A/N: I've been listening to a song recently and have really wanted to write something based around it. It fits so perfectly to the whole Twilight saga. I highly recommend listening to it. I have a link to it on my page. This is also my first real attempt writing like this, so I'm hoping it's not too horrible.
Blush – Ben Lee
Cmon cmon cmon tell me your name
I think we spent a past life together
So good to see you again
Anytime I feel the rush
I might say something to make you blush
When all the way is not enough
Some might say my love will make you blush
I don't I don't I don't want nothing back
I wanna love you like the sun loves you
I don't I don't I don't want nothing back
I wanna love you like the sun loves you
I bet you've never been loved like that
Cos always I'm not enough
Some might say my love will make you blush
Have you ever had one of those moments where you felt as if you were walking through a dream? I am there—mind and body. Bella lay wrapped in her worn quilt, breathing in silent whispers while I sit here in the rocking chair memorizing every detail about her I can.
The way her hair glints in the soft moonlight.
The way her scent fills the room, getting stronger with every passing hour.
The way she mutters about the rain and the sun.
The way a single tear gently slid down the contours of her cheek,
The way she sighed my name and turned over, holding herself tightly.
This was harder than anything I have ever faced. All I could do was sit and stare and wonder about the 'what nows'. I was eternally scared that Bella would wake up and realize she didn't want me. It would be rightfully so after the hell I put her through. I did not deserve her. She deserved much better than me.
Yet she was here, in her room, never once asking me leave. She let me hold her as she fell asleep, singing her lullaby soft and sure. She let me bury my nose in her hair and inhale her intoxicating scent. She let me stay. We were both here.
I could only begin to put together what happened after I left—piecing together the little bit that Alice had seen. Yet, more difficultly, I understand now Jacob's role over those months. The mutt made no attempts to hide his memories and thoughts as he sat outside Charlie's house. Quite the contrary, he literally screamed them at me. Every word, every image, reverberated in my mind. But Jacob was the least of my worries right now.
My only care was the beautiful human girl lying upon the bed in front of me. She looked so fragile and still so unbelievably broken. That day in the forest was the darkest day I have faced yet in my existence. She had crumbled before me and I wouldn't allow myself to reach out to her thinking it was for the best. Oh how wrong I had been. She broke and it was all my doing. Yet, through everything, she saved me. I couldn't allow myself to help her, but Bella reached out to me when I needed her the most.
I didn't deserve her, not in the least. Yet, I would stay without question or thought otherwise as long as she would want me.
The air was cool in the room. Bella had pulled the covers tightly around her some hours before. She pulled against them several times as she slept, while little bits of conversation escaped her lips. I only wish I knew what she had been dreaming of.
The quilt moved as Bella's small body stirred underneath. Slowly she rose up onto her elbows, running a hand through her soft curls. Her eyes seemed far away and sad at first and I was having difficulty placing the emotion written in her features. She stared off into a corner of her room while her eyes became brighter and wider as she focused in on me. I couldn't help but smile at her.
"This is…this is too good…I'm dreaming." Her face fell as she spoke.
A brief chuckle escaped from me. "Bella, you're not dreaming."
"Haha. You'd like me to think that. You're just sitting there all crooked smiles and looking perfect and beautiful. And I'm going to wake up any moment and become face to face to serious depression after this…"
Her brow furrowed in disgust as she analyzed her thoughts.
"I'm real. I'm here. You honestly aren't dreaming."
I stood slowly from the chair, trying to not startle Bella further. Crossing the room in a few short steps I paused next to her bed. I reached out gently and brushed a strand of hair behind her ear.
With that, her eyes grew as she reached up and grasped my hand that still lingered next to her face. Maybe touching my cold, granite skin would clear the fog of her sleepy mind. Looking into her face, I sensed recognition.
"Edward!" she gasped rather loudly. "I'm really not dreaming? You? Volterra? The sun?"
"No, you're not dreaming and yes, that all happened. You have a fanatical imagination, but I don't even think you could have made all of this up." I laughed and Bella's sweet laughter chimed in after mine.
However, her face fell once more as her eyes dropped down to her hands. "You're going to leave again."
