"DANCE, MY PUPPETS, DANCE! Bwahahahahahaahahaha!"
So that's what I've been practicing. My ninety days are almost up, and I just can't wait until I can go back to the third dimension and cause some trouble, make Superman scratch his head, you know, the usual.
I don't think people understand quite how difficult it is for me to live here in the fifth dimension. It's so boring. Upside down buildings this, and penguins fighting with spoons that. Yawn. Boring.
No, the third dimension has rules. You know how hard it is to break rules in a world that has no rules? It's dull! It's boring! It's pointless! You need to know the rules to break the rules.
And Superman's all about rules.
"Don't murder. Don't destroy buildings. Don't jaywalk. Only magic and kryptonite can harm me, nothing else. You can't have fun, Mr. Mxyzptlk, it's so bothersome. Nobody can know that I'm secretly (sorry) SEKRITLY Clark Kent, that's how a secret identity works. Don't bring chibi midget versions of myself, one of them might die."
I admit; I was ashamed of that. Is it wrong that I just wanted them to lighten up a little? Where's all the fun gone in the world? Is it time for my solo now?
But no, see, I have something planned. This time will be better. I've been watching. Superman's been depressed lately. Dad went to the Undiscovered Country, Real Dad still dead even though there are other Kryptonians around.
He needs to brighten up. Cheer up. Have a little fun. Make out with Batman.
Scratch that last sentence.
I'm just saying, I need some fun too. But I had a thought – what if it was fun and helpful? What if it actually did some good? Maybe then he won't yell at me.
I mean, I'm not like Lex. I'm not like Braniac. I just bring the fun in. Dancing demon and all that (Wow, two Joss Whedon references in one fic? Shame on you, author). Why does he hate me? Why does he always take it so personally? What did I ever do to him?
Well, I guess it can't be helped. I'll try better this time.
But he really doesn't know how boring it is for me. And his universe! I like all the angst, god knows I do, but all the time? My escapism isn't supposed to be so... depressing. Gory.
This'll work. I know it'll work. It has to work.
I don't know what I'll do if he tricks me back again. How boring would that be? Hello! Goodbye! Ninety more days of flinging the old boneskin around. No thanks, sir.
Oh! Oh! Time's up! Ninety days have passed, time to get to work. This'll be great. Don't wait for me.
"Oh no. Not you, not now."
"I have the most excellent idea!"
"I don't have time for this. Go away."
"Wait! Listen, just listen – "
"Please go away Klpt – errr... Ptzk, um... how do you pronounce your name backwards again?"
"It's Kltpzyxm. ... Oh for--"
Don't. Say. A. Word.
I mean it! Not one word.
I'll be over here, in this corner, sulking for another ninety days.