Just a little story based on when Edward leaves hope you like it.
i wish i owned edward but i dont, i own nothing [god damn it!!!]

chapter 1

Oh God not Bella!!!


I pulled my car into the parking lot of the school. And allowed my head to rolled down on to the steering wheel. I did not feel up to this. It had been several months since Ed... He left and I was starting to feel better, mainly thanks to Jake. But in the past few days I have felt tired and weak. Last night I couldnt even get the strength to walk up the stairs to bed, and now I didnt think I could walk into school. I didnt even have to strength to open the car door. I sat there for what seem like forever. The bell eventually rang and everyone disappeared. I pulled my head up and opened the car door. I only got a few paces before darkness overwhelmed me and I fell into the unending black.


I ran at the hospital doors, and flew at the girl at the reception deck. For a moment she looked scared of me. "Bella swan, my daughter was brought here, please where is she?" I was out of breath and panted most of the sentence but I didnt care. I needed Bella, I couldnt loose her.
"Shes still getting checked by the doctor, wait in the visitors lounge please and the doctor will be in when he can"

I was the only one in the lounge and I felt like I was bouncing off the walls. I paced around and around the room. I looked at the clock and could swear that it must have stopped working, it was going so slow. Eventually I forced myself to sit but drove myself crazy by bouncing my legs, so I started pacing again.

It took 3 hrs for the doctor to come in and by then I was out of my tree with worry.
"Whats going on? Where is she? Whats wrong with her? Can I see her? What happened?" the questions flew out of me. I couldnt stop them. It had been almost 3 1/2 hours since I got the phone call every parent dreads. The phone call Patrick Windom, a friend on the ambulance department, he told me, Bella had been found outside school. she had collapsed and it looked it she had been their for hours, in the rain, and no one found her.
"please Chief Swan calm down. I think you need to sit" oh God, was all I thought.
I tell people to sit before I tell them of their loved ones death in a car accident. This was bad. Oh god, not my Bella, not her please.
"Chief Swan" he stopped and re-adjusted himself "Charlie, its not good"
"what?" was the only word I could get out "it looks as though Bella caught a virus, which has moved into her heart"
"has Bella been sick lately?" how do I answer that? Bella had been dead lately. Ever since HE left she had stopped existing. I had ran the whole thing over and over again and I couldnt work out why he left her. Yes Bella had been sick. but not the sick this doctor was talking about. 'she had a cough, about a month ago" but what did that matter, I added to myself. I was only a cough "no Charlie, it wasnt just a cough. it looks as though Bella caught a common cold which she didnt treat. it moved to her heart"
"so what do you do? I mean antibodies will fix her, right" the doctor looked away. Oh God "Charlie, I dont think theres much I can do. not here anyway. I think you should get her checked into the hospital in Seattle. they have better ways of treating this"
"but it is treatable"
"it can be"
"look doc your driving me insane, just spit it out"
"Charlie, it depends on how strong the virus is and how strong Bella is. it may be that antibiotics will fix her"
"but" I could tell he was getting there but I was too tired and worried about Bella to be patient "but there is a chance that she may not get better and in that case, Bella.... could be looking at a heart transplant" I stopped breathing. heart transplant. but I was just a cough. I only heard it once maybe twice. it didnt even worry me enough to bug her into going to the doctor. I knew how much she hated doctors, but if she was sick, I could always get her to go. the room was starting to spin from my lack of oxygen.
"breath Charlie" the doctor said helping me to sit. Bella, oh God Bella. what have I done?
"do you want to see her"
"yes" I crocked chapter two Only one too call

I heard the machines before I saw her. I stopped walking when I saw her. she didnt look like this morning, did she? she was pale, so pale that it was hard to see where she ended and the white sheets begun. her lips were dry and callused. her hair was oily like she stopped washing it months ago and she was thin, so thin i could see bones. "oh god Bella" I moved to the bed and held her hand. they were ice cold. "shes cold" I said to the doctor who was standing in the door way.
"thats because the blood is not getting to her body" he said it so calmly. like this was nothing to worry about.
I looked back to Bella. her heart. how could it be her heart? that was always the biggest part of her. when she was little I use to describe her to people as two foot nothing with a heart bigger then the grand Canyon. she took in stray animals when she was little and cried, once for a week because she couldnt save a baby bird whose mother had died. this was my Bella, who took care of her mother all of those years, who gave up everything to give her mother space with the new 'toyboy' this was my Bella who cooked every night for me and would never let me argue. this was my Bella who got to know and became friends with the Cullens and Edward when no one else would even talk to them. just thinking about that boy made my blood boil. but it also made me think.

I looked up to see that the doctor had left the room. so I bent down and kissed Bellas forehead.
"be back soon baby" I said in her ear. and I left the room. I went down the hall and found the pay phone. I already had the number I needed, I found it months ago, in a blind rage I called them and yelled at them for leaving her. now I needed them for something else.

I dialled the number it only rang once. "hello"
"Esme?" I said already knowing it was her "yes, who is this"
"its Charlie Swan"
"Charlie, what wrong? oh god its Bella isnt it?" her voice moved from delight to panic in one sentence and I wondered if I would ever really know how close they all were to Bella and how much esme loved my daughter.
"yes esme its Bella" I couldnt stop my throat from closing with my sobs "Charlie what is it"
"she sick, esme, I need Carlisle" she didnt need any more, I heard her call him and seconds later the phone switched hands "Charlie?" I recognised Carlisles voice "what it is"
"it bel..." I took a deep breath to steady the sobs "it Bella...... Carlisle...... the doctor said............. something about a............ heart transplant..... he .... I ... oh god"

