Steamy Movie Crossover Contest

Name of story: Bella & Edward's Infinite Playlist

Penname: Twilighter620

Movie or TV Show: Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist

Main Character Pairing: Bella/Edward

POV: Both

To read the rest of the entries go to the Steamy Movie Crossover Contest C2.

If you want to see the rules for this contest go to TheThreeSmutketeers profile page.


ObessingoverEdward, Jayeliwood, or TheSpoiltOne-amanda2505 profile pages.

If you have any questions about the contest, contact them.

Contest ends February 5, 2009

If you'd like to see the other entries in this contest, check out the C2.

This is important so read it bitches!

Rundown of this story if you've never read/seen Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist:

Edward just ran into the ex-love of his life, Tanya, at a gig and she's with her new flavor of the month. He feels miserable in her presence so he asks Bella to be his pretend girlfriend for five minutes. Bella's all sure what the hell so she kisses him and so goes the story...

Jasper and Emmett are gay. This story is OOC. Alice isn't in this story. Rosalie is drunk out of her mind and is like Bella's kid (she has to watch out for her all the time). Jacob is Bella's ex-boyfriend and is the biggest tool ever. He basically stripped her of her self-esteem.

I also relied more heavily on Nick & Norah the book rather than the movie. Some lines are taken straight from the text so I just want to say I'm not trying to own Nick & Norah or anything. Actually Nick or NickWard owns me ;) But I did use stuff from the movie so it still counts for the competition! Oh and Nick & Norah came out on DVD today it. I promise it's worth it.

I don't Twilight or Nick & Norah but holy fuck I've never written something so damn long in my entire life ;) (And it's actually LESS than 8000 words can you believe it? ;)


I can't believe I just asked this random girl to be my pretend girlfriend for the next five minutes. I can't believe she just kissed me. I can't believe I just fucking saw Tanya. I can't believe Tanya knows her. And the best part of it all, is that it happens while Are You Tyler? plays in the background. It's like the world's worst (or best) written country song.


Why, oh why does NoMo have to be such a great kisser? That thing he did with his upper lip…God! Mike was definitely wrong. Just because NoMo is in a queer-core band does NOT mean he's gay.

I look around and find Rosalie making out with the drummer from Are You Tyler? That kid…what was his name…oh! I think it was Tyler.

Either way he was a creeper, too old for her, and basically ready to rape her. Bella's going in!

"Well, see you around," I tell the No NoMo and pat his shoulder awkwardly.

The crowd is mashed together. I can't even get pissed at them for it. I'm in a punk rock club. It'd be weird for them not to be all sweaty and on top of one another. But because I'm Bella, I manage to make my way through and find Rosalie pressed up against the wall by Tyler. I tap his shoulder impatiently and wait. He turns around, nods his head, and gets ready to place his mouth back on Rosalie.

She's smiling drunkenly because well…that's what Rosalie always looks like on the weekend. I grab his shoulder and am impressed by the strength I manage. I pull Rosalie from behind him and she says sorry and kisses his cheek. Now this time it's harder to make my way through the crowd…Rosalie's got my level of gracefulness right now.

"Oh, Bella! He was such a great kisser! Do you know what his name was? I sort of forgot," she grins lazily and leans into me.

I thank God for the fact Rosalie's wearing flats tonight. Her leaning into me while I hope to still catch NoMo before he leaves makes things difficult at best. I look over at the bar and there he is, looking all sullen and broody.

It would be hot if I knew it wasn't because he was getting depressed over Tanya — Tanya who wouldn't even know good music if I hit her over the head with it, who's dressed in Hot Topic "vintage" wear, and is totally dragging that tool of a date around just to make Edward mopey. I groan internally and try to walk up to Edward as casually as I can. His friends—the other members of his band (without a drummer)—are talking to him.

"Hey," I manage.

Edward looks up at the sound of my voice and his face is all sad like that puppy character Sad Sam. I almost feel bad for him. He clearly doesn't know any better than to be bereft without Tanya in his life. The poor schmuck.

"Are you guys heading out?" the taller band member asks me, the one who was seriously not in time with the rest of Edward's bass playing.

"Yeahhh," I smile superficially and do my best to not make it painfully obvious that I'm about to use Edward for a ride home for Rosalie and I.

"Do you guys need a lift or something?" the lead singer asks— the lean, lanky, blonde one.

Rosalie nods vigorously before I even get to answer. The blonde one (God, I sound like a fucking Matrix junkie) smiles widely and wraps an arm around Rosalie and I. The tall one keeps talking in rushed whispers to a visibly peeved Edward.

Once we're outside I say good-bye to my godfather, Crazy Carlisle—who used to be just Uncle Carlisle until he and my dad got into a fight over a bad business deal and now he's Crazy Carlisle—and follow Edward over to his car. And once I see it, I swear to God for a split second I thought I was getting Punk'd.

