AN: Aha, uh, yeah, it's been over a year? Wow. I didn't really notice that year going by...
Just reread them. And wow, you reviewers are wonderfully lovely, because my writing was awful a year ago. And before that. Hopefully it's matured a little. But probably hasn't.
I own nothing.
[Scott, Matt and Richard are just chilling in the living room, casual as you like, when..]
*Up jumps Scott*
*Sprints to kitchen*
*Grabs Jamie around the middle and pulls him to the side*
Jamie: Jeez… I was chopping a pepper…
Scott: But there's blood!
Jamie: Oh, right, the knife slipped! Look at this cut! It's as big as a freakin' papercut!
Scott: You screamed.
Jamie: Well, it was painful...
Scott: Shut it.
Voldemort *on phone*: Hello? National Accident Helpline? Hi, yeah, so a while ago to get my er, career going well, I had to…commit a deed. Anyway, long story short, I nearly died. Compensation, please?
Woman on phone (WoP): One moment please… sorry, what did you say your career was?
Voldemort: …I didn't. It's sort of… something of my own making.
WoP: You're self-employed?
Voldemort: Well… actually, I guess I'm in the ministry. Sorry, government.
WoP: What's your role?
Voldemort: I'm a dork lard.
WoP: …excuse me?
Voldemort: Woops, sorry, you've got me all flustered. I'm a dark lord, actually. THE Dark Lord.
WoP: Right… what were you doing when you er, nearly died?
Voldemort: Committing a deed to a baby.
Voldemort: No, no that came out all wrong. I er, was preventing my business from being destroyed.
Voldemort: …Killing a baby.
WoP: And you nearly died… how?
Voldemort: …His mother died for him. Bit annoying, really. My whole plans sort of blew up in my face. Well, I say that, it was more my face which blew up.
Voldemort: Yes, so compensation would be lovely.
WoP: …I'm going to have to pass you on to my supervisor…
Scarlett: You've only got one ear.
Fred: What? Where did the other go?
Scarlett: Not you, him.
George: Oh, bloody hell, 'ear-lly?
George: Like 'really' but with an ear...
Fred: That was rubbish.
George: I'm trying to get all the ears I can get...
Fred: Finding them 'ear and there?
George: Ear-ie how they get everywhere.
Scarlett: How'd you lose it?
Fred: Well, you know the expression "he'd lose his head if it wasn't attached to him"?
Fred: Applies to George. Lit-ear-ally.
Harry: I still don't understand she prefers you.
Matt: Well, I'm smart, handsome, charming, brilliant...
Harry: But I'm the Chosen One!
Matt: Only because some bald guy with daddy issues couldn't kill you.
Harry: But... I'm a seeker!
Matt: Well, go seek-her then. *explosive laughter*
Harry: That was rubbish.
Bella: Voldy! Voldy, darling, anything you want for Christmas?
Voldy: Christmas? Pfft.
Bella: You want a llama?
Bella: You made a noise like a llama.
Voldy: I'm clearly not dignifying that with a response.
Bella: So, no llama?
Voldy: No. No llama.
Bella: Oh, how about a wig?
Bella: You know, a wig!
Bella: Oh, right, sorry, a toupee.
Bella: Lucius has nice hair, we could model it on him.
Bella: Hmm, Rosier? Ok, it could use a bit of taming, but-
Bella: Ooh, Snape!
Bella: Oh, I'll teach you how to wash your hair, don't worry!
Bella: So, no wig?
Voldy: No wig.
Bella: Are you sure?
Harry: Why are you going out with him?
Harry: No, I'd like some more bloody lies, please!
Ginny: Well, he's not so self-involved...
Ginny: Well, you know, he's still got the whole world to save – the whole world, Harry, not just a country of wizards – and he's ok to date me! He can multitask.
Harry: But... we're meant to have children! Think of James, Albus and Lily!
Ginny: Well, personally, naming your children after your parents is a bit morbid. And I'd never let you name your son Albus! Albus Severus, what a name!
Harry: They're still my children!
Ginny: There's always Romilda Vane.
Harry: No. She says she prefers Ron now. He was in that Ed Sheeran video, so he's now all popular.
Ginny: Well, get in an Ed Sheeran video then!
Harry: I'd rather frolic nude with ponies, though... on the stage...
Ginny: Oooh, I know! Amanda Brockson, she's got a face like a horse!
Ginny: Firenze! He's SO hot!
Ginny: Oh, Moaning Myrtle!
Harry: She likes Creevey now. They've bonded over being all dead.
Ginny: Oliver! You won the house cup for Wood in his final year! He'll happily have you!
Harry: But I don't like Oliver...
Ginny: Oh, that's what I mean, Harry! It's all about you! What if he likes you back?
Ginny: Just go out with Oliver, stop bugging me!
Ginny: MATTY! We're going SHOPPING.
Scarlett: So, really, what did happen?
Fred: He got it pierced and a magpie took the earring. Realised too late he'd got the ear too.
George: Needed an earring aid for that.
So, how was it? Oh, cut me some slack. I'm getting more and more rubbish with inspiration. So what if I've had a year's worth? :L Love it if you reviewed.
Until the next,