AN: Aha, uh, yeah, it's been over a year? Wow. I didn't really notice that year going by...

Just reread them. And wow, you reviewers are wonderfully lovely, because my writing was awful a year ago. And before that. Hopefully it's matured a little. But probably hasn't.

I own nothing.

[Scott, Matt and Richard are just chilling in the living room, casual as you like, when..]

Jamie: ARGH!

*Up jumps Scott*

*Sprints to kitchen*

*Grabs Jamie around the middle and pulls him to the side*

Jamie: ...

Jamie: Jeez… I was chopping a pepper…

Scott: But there's blood!

Jamie: Oh, right, the knife slipped! Look at this cut! It's as big as a freakin' papercut!

Scott: …

Scott: You screamed.

Jamie: Well, it was painful...

Matt *snigger*

Scott: Shut it.

Voldemort *on phone*: Hello? National Accident Helpline? Hi, yeah, so a while ago to get my er, career going well, I had to…commit a deed. Anyway, long story short, I nearly died. Compensation, please?

Woman on phone (WoP): One moment please… sorry, what did you say your career was?

Voldemort: …I didn't. It's sort of… something of my own making.

WoP: You're self-employed?

Voldemort: Well… actually, I guess I'm in the ministry. Sorry, government.

WoP: What's your role?

Voldemort: I'm a dork lard.

WoP: …excuse me?

Voldemort: Woops, sorry, you've got me all flustered. I'm a dark lord, actually. THE Dark Lord.

WoP: Right… what were you doing when you er, nearly died?

Voldemort: Committing a deed to a baby.

WoP: …

Voldemort: No, no that came out all wrong. I er, was preventing my business from being destroyed.

WoP: By…?

Voldemort: …Killing a baby.

WoP: And you nearly died… how?

Voldemort: …His mother died for him. Bit annoying, really. My whole plans sort of blew up in my face. Well, I say that, it was more my face which blew up.

WoP: …

Voldemort: Yes, so compensation would be lovely.

WoP: …I'm going to have to pass you on to my supervisor…

Voldemort: …

Scarlett: You've only got one ear.

Fred: What? Where did the other go?

Scarlett: Not you, him.

George: Oh, bloody hell, 'ear-lly?

Fred: 'Ear-lly'?

George: Like 'really' but with an ear...

Fred: That was rubbish.

George: I'm trying to get all the ears I can get...

Fred: Finding them 'ear and there?

George: Ear-ie how they get everywhere.

Scarlett: How'd you lose it?

Fred: Well, you know the expression "he'd lose his head if it wasn't attached to him"?

Scarlett: Yeah...

Fred: Applies to George. Lit-ear-ally.

Scarlett: ...

Harry: I still don't understand she prefers you.

Matt: Well, I'm smart, handsome, charming, brilliant...

Harry: But I'm the Chosen One!

Matt: Only because some bald guy with daddy issues couldn't kill you.

Harry: But... I'm a seeker!

Matt: Well, go seek-her then. *explosive laughter*

Harry: That was rubbish.

Matt: *grins*

Bella: Voldy! Voldy, darling, anything you want for Christmas?

Voldy: Christmas? Pfft.

Bella: You want a llama?

Voldy: ...

Voldy: What?

Bella: You made a noise like a llama.

Voldy: ...

Voldy: ...

Bella: So?

Voldy: ...

Voldy: I'm clearly not dignifying that with a response.

Bella: Oh.

Voldy: ...

Bella: ...

Voldy: ...

Bella: So, no llama?

Voldy: ...

Voldy: No. No llama.

Bella: Oh.

Voldy: ...

Bella: Oh, how about a wig?

Voldy: ...

Voldy: What?

Bella: You know, a wig!

Voldy: ...

Voldy: ...

Voldy: ...

Voldy: ...

Bella: Oh, right, sorry, a toupee.

Voldy: ...

Bella: Lucius has nice hair, we could model it on him.

Voldy: No.

Bella: Hmm, Rosier? Ok, it could use a bit of taming, but-

Voldy: No.

Bella: Ooh, Snape!

Voldy: No!

Bella: Oh, I'll teach you how to wash your hair, don't worry!

Voldy: ...

Voldy: ...

Voldy: ...

Bella: So, no wig?

Voldy: No wig.

Bella: Toupee?

Voldy: No.

Bella: Are you sure?

Voldy: ...

Harry: Why are you going out with him?

Ginny: Honestly?

Harry: No, I'd like some more bloody lies, please!

Ginny: Well, he's not so self-involved...

Harry: What?

Ginny: Well, you know, he's still got the whole world to save – the whole world, Harry, not just a country of wizards – and he's ok to date me! He can multitask.

Harry: But... we're meant to have children! Think of James, Albus and Lily!

Ginny: Well, personally, naming your children after your parents is a bit morbid. And I'd never let you name your son Albus! Albus Severus, what a name!

Harry: They're still my children!

Ginny: There's always Romilda Vane.

Harry: No. She says she prefers Ron now. He was in that Ed Sheeran video, so he's now all popular.

Ginny: Well, get in an Ed Sheeran video then!

Harry: I'd rather frolic nude with ponies, though... on the stage...

Ginny: Oooh, I know! Amanda Brockson, she's got a face like a horse!

Harry: ...

Ginny: Firenze! He's SO hot!

Harry: ...

Ginny: Oh, Moaning Myrtle!

Harry: She likes Creevey now. They've bonded over being all dead.

Ginny: Oliver! You won the house cup for Wood in his final year! He'll happily have you!

Harry: ...

Harry: But I don't like Oliver...

Ginny: Oh, that's what I mean, Harry! It's all about you! What if he likes you back?

Harry: But...

Ginny: Just go out with Oliver, stop bugging me!

Harry: ...

Ginny: MATTY! We're going SHOPPING.

Scarlett: So, really, what did happen?

Fred: He got it pierced and a magpie took the earring. Realised too late he'd got the ear too.

George: Needed an earring aid for that.

Scarlett: ...

So, how was it? Oh, cut me some slack. I'm getting more and more rubbish with inspiration. So what if I've had a year's worth? :L Love it if you reviewed.

Until the next,

Cait. x