Rosalie is now leaning on the blonde one and smiling at the tall one.

"What is that?" I ask—horrified.

"It's a Yugo," Edward shrugs.

"They still exist?"

"Why are you insulting Jessie? Are you sure you want a ride home, Bella?" Edward asks, and I can tell he's trying to keep an even tone with me.

I sigh and nod. I retrieve Rosalie from the blonde one. It's all limbs and hair, trying to stuff 5'8 Rosalie into the backseat of Edward's Yugo but we do it. I sit in the passenger seat as Edward sticks his key into the ignition. He turns it and nothing. He smiles over at me nervously while I sit with an amused expression on my face.



The premise of having a car is that it helps get you the girl. Not scare her away or make her sit with a smile and an expectant look on her face while you sit like a jackass and fight with a car that stopped being cool after 1987!


"Well, I guess we're going to have to figure something else out," Edward says in a nervous tone.

"This car feels weird," Rosalie complains from the backseat.

I roll my eyes and am about to tell her to shut it—because as pathetic as Edward is, I think he's really fucking cute and I like where things might go—when a van comes barreling down the street. The driver pulls up to my window and I look involuntarily. The blonde one is smiling widely and the tall one is looking over his shoulder with cables in his hands.

So we're getting a boost?

Edward gets out the car so I do too because...I don't know, I just do. As I get out of the car, the blonde grabs my wrists and pulls me into the back of the van. There's a small window and I see Edward rubbing the back of his neck while the tall one clamps the jump cables on.

"So, Bella…" the blonde one begins.

"Hi," I mumble awkwardly.

"I'm Jasper with an 'e' not a 'u.'"

"I'm Bellah with an 'h,'" I respond back.

"Really?" he asks excitedly.

Not really.

"Really," I lie.

He smiles his white teeth and his eyes crinkle a little. It's funny and weird to see someone so damn happy.

"So, here's a fifty," Jasper snakes a bill into my hand.

I look up at him incredulously. What the hell?

"Emmett and I saw that kiss between you and Edward. He chipped in."

I'm not a hooker and I only kissed the kid. That's deserving of a fifty? Shit. When did sexual servicing get so progressive?

"I'm confused…"

We both hear a deep rumble and I know the Yugo has not, in fact, made it to the dark side. There is still hope for a ride home and at least a half hour of time to waste with Edward. Both are deliciously good prospects—though one involving Edward's mouth again is even better.

"No time," Jasper shrugs and looks at me apologetically but I know he's really not sorry at all.

Jasper is now pushing me out of the back of the van and I'm still holding this crumpled $50 bill like an idiot.

"Emmett and I fucking hate Tanya. And we've already decided we like you and that you should be the one help Edward get moving in the right direction. You're like his soul mate or something…" Jasper looks at the sky thoughtfully.

And I'm all standing there confused because it's Brooklyn and I know he can't see any stars.

"But no pressure or anything, right? Get acquainted with Edward, the backseat of his Yugo…the front seat of his Yugo, whatever you do! Just get him back to normal, please! For the sake of The Fuck Offs!" Jasper now sounds like a Southern Baptist preacher, complete with his hands shaking and thrown up in the air.

"I can't," I actually feel bad for ruining Jasper's moment.

"Why?" he grabs my shoulders and looks at me like I'm crazy.

"My friend—Rosalie—she's drunk, and I need to get her home."

Jasper laughs and releases me.

"Easy. We'll trade. There's a mattress in the back of the van," he winks mischievously.

And for a moment I worry. Not because I think they'd do anything to Rosalie but because I'm sure Jasper's gotten down with a guy or two…or twelve on that mattress.

We walk around the van and I see Edward looking all un-amused and annoyed while Emmett laughs and points at Rosalie, who's passed out in Edward's backseat. Jasper rushes over to Emmett and speaks to him in rushed whispers. I notice Emmett glance at me and his smile widens.

Edward makes eye-contact with me quickly. He leans against the side of the Yugo and shoves his hands down his pockets. And then I really, really want to do this. Rosalie is taken out of the Yugo but not before she bumps her forehead against the door frame of Edward's Yugo and grabs Emmett inappropriately.

So now we're in Edward's Yugo and we're about to take off but shit I notice something out of the corner of my eye. I immediately begin to perspire (fuck) and panic. I can't even explain to Edward quite yet that Rosalie is going with Emmett and Jasper and that we're going to test out this little pseudo-relationship of ours.

"Baby, is that you?" Jacob wails and walks over to the passenger door.

"Shit," I wince.


Did he really just say baby?

I'm not one for using 'gay' as a derogatory term because of Emmett and Jasper but seriously....Who is this guy? Where does he come from? Why do they make them like this?

