Disclaimer: I do not own Rob or Kristen. If I did, they would be together already.
This takes place during the filming of NEW MOON in Canada.
Please read and review! 3 Amanda
"Are you going to be around later?" His voice echoed behind my pacing steps towards my car. I quietly exhaled and turned to face him.
"Probably not," I noted, my eyes drifting towards my feet. Looking him in the eyes was just too much. I didn't need to see the pain behind them. I already felt it.
"Oh," His keys jingled in his hand as he paused. I looked up to see his eyes diverted into the dirt as well, fixated on his boot kicking the debris harshly.
"I'm pretty tired. It was a long day for me." Eight hours used to be a cake walk, but not anymore. Now it completely drained me. If the circles under my eyes weren't proof enough, my body was entirely a story of their own. I was down to 90 pounds, and I looked absolutely sickly. I didn't have an appetite.
"Maybe I can come by your room," He suggested. "We could watch a movie or rehearse. Just take it easy, you know?" His hand trembled, and extended towards my body momentarily, before he whipped it back and ran his fingers through his short hair.
"Taylor told me the cast is going down to Sullivan's for drinks. You're not going to go?" My curiosity heightened. It was usually his idea to go down to the local bars. He shifted nervously, his other set of fingers brushed through his hair this time.
"No, I mean, we could just stay in. Order a pizza, or something." I bit my lip at his offer. I tasted blood.
"I'm not really hungry." I pursed my lips together before puckering them back out again.
"You haven't eaten all day." His voice cracked, and my heart sped up as I realized he had been watching me.
"Are you keeping tabs on me?" I shot back, glaring at his face. I took two steps backwards towards my car.
"No," His feet moved in sync with mine, walking forward. "I'm fucking worried about you." My hand dug into the pocket of my baggy jeans and fished for my keys. I was not ready to have this conversation. Not with him.
"The concern isn't necessary, really," I spat back. I found the key and headed towards the driver's side. "I'll see you tomorrow morning." I unlocked my truck and hopped in. My key turned the ignition and the engine roared to life before I heard the door slam. He had gotten into the passenger seat.
"What the fuck are you doing?" I asked incredulously. I subconsciously pulled at the sleeves of my long shirt with my fingers.
"We need to talk." He said as his green eyes bored into mine.
"Like hell we do," I breathed out. My eyes were already stinging and I knew the tears would be coming soon if he said another word. "Get out of my car, Rob."
"We haven't talked since that night." I inhaled sharply, the chest pain burning my insides. "Since, I.."
"Enough!" I screamed as I broke down. My body literally toppled over as my head crashed onto the dashboard. My hands, now curled into fists, pounded against the steering wheel as my eyes ran with tears. Sobs wracked my upper back, shaking violently as I cried.
Rob was now grabbing my arms with his hands. Once he had them he pulled me back, grabbing my face from behind. I gave up my fight and he settled me towards him, right into his arms. His rough and anxious fingers stroked my face as I squirmed in his lap.
"Shh, calm down Kristen, you're scaring me." His voice rose with a whole new level of anxiety and fear. "I got you, I got you," He gently soothed me running his fingers down my cheek.
"I'm sorry," I choked out as I grabbed the driver's side door to pull myself up. "I didn't mean to do that in front of you, I'm sorry," I violently wiped the tears off my face.
I sat upright in the driver's seat but he was closer to me than before. His arms still held me. The warmth of his body radiated directly into my chilly heart. His embrace only made the pain worse. I didn't want to tell him. I didn't want to tell him that he was reason I left Michael, that he was reason I didn't eat and didn't sleep. It would break his heart. I couldn't cause him anymore pain than he already had. Anymore pain than I already caused.
I stared in the rearview mirror and wiped my cheeks again, refusing to look over my shoulder. I knew he was staring. I knew he wouldn't stop. I buckled my seat belt before my head looked down towards the steering wheel.
"Are you going to leave your car here?" I was quiet, barely above a whisper. I grasped the clutch and positioned the car into drive.
"Yes." His shaking voice indicated to me what I didn't want to see or hear. Tears. Sobs. Crying. I wasn't ready to face that yet. So I slowly released my foot off the brake, and drove.
When we reached the hotel, I had already pulled myself together. I was too much of chicken to see if he had done the same. Wordlessly, we walked through the parking lot and lobby, Rob just a few steps behind me. I prayed we didn't run into anyone from the set, as we both clearly were in no condition for talking. We entered the elevator together, listening to the terrible classical music as we climbed to the 10th floor. My floor. He followed me out, down the hall, and to the front of my door. I fished my back pocket for the card to open the door. Once I found it, slid it in, the green light flashed. I walked in, holding the door open for him to follow.
We didn't speak for the first hour. We didn't look at each other, either. He sat on one of the double beds, as I sat on the other. I knew, just the fact that we were in each other's company eased our minds somewhat. But, the tension between us had come to a head. And finally, he spoke.
"How can I make it better?" He stood slowly, walking to the other side of the room.
"It's not your fault, Rob." I fidgeted with the hem of my sleeves again.
"What do you need, baby? Tell me what you need and it's done." He paused and the silence drowned throughout the room. The faint sounds of the electric heater thumped inside my mind.
"I don't need anything." I stood slowly, facing him for the first time since we had left the set. His body faced the balcony. "I'm fine."
"Fine? Fine!" He turned around towards me, stepping fast up to stand in front of me. "Do you even understand how bad this is killing me?! To see you like this, to hear you break down right in front of me? Don't you understand? I can't eat when you can't, I can't function when you can't, and," He drifted eyes mindlessly around my face. "I can't breathe when you can't."