chapter 3


Telling Edward

"it bel...its Bella...... Carlisle...... the doctor said............... something about a.......... heart transplant..... he .... I ... oh god" my heart broke. I had never heard Charlie like this. he could barely get a word out. as I heard him sob I saw esme put her hands to her face. she could hear him too. I knew how much esme love Bella, and how it almost killed her to leave when Edward asked us too. I put my hand on her shoulder. she left one hand over her mouth and placed the other over my hand. esme knew how much I loved Bella too.
"Charlie I need you to breathe" I waited, listening to his breath "now, who is her doctor"
"the new doctor, the one that took your place, dr Howards"
"okay, Im going to ring dr Howards and see whats going on, Ill help Charlie, Ill get esme to book me on the next flight"
"oh god, thank you Carlisle. I know this is putting you out......but I dont know what to do" in spite of everything I found myself smiling. Charlie thought he was putting us out by asking for help with Bella. now I know where Bella got it from.
"no need to thank me, Ill be there asap. ok. go and be with her Charlie"

it took me 20minutes to talk to Dr Howards. he had not idea what to do with Bella. he was only just out of his resisidency and had never had anything like this. I suggested some medications to slow down the virus. but I couldnt looked at it any other way, Bella was sick, very sick, even a heart transplant might be too late.

but that was only the second problem on my list. the first was telling Edward about Bella. all the children were out hunting. this was the first time they had all come back together, in so long. Edward was always away, Emmett and rose couldnt take the new way the house was so they left for awhile. even jasper and Alice left, as jasper couldnt take esmes and my broken heart at leaving Bella. but for a treat esme got everyone together again. and they were all out hunting and due back any minute "close your mind dear" esme said next to me "we cant have him hearing that way" I nodded and took her hand. she looked pale even for a vampire.

not so long later the children came back. it only took them a moment to look at me and Esme to see something was up. I saw Jasper grab his chest. we could close our minds to Edward but we could stop the feeling of our breaking hearts, from getting to Jasper.
"sit, its bad" I said as I looked at Edward. he sat next to me and esme on the lounge. this was good, he wouldnt explode with esme next to him.
"what is it?" Alice said, she looked annoyed and I wondered why she hadnt seen Bella sick, but then I realised the Edward made her stop looking at bellas future. he got so mad at her, for looking last time, that I thought he would actually hurt her.
"its........ look theres no easy way to say this so Im just going to say it"
"good I hate it when people tip toe" Emmett added "its Bella" I looked at Edward to see the alarm on his face. he had stopped breathing "what?" Alice asked. jasper must have been feeling the panic I saw in her eyes as he placed his arms around her "shes sick"
"how sick?" Emmett asked, it surprised me that I saw the same panic in his eyes that was in Alices "very. Charlie called Im flying down to see if I can do anything, but I dont how much help i'll be"
"what wrong with her?" Emmett asked "she has cariovascular hneomia" I looked at Edward as he stood and walked over to the window, his shoulders were down.
"for the people who arent doctors" Alice screeched "from what her doctor told me, she developed the flu about a month ago, she didnt get it seen to and when it went away she didnt think anything of it. this morning Bella drove to school but didnt make it to class. everyone must have been is class when she collapsed on the front lawns in the rain. it took an hour for anyone to find her. the doctor ran tests and found that the virus is attacking her heart"
"so do something" Rosalie said quietly. it didnt surprise me that she wanted me to save Bella. I dont think she comprehended how much Edward loved Bella until he ripped his own heart out and left her. I always thought that rose blamed herself a little for Edward making the choice to leave forks and Bella. she never supported him and she was gloating for hours after the birthday party disaster saying that she always knew the relationship would end in tears.
"I will do everything I can but from what the doctor was saying there may not be much I can do" I should not have said this. the second the words were out on my mouth I regretted them. Edward broke. his legs gave way and he collapsed in fits of tearless sobs. I had only seen him like this once, and that was the first night in the hospital after Bella was attacked by James, but even then it wasnt this bad. Jasper was sending waves of calm towards him but it wasnt working. esme got up and threw her arms around him.
"be strong" she whispered in his ear "be strong for her" she stayed with his as he continued to sob.
we were all silent listening to edward, and alice sob.

"Im going on the next plane, it leaves tonight if there is anything I can go, then I will do it" I was resolved that I would do everything I could to save Edwards Bella, our Bella.
"i'm coming" Edward said quietly from the floor "Edward I dont think"
"Im coming, thats my Bella and if shes going to........Ill be there"
"Me too" Alice piped in "Me three" Emmett added "Im going too" said jasper who still hadnt forgiven himself for the bad birthday and still thought it was his fault Edward decided to leave "And me" concluded Rosalie walking over to put a supportive hand on Edwards, still shaking, Shoulder "if we're taking a vote, Im in too■ esme said smiling at me.
"is there any point in agrueing?" I said hanging my head "no" everyone answered at once "well get packed, the plane leaves tonight at 6, we're going back to forks.
"and back to my Bella" I heard Edward whisper from on the floor.

as I walked up the stairs to my study I was thinking only one thing. this family cannot loose that girl. this family wont survive. we were doing okay knowing that she was alive and safe. no one was happy but we survived. if Bella died. I know it would be the end of this family. it would be the end of Edward he couldnt cope, if he didnt kill himself he would have someone else do it for him, that was how much he loved Bella. and I knew that Alice, Emmett, jasper and even rose couldnt loose a sibling, a sister, and a best friend. but I was certain that esme couldnt loose another child. the first one killed her body. Loosing Bella would kill her soul, and I knew that I would be close behind all of them. I could not lose Bella either. she was my daughter that was how I had always seen her. oh god, I prayed, dont let her die, please not her.......