I'm shocked by Bella's reaction. She's staring at the dashboard, as if she's going to ignore her way out of this situation. I expect her to flip out on him but her skin is even paler than it naturally is. The streetlights are exposing the perspiration around her hairline. What's wrong with her?

"Bella, baby…let's continue this 'to be continued' with you getting out of that piece of crap and giving me a welcome back kiss," he smirks and leans down to see her better.

WHAT?! Oh, no. It's one thing for him to harass Bella but it's entirely another to bring Jessie into it. Even if she did me wrong when it came to trying to impress Bella earlier, she's still my girl. I look at Bella and she's biting her lower lip and as much as I want to sit there and admire that look for a second, there's a douche bag hanging off the side of my passenger window. Time for clean-up.

"Can I help you?" I ask in a sharp tone.

Bella's face snaps to mine and she's shocked by my intensity. So am I.

"No. Not you. Just her. I just got back to the city and I've been looking everywhere for this pretty little thing," he reaches in to stroke her cheek and my hand twitches.

I want to break his fucking hand off. The douche bag opens the car door and I'm about to tell Bella she can stay. She doesn't have to go but she releases her seatbelt. My mouth snaps shut and I realize it's her decision. I don't want her to go but what the hell can I do? And then I'm thinking she's about to step out but she stays put. Out of nowhere Jasper appears.

"Problemo?" he asks.

I thank God, and Jesus, and Allah, and Buddha, and whoever else is important for sending Jasper to snap Bella out of this catatonic state.

"Jacob," she sneers.

And I do a little happy dance on the inside because the venom in her voice makes me shiver.

"I missed you baby," he acts as though the tone of her voice does nothing.

"You didn't miss me. You've never missed me ever! It's physically impossible for you to miss me. Just like some other things are impossible," she looks at his crotch pointedly and I swallow a laugh.

"Oh, don't fucking start it Bella," Jacob leans down and looks at me in the car. "Don't waste your time buddy. I'm sure you're the next victim. She's as frigid as the fucking Hudson in January. I wouldn't even bother. She talks a big game but when you get to field, you'll see it's fucking empty."

But then I get really pissed because he pinches her cheek and steps back. Bella looks like she's about to rip his head off but Jasper kneels in front of the passenger door and looks at both of us meaningfully.

"Let's get this night started ladies," he winks and slams Bella's door shut.

"Fuck, Jasper!" I yell.

Jessie doesn't like it rough.

So the car is working. Bella is worked up….This could be good. I turn the radio on. The Clash is playing. Nice. I bob my head and tap my fingers in time with the drums.

"So you actually understand the concept of drums in a band?" Bella asks from beside me.

I glance at her confusedly.



"Your band doesn't have a drummer. Technically you guys shouldn't even be allowed to call yourselves a band," she snorts and folds her arms over her chest.

"Yeah, well it's Jasper's fault."

She looks back at me and quirks an eyebrow.

"Jasper like 'turned' him. He didn't even know he was g—"

"He knew," she cuts me off.

I sigh. She knows everything.

"Well, once he realized he was gay, Jasper saw a conquest."

"Jasper is a slut?" Bella asks surprised.

I grin proudly and turn back to the road. And then the world stops.

"Listen up! All stoners…put the bong down! We're only going to say this once posers and washed up rock legends. Where's Fluffy is playing a secret show tonight. It'll be after the Von Trapp Massacre but before Dawn Rises. Good luck figuring that one out," the radio announcer taunts us and signs off before transitioning into some mainstream crap.

I look at Bella and she's staring at the radio as if it holds all the answers to the world's problems. She looks up at me from beneath those crazy long eyelashes of hers and for a moment I forgot about Where's Fluffy. But then she ruins it by punching me in the arm as I make a right turn.

"Did you hear that?! Did you fucking hear that? Where's Fluffy is having a show tonight. Edward, we have to go!" she insists.

I nod in agreement and drive aimlessly.

"So, where to next?"

Bella purses her lips in thought and taps her chin.

"Why Tanya?" she asks in a disgusted tone and looks at me.

"Um? That's not a destination. That's not even a band; although, recent circumstances have me thinking that has a strong possibility to be a potential name for my band," I admit.

"We'll drive until I figure out the clues to Fluffy's next show. Drive and answer the question," she commands.

I continue driving and wait for a moment. How do I answer this question?


Edward is going to answer the question and he better because I want to know more about this guy. The guy who made all those beautiful and amazing mix-tapes for Tanya and she never appreciated any of them. Not a single one. Edward is like my musical soul mate. Maybe Jasper was onto something….I snatch his iPod from his console and start perusing. A, B, C…so far so good.

But then I notice it's silent for a really long time and I consider why. We kissed, are going on a date, and I ask him about his previous relationships? Smooth, Bella. Real smooth. I can't be too hard on myself because I was with Jacob for so long and I've never really been with anyone but him.