This wasn't a question. Bella was stating it as if it was true. A thousand contradictions ran through my mind as I tried to find the right thing to say. I need to reassure her that leaving her now would be like living without gravity. She was my anchor to this world.
I sat down in the empty space on the bed next to her. All I wanted was to reach out and hold her, but I was unsure if her mind would allow it. This was not the time to cause more problems. Instead, I reached my hand over and brushed the back of my finger over her warm cheeks.
"Love, what will it take to make you see that I'm not going anywhere? I'm too damn selfish. You're stuck with me."
Bella's eyes searched my face trying to find lies behind the truth I spoke. I wanted to shake her. I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to do anything to make her see—to make her believe.
"Bella. Bella look at me." I commanded, taking her fragile face in my hands and gently stroking her cheek. "I cannot live without you. You must believe that. In all honesty, I think it's actually quite impossible for me to go on without you now."
At this point she was trembling beneath my touch. I leaned in and tried to brush away her tears, but they just fell harder and faster, creating hot streams down her flushed face. A soft whimper escaped her throat, raggedly breathing through the tears.
Rubbing my thumb in soothing circles over her delicate cheeks, I felt helpless. Bella needed to understand. I wanted her to understand.
"You are my life. Now and forever. I'm so sor…"
Her lips crashed into mine. It wasn't soft and it wasn't angry. It held every sense of urgency known to man. There was need and lust and love and energy. Our lips moved together. Never slowing. Only breaking long enough for Bella to catch her breath.
She tasted sweet. It was just as intoxicating as her scent. Bella was driving me crazy.
I have no clue how long we sat there, wrapped onto each other. Bella's hands were firmly locked behind my neck, pulling and tangling her long fingers within my hair. My hands rested on her hips, trying to slow her movements as she ground herself into my lap. It was pain and pleasure in one instance. My erection strained against my jeans, threatening to break through the barrier of the zipper.
Calm down Edward.
Bella broke the kiss to catch her breath. Her eyes were smoldering with need and love and wild abandonment.
"Edward," she whispered.
Bella stopped me, placing two delicate fingers over my lips. My tongue darted out just to taste her sweet skin. A coy, but innocent smile spread over Bella's full lips. With that, her tiny hands moved to the buttons on my shirt, slowly undoing each one with purpose.
This is far beyond where I used to pull away, trying to obey the boundaries I had set. But I needed her. I needed Bella. And she needed me. I could tell in the urgency of her kiss and the need in her touch. Her hands trembled as she undid the last buttons and began to slide the shirt from my shoulders. Gently she began to trace the lines of my abdomen. A delicate kiss was placed upon my chest. I shivered from her warm touch.
Trembling even more, Bella's tiny hands reached for my belt.
My cool fingers wrapped around her wrists. Bella's hands froze with the belt buckle resting in her hands. I couldn't let her do that.
The hurt in her eyes was unfathomable. It nearly killed me.
"Don't…don't you want me?" Bella's small voice wavered as a new tear rolled down from her beautiful eyes.
"Love," I whispered as I kissed the back of her hands. "Don't be silly. Of course I want you. You are my life. Please believe that. But…but let me do this…right."
She managed a nod, tears still silently flowing.
With that, I gently grabbed her body, laying it back upon the bed. My hand skimmed the skin of her stomach under her shirt as I kissed the tip of her nose. Bella's body shuddered at my cool touch. She was breathtakingly beautiful. Plump lips. Rounded breasts. Flushed cheeks. Deep eyes.
As I watched, her eyelids fluttered shut and I pressed gossamer kisses to each trembling lid. She tasted sweet and yet salty from her tears. Running my nose along her jaw line, I took my time breathing her in.
Her taste. Her scent. Her touch. Everything about her was beginning to over power my senses. I was in control, but I was also reaching a blissful sensory overload. Using my nose, I traced every contour of her face and neck, stopping only briefly to gently kiss the area below her ear. That was Bella's undoing; I knew that well. Any last restraint she had was gone in that moment.