Chapter 4

Ill kill him


I sat, holding bellas hand for hours. I watched as the nurses did tests and changed the drip. about 4 in the afternoon the nurse came back in with the doctor saying that Bella was having trouble breathing, he put the oxygen mask on her. I was crushed. she couldnt even breathe. how could this happen so fast? I thought back to this morning. when I left she was on the couch. I remember thinking it was weird that she had slept down stairs but I didnt think anything else of it. Oh god, why didnt I realise she was sick? she never even watch TV, so why would fall sleep on the couch?

I left to do the phone calls. one was the Renee, who flipped that I didnt call her the second Bella got sick. she said she was on the next flight. then I called billy. I wasnt even thinking of telling Jake, I just needed to tell billy, my best friend that my daughter, the reason for my breathing, was sick. it took 10minutes for billy, and Jake to get to the hospital. we all just sat there watching her on the bed. if it was possible she was getting even paler.

I lost track of time. I just stared at Bella. when I had been in the waiting room time slowed down, now the opposite happened. Renee showed up, bags in hand only hours after I called. she burst into tears and I held her. she sobbed and sobbed. eventually moving into the other seat and holding bellas other hand. The doctor came back in and gave her more medicine I was actually glad at that moment that Bella was out of it. there was no way she would let the doctor inject the contents of the needle without a fuss. I smiled as I remembered her fear of needles. what i would give to have bella sit up and argue about getting a needle.


the whole plane trip I was trying to see Bella's future. Screw Edward, if he had let me keep an eye on her, I would have been able to prevent this. the hell with that, if Edward had been so noble and stubborn, we could all have been there and Bella would not have gotten sick in the first place. this was all Edwards fault!
No, this was just as much my fault as his, I thought. if I hadnt been so scared of Edward I would have kept an eye on her. I should her kept an eye on her, she was a walking death trap; I was surprised she hadnt trip in front of a bus.

no matter how hard I tried I couldnt see her future. at first I panicked and thought that it was because she didnt have a future. then I panicked even more when I realised I couldnt see Bella because her future hadnt been made. it was still touch and go. the decisions Carlisle and her doctor made, would determine my best friends life.

by now we were at the hospital getting out of the taxi's. boy, not much had changed. we all walked in and asked for Bella, that was when I smelt him......werewolf.


I heard him before I smelt him -so you leeches are back to finish the mess you left behind-he thought. I turned to walk down the hall where bellas room was and found him leaning against the wall.
"not now Mr. black" esme said politely, she was thinking of nothing else but Bella and seeing her again.
-it wasnt bad enough you left her to die; you had to come and watch- at that thought I snapped. I threw Jacob as hard as I could against the wall. bits of plaster fell onto his head. "bastard" I growled in his face. no one seemed to want to stop me, my sibling seemed to want to help;
-let me at him-Emmett -Im here Edward, give me the word and ill ripped him limb from limb for you-jasper -want a hand? Ive wanted to do this for ages-Alice -filthy dog gets whats coming to him-Rosalie -dont break the wall Edward- Carlisle -now really watch the language-esme

"whats going on?" Charlie came out into the hall. god did he look bad. he was pale and worn-out. at first he looked like he was going to yell at us and get all the anger out that he had had on the phone several months ago. but then he crumbled and esme ran to him "oh Charlie" she said -god, Bella, please god let him be able to help please- Charlies thoughts almost undid me. I released Jacob and held my breath against the pain in my heart "Im sorry to call you Carlisle but I didnt know what to do, when they started talking heart transplants, I panicked and called, Im sorry" I could believe how much Charlie was like my Bella, right now. he was apologizing when it was probably our fault, or mine. That was something Bella would do. My Bella was always saying sorry for things that werent her fault.
"oh Charlie, I would have been here earlier but they didnt have an earlier flight. theres no need to apologize I would do anything for I?" Carlisle asked pointing to bellas room.
"of cause" It was then that Charlie must have realised that I was here. he seemed to focus on me "YOU" he shouted and moved towards me. Emmett stepped in. I wouldnt have even put up a fight if Charlie did attack me, he had every right.
-that bastard broke my Bella, if she dies its his fault- Charlie was thinking. my legs buckled, if it was possible I started to feel even worse.
"Charlie" I heard Renee snap "what are you doing?" then she saw us, Emmett still holding a moment I was waiting for her to attack me like Charlie had. but then she surprised everyone. she smiled and hugged me.
"Im glad youre here"
-what the hell?- was all Charlie could think "Renee what are you doing he is the reason..."Charlie started but Renee stopped him "oh dont Charlie, its not his fault" Charlie looked like he was going to argue but stopped at the look in renees eyes "now you heard what the doctor said, if Bella is going to........ make it, then she is going to need to be strong, and she can only be strong with Edward here" once again Charlie started to say something but was stopped "now you listen here Charles Michael Swan, that girl in there is your daughter and she needs edward to fight this, if you say or do anything to hurt him then you will have me to deal with" Renee was waving her fingers into Charlies chest, even Emmett looked scared of her.
-man this chick can be as scary as bella-emmett -you do anything to hurt her and I kill you- this thought came from Jacob who was still standing near me. -you killed her, leech. the Bella you knew doesnt exist anymore, she left with you. that shell is all thats left and now its dyeing too. so you should know that if she dies, so do you- this was a threat from Jacob that I was willing to let him do. if Bella died then I would gladly let him kill me.