I bite my lower lip and decide to not press him for answers. He'll answer me when he's ready I guess. I'm about to say something really stupid when Edward's phone goes off. Thank J.C.! Edward picks his phone out of his jacket and I notice the name tag says "Salvatore."


Wow. He has a nice voice. I bet he sings really nice. Or he could be like a radio DJ. Or like a news anchor. Sigh…

"What? Who's The Devil in Prada?"

I froze. Edward senses my tension and looks at me nervously.

"Emmett, I'll have to call you back," he hangs up.

"What. Happened. To. Rosalie?" I ask slowly.


"Edward, spit it out!" I snapped.

"Jasper and Emmett sort of lost her."

"LOST HER?!" I shriek.


I never took Bella for a shrieker. I hoped maybe she was a screamer but not a shrieker. That shit hurt. Wait, is shrieker a word?

"What happened?"

"Well, they stopped at 7-11 for Slurpees and she disappeared."

Bella closes her eyes and I can tell she's trying to keep steady. Rock steady Bella, for Gwen's sake. I look at her and I wonder if she'll freak out again or if she'll help Jasper and Emmett out and try to figure out where that girl is.

"Do you know where she might have gone?" I tread lightly.

She sighs heavily.

"Give me your phone," she orders.

I hand over my prepaid phone and press send for Emmett's number. He picks up quickly and explains himself to Bella. She finds out which 7-11 they're at and instructs me to drive over there. At least I know where we're going now. The drive is quieter this time. Bella's thinking a lot. I wonder if she's wondering why I didn't answer her question.

It was for a number of reasons but mostly because I'm not even sure what the answer is. Bella confused everything tonight. She's sending me mixed signals like crazy. She's snarky and then she's nice. And then she's adorable and then she's fierce like a fucking mountain lion or something.

We pull into the parking lot and Jasper is standing there. His lips are sort of red and I notice there's a new addition to their group. Eric from Are you Tyler? is hanging on Jasper's arm. I park next to them and Bella practically jumps out of the car. I follow her out and wait for her to unleash herself on Jasper and Emmett. She pulls a phone out and glares at them both. I notice her shiver so I take my jacket off and put it over her shoulders. She slips it on with a smile and waits for her friend to pick up.

"Rosalie?" she asks anxiously.


"I know, bitch. Where are you?"

She sighs.

"Rosalie that doesn't help. Ask someone around you for directions to where you are….No, I don't think Jesus can help you."

Another pause.

"Rosalie, I doubt the nuns will yell at you like they do at school. Wait…what are they doing? No, that's perfect. Good job! Can you stay there and wait for me? Okay, good girl."

Bella snaps her phone shut and grins widely.

"Rosalie found Fluffy," she declares proudly.


Rosalie found Fluffy! Rosalie found Fluffy! Rosalie found Fluffy! Rosalie found Fluffy! Rosalie found Fluffy! Rosalie found Fluffy! Rosalie found Fluffy!

I think it's quite possibly the first time I've ever been proud of her for doing one of the most reckless things to date. She's inadvertently found Fluffy at Camera Obscura and now Edward is going to take me and I'm going to see Where's Fluffy! Edward and I get back into the Yugo and I'm happy to see him smiling genuinely.

He doesn't know it yet but he's going to be okay with Tanya. He's going to be okay. And I'm going to be even better because this jacket smells so fucking good. Salvatore and Edward…I love you both.

"I can't believe Rosalie found Fluffy," I sigh and lean back against the passenger seat.

"I know. It's great that Jasper couldn't wait for that Slurpee, huh?" he chuckles.

I remember something. He had a groupie.

"What's the deal with Jasper?" I ask.

Edward shrugs.

I nod thoughtfully and turn up the radio. The Cure is on. You turn the radio up when The Cure is on. It's blasphemous not to. Edward parks the Yugo about three blocks away because it's the closest parking spot we'll find. Jasper, Emmett, and Seth from Seth Does Seth keep driving and look for a spot themselves. It's gotten cooler as the night progresses and I'm thankful. Frizzy hair is not cute…ever.

"So what's your favorite Where's Fluffy song?" Edward asks.

"'Take me Back, Bitch.'"

I don't even skip a beat. Paul P. rocks that song. And Ben B. kills it on the drums. I laugh to myself a little while thinking about the drums—poor Edward and his queer-core band.

"What about you?"

"Dead Voter," Edward smiles this crooked smile and I stumble on the sidewalk a little.

He raises an eyebrow at me, while still smiling, and I shrug. There's a bitch of a line outside Camera Obscura. And I typically don't use my connections, especially in front of guys, but I can't miss the chance to see Where's Fluffy. I look around to see if Jasper, Emmett, and Seth are anywhere and are lucky when I see them running down the street.

