Lacrymosa

A Bakumatsu-Kikansetsu Irohanihoheto song fic about Kanna Sakyonosuke

Song: Lacrymosa by Evanescence

~Author's Note at the end~

Lacrymosa by xxfireyrainrayxx

~~~ I'm so very sorry. Sorry that I never had the strength to do what my heart knew was right. Kanna, please forgive me. Please… my child. This pain lashes into my heart as I watch you run desperately run to be at my side. I cry out your name and struggle but I was too weak, Kanna. Sorry, I have abandoned you. KANNA!!!!! These tears won't stop and even after you pursued no longer and I stare out long after your image fades away. I wasn't strong enough for you. I failed you…. No!!!! ~~~

Out on your own,
Cold and alone again.
Can this be what you really wanted, baby?

NO!!!!

Blame it on me,
Set your guilt free.
Nothing can hold you back now.

My eyes gazed out blankly into the depths of the ocean as I stood aboard the ship. My lips are dry and I lick them. How wonderful would it be to be embraced by those waves? I wanted to be held so wholly by them that I would feel the clear crystalline ripples wash into me, filling the deep void within my body.

With two fingers of my gloved hand I gently traced over my eye patch with a touch that seemed almost affectionate. The brilliance of the sun peaked out from behind the clouds splashing the water with a few bright rays that lit the cerulean up like the world's most precious gem. I lost myself in its luminosity as my other senses captured the salty taste and the soft sounds that encompassed me so thoroughly. Soon I pulled myself out as I larger breath of wind released itself upon me. My hair swayed as a boots near me alerted my senses.

I reminded myself of my duty. I must be vigilant at all times. I reached into my pocket and felt the object that I keep closest to my heart. My familiarity with my weapons is second to this treasure. I brought it out like I had on many occasions. Upon opening it, I saw your picture. Mother…

Now that you're gone,
I feel like myself again.
Grieving the things I can't repair and willing...

I feel that sharp acidity in my heart every time I see your face. That smile frozen upon a sheet of paper, forever preserved. Strange I don't know what it is. Mother. I don't understand. Why, mother? I hear a commotion and I put you away and all emotion recedes. Why do I feel nothing now?

To let you blame it on me,
And set your guilt free.
I don't want to hold you back now love.

It was entirely my fault, mother. I have never deserved your love because I wasn't there to protect you and now I witness it again. Again I see you cling to another. There was chaos everywhere and water sprays into the air but somehow I see you with Akizuki Yojiro, holding on to him as he protects you. At the same time I see you then, being held as I chase after the carriage tearing you from me. I can feel pain heat my eye beneath my eye patch. Mother… I want to be the one you hold; one that protects you.

I can't change who I am.
Not this time, I won't lie to keep you near me.
And in this short life, there's no time to waste on giving up.
My love wasn't enough.

What have I done?NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Mother!!! NO! I scream to the heavens. I have killed you… AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH…. No no no… I hover over you no…no… mother! mother!!!!.... I'm so sorry. For the first time. I could feel. My heart exploded, over loaded with pain. Tears poured from my eyes but as look up. I see you. Glorious as you emerge from the lights of heaven. I..I have killed you!!! Those eyes stared at me. Calm and beautiful. How could I have ever!!! I couldn't feel anything but all I knew was what I wanted when I raised my gun to my head. Ready, to repent for the sin I have committed. But you stopped me. Mother…

And you can blame it on me,
Just set your guilt free, honey.
I don't want to hold you back now love.

I gazed at you upon the stage but my ears hear nothing. I couldn't feel anything but within I could feel you. Your love flowed within my so warm and comforting. The pure white energy of it poured into my soul. It was something I had never felt in my life; your affection. It lifted me up and beyond. Incredible. Drifting in peace I see your face and you smile down at me. Mother… I smile too. I have finally protected you. We are together at last…

~The End~

Author's Note:

I love Kanna!!! He's my fav. character in the series. I was really upset that he didn't play a bigger role and I almost cried when he died!! He shouldn't have!!! I like him b/c of his coldness and at the same time his pain and gentleness. He's still a child ^^.

For this songfic. I actually decided not to make it lengthy and dive in too deeply into the character but take a slightly more objective stance. I was going to go deeper but I decided that the audience of the series can extract meaning/emotions by themselves.

I at one point I really thought and wanted him to end up with Kakunojo but as it turns out she reminds him of his mother. But I really do think I would be a gorgeous knight to some other anime character :P I might even write a short fic with him and an original character. ^^