"come Edward" Renee said holding my hand as she led me into Bella room.
-oh god!- was the only thought me and the rest of my family had. -that cant be Bella-Alice she was so pale, her lips were not soft and sweet but dry and cracked, and she had purple circles under her eyes and she was so thin. Bella had always been small, but this was different. I could see all the bones in her wrists and up her arms. I could see the bandaids on her hands where the doctors had tried to get a vain for the drip and her veins had collapsed.
oh god!
I moved forward ignoring everyone thoughts. I slowly took her hand in mine. I was expecting it be warm and soft like I remembered but it was cold, almost as cold as mine.
what did I do!! I thought. it was then that I remembered everyone else was in the room. I looked up to Carlisle, he met my eyes and I asked the question -its bad Edward, dont kid yourself, I will do everything, but its bad. I dont know how much I can do. just listen to her heart- Carlisle thought. I stopped and listened to the most amazing sound I had ever heard, the heart beat of my true love. it was normally loud and regular pulsing fast when I would kiss her. but it wasnt like that now, it was soft and would sometimes skip beats. this is bad.
-what did we do? someone thought


it was too hard to be at the hospital, Alice could see how much I was struggling. normally it would be the smells of the blood or the body heat of all those humans. but this time that didnt even cross my mind. it was too hard to feel everyones pain. it was too hard to watch Bella, my sister, lay in that bed. it was too hard because it was partly my fault. if I hadnt snapped at bellas party Edward never would have left.

after several hours I suggested we go to a hotel and get some rest. none of us need rest, but I knew we would go crazy in that room. Alice and Edward shot horrible looks at me and I could feel how mad they were that I had suggested it.
"he's right' esme said "look it useless all of use being here at the same time, why dont we take shifts. Edward, and me will stay here now, jasper and Alice can come in 6 hours and take over, then Emmett and Rose. hows that?" everyone seemed to agree, and reluctantly rose, Alice, Emmett and I stood.
"wait, dont go to a hotel, and stay at Charlies"
"Renee" Charlie snapped "what? you wont be there, we wont leave here, and at least they can keep an eye on the place" Charlie agreed and we all left


minutes later we were at Charlies. Alice heart broke as we entered the house. I knew she was remembering when Bella was here. I thought of the one shopping trip Alice and Bella took me and Edward on. the girls laughed and joked the whole time. they were such good friends. this was so hard for her.
"so what now?" Emmett asked "we dont sleep"
"we could watch a movie" rose suggested, none of us really jumped at the idea "oh come on, we have 6 hrs to kill" so we agreed to the movie.

half way through some chick flick that Alice picked out, rose spoke. she didnt disrupt anyone as none of us were paying any attention to the movie. we were all immersed in our own thoughts.
"has anyone thought about what we're going to do with Edward?" she spoke so silently that I was surprised we all heard her, a normal human wouldnt have "what'd mean?" Emmett said "well if Bella does......."Alice growled "ali, you know I dont want her too, but you saw her in that bed. she looked like a skeleton. she was so thin and pale. And I was looking at Carlisle, I have never seen him so sad, I dont think he can do much." we were all silent. "what I mean is, if something happens to Bella, what are we going to do with Edward you guys know he wont survive without her" Alice started to cry. I placed a supportive arm around her, knowing that her pain went too deep for me to fix with my gift.
"I dont think there is anything we can do" I said slowly. they all looked at me like I had just committed a sin, and I guess I had, I told them that we couldnt stop Edward from killing himself "jasper" Emmett stood and moved towards me, man was he mad "Emmett what would you do if you lost rose?" he stopped at these words. "I know if I lost Alice that I would pick a fight with the scariest vampires I could and die hoping to find her on the other side" Alice pushed yourself harder into me "you'd do the same, admit it" I said looking at Emmett. he couldnt argue with me, because I was right. "I just mean, that I have felt how much Edward loves Bella. I have felt how much Bella loves him. neither can survive without the other. these past few months Edward had been a ghost, and you saw Bella, in that bed. that didnt all happen because shes sick. I could see her bones, guys. she must have stopped eating or wasnt eating enough. this virus is affecting her so bad because she had given up. without Edward she gives up" I stopped and looked at the others. Emmett was pacing, both rose and Alice were dry sobbing.

we sat in our own thoughts for hours. the movie ended but no one bothered stopping it. the title menu replayed the same song over and over, but no one cared. all our thoughts were on Bella and Edward. in my heart I knew if we lost one we would lose the other. and I knew I would lose Alice as well. she wouldnt survive loosing Bella and Edward. my arms instinctively tightened around Alice, who was still in my arms.

"wow" we all turned to Emmett who stopped pacing. "guy this is addressed to Edward" It was a letter in a pile of letters Bella or Charlie must have been going to post. I looked at it "thats bellas writing" Alice declared taking the letter and opening it "Alice, maybe we shouldnt"emmett said "like hell" was the only reply she gave. she opened the letter and read it out loud.

dear Edward

I dont know if this is going to find you but I hope it does. I dont even know why Im writing it but my counsellor told me too. thats right Im in counselling, Charlies making me. two weeks ago I hurt myself and now Im in counselling. Derra, my therapist told me to write a letter to tell you everything I failed to in the forest so here goes.

Edward, when you first told me in the woods that you stopped loving me, that you didnt want me, I think I died. it was like something broke inside me. I had dealt with so much, WE had dealt with so much only to have you give up. I walked around for weeks wanting to know what I did wrong, going over everything in my head trying to find the moment you stopped loving me. trying to find the place where I screwed up. but I couldnt. I know that Im not perfect, but you seemed to love me that way. so I thought and thought and then I realised that it wasnt me it was you.

