"Holy crap Sammy. What is that?" Dean asked jamming the breaks on the Impala as he spotted a gorgeous brunette on the side of the road with her thumb to the side.
"That's a girl Dean. I understand you don't recognize them with clothes on." Sam replied annoyed that he had been woken up for this. They had just finished a job and he was tired.
"I know Sam but damn they don't make em like that everywhere." Dean said admiring the girl's tiny waist and haughty attitude. "Let's take her for a ride. I call dibs." He announced pulling over and rolling down his window.
"Cute car, an antique." The girl said walking over. Dean barely noticed the insult to his car as he watched her hips move in her tight pencil skirt.
"Sammy, you know what a skirt like that says? Please fu..." That was as far as Dean got before Sam clapped a hand over his mouth and leaned forward towards the girl at the window.
"Sorry for my brother he was raised by gorillas. Did you need a ride somewhere." Sam asked.
"I told you the skirt already told me she needed a ride." Dean whispered. He was startled by the smack at his left side.
"Ouch!" He said glaring at the little tartlet at his side.
"This is an Eleanor Waldorf original it does not ask for sexual favors. Especially not from someone wearing, ugh, vintage or off the rack." The girl said making a face at Dean's coat. Sam started laughing he was liking this girl already.
"Well Miss Priss what can me and my ugly coat do for you?" Dean asked annoyed.
"I need to escape." She said. "I don't care to where. I have money. And a taser." The last comment she aimed at Dean. "You boys look like fun and fun is what I need." She said smiling. Sam looked at Dean who had already made up his mind how to bring the little tart down a few pegs.
"Hop in. Sammy'll sit in the back. Get the lady's bags Sam she is wearing a Ellie Wardoff original. We know just where to find the fun. But first pie and a cheeseburger, your treat." Dean said, Sam rolled his eyes and went to get the girl's bags.
"I'm Sam." He said "The pig is Dean."
"Blair Waldorf." She said swinging her brown curls at him and settling into the passenger seat.
Two hours and many miles later
"I can't believe they didn't have low-fat balsamic vinaigrette." Blair whined as she picked at her house salad. "I mean it's not even that great."
"This is small town USA not the Waldorf Astoria." Dean said his mouth full of cherry pie. "Are you sure you don't want some pie?" He asked.
"Ugh, no." Blair said wrinkling her nose.
"Suit yourself baby." Dean resumed stuffing his face full of pie. "So, Sammy what's the case?" He asked.
Sam glanced at Blair before beginning. "Are you sure you're up for this. It can get a little dirty." He said concerned.
"And he doesn't mean a wrinkle in your couture dirty." Dean said. "He means actual mud and dirt."
Blair glared at him. "I was looking for fun and something different. I can handle it." She said. They had already explained to her what they did. She didn't believe a word they said but she was willing to tag along because she was bored of the city and needed to get away from everything. How better then chasing ghosts, demons, and other things that didn't exist.
Sam shrugged and continued. "Phoenix, Arizona three people have turned up dead in the last month."
"Oh no, was it the boogeyman?" Blair interrupted. Dean pointed his fork at her.
"Don't make jokes. The boogeyman is dangerous." Blair just laughed.
"Why did he come out from under your bed and steal your sense of style?" She asked.
"Okay guys just listen. Here's where it gets weird." Sam continued. "All three victims were former football stars at the local high school. Each of them was wearing their letter jacket and they were all missing their feet."
"Their feet!" Dean said disgusted.
"Letter jackets!" Blair exclaimed disgusted. Sam just rolled his eyes.
Four hours later.
"So, why did you want to get away?" Dean asked.
"I wanted to experience the joys of out dated rock music played in a car older then me that is driven by someone wearing a leather jacket." Blair answered.
"Funny. I'll have you know that this car is a classic. You agreed to the music when you got in the car. My jacket is cooler then you'll ever be." Dean replied. "But keep deflecting."
"I am not deflecting." Blair said, annoyed with him once again. "I am simply observing the world around me."
"Right. Try looking out the window princess. There's a whole big world out there. Most of which has no idea what an Elton Laldorf original is."
"Eleanor Waldorf!!!" Blair snapped. "An Eleanor Waldorf original. This skirt is worth more then your car."
"That's just sick." Dean said.
"Could you both shut up. Some of us want to sleep a little before we go after a demon with a foot fetish." Sam groaned from the backseat.
Dean and Blair quickly settled into silence.
Hours later in Phoenix
"So, what are we doing here Sammy?" Dean asked adjusting his tie. "FBI? Homeland Security? NSA?"