They catch up and we walk to the front of the line. Well, I lead and they follow actually, but whatever. The bouncer is clad in his Playboy bunny outfit and everything. He's nearly Emmett's size which makes his outfit even more out there.

"I.D.?" he asks

And I see everyone pat their pockets. I'm about to open my mouth to say something when the bouncer cuts me off.


I look up and really look at the bouncer. It's Zafrina. Who used to be Zach but is now Zafrina. S/he interned for my father last year.

"Still working on that demo?" I ask with a smile.

"I just finished it. Will you send it along?" s/he pleads.

"Of course," I wink while I take the demo and slip it into Edward's jacket.

I notice everyone shoot me a look but I smile awkwardly and walk in after Zafrina tells me to head over to the V.I.P. section. Apparently, drinks are on the house. Too bad for Rosalie. Shit, Rosalie! Must find Rosalie.

"Go to the V.I.P. area. Zafrina will bring you drinks. I'll be back. I have to find Rosalie," I explain.

"I'll go with you," Edward insists.

I look at him and debate whether or not this is such a good idea. I shrug and walk forward. The feeling that someone much taller than me is following me, tells me Edward's right behind me. The "nuns" are performing to "Climb Ev'ry Mountain." It's a Camera Obscura trademark.

"Jasper's probably loving this right now," Edward laughs from behind me.

I look at him, turn around, and keep walking. I get to the bathroom and push Edward against the wall.

"Wait here," I instruct.

I go into the bathroom and call out Rosalie's name.

"Bella?" I hear a pathetic moan from behind a door.

I push the door but it's locked. There's no getting this door open unless Rosalie unlocks it. The stalls are actually like little rooms in this place.

"Rosalie! You need to open the door!" I yell over the music.

"I can't…I'm so tired."

I sigh heavily and try to compose myself.

"Rosalie Hale, get your ass off that floor and open the door, bitch!"

"Oh noooo," she moans.

"Rosalie, what's wrong?"

"My gum fell into the toilet," she sniffles.

I shudder at the image of Rosalie actually going after her lost gum. If she was drunk enough she'd do it. And ladies and gentlemen…tonight she's drunk enough. I hear the "Climb Ev'ry Mountain" act finish and then some feedback from an amp. The crowd starts to get a little rowdier so I figure Where's Fluffy is probably about to make their appearance.

I'm not missing them.

I leave Rosalie in the room and call Zafrina. I let her know about Rosalie's situation and she promises she'll send a janitor down to get her.

I look over and see Tanya.

She's looking at Edward so then I look at Edward.

Edward's looking at me.

But then Where's Fluffy starts up. Fuck, I need to do something.

I grab Edward's neck and pull his face to mine. His lips are really soft for a guy. At first it's a long kiss but then we pull away. I stare at him for a split second before he crushes his mouth back to mine. I'm vaguely aware of the fact a door knob is being pushed into my back. I grab it blindly and open the door. Edward and I fall forward into the room and cleaning supplies. I slam the door behind us and lock it. Take that Tanya!


Holy shit!

All of a sudden I'm being mesmerized by Fluffy and now I'm being mesmerized by Bella. She's kissing me hard and hot and all over. I can barely put force back to kiss her she's so hard on me but I don't care. I know if I let go of her, it's all over. Or if she lets go of me, it's all over. I hold onto her waist tight and try to angle her better so I've got a fighting chance.

Then my mouth opens and she slips her tongue in and it's like scorching. Her hips start to rub against mine and if my eyes were open they'd roll into the back of my head. Then she pushes me against the wall and our chests are flush. One hand is now pressing mine against the wall and the other is skimming down my chest.

Her hands graze over my lower stomach and over the front of my jeans and she touches me. And I nearly fucking explode because the stimulation is just overwhelming. I want her to say something. My name is preferable but something. She strokes me through my jeans a little while still kissing me. My kisses are lazy while she strokes me. I'm losing it. I have no idea what's going on here and with her. This girl is a fucking conundrum. I pull away. I have to know.

Her face asks the question I don't want her to ask.

Why did you stop?

"Did you see her?" she asks.

My brain malfunctions for a minute and I want to ask who but then I remember.

"No. Did you see him?"

She looks away and her mouth twitches.



He thinks I saw Jacob.

I didn't.

It'll just make everything easier. He can blame it on me. There's a reason why women go frigid. They go frigid because of guys like Edward.

I burst out of the closet and slam it shut behind me. The pitiful "ow" I hear from behind the door gives me a weird satisfaction. On my way out of the club, not even bothering to check on Rosalie because I know Zafrina is on it.

Fluffy is still going strong but I don't even care. I hate Where's Fluffy now.

Thanks a lot Edward!