I gave you everything; I gave up everything for you. I would have jumped off the great wall of china if you had wanted me too. I dealt with the fact that you are a vampire, I dealt with the fact that you wanted my blood more then you wanted me, I left everything to run with you when James came for me. I would have even given up my life to protect you and I almost did in that studio. I know I told you it was for my mom, and it was but in the back of my head I was doing it for you. me dyeing would keep you alive and safe, you could find someone better to love you. someone who didnt get into life and death situations daily. I gave you everything and I was willing to give up more to be with you forever, but you still didnt want me. you still couldnt be happy with me.

so this will be the last time you will hear from me. I wont bother you again. but if this is the last you will hear from me then you will hear what I have to say. I love you Edward. I will always love you. it doesnt matter if I live to be 100 or 1000, I will always love you and I will never find someone who I love more then I love you. I will never find someone like you. I believe with every ounce of my body, that you were my one and only and that I screwed it up and lost you. so I will live the rest of my life with a hole in my heart. it will be a whole that no one will ever be able to fix, it is your whole and will always be yours. until the day I die I will love you Edward Cullen, I pray that you will find someone you love like I love you. it an amazing feeling when it happens. its like nothing else in the world matters. your every minute of the day is divided into it moments you are with them and the moments you will soon be. everything looks so much better when you feel this way. and even though you have broken my heart and I will never be the same, I wouldnt change the year I had with you. you taught me the live Edward. you made me live and I will live with that feeling for the rest of my life.
I love you Edward Cullen, and I pray that you will find someone that makes you feel the way I felt around you.
thank you

have a good life

love always and forever

your Bella.

we were all crying. "how could Bella think Edward didnt want her?" Emmett said with his arms around rose "what did he say to her?" rose asked "poor Bella, she thinks she screwed up and lost edward, she thinks all of this is her fault"alice said threw her sobs.
"Ill kill him"emmett said leaving the house with all of us behind him.

chapter 5



I hadnt moved from the chair all night. I just sat holding bellas hand. Charlie had fallen asleep hours ago in the chair opposite me. Renee was outside calling Phil and getting some coffee. but I refused to move. if she woke up for even a minute I wanted to be here. Carlisle told Charlie and Renee that the iv was giving her body nourishment and when she was strong enough she could wake up. I was thinking about this when Emmetts thoughts hit me -get your ass in here Edward we're down the hall in a spare room-he sounded furious -Edward please, we need you for a moment-esme -get moving Edward, I cant see her waking up in the next few minute so move your ass-Alice -their pissed Edward and they are only getting madder-jasper

I decided not to argue, I could hear Rosalies growling and I knew whatever it was, it was bad. I lent in and kissed her forehead. 'Ill be back soon'i said as I left the room and went down the hall to the room I knew my family was in. I opened the door and walked in "whats up?" I said, but before anyone could answer something hard hit the back of my head. I turned around to see Rosalie being restrained by Emmett and Carlisle, on the other side of the room jasper was doing the same with Alice. "what the hell?" I said looking back at Rosalie who was struggling against her restrainers. "what did you tell her?" she snarled gritting her teeth "tell who"
"BELLA" Alice yelled. she threw a note at me. I picked it up, recognised bellas hand writing, it had my name on it. so I read it. each sentence I read made my heart ache. my legs grew weak and they eventually gave out and I fell onto the bed.
"oh god what have I done?" I whispered. my reaction to the letter must have been enough to stop Alice and Rosalie from wanting to kill me as they stopped fighting their captures. but rose still had a look of complete loathing on her face.
"what did you tell her Edward?" esme asked coming to sit next to me on the bed.
"I told her I didnt love her and none of us wanted her any more" at this rose flew at me again but was stopped by Emmett. Alice growled loudly and even Carlisle looked disappointed to me.
"why?" he asked "because I knew that she wasnt going to let go. bellas smart and can see things that most humans cant. I knew that see she would see through me, so I lied threw my teeth"
"you hurt her Edward" Alice said, she looked pained "she thinks that it was her fault, read the note, she blames herself"
"I didnt think she wouldnt. I thought she would just let it go"
"oh yeah right" Emmett answered sarcastically "because we all knew she would let you go"
"Emmett" I started but he cut me off "oh come on, Edward. we all saw the way you looked at her and we all saw her around you. even me, who is not a rocket scientist, could see that that girl is meant to be with you forever, and Is your other half. there was no way that Bella was going to let you go." everyone was quiet.
oh god what did I do? me watching Bella slow fade away was my punishment for hurt her.
Alice suddenly gasped "Edward, shes going to wake up in about 38seconds" Alice said running from the room, we were all moments behind her

chapter 6

you came


everything was fuzzy. I found it hard to breathe. there were noises around me, whispers and murmurs. I could hear the beeping of a heart machine. I took a deep breath and by something caught and I found myself coughing hard. I couldnt catch my breath.
"easy Bella, easy" was that Carlisle. I thought, no I must be dreaming. a felt an oxygen mask being but over my nose and mouth. "I know it hurts, but I need you to take deep breaths Bella" I did as I was told. it took a few minutes but I could finally breathe, I was still wheezing but it stopped hurting.

I could finally open my eyes and I saw everyone. their eyes all had the same panicked look in their eyes.
'Im fine" I said trying to smile, but no one looked any different. then I saw her "Alice?" I asked "oh god am I dreaming?" she smiled, my mom leant down and kissed my cheek "no baby, youre not dreaming it is Alice, they came a long way to see you" I smiled and tried to talk but I started coughing again. "breathe Bella" Carlisle said bring down the oxygen over my month again. again it took a few minutes to stop coughing and start breathing right again.
"sorry" I said as I looked into my dads panicked eyes "oh baby you've got nothing to be sorry about" he was smiling. but then I saw him. he stood away from everyone else, but he had an even more panicked look in his. as I looked at him he smiled. that crooked smile I loved so much.
"you came" was all I could say. everyone else in the room disappeared, it was only him and me "nothing could have kept me away" he moved forward and took my hand. this cold skin was like my drug. it made me feel so good. I smiled at him "Bella, Im so sorry, I should never have left" he looked so hurt and guilty. it made me feel bad that he felt that way.
"dont, its not your fault" I said brushing my hand over his cheek ignoring the iv.
"yes it is and I will spend every moment trying to make it up to you" I tried to talk again but everything started to do fuzzy again "Carlisle everythings fuzzy again" I was gasping for air "easy Bella, try and stay with us"
"Edward" I mumbled "right here, i'll never leave" he said as he grasped my hand "please dont leave me" I sobbed, I didnt want to do back into the dark, I wanted to stay here, with Edward.
"I will never leave, I love you" that was the last thing I heard as the darkness came back over me.

chapter 7

Drastic measures


it had been a week since Bella woke up for those few moments and since then Bella had gone down hill. She woke up on Tuesday 12th and it was now Thursday 21. on the 15 I had to up the dose of medication as she was in so much pain. on the 17th I had to intrubate her [AN-you know the tube down her throat to help her breathe, I dont know how the spell it]. this was one of the hardest things I had ever done. Edward and Charlie looked horrified when I told them that Bella could no longer breathe on her own. however the next day turned out to be worse, I placed Bella on the American transplant list. however I knew that it was next to impossible for her to get a heart. her blood type and muscle type were very rare so I knew the saving heart would never come.