Her lips found mine once again—crashing and moving to an unheard rhythm. Lightly, I bit down on her lower lips and she moaned into my mouth, tightening her grip in my hair. Her body arched and pressed closer to me. I could feel her nipples pressed to my chest through the thin cotton shirt she wore. They were hard and felt so warm against my icy skin.
I pushed my hand under her shirt, skimming it across the soft skin of her stomach. My fingertips brushed the base of her full breasts and she moaned deeply but sweetly into my mouth. Bella's hands unlocked from my hair as she touched my exposed upper body. Hot trails were left on my skin as she lightly brushed her fingertips down my forearms. Without a warning, except the devious glint in eyes, Bella pulled her shirt off in one shift movement.
My erection twitched again, pressing harder against the denim. She was beautiful. I already knew that, but seeing her lying before me with nothing shielding her upper half from me was a sight to behold. She was beautiful and waiting for me. She really was all mine.
The tension behind the fabric of my pants increased ten-fold. So it came down to ruining a perfectly good pair of jeans playing by the rules or jumping head first into the moment. I may not be human, but at this moment, I was man fueled by hormones. I gave in. No other choice existed.
Leaning down, I place a gossamer kiss on Bella's collarbone. Her little body shuddered as expected. Her brown eyes grew wide as I rolled myself off the bed. She looked confused and hurt and curious all at the same time. All I could do was crookedly grin at her spread body awaiting me on the bed.
My pants were off in less than a second, being thankful for my inhuman speed at this moment in time. I was greeted by more approval from my lower half as my hard member had only the silky fabric of my boxers to contend with now. Returning my eyes back to the bed I made to stifle a chuckle. Bella was in the same position as just a moment before. Yet her eyes were wide and her jaw lax as she focused completely on my protruding erection. She looked so…innocent.
Was I really about to take that innocence away? Could I handle that?
Shaking my head to clear my thoughts, I knew I could handle it—if Bella wanted it. I would give her the world if only she'd allow me to. With that I crookedly smiled as I crawled back, straddling her knees. Bella's smile widened as her eyes hooded over, just peering at me through her glorious lashes. Beautiful. My beautiful Bella.
I began gently caressing her soft skin. I was going to do this right and give her all my love so she'd know I was hers—always and forever more. Her tiny body shivered under much touch as I traced invisible designs on her stomach. The more I touched and twirled my fingers the more Bella began breathing deeper and faster. Leaning down, carefully not resting my weight over her, I pressed my cheek towards her heart. It was beating erratically, matching Bella's ragged breathing.
I smiled into her chest, turning my head to brush my nose along her collarbone. I continued my exploration of her body, tracing my nose between her breasts, down to her belly button, across the waistband of her shorts, pausing every so often to breathe her in. One of Bella's tiny hands wrapped tightly into my hair as the other clenched the sheet. Her eyes were barely open, but they were transfixed on me. Love and need shone from them as used my teeth to tug lightly at the waistband of her shorts. A low moan escaped her throat as her grip in my hair tightened. She was enjoying this.
Laughing gently at her pleasure, I began to trace my nose back up her body. Back around her belly button. Back up between her rounded breasts. Back over her collarbones, pressing my lips into the hollow of her neck. Next, I wander up her neck and traced the delicate contours of her face again—her jaw line; her full lips; her high cheekbones; her nose; her crescent-shaped eyebrows; her temple; her ear.
Every inch of her face was covered by my cool touch. Slowly returning to her already parted lips, I blew a gentle gust of air over her face.
"Bella?" I gently spoke.
Her mouth opened and closed several times. "Huh…" She managed to mumble, with her eyes still closed.
"I love you."
As I spoke I blew another gentle gust over her. Her breathing increased again and a soft whimper escaped her lips. That sound—her sounds of mere pleasure—caused my erect member to twitch again. The heat of her body pressed so close to me was driving me crazy. But this wasn't about me right now. This was about Bella. I could wait—I would wait.
Gently, but with purpose, I kissed her awaiting lips. Her tongue darted out and her grip in my hair pulled me closer as she tried to deepen the kiss, but I pulled away. Her eyes lazily opened with confusion as to my sudden actions. In that moment she looked so beautiful and innocent—she looked so Bella. All I could do was crookedly smile at her, eagerly awaiting her reactions to my next ministrations.
