Heavy angst warning on this one! Tissue alert!! :)

I recently rewatched the episode 'The Party's over' and couldn't resist this missing scene. The tense on this story turned out a bit weird but I didn't know
how to fix it so I just left it. Enjoy the Chris angst anyway :)

Title: Half
Author: Cindy Ryan
Category: Missing scene, one shot
Summary: Missing scene to "The Party's over". Chris tries to cope.

Sergeant Chris Lorenzo had never felt more lost than he did at that moment. The shock of the day had started to wear off leaving behind nothing but fresh raw pain.
Pain and memories.
Too many memories.

It was after midnight as Chris walked along the deserted beach. He'd got the list half way done before the Cap had ordered him to go home.
Chris had started to protest but it'd died in his throat. It killed him every time he looked at her empty desk knowing she'd never sit there again.

Never laugh at his stupid jokes.
Never beam him with a paper airplane.

The memories had convinced Chris that the Cap was right. Every place he looked in the squad room he saw Rita.

The only thing that had kept him sane that long nightmare of a day was that list.
It was something tangible to do.
Some small way he could feel useful.

The Cap had dropped him off at home and waited until he was inside.

Chris had watched the older man leave through the front window feeling overwhelmed. He knew the captain was hurting just as badly.
Knew that Rita had been like a daughter to him.

Something shattered causing Chris to jump slightly. It took him a full minute to realize he'd thrown an autographed baseball into his tv breaking the screen.

The baseball had been the proud centerpiece of his coffee table. Now the plastic casing was sliced open as it sat in the middle of the shattered tv.
It was worthless now, just like he was.

Couldn't protect his own partner.

Chris looked down at his shaking hands and balled them into fists. He should've stopped by when he got home instead of calling.

Maybe if he had he could've saved her.
Could've been there when she needed him….

Chris swiped an angry hand over his face to erase the tears that had started to flow.

He couldn't stay here.
She was everywhere here too.

How many meals had they shared?
How many beers?
How many bad movies?

Chris swallowed hard and fumbled with the front door handle. Once it was solid in his hands Chris yanked it open and stepped outside.
He'd wandered for awhile before ending up at the beach.

Now Chris sank down onto the sand. He drew his knees up to his chest and stared out at the dark waves.
Even the Atlantic seemed angry.

Chris shook his head then rested his forehead against his knees.

Rita had become such a huge part of his life that he couldn't remember his life before he met her.
Now he was supposed to face one without her? How?
How the hell was he supposed to do that?

People who knew them smiled and said they were two halves of the same coin.
Two halves of the same soul.

Chris felt the tears fall again. This time he didn't stop them. She'd been so much to him.
Best friend….partner….sister….

Chris raised his head and looked at the waves.

All day he thought this couldn't possibly be real. That it was a horrible nightmare that he'd wake up from.
The nightmare had become reality.

Tomorrow the prints would come back and the nightmare would be never ending.
His Rita would be gone forever…..his Sam…..

He'd get justice for her, that was a given.
The bastard would die a hundred times over when he got a hold of him.

Chris sighed….he knew he'd end up in a jail cell at the end of this but it didn't matter.
He'd turn in his badge either way.
Without Rita, Chris couldn't picture going into that squad room day after day.
Being partnered with a stranger….

Chris absently ran the sand through his fingers. He knew Rita would want him to stay on the force….to stay in homicide…..to do what he loved.
It wouldn't be the same.
Nothing would be the same ever again.

"I miss you already, Sam."Chris whispered to the wind. "You promised, Sam….you promised you'd always have my back."

With a ragged sigh Chris stood slowly. He shoved his hands deep into the pockets of his suit jacket. His fingers brushed against something metal. With a puzzled frown Chris took the small object out and held it to the moonlight.

It was a charm from Rita's bracelet….a silver sand dollar.

He'd found it on her desk earlier when he was compiling the list.
It'd fallen off the Friday before he left for Miami. He'd promised to fix it when he got back.

Chris tenderly brushed the charm with the pad of his thumb.
He'd never complete that promise.

Anger flooded through him and he chucked the tiny charm into the waves.

She was supposed to be on vacation.
They had plans this weekend to see a movie and grab Chinese takeout on the way home.

With a choked sob Chris turned away from the water and started toward home.
Exhaustion was starting to win.

Life without Rita.
Life without his Sam.

Chris couldn't fathom it.
But come tomorrow or more accurately later today….he was going to have to.
Some way….some how.

Chris knew she would be with him the rest of his life…..in his heart.

It was a very small comfort right now but he knew later it'd be enough.

To know that his other half would always be there….in his heart….in his soul.