I'll only be able to remember them now as the group that was playing when I decided to fail at life. I'm so humiliated. I can barely compose myself to make it out of Camera Obscura without making a scene. I really want to stay and let myself rock out to Fluffy's "I'm Living on God's LSD" but I can't.

I can't see Edward again. I don't even say bye to Seth and Jasper, who are making out and can see me (sort of) from behind their slightly closed eyes.

Tanya is now following me, and asking me a million questions.

"Did you tell him about me?"

No, bitch. I didn't tell him that you cheated on him while he made you the most romantic mix-tapes ever.

"I didn't want to hurt him. He really was a great guy…it's just he said I love you. I'm only 18! I don't want a commitment. I broke it off the only way I knew how."

I'm still pushing and thrashing against people. I'd have been long gone if Fluffy weren't here tonight. Tanya's stupid heels are still after me. She's practically on fucking top of me.

"Oh my god! Are you wearing his jacket? Edward never let me wear his jacket!"

That hits a nerve. I turn around and face her.

"You have to tell him. He won't be okay until you tell him. Please…for me…tell him," I cannot believe how pathetic I sound.

Tanya purses her lips at me, glances at Fluffy, and then looks back at me. I know she will. For some strange reason, she's actually going to help me with Edward.

"Be more careful next time, bitch," I smirk and walk away.

I finally make it out of the club and wait on the sidewalk for a cab. It's taking longer than I'd expect on Ludlow Street. It's like I have to wait for something before I can get the cab. It's been like 10 fucking minutes and I'm still standing on the curb.

I look down the block to see if a cab is on the way when I notice something in the corner of my eye. Edward is standing outside. I never noticed what nice arms he has. I'm still wearing his jacket. I had forgotten for a moment. He's leaning against a phone booth. I turn around a little and mouth "You're absolved," before hopping into the cab that's finally arrived.


Fuck Bella for getting into that fucking cab. And fuck her for saying I'm absolved. Absolved from fucking what? Fuck Tanya for that cryptic fucking confrontation in Camera Obscura. Fuck Bella for taking my jacket and fucking getting my hopes up. Fuck her for being such a fucking good kisser. Fuck her for knowing just how to get me and my fucking buddy worked up.

But most of all…fuck me.

Fuck me for not chasing after her. Fuck me for being absolved. Fuck me for ever fucking Tanya. Fuck me for not kissing Bella back the right fucking way. Fuck me for stopping. Fuck me for not knowing what I want. Fuck me for knowing what I want. Fuck me for not saying she could keep the fucking jacket (it looked better on her than it ever fucking did on me anyway). And fuck me for not knowing what would make her stay.

I'm on fucking Ludlow Street without a fucking clue in the world. I sit down on the curb and look at the street. I'm fail tonight.

"Edward!" I hear Jasper shout.

I look up and he sits next to me. Eric is hanging back, talking to Emmett, who's got Bella's friend draped over his shoulder.

"Edward, bro. You just missed like all of Fluffy!"

I want to tell him to bring it down a notch…or seven, but I can't. He's just rocked out to Fluffy. He doesn't know to be quieter.

It's sort of ironic. Where's Fluffy used to be my favorite band until 10 minutes ago. Thanks, Bella.

"Where's Bella?"

"She left."

He sighs. And then pulls me into his side. I don't freak out because for Jasper it's not sexual. It's comforting.

"This is what it's all about," Jasper says reflectively.

"What what's all about?"

"It. This is it."

My eyebrows come together. Jasper's normally insightful ramblings have me very confused tonight.

"The Beatles."

"The Beatles?"

"They had it all figured out."

I sighed.

"Had what all figured out?"


Okay, this was going nowhere.

"I want to hold your hand," he says while intertwining our fingers. "It's not all sex and rock and roll. It's I want to hold your hand. No one wants hot sex all the time or the 100 year marriage. You just want to hold your hand because you've got a feeling that they can't hide."

And he made sense. Whoa.

"I want to hold your hand," I whisper.

"And you are," he winks.

Shit. I really blew it.

"I think I messed up," I admit.

"With Tanya?" he asks.

"With Tanya. With Bella. Both of them. I didn't really have a chance with Tanya but I still messed up. But with Bella…I need to fix this," I say, suddenly determined.

"What are you going to do?" Jasper asks sympathetically.

"I don't know."

Emmett whistles and Jasper's head snaps back. He and Eric gesture for him to come over. Jasper gives me a grin and tousles my hair. He runs off and meets up with the guys. They talk for a little while and wave goodbye. Bella's friend is still passed out on Emmett's shoulder. I reach for my phone to check my messages but then I remember it's in my jacket, which Bella has. Shit.


Which Bella has.

I can find Bella. I can fix it and hold her hand.