I had a feeling that if Bella had been awake she would have been in extreme pain, however I was now not expecting her to wake up. she was too weak. over the past week, Bella had gotten colder and colder. now we were relying on heating pads to keep her warm and I knew that that wouldnt last long. I knew what would be next to stop working in bellas body. her kidneys we not receiving enough blood and I was expecting them to fail within the next few days. I hadnt told Charlie. it was bad enough him having to go through all of this without telling him what was coming.

my family had been taking shifts in keeping Charlie, Renee and Edward company as they refused to leave bellas side. they took turns in reading to her. Edward found some cds and he would play them for hours. he even found the cd he made for Bella and brought it in. esme bought her a TV and DVD player and they would watch movies with her. everyone was doing everything they could to help, it was just that bellas body couldnt do anymore. she wasnt giving up. if she had given up her heart would have stopped days ago but she was still fighting, and I knew that one of those reasons was because Edward didnt leave her side, ever. he talked with her, told her stories and read to her, and when he got tired of hearing his own voice he would lay with her humming, singing or just holding her. I had no idea how to tell them that if Bella continued to deteriorate, she would die with the week.

chapter 8

Truth time


Today was Friday, it had been over a week since Bella had woken up. I was scared that she hadnt made any movements since then. Carlisle couldnt reassure us anymore we knew time was running out. today I found myself in the cafeteria with esme. she had insisted on me eating something. I felt a little anoid. Edward never left bellas side but she never made him eat. but I stopped arguing with her. so here I was sitting across from esme, she ordered a coffee but didnt drink it and I ate a sandwich. we were making small talk when esme hit me with a question I wasnt expecting.
"Renee, may I ask you something"
"of course"
"did Bella hurt herself when we left?" I stopped eating my sandwich and stared at her. how did she know?
"im sorry, I shouldnt have asked"
"no its okay, I just didnt think you knew"
"we came across a letter Bella wrote to Edward, she mentioned it and she mentioned seeing a therapist"
"oh that went over well" I said sarcastically remembering the hours of fighting we had to get Bella to go.
"you dont have to tell me" esme continued "yes I do. I know how much you love bella. so you have a right to know" I took a deep breath wondering where to start "I dont want you to think bad of her, she had a really bad time coping when you left. at first she stopped talking, then eating and drinking. she.... well, she kind of died. we were so worried. then, when she went back to school everyone was looking at her, some laughed saying she deserved it for getting involved with Edward and she just kept getting hurt. well after one particularly bad day she ran and hid in the bathroom. she told us that the physical pain took her mind of her emotional pain. the therapist told as that it was good she was finding a way out of her pain, if she had bottled it up she could have done real damage" I looked up to esmes concerned face. "now I have a question to ask you"
"why did you leave?" she looked at the table. "look Im not stupid. I originally thought that the reason you left was because Edward really did stop loving Bella, but I see him in that room and I know that he didnt leave because he stopped loving her. I see the love and devotion in his eyes every time he looks at her. so why did you leave?" esme sat quiet for a moment but then said "Edward wanted us to leave. no it was not because he stopped loving Bella but because he thought he was endangering her. Edward has some demons in his past and he was afraid they would hurt her" "would they"
"he would never let them, but he loved her too much to take the chance"
"I know, I see how much he loves her"
"Im sorry" esme said looking at the table "for what"
"this is all our fault. if we hadnt left none of this would have happened"
"I wont tell you that at first I hated all of you for leaving and Charlie still does" I smiled "but if he left, if all of you left, to try and keep her safe then I dont want you to apoligize" i knew that both of us had bellas best interests at heart.

chapter 9

so youre a vampire!


I really didnt want this to happen

I really didnt want to do this. I really dont want to do this. I stood in the hall and procrastinated. I didnt want to go into the room, but I didnt have any choice. I took a deep breath and walked into the room. everyone was in there, I asked them all to came today. I didnt think I could do this twice. I wasnt sure if I could do this once.

"Carlisle?" Charlie asked he could tell something was bad.
"you need to sit" was the only answer I had. when Renee and Charlie were sitting I started the speech I had spent all night practising.
"I...I" I took another deep breath. I couldnt do it. I could tell them. -Edward,-I thought -Ive done everything but I cant do anymore. I cant stop her from dyeing. Im sorry- I looked up to see him break. his legs faltered and he slid down the wall he was leaning on. he started sobbing. Charlie looked at him and automatically knew. his face pulled into pain and he hid it in his hands.
"what? WHAT?" Renee started to scream, the tears we falling down he face. she knew as well but she wasnt going to believe it. "Im sorry Renee. Ive done everything but theres nothing more I can do" Renee became hysterical. she was sobbing so hard she couldnt breathe. I noticed that everyone was sobbing Alice, rose, Emmett, esme even jasper. I was surprised that he could stand to be in the room.
"but the transplant" Renee sobbed "her body wont take the operation. shes too weak. Im sorry" i moved across the room and took my hysterical wife into my arms.
we could do nothing but cry.

