A/N: I was listening to Avenue Q a couple of days ago, and Nicky reminded me of Emmett. Rod reminded me of Edward. This was born. Funny fluffy Emmett taunting Edward one-shot. If you haven't heard the song, listen to it now!
Disclaimer: Avenue Q is not mine! Twilight is not mine!
"Ahh..." Edward sighed, relaxing on the couch with a copy of Les Miserables, his favorite book. "An afternoon alone. Everyone else is out hunting; Bella is asleep upstairs. There's nothing to bother me." Suddenly the door slammed loudly. Emmett. Edward groaned and made a face.
"Hi, Edward!" Emmett said as he bounded through the door.
"Hi, Emmett," Edward mumbled, curlig up into a semi-fetal position, book close to his face. Emmett grabbed the book away from him.
"Say, Edward," he began, "the wierdest thing happened to me at the grocery store today-"
"Why were you at a grocery store?" Edward interrupted, but Emmett ignored him and continued on.
"This guy, that Eric kid from school, was smiling at me and taking to me. He was being real friendly. I think he may have been coming on to me! I think he might have thought I was gay."
"Why are you telling me this?" Edward said, gettting perturbed. "Do I look like I care? I don't care. What did you do today?"
"You don't have to get defensive, Edward," Emmett said.
"I'm not gettting defensive!" Edward yelled. He looked uncomfortable and paranoid. "Why do I care if Eric hit on you today?"
Emmett fell onto the couch next to Edward, wrapping his arm around Edward's shoulder. "I just think it's something we should be able to talk about, brother." Emmett laughed full and rich.
Edward was getting irritated. "I don't want to talk about it! This conversation is over."
"Yeah, but, Edward-"
"OVER!" Edward grabbed his bok, trying to ignore Emmett, but Emmett took it away again and threw it on the coffee table, causing it to break. Then, he hopped up, standin in a "superhero" pose.
"Okay, but just so you know..." Suddenly, Emmett began to sing, and from upstairs, music began to play. Edward groaned.
"If you were gay
That'd be okay
I mean cause hey
I like you anyway
Because you see
If it were me
I would feel free to say
That I was gay
(But I'm not gay)"
"Emmett, please. Give me my book back," Edward said impatiently, holding his hand out. When Emmett didn't respond, he said, "There's more, isn't there?"
"If you were queer
I'd still be here
Year after year
Because you're dear to me
And I know that you
Would accept me too
If I told you today
'Hey, guess what? I'm gay!'
(But I'm not gay)
Just being with you
So what should it matter to me
What you do in bed with guys!"
"Emmett, please! Stop!"
"If you were gay
I'd shout 'Hooray!"
And here I'd stay
But I wouldn't get in your way
You can count on me
To always be
Beside you every day
To tell you it's okay
You were just born that way
And as they say it's in your DNA
Edward mumbled under his breath, "I am not gay."
"If you were gay."
Emmett finished. Edward groaned in annoyance and rolled his eyes.
"Are you done?" Edward asked. Emmett nodded, clearly satisfied with himself. Edward heard a stifled giggle come from upstairs, followed by a high-pitched voice saying. "Shh, Bella!"
"Emmett, did Alice teach you that song?" Edward asked, a slightly annoyed look on his face. Emmett just grinned. More giggles (from both Alice and Bella this time) trickled down the stairs.
Edward crouched down and growled slightly. "You better run, Emmett, or I'm going to show you how gay I can really be."