I run over to the pay phone and dial my number. How fucking retarded is that? I dial my number.

"Who the fuck is this?" she answers snappily and I smile involuntarily.

"Is Edward there?"

"Who is this?" she wonders accusingly.

"Can I leave a message for him?"

"I don't need a pen or something, do I? Cause you're kind of screwed."

"No, no pen. Could you just tell him that he really messed up with Bella when he let her get away in that shitty cab?"


"Who is this?"

"And let him know that he's really relieved to be released from Tanya."

She giggles.

"Seriously? Are you serious right now?"

"Where are you?"

"In front of the Marriot. Times Square. Where are you?"

"Thinking of a song for a girl, on Ludlow Street. But it doesn't matter…wait for me. Will you pass on the message?" I ask and then hang up.


Ugh. He hung up!

That didn't happen. There's no way. I fucked up and so did he beyond repair. How could that have happened?

I know the cab driver is pissed by my indecisiveness and idling but damnit…I'm waiting for Edward! I finally get out of the cab, after paying with coins and shit because I really sat in the cab for that long, and walk into the Marriot. The desk women are looking at me kind of funny cause I'm wearing a jacket that says "Salvatore" but fuck them. I hold the jacket closer to my chest.

"Bella!" I hear Edward call out my name.

And suddenly I'm kind of wet, because he's wet. When the hell did it rain? I don't care. He's wet. He walks forward and falls in step with me.

"Let's go upstairs," he suggests.

I nod and keep walking.

"What does 'You're absolved' mean?"

"It means just because some things happened and we met under unusual circumstances doesn't mean you have to be all Nice Guy and stuff. You don't have to keep pushing it to make me feel better—"

"Shut up," he cuts me off and shakes his head, "we're going upstairs. Just forget it."

We get onto the elevator. I'm not sure what he really has planned.

"Can I have my jacket back?" he yanks the sleeve a bit.

"No," is my automatic answer.

"Why not?" he frowns.

"Because Salvatore said he wants me to have it."

Edward smirks and shakes his head.

"What happened with Jasper and Emmett?" I try to divert the conversation.

"He left with Emmett and Eric from Are You Tyler? The girl was with them too."

"There's no Eric in Are You Tyler? There's Tyler and a whole bunch of other guys. No Eric."

"Then who's Tyler?"

"That tool that was making out with Rosalie!"

"Who's Rosalie?"

"For fucks sake, who's Eric?!"

"The guy that left with Jasper and Emmett."

"That's Seth from Seth Does Seth!"

Pause…while Edward soaks this all in.

"So Jasper is with Seth, who's also Eric, but isn't Tyler, who wanted Rosalie, who I assume is the girl that was in Jasper and Emmett's van?"

"Yes," I whisper.

He smiles that crooked smile again.

I don't stumble this time.

The elevator dings and we're on the 37th floor. I look at Edward weirdly.

"It's my lucky number," he shrugs.


I see where I need to be and keep walking but Bella can't wait. She's already got her hand underneath the hem of my shirt. She's teasing the skin of my waist. I see the ICE sign and steer towards the hallway. She presses me against the Pepsi machine. It's kind of hot to see her with this like blue, red, and white light on her. I press my mouth against hers and kiss her the way I should have in the club.

I kiss her bottom lip and she kisses my upper up. It's suddenly so hot in this tiny little room. I cradle her neck in my hands and tilt her head so I can kiss her more deeply. Bella tries to do this thing with her tongue but it isn't quite working. I don't care. Her hands are still brushing all over my lower stomach and I'm trembling. This girl is fucking incredible.

"Let's get you out of those wet clothes," she says as she pulls back.

I reluctantly give up my hold on her as she starts to lower herself onto her knees.



There are hands everywhere and Edward's eyes are like wide but half-closed at the same time. I bunch up the fabric of his t-shirt and pull it up. I had an idea of what the situation was before the shirt was gone but seeing it—eye level—damn. I think I just had my first orgasm, ever. Take that Jacob!

He's got all these lines and indentations on his stomach. I didn't realize how built Edward was. You wouldn't expect it from far away. I decide I can't take it anymore so I yank the rest of the shirt off and throw it over my shoulder. I crush my mouth back to his and throw my arms around his neck. Edward's hands come up and he grabs both sides of his jacket.

I release him a little so he can start to pull it off. Once my arms are the last thing in the way, I release him. I grab the jacket from him and fold it. I put it on the floor softly because…well that jacket is special. Our mouths reconnect and I move to undo the button on his jeans. When I'm done, I shove my hands into his hair and slip in some tongue.

He undoes my button too and waits. He won't go any further until he's sure I'm sure.

"Are you okay?" he asks.

"Yeah," I smile.

I kiss him hard and push him back against the machine. He groans a little but we're in the clear for noise making, the soda machine is loud as it is.


