Why Can't I?
Donna/Josh tag to The Ticket

Disclaimer: Please people. I barely own my name.

'It was my job, Josh!'

I can't believe he's doing this. Throwing what I said back at me. How many of the people working for him now once worked for me? How many said things against Santos? But I know it's not what I said that bothers him. It's that I said it for someone else. I left him. I hurt him. And I know it was the right thing for me, but to see his face…It's killing me. I tried so hard to make him see. This, none of it, is my fault. So why do I feel like my soul is dying inside?

'And if you don't think I miss you everyday…'

He misses me. Abstractly, I thought he would. I was good at my job. But I can tell that's not why he said it. He misses always knowing there was someone who wouldn't leave him. But I did. I tried not to think about what I was doing, but now I'm faced with the reality. And though he misses me, it's not enough. He can miss me, but he can't let himself trust me. And I don't blame him. At least now I know he misses me. And, God, I miss him. But it's just not enough. It's not enough.

'Thank you for your time.'

That was it. It hurt more than I thought it would. I always assumed I would learn to function without him. It never occurred to me that he might do the same. I was so use to him needing me. I'm not sure what to do with this new Josh. In some ways, I'm happy for him. But still, how could he just let me walk away? And why couldn't I just tell him why I needed to stay? That I missed him more than I could ever possibly say. Why can't I just tell him that I love him?

A/N: This is a companion to my other piece Alone Again. This one is Donna point of view, obviously, and the other is Josh's. Please read and review! -Abbey