I flung myself into his arms. I couldn't do anything else. My comfort was exactly what he needed; his comfort was what I needed but was too scared to accept. The reality of us. The reality of what was there and what had been there all along.
"Make it go away, Rob, please make it go away," I sobbed into his shoulder. He lifted me effortlessly into his arms and I wrapped my legs around his slender waist.
"Anything, anything," He kissed my hair. "What do you want? What do you need? I'll make it better, Kris, I promise I'll make it better." He brought me to the bed and laid me down. His lips attacked my face and kissed the tears away. I leaned into his touch, grabbing his face in my bony hands and kissed his lips.
"I left him for you," I took a deep breath in. "Everyone told me it was a bad idea. You weren't right for me, that Michael was the guy for me. I stopped believing that a long time ago. I told him before I came here, Rob, I told him it was over. He didn't take it too well."
"Did he hurt you?!" The hairs on his arm stood straight up as his shivers ran down his back where my hand was.
"No, of course not," I spat back. "Give him some fucking credit, Rob,"
"Well, you're telling me he didn't take it too well, what does that sound like to you?!" He pushed himself off of me so he was lying next to me on the bed. His head slammed into the pillow.
"It sounds like he was upset, asshole." I sighed. Rob lifted his fist and punched the bed post behind us. "Look at us, we are already fighting!"
"When are we not fighting?!" He questioned me, his eyes squeezed shut.
"Exactly." I rolled over to lift myself off the bed, only to be stopped by two hands around my waist.
"This is what we do, love," His voice was dramatically calmer, but his anxiety was still present. "But I can't do anything at all without you."
Canada was much different than Portland, in more ways than one. The weather wasn't as sporadic, but it was bitterly cold. The sexual tension was still there between Rob and me, but it was much more obvious and this time, it was real. So real it scared me. My mind drifted over the past three weeks we have been shooting. His thoughts were on me, and I knew that, in every scene we had. The worst was our goodbye scene. The emotions were real, and Chris said it was the best scene we shot so far. We did it in one take. We both felt it.
"I'm no good for you Bella."
Edward's words were exactly what Rob was feeling. I felt the tears rolling down my cheeks as the harsh words sunk into me, both in character and out.
"You don't want me?"
But now, here he was saying that he doesn't want anything but me. And here he was, days after he had shot all of his scenes. Days after he was free to go back home until we went to Italy in May; all of these days that he stuck around because I was still here. The best part was that he never told me any of this. But, I felt it, so deep inside me that it made my bones ache. He was here because he couldn't leave me. He was here because I couldn't make it if he wasn't.
"Baby?" His voice brought me back to the present. Back to now in this small, cold, and empty hotel room was Rob staring at me with lost eyes. "What's in your head?"
"You." It was a simple as that. "I need you. That's exactly what I want and what I need. It's you. It was always you, and the only thing in this whole world to drag me out of my stupor is you. You, Rob. You." I looked into his eyes and watched his mouth drag into half a smirk.
"Why didn't you say anything sooner?" His hand brushed wild hairs out of my face and behind my ear.
"I thought you didn't want me." It was the truth. His treatment towards me when we first arrived in Canada was cold, especially after Nikki told him about me and Michael. "Did you just expect me to jump into your arms and pretend like we don't have any issues to work out?"
"Of course not," His accent was thick. "But I've never you so depressed before," He paused, unsure of how to proceed. "Even though Nikki told me how you felt about me –"
"She did WHAT?!" I straightened right up as soon as I heard the words leave his mouth. My back was not resting against the head board, my arms folded across my chest.
"I asked her, and she was worried about you, just like me," He responded, sitting up as well. "I'm sorry, but I didn't know how to go to you. So, I thought maybe Nikki would know."
"What exactly did she say?" I questioned him.
"She said you left him for me." Plain and simple, to him. But enough for me to want to kill Nikki for telling him. "But, the way you were avoiding me made me think otherwise."
"Well, now you know." I let out bitterly.
"The night before I left for London, when I told you how I felt, you were so defensive. But, blaming me for getting too into the character and not really seeing Kristen but seeing Edward to Bella, and this whole time, you were feeling the exact same way."
"Were you okay in London?" I asked suddenly, interrupting his thoughts.
"Do you want the truth? Or do you want me to tell you that I was fine?" I sighed and shrugged my shoulders. "Truth be told, besides being forced out of my house by some friends, I barely left my room. I thought a lot, though. About us, mostly, and what I would say to you when I came here." His feet hit the floor as he leaned over the side of the bed casually, his head in his hands. "But then I saw you, barely 90 pounds soaking wet, your eyes so lifeless," He breathed out evenly, calming himself. "Everything else went out the window."
"I'm sorry I made you anxious."
"You're everything to me, you know," He stated as his weight shifted back onto the bed. "You scared me to death, Kris," I didn't know what else to do but lean over and hold him in my arms, so I did just that.
"I'm so sorry," I repeated over and over to him, rubbing my hand along his arms and chest, my head resting in the crook of his neck.
"You are so strong, and to see you so weak and helpless, it was a little hard to grasp. But, I'm going to handle it. Be weak for me, Kristen. Let me be the strong one for you. Let me be the one to tell you it's going to be okay, let me be there to take care of you, let me protect you. Let me love you. You have to." His arms constricted around me and the simple moment of pure contentment was just what I needed.
"Whatever you need," I slurred as my eyes closed and drifted off into a restful sleep.