I can feel her breath in my mouth and I am so turned on. I've never felt so hot and alive with a girl before. The coolness from the soda machine against my bare back is doing nothing. Our chests are flush together. I move my hand from her hip to her backside. Bella's got a really nice ass. I grope a little, cop a feel. She felt me up in the club; it's only fair to return the favor.

Bella leans up to my ear and whispers what she wants to do to me. I only whisper "Really?" because the way she says it, she uses the polite words and for some reason it makes it hotter. She tells me "really" and I'm like…fuck yeah.

Bella starts to lower herself again and I take the opportunity to pull her top off. The view of her chest from up here is like incredible. It's insane how lucky I am right now. Emmett and Jasper are totally missing out. After the shirt is off, she licks a line down my lower stomach. I shiver and moan her name. She smirks a little and I'm thinking what the fuck was that Jacob kid thinking? If this is Bella in her frigid state…gees, I can only imagine.

I fist her hair loosely. I'm losing it.


I'm so nervous that I lose my brain. It's no longer in the ice room. I'm all on my own now. No logic, or Jacob, to make me doubt myself. I'm just going on basic motor functions and a good helping of lust.

Edward whispers my name again while I pull his zipper down and push his wet jeans down a bit. His boxers are pitching one mighty circus tent. Fuck that. It's even bigger than a flea market tent. I look up at him and he's staring at me intently.

"Tell me. Guide me."

It's the only way I'll be able to do it.

He nods and I grab the waistband of his boxers. Normally at this point I'd take a deep breath but I don't have to. I want to do this. It's not like I'm preparing for battle.

I pull the fabric down and he springs to life. I'd only seen one other penis in real life and it was Jacob's.

Jacob had nothing on Edward.

I grab him with both hands but didn't realize was so ambidextrous. Impressive Bella.

Edward's head lolls back and hits the machine a bit. I stroke him up and down for a while but I guess it isn't enough. Edward starts to buck his hips into my hands and I speed it up. His left hand is on top of my head while the other is knotted into my hair. He strokes the side of my head in time with my pumping. He probably doesn't realize it but him rubbing me like that gets me all worked up too.

His nether head is all swollen and there is precum so I use it to help me out. Every few pumps his head hits the back of the soda machine roughly.

"Shit…" he whispers

Expletives are good, right?

I exhale shakily and release him. He looks down to protest but I coverhis dick with my mouth and that shuts him up. His eyes widen and his head hits the machine roughly this time. My lips wrap around him firmly. And he really fists my hair this time. I reach up and squeeze his hand to make sure this is good.

"You're…you're good," he breathes.


And she is good. She's freaking fantastic at this. I'm a little worried. I'm going to come quick but I don't want her to think I'm a premature ejaculator. Just the scientific name for it alone is embarrassing. I can only imagine if she were to tell Tanya or Rosalie: "yeah, Edward's a quick pumper."


She does this thing where she sucks harder when she gets to the head and no girl has ever done that to me. It's not helping the situation. Bella's tongue darts upward she flicks the head of my cock. I want to prove to her that if I do come quickly that I can do better. It's just too much build up and over-stimulation. I can't help myself.

Her hands come up to tentatively massage my balls and I nod vehemently, telling her it's okay. She tugs at them a bit and continues to bob her head. I buck my hips and guide her head at a pace that's too good for words. I can feel the tension in my body and I know I'm about to come.

I tap her head to warn her and she pulls back. I shot my shit hard. I could have taken Bella's eye out with it. But then she cleans me up and helps me out. My legs are pretty weak from Bella's erm…handiwork.

She stands back up and kisses me and we're flush again until someone clears their throat. And the lights turn on.


I turn around abruptly. There's an old couple. The wife looks like my Great-aunt Hildy (not a good thing). And the husband is wearing those suspender-thingys that hold up socks. He's got the old, blue boxers and everything.


"Um…" Edward mumbles.

Great-aunt Hildy looks at Edward appreciatively and winks. She knows why I'm half naked and all over this kid. Great-aunt Hildy probably did the same thing to Suspender-Socks-Guy back in the day.

The silence is deafening.

"Would you mind turning the lights out after you're done?" Edward asks.

"Oh my," Great-aunt Hildy whispers.

She nods quickly, switches off the light and disappears with Suspender-Socks-Guy.

I look at Edward and we both laugh uncontrollably. We get dressed and decide to leave. He grabs my hand on the way out and I look at him. He smiles and we get onto the elevator. And for some reason, through that hand-hold, I know our time together has only begun. It's quite possibly…infinite.


That was a fucking bitch to write so you all better love it and review the shit out of it, lol. I don't expect to win the contest or anything cause this was more humor than steamy but whatevs. It needed to be written, for the sake of The Fuck Offs ;)