Hey everyone this is my first fanfiction and I hope you like it. Sorry for any typos or grammar mistakes. I checked it over but I'm just a human.
A little info on the story: This will all be from Bella's Point of view unless it says otherwise. I don't have any plans on using any other Points of view but that may change if I feel that it's best for the story. A few facts to know about it are...
1. I wrote it as if Edward never came back in New moon.
2. Jacob and her weren't romantic. Of course he tried but her heart belongs to one person (or Vamp I guess) and Jacob is just her really good friend.
3. Bella never really got out of her depressed state after Edward left. Her depression shrunk down a tiny bit, she got better at hiding it and uses every oppritunity to distract herself from the pain but it is still very prominent.
Ok I didn't start out the story with this but I came back to add a play list at the top of each chapter. Some of the songs might not go perfectly but have a few lines that really hit home.
Playlist: Black Hole Sun by Soundgarden and Silhouette by Thrice
Ok, Bella, just remember Charlie. Just think about him if it gets hard. Ok? Breathe. Oh, no wait! Don't breathe; bad idea. Ok Just relax, don't breathe, but relax. Everything will be ok; you've been around groups of people before and school should be no different. You aren't going to hurt anyone, you are in control. Don't worry about it; don't even think about their blood. Yes, that's it just forget about the warm, delicious blood pumping through their veins. Ugh, what the hell! You're thinking too much Bella just, uh… I don't know. Just stop!
"Bella, are you ok?" I heard her ask as we made our way through the bustling hallway and into our first class but I made no attempt to halt my thoughts.
It's just school, Bella. You have to go to school. The Culle… I mean, they could do it why can't you. It's not all day either you just have one class then you have a couple hours before your next class. Surely you can deal with 2 hours in a classroom alone…right?
I felt a sharp jab into my palm and I snapped out of my spiraling thoughts. I looked down to notice a metal pen lying on the desk that had been bent and broken after being rammed into my hand.
"You know if I where human that would have hurt and if we weren't fifteen minutes early a human would have seen that and been suspicious." I hissed at her.
"Well we are early for a reason and I didn't know how to bring you back to reality. Now you owe me a pen." She said as she childishly stuck her tongue out at me.
"HA! You expect me to replace your pen after you so stupidly tried to stab in into the granite hard hand of a vampire?"
"Hey, I didn't know what to do. It's your fault you let your mind wander off and it worked didn't it? Here you are speaking out loud instead of wandering off down the never-ending trail of your thoughts. Class is going to start in a few minutes and you where sitting there looking very rock solid and inhuman."
"Yeah, I guess" I mumbled while reaching into my bag and pulling out a pen to give her.
"Thanks" she said while grabbing the pen and scribbling a few practice-doodles on her paper to make sure it worked. After she was convinced it still held a suitable amount of ink she spoke again. "So, what were you thinking about?" I turned my head in her direction and saw that her eyes were filled with the worry that her face was trying to mask.
Great, here we go. I didn't need a mirror to tell me what me newly acquired little sister was so worried about. I had been off in one of the dazes that have frequented me over the last two years. Most of which were due to him and the way his eyes where seared into my mind, but today's cause was a combination of things.
For starters I was mere minutes away from my first class since becoming a vampire at the Portland State University. I have been around people since my change and never had an incident. Most vampires I ran into couldn't tell I was a newborn and when they found out they were astonished by my self control. I was extremely happy that I hadn't hurt anyone so far but this would be the ultimate test. College isn't an easy thing to go through in the first place. Then you add on the fact that you have to fight your instincts from drinking the blood of your peers as well as the paralyzing memories of your vampire ex-boyfriend whom you have never gotten over and you have a real challenge.
"It's nothing, don't worry about it" I said to her though I knew it definitely was something.
"Don't give me that, Bella. We don't have to do this you know? It's hard for me to control my thirst but you have that as well as other, uh…things, on your mind. I know why you want to do it, I get that but it can wait. I'm worried about you."
She was right, I didn't have to go to school now and I most certainly didn't have to go so close to home, so close to the roots of those damn memories, but I did it mostly for Charlie. Though I was now immortal and would never change I could still be around him without him knowing for at least the next few years. I wanted to give him as much time with me as possible, I owed him that much. School was also a very good distraction from the always present and paralyzing thoughts of my past. I knew that I would like majoring in English even though I was sure the times when we studied the many romance novels that plagued the course outline we had received would be thorny. I only described the memories of my past to people in one way. They were like wild rose that was still uncut from the bush; beautiful, vivid and with some unspoken charisma that elicits a feeling of belonging. Yes, these memories where a rosebush and it was planted in my path so that I could not ignore its beauty. It drew me in and once I was surrounded by its sweet essence I was instantly drawn in, the inevitable happened and I was caught by a thorn. Only the thorns on this bush where sharper than anything imaginable and cut deep, piercing wounds into every fiber of my being. The wounds never heeled completely, I was always in pain. There was just manageable pain that would still allow me to interact and go on with my existence and paralyzing pain that gripped me so tight it cut off all other feelings. I would go through this for eternity just to be able to see him again but he doesn't want me. Everytime I close my eyes the image of his topaz orbs consumes me like they never want me to forget that I love him and he doesn't want me. This is why I'm so glad I have Aislinn, she brings me back from my self inflicted coma.
"It's alright, nothing I haven't gone through before and you know that. It's just that being so close to home makes it a little more difficult to ignore. Don't worry about me I'll be fine." I forced a small smile on my face with hopes that she would buy it.
"Swear?" She said as she looked at me unconvinced.
"I swear on my life." I said jokingly, hoping to lighten up the mood.
"Yeah, that's nice and all except for the fact that we happen to be dead technically. Bella…"
I stopped her before she could finish. "I'm fine, really. It's the first day; I should be allowed a mistake or two, right? Now let's drop it the class is almost full and the professor is almost here."
She just rolled her eyes and laughed at me. I could never do this without her. My sister is the rock of my new existence that kept me going this past year and for that I was eternally grateful.