Disclaimer: I will insert this once, and only once, because after that… it's just redundant!
I DO NOT own any of the original Twilight characters nor any of the published plot points; Those are the sole property of Stephenie Meyer. I do, however own any new characters that may or may not pop up and the story line of this fanfic. *smiles*
Summary: Set during New Moon. After Bella's disastrous 18th birthday, Edward leaves *cries!* He wanted her to be safe and move on with her life. What happens when a new set of vampires roll into town? And Bella moves on… into the comfort of another vampire? Better yet, what happens when Edward comes back to Forks? (Not a lot of Jacob in here, sorry team-Jacob fans, but… wait, I'm not sorry… *smirks* Important wolfish information will be included, so don't freak out)
Without further adieu I give you the story….
Chapter One: Coping?
Breathe. Try not to cry. Breathe. Blink. Don't think about him Bella. Don't do this to yourself again. Think of Charlie. If he sees you go on another crying jag, he's probably going to have you committed! I coached myself. I was on the verge of another breakdown… I could feel it.
It was a car this time that set off another memory of… him… Not just any car… but his car. A silver Volvo. And, I could have just imagined this part, but, I could have sworn I heard Claire De Lune coming from its speakers.
When Renee came to Forks a few weeks ago to try and convince me to move back in with her and Phil, I was sure I'd rather stay here and be surrounded by the constant reminders of the past. Now… I'm not so sure. It's total and complete agony every time I see his beautiful face in my mind, and hear his musical voice in my head… and this happens often.
Small things will trigger flashes of my short-lived bliss in Forks. I'll touch something cold; I'll hear a piano being played; I'll brush over my the crescent shaped scar on my hand; I'll wear something I'd worn in his presence, (just about everything). I once almost made the mistake of putting on the deep blue sweater I'd worn to Port Angeles that night he saved me the second time. Luckily I caught myself before putting it on. That sweater is now in a box marked for Goodwill, along with a lot of my other clothes.
When I had to buy replacements, I was instantly reminded of my now gone vampire best friend who I'd considered my sister in so many ways. I'm guessing Alice didn't love me as much as I thought she did either.
I'd like to think that I've gotten… better. Better than I was a few months ago anyway. I know it's not fair for Charlie to have to watch me fall apart. I'm trying to keep my pain to myself by sticking to a carefully scheduled routine. I go to school. I come home. I do my homework. I go to work at Newton's, I come home again. I finish my homework. I cook dinner and eat with Charlie. I clean everything I find an excuse to clean. I take a shower and get ready for bed. Then I stare up at the ceiling in my room until sleep finally finds me.
Night is usually the hardest time for me. There's nothing to distract my obsessive thoughts about him, and as he isn't here anymore, I find it difficult to fall asleep alone.
It's even harder this week. School's been cancelled until Thursday, due to five building needing water-damage repairs from the recent storm. Stupid rain, now I don't 6 hours of teachers telling me what to think about instead of my usual fixations.
I think Charlie is getting desperate. He had Billy and Jacob come over to watch a game yesterday. Billy was friendly, but smiling a bit condescendingly, as if he knew something like this was bound to happen to me eventually. In his opinion him leaving me was the best thing that could have happened to me. Charlie practically shoved Jacob towards me when I came down the stairs; I can tell he's running out of ideas on how to "cheer me up." Sorry, Charlie, I doubt there's anything you could do.
Jake's a nice kid. I could hardly call him a kid anymore because he'd grown quite a bit since I'd last seen him. He actually made me smile. A genuine one, not one of the fake ones I occasionally plaster on for Charlie's sake. We talked about the car he's been restoring. A VW Rabbit. He's pretty mechanical for someone his age. His passion for his work is what made me smile.
Jacob invited me to the reservation tomorrow to watch him work. I'm not sure yet, but I think I'll go. It'll give me something to do other than clean. If I'm being perfectly honest, I'm not sure how many times I can polish the silverware before even I don't see the point in doing so anymore.
I'm trying so hard to keep my promise to him. I'm trying to stay safe and to be human. I'm not sure why I'm trying; it's not like he's keeping his end of the bargin.
"It'll be like I never existed."
Ha. Yeah, right.
He's everywhere to me.
Even though he doesn't love me anymore, I'll always love him. I guess that's why I'm trying so hard to move on without him.
Mine's a confusing world these days.
A/N: So what did you think? I'm sorry if it's a little too emo. I promise it'll get better, as the plot thickens. Drop me a review if you please.