we sat there for hours. it took that long to calm Renee down Charlie and Edward didnt move. they stayed with their heads down quietly sobbing. esme decided to take Renee to get some water, she needed help so rose helped her. the rest of us stayed with Charlie and Edward. for awhile we all sat quietly but then Charlie spoke.
"can you help her?"he said. for a moment I thought that he must have forgotten the conversation we had. "no Charlie I just said"
"no I didnt mean that. I .... I meant... I meant can you help her with what you are" we all looked at him "what"
"you think Im stupid" he said raising his eyebrows "Charlie I didnt..." I started but he stopped me "look I notice things, Im a cop. I notice all of your eyes go from golden to black. I notice that none of you eat food. I notice Edward going into bellas room through the window. I see Edward run faster than humanly possible when he thinks Im not watching. I see things and all of them add up to the concept that you are not human and I dont care"
"what?" Emmett was beyond surprised we all were. how could we not have noticed that Charlie knew who we were?
well we were all too concerned about Bella, none of us were paying attention to what we were doing. "I dont care what you are. if Bella trusts you then I trust you. now I need to know if there is anything you can do for her"
we were still all to stunned to answer "please. I need my daughter back"
"she wouldnt be your daughter" Jasper said "what do you mean"
"she wouldnt be Bella for awhile"
"no" Edward said from the floor "we are not discussing this"
"why?, it her only chance" Alice said "it has to be her decision and we wont make it for her" Edward said "so you would rather her die?" Alice retorted "no, thats not what Im saying"
"then what are you saying"
"its her decision and only she can make it"
"she has" I said he looked confused "Edward she spoke about it all the time after phoenix. she wanted to be with you forever, and she told you that"
"no" Edward whispered "you have to, shes dyeing Edward" Alice whispered. Charlie stood he bent down and kissed Bella then walked to the door.
"Ill bring Rosalie and esme back. Renee and I will stay in the waiting room. I want you to know that I will always love my Bella, no matter what she is" and he left the room.

it took a few minutes of the girls to come back. when then all started on the long debate on to whether we changed Bella or not. actually the only one who was against it was Edward and he wasnt against it because he didnt want to spend forever with Bella or because he didnt want her to be part of our family, but he didnt want to put her through the pain of what he had gone through. we didnt decide anything. we stood for hours talking but no one would budge Edward.

chapter 10

please Edward


I sat next to Bella after we finished talking. everyone left they figured I needed some time with her. I touched her cold face and held her hand "Bella what do you want me to do?" I asked standing and laying down on the bed next to the love of my life. I laid there content for then something happened. it was like I went into a daze. like I was day dreaming. I was standing in our meadow. the sun was shining and I could see her. she turned and smiled at me, making my knees go weak. she always accused me of dazzling her but it was always the other way around. she was so beautiful.

I walked forward as she held out her hands to greet me. her hands were warm and gentle "you kept me waiting Mr Cullen" she giggled

'Im so sorry, I didnt know I was expected" I stood next to her not able to take my eyes off her face. "god your beautiful" I let slip. she giggled again. I loved that sound so much " I missed you" I said brushing my hand against her warm cheek "me too" she looked deep in my eyes and continued "Edward if I ask you to do something for me, would you"
"anything, love"
"save me" she said looking sad "I cant"
'yes you can, I want to spend forever with you, that hasnt changed. I love you, more now then ever. please"
"it will hurt, you cant undo it. I wont put you through what I went through Bella"
"but I have something you didnt"
"whats that"
"you" she answered simply "I have you forever, unless you dont want me?" she looked down at the ground at this.
"Bella, oh my sweet Bella I have never wanted anything more" I wrapped my arms around her and she snuggled into me as she always did. it still amazed me that she fit perfectly with my body "then save me. I dont want to die" a tear fell down her cheek as she looked up at me. "Edward I give you permission to save me, but I will leave it up to you. I vow that I will love you till the day I die. when that day is, is up to you. please Edward do what your heart tells you, not what you head does" she smiled and kissed me "goodbye my angel"

chapter 11

saving her


my eyes snapped open at the same time the door did. Carlisle running into the room. it was then that I heard the worst sound in the world. bellas heart monitor was screaming, her heart stopped beating. Carlisle started yelling orders at people.
"get them out" I said calmly "Edward she will die" he shouted "no she wont" I said "she told me too. she gave me permission" Carlisle ordered everyone out telling them that her family signed a 'do not resuscitate order'. when everyone was gone and it was just us I looked at Carlisle "will it work"
"if we keep her heart beating it will work" I bent down and kissed her cold lips "for the record, I would have done it in a heartbeat if I knew it was what you wanted. I love you and will for the rest of eternity." I lowered my lips to her neck and bit. Carlisle started on her wrists and ankles, while I held her "you are the one and only love of my life Isabella swan and I will love you forever" we took off the cords and I picked Bella up. we left the hospital threw the window. I never took my eyes off Bella as we ran back home and I swore I never would.

chapter 12

new life


something was very different. I could hear so much. I could hear the sounds of a video game, and sniggering, I could hear someone pacing backwards and forwards and someone breathing close to me. further away I could hear trees and birds and even a highway with seven cars driving on it. this is weird. I must have died. well Carlisle did say I was sick. I tried to open my eyes. they opened and adjusted to the bright light in unhuman time. I looked around the room and found the most beautiful eyes looking back at me from the right side of my bed. I recognised the room as being Edwards, I had spend so much time here over the past few months that he was gone. the only difference was the now the room was furnished and looked like a bedroom instead of a dusty abandoned room.