"Do you know that's illegal?" Blair asked him. "Impersonating a federal employee."
"Did you know that you could have fed half of the starving children in the world instead of buying that skirt?" Dean mocked her voice as he shot an insult back. Blair shot him a withering glance. "If looks could kill you'd be on the lam baby." Dean said.
"Don't call me baby." She said.
"Guys!" Sam said exasperated. "Okay, FBI. Blair is our forensic expert. Let's go."
They walked into the Phoenix city morgue and approached the man at the front desk.
"Excuse me. Agents Boucher and Tonkins, FBI. We're here to see the footless dead guy." Dean said flashing his badge at the man.
"Um. I'm sorry I'm not supposed to let anyone back there." The man said taking an authoritative stance. "Not only the chief examiner gets back from vacation."
"Did you hear me son. F. B. I. This is federal son." Dean said getting angry.
"Orders are orders, federal or not." The man said.
"Look, George I am gonna..." Dean was stopped by Blair moving between him and the scrawny medical man.
"I apologize for my colleague his life partner left him for a woman and he's a little broken up. Can we please just take a peak at the bodies. I promise we won't touch anything." Blair smiled sweetly at the man and placed her hand on his arm. "George." She batted her eyelashes and Dean almost threw up.
"Well, okay just don't touch anything." The man said leading them back. "He's under the sheet over there. Five minutes." The man disappeared and they moved towards the body.
"So, my life partner. Nice touch I'm glad to see that you see me as non threatening sexually sweetheart. Wanna share a bed at the motel?" Dean gave Blair a little smack on the ass and she spun around.
"It worked didn't it, tough guy." She slid towards him, laying a hand on his chest. "Will you protect me from the boogeyman?" Dean smiled at her, thinking his charm was working.
"Oh baby and so much more." He said. Blair pushed him backwards.
"Not even in your dreams perv." She said moving to where Sam was investigating the dead guy. Dean followed her annoyed but watching her hips sway none the less.
"Dean, it almost looks like the feet were pulled off of the legs." Sam said replacing the sheet. "That is definitely not something a human could do."
"Gross." Blair said wrinkling her nose at the smell of the dead man. "Look, he's got something tattooed on his ankle." She said pointing. "It looks like a star or something."
"Pentagram." Dean said. "Damn, satan lovers. Let's go Sammy I'm beat."
"What does that mean?" Blair asked.
"It means time for sleep, sweetheart." Dean said over his shoulder as Blair ran to catch up with them.
At the motel.
"This is definitely not a three star hotel. I don't even think it's a one star." Blair said wrinkling her nose. "Why couldn't I have my own room?"
"I don't want you to get cold, princess." Dean said leaning back and turning on the tv. "Plus who's gonna clean up my socks." He said flinging his dirty socks on the floor in front of her.
"As if." Blair said moving to the other bed. "Fine, but I am not sleeping in the same bed as either of you."
"Wouldn't dream of it baby. I don't want to get my soul sucked out." Dean said taking a swig of his flask.
"What does that mean?" Blair asked glaring at him.
"One word, Suc-cu-bus." He replied.
"You wish." Blair said, not knowing what it was but assuming it was a sexual innuendo.
"Blair, it's fine I'll sleep on the pull out. Go ahead and take the bathroom first." Sam said interrupting their constant bickering. Blair smiled at him and went into the bathroom, slamming and locking the door behind her.
"Dean, can't you be nice?" Sam asked annoyed with his older brother. "She's obviously upset about something."
"Sammy that woman is evil. I think we need to get some salt or something from the trunk and check." Dean said moving to get the keys. "What normal person knows who made their damn clothes."
"Dean, she's from New York City. She's never been away from home without anyone she knows before. Something made her want to leave. Just give her a break. The skirt is nice." Sam said.
"Fine, whatever, but I'm sleeping with my gun." Dean said rolling over and turning out the lamp on the nightstand. Sam rolled his eyes and settled onto the pull out bed.
In the bathroom Blair wiped her eyes as the tears started to fall. What the hell am I doing? She thought. Experiencing life. She reminded herself, taking a deep shaky breath. Chuck Bass can go to hell or get eaten by the boogeyman. Blair smiled at the thought. She opened the door and slid in between the scratchy dirty sheets. Normally she would have whined and made them go with her to find some new ones at the management office but Blair was exhausted and she just didn't care anymore. Soon she fell asleep lulled by the sound of the snoring Winchesters on either side of her.