he's ok?"

"Of course he's ok. He's Gaara."

"I know, I just worry—"

"Temari-kun! Kankurou-kun! I have terrible news!"

"Hello, Lee-san. What is it?"

"Naruto-kun is missing!"


"Is Gaara-kun's advisor ok?"

"Lee, listen. Go tell everyone, meeting in Naruto's office. Gaara's missing too."

"This is most terrible news, Temari-kun! I shall use my powers of speed and agility to convey this awful message so your weeping heart may heal with your dear brother's return! Yosh!"

"...How the hell did he pass the Anbu stealth test?"

"Two hours and counting, Temari."

"All right. Um, what haven't we done?"

"We've checked Naruto's office and apartment, your guest rooms, Ichiraku's, Mt. Hokage, all the supply closets in the Hokage building and all the streets ten blocks from where Gaara disappeared."

"You don't think it's Akatsuki, do you?"

"Akatsuki fragmented after the death of my brother, Madara and most of its members. Its numbers were reduced to less than half three years ago."

"What about Sound, Sasuke?"

"Orochimaru was the driving force in Sound. After I killed him the village was decimated. I doubt they would have recruited enough shinobi to steal two Kages from under our noses. There's no way they'd be strong enough."

"Okay, I want three platoons out in the forests: Temari, can you send maybe eight of your Anbu, half for the forests and the village itself?"

"Sure, Scorpion and Coyote, get your teams ready and report to Cat, he's head of Leaf Anbu."

"No need to be formal, we know each other's Anbu. Tell Shikamaru to take Hinata and Kiba; they're our best trackers."

"Got it."

"Maybe we should just set out a bowl of ramen and wait for Naruto to come sniff it out."

"That would be faster, yes."

"He better not be playing a trick on us or I'll smash his face in!"

"Sakura, even that dobe wouldn't do something so idiotic right now. He knows how important Chuunin exams are."

"Still going to break his arm. He at least deserves that, don't you think, Sasuke?"


"...Oh god...Na-agh! Unnghh..."

"Ha—ah, yes?"

"I—you—do the thinnngh!"

"L-like that?"

"How are—ah! You—st-ill c-coherent, oh Kami!"

"I don't think it matters, do you?"

"K-keep going—agh!"

"Gaara...c'mon, baby, s-scream for me—"




"You don't...ever stop...during...sex...again, understand?"

"Yes, darling."

"Don't call me darling."

"Would you prefer Panda-kun?"


"Aw, you're so cute when you're pouting."

"I do not pout."

"Yes you do, you're doing it right now."


"Ow! That's it, now you have to stay in bed with me all day!"

"We have work to do. That's not possible."


"How long have we been gone?"

"I dunno, an hour?"


"Two hours?"

"How long?"

"...Three and a half hours."

"That's it, no sex for a week."