I began running my nose along her jaw line, memorizing her every contour as I had all night so far. I traced down her neck and once again placed a cool kiss in the tantalizing hollow of her neck. Her body was humming under me. I could feel the current of her coursing blood and the increasing adrenaline, both of which were causing my erection to become impossibly harder.
Pleasure and pain. With Bella it was always pleasure and pain, but I wouldn't have it any other way.
My nose next ran between her breasts again, but veered left and traced the base of her rounded breast. I allowed myself to trace all around it—a painfully slow, delicate circle. Her breathing increased more, just as the humming of her body under me did. Her nipples were still erect and perfect and pink. I drug my nose over the peak, earning myself a deeper moan from Bella as her body slightly arched up to mine.
Another twitch from my lower half…
Instead of using my nose to trace, I now allowed my tongue to explore the warm flesh of her breast. I traced it around her nipple, listening to Bella moan and whimper, as she pulled harder on my hair. My hand moved up her body and palmed her neglected breast as I continued to explore the one in front of me. I squeezed, alternating between firm and gentle actions, and rolled her nipple between my fingers. Bella's body minutely arched into mine with each pass my hand made over her sensitive nipple.
Returning my immediate attention back to my prior engagements, I ran my tongue over her sensitive peak. Her body shuddered and gently arched again as she had been doing. Taking her between my teeth, I gently bit down on her nipple. Bella's body aggressively arched up into mine, suddenly putting immense pressure on my erection. I continued to nibble on the sensitive flesh, enjoying her warm body pressed so wildly onto mine. She was panting and moaning and whimpering into the night air.
This dance of her arching body continued for what could have been minutes or hours as I had lost all sense of time. She kept whimpering and moaning while I kept squeezing and nibbling and tracing, switching my actions between her breasts. Her body slowly sank back down to the bed as my actions eased slightly. I would gladly continue to caress and taste the sweet flesh of her breasts, but I wanted to allow her much more.
Resting my face in the between her breasts, I softly kissed the neglected skin. Leaving a trail of cool kisses down her abdomen, I paused momentarily to trace her belly button with my nose once again. As I moved closer to her lower half, I was assaulted by a heavenly scent. Her normal floral scent was largely intensified and I could only imagine how wet she was beneath her shorts based on this. My mind ran from me as I imagined all the ways to pleasure her—all the ways to bring my name to the tip of her tongue forever.
I took a moment to gaze at Bella's face. It was relaxed and pulled into a lazy smile, while her bottom lip was gently held between her teeth. Her eyes were hooded yet watching me through a veil of eyelashes. I crookedly smiled while laying a soft kiss right above her waistband. She answered my gesture with a slow stroke through my hair and a widening smile. The whole exchange was oddly erotic as my hard member agreed wholeheartedly.
Still gazing at Bella with out eyes locked to the other, I grasped her waistband between my teeth and began pulling them down. Never looking away, she raised her hips from the bed to allow easier maneuvering for me. I kept pulling, dragging the action out as long as possible. I didn't want it to end and yet there was more waiting for me. My eyes stayed glued to hers as I softly ran my hands down her smooth thighs and calves while still biting down on her shorts. Using my hands, I gently lifted her legs off the bed enough to slip the thin fabric from her.
I allowed my hands to slowly explore the smoothness and softness of her legs, never once looking from her face. Methodically my fingertips traced ever curve of every muscle until they found their way back up to her hips. It was then I allowed myself a glance at her now exposed lower half.
Her legs were already separated, resting lazily on the bed. My earlier assumptions were correct—her blue panties were soaked and her scent was amplified that much more without the barrier of her shorts. Slowly, I reached out my hand and ran my finger up the thin, wet piece of fabric, pausing briefly to place pressure over her sensitive nub. Bella's little body rocked into the air as I did this, while allowing a deep moan to leave her mouth.
Pausing to glance up at the beautiful girl who lay in front of me, I could feel my smile widening across my face.
"Bella. Love. You're blushing."
A/N: I know I'm downright evil for ending it as I did. Yet, I felt in a twisted way it was the perfect place to stop. Please, if you read this, don't hate me.