Once upon a time, in a land far away, there was a crazy cow. "I am NOT crazy!" Shut up cow I'm trying to tell a story here! "Fine…." Anyway there was this cow that was um … a little over the edge, may I say. He lived in a tiny pasture, in a in a tiny state, in a tiny country, in a tiny world. Needless to say, his life was tiny.

This was why the cow was psycho. "Hey!" I'm the one telling the story so sit down and shut up, or we're having hamburgers tonight! Anyway, I guess I should introduce you as long as you have the spotlight. Reader, (who ever you are)that stupid voice that keeps interrupting me as I narrate this brilliant document, would just so happen to be the very cow that this story is about. Say hello to John, the crazy cow. "Hiya!"

Now, I don't want you to get the impression that John was born a psychotic nuisance, because that wouldn't be fair to his parents. I believe that over time, Johm's sanity just started to fade away, leaving the drooling psycho we all know today. "I don't drool… I'm rabid!" Sure you are John, and I'm Brittany Spears. Anyway, back to the story.

One day John was happily snarfing down grass in his pasture, minding his own business, when Ol' Farmer Green whacked him over the head with a rake. I don't know why, he must have had one those strange impulses to hurt that stupid cow. I can relate. Anyway, as you can guess John wasn't very happy with Ol' Farmer Green. Completely out of spite, John raised his back hoof and kicked Ol' Farmer Green. Not in the leg, not in the chest, or even in the head. John out of pure wrath kicked the old man square in the nuts. Ol' Farmer Green had quite a few things to say about that, including the following,"****, you**** ****,I'm gona ****, you*******, OMFG!!!!!" It seems that, that day damaged the Ol' Farmer Green and stupid ugly cow relationship, permanently. "I am not ugly!!!!!"(WHACK, SMACK, CRACK!)"Owww.." (THUD)

ANYWAY, Soon after their little encounter, Ol' Farmer Green decided that John needed to get out into the world, In the belly of a person. So, he sent John to the butcher to be made into steak. More like slabs of fat if you ask me. Later, on the same day of the incident, John was shoved into a trailer unceremoniously, and driven away never to be seen again, except for at Mc. Donald's. "Wow. That is really sad, I didn't know I died in this story." Well you do now, NRRRRRRR, NRRRRRRR! (The sound of a chain saw for those with no imagination) "AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"