he smiled at me "hi" I said looking into those beautiful eyes "hello love. how are you feeling"
"weird. Emmetts anoid, he lost his game against jasper" I couldnt help but giggle he was really mad "he thinks jasper cheats" Edward smiled and moved over to the bed. he grabbed my hand. he felt so warm. something was wrong, I shouldnt be able to hear Emmett down stairs or the freeway miles away, and Edwards touch shouldnt be warm to me, it was always cold. things started to click. I remembered the hospital and passing out at school.
"Edward, did I die?"he had a pained look in his eyes. he took a deep breath "yes love, you died. but you let me save you"
"you saved me" I sat up and put my hand on his face "thank you" I whispered as I moved in and kissed him "thank you so much" his smile grew as he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me into lap. "Im sorry" he whispered in my ear "for what"
"for leaving you. I swear I only wanted to keep you safe. I wanted you to have...." I cut him off by placing my hand over his lips "I know. I worked it out a while ago" I smiled at the shock on his face "I worked it out just before I got sick. I knew you still loved me and that you would never stop. I remembered what you said in the hospital after James attacked me. you said that you would leave to keep me safe. I worked out that that was what you did"
"it didnt work though did it" he looked so pained that it hurt me "hey look I got sick. it was my fault not yours"
"no it was not your fault"
"Edward I got sick, you could not have stopped that even if you were here, dont punish yourself for something that you had no power over" I bent down and kissed him again "I love you so much" I added laying my head in the crook of his neck "not as much as I love you" he said wrapping his arms tight around me "and I will never let you go"
"good to hear" I smiled. I wanted to stay here forever. I loved being right here with Edward and I was enjoying it when the door felt open and I was attacked by some spiky hair. she pulled me off Edwards lap and gave me a bone crushing hug. I was sure if I was human she would have killed me. "Alice be gentle" Edward said behind me. but I hugged her back "I missed you Alice" I said "no I missed you. Im so sorry we left Im so sorry" she pulled back and looked at me before she smacked me hard on the arm "dont you ever do that again" she said furiously "oh Alice" I said as Edward growled "I thought i'd lost you" Alice whispered as she started to sob "oh Alice" I hugged her again "you could never lose me" by now everyone was in Edwards room and I went from one to the other hugging them. all of them were so happy to see me, even rose. we sat for hours, the Cullens and I laughing and smiling. explaining everything that happened over the last few months. I missed them all so much. I spent the whole time in Edwards lap. he refused to let me go and I had no problem with that.

after Alice and rose roped me into going on a shopping trip I remembered the problem I had.
"but I cant, Im a new vampire, wont I be crazy?" i grabbed Edwards hand hard I was scared.
"well if you were a crazed newborn you wouldnt be sitting here talking to us, you would have nothing on your mind but blood" Carlisle smiled "while I think it will be awhile before you can go out on your own, I think you will be just fine"
"Charlie?" I asked "and Renee, what do they think happened"
"you father knows about us. it seems that while we were all worrying about you we let our guard down. however he doesnt care. he asked us to save you, so he knows that you are alive but he also knows that he wont be able to see you for awhile. but Renee thinks you died. your funeral was yesterday. we all attended except Edward, he refused to leave you"
"is she ok"
"no but she will be" Edward said pulling me tight to him. it felt really bad to think of my mom in such pain. but I couldnt do anything to stop it "dont worry shes got Charlie and Phil" Edward continued seeing the look on my face.


one year on

everything had been going great in the past year. it only took me a few weeks to be able to go into public. unfortunately this meant that I was held to the agreement of shopping for a new wardrobe. Alice said that since I was now a Cullen I would be getting everything I needed. this included a new wardrobe, including shoes and accessories, a new car, enough make-up and hair products to keep me going until I was 1000, a laptop[which i was told i would need when i satrted my new school], a new mobile phone [so my ocerprotective boyfriend could talk to me in the few seconds we were ever apart], a top of the range I-Pod [as alice got sick of me singing to occupy myself when edward was away and the girls redid Edwards room as it was now our room. everything was amazing I went and saw Charlie as soon as I knew I wouldnt hurt him and we talked about most things. Charlie didnt want to know what I was or what the Cullens were, he was just so happy that I was alive. he held me and cried for several minutes when he saw me. he explained how hard the funeral was and how Renee was in a bad way but was getting slowly better.

how a year later my mom was doing well. she and Phil were expecting a baby and Renee was actually happy, they decided that they were going to call the baby Isabella if it was a girl. Edward and I went to see them, from a distance, they looked happy and I was thrilled to see that.

but the best news was with Edward and me. we were together all the time and we did everything together. so it was nothing different when Edward and I found ourselves in our meadow. I was laying in Edwards arms, he was humming quietly for me. I never got tired of listening to his beautiful voice. "I love you" he whispered "me too"
"I have something that I need to ask you, love"
"of course, what is it"
"well I..." he faltered a little I smiled, I loved when he got nervous. he hardly ever did, but when he did it made me fall even more in love with him.
"I want to ask you.....to marry me Bella"
my eyes opened wide and shock came over me. did he just ask what I thought he did? I sat in shock and Edward must have gotten self concous as he added "you dont have too if you dont want to I just thought"
"no" I said.

for the record I meant no I do wanted to marry you. but he took it the wrong way, he got a hurt look on his face.
"oh okay I mean I was just asking" then of course I got mixed up trying to undo the stupid thing I just said "no I didnt mean no as in no I didnt want to marry you I meant no as in no I do, no I meant" I stopped and took a deep breath "Edward yes I will marry you" the hurt look went away and he smiled. it was a smile I had never seen before he was completely delighted beyond that he was thrilled. he moved forward and kissed me more passionately then he had ever kissed me. from his pocket he pulled the most beautiful diamond ring I had ever seen. he placed it on my finger, where it would stay until the end of eternity.

i hope you licked it. please be nice my first ever fan fic that i was game enough to share with people. and for the record i live in Australia so if i got any american terms wrong im sorry. no offence meant