Something Fishy

Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to Marvel. I own Farrah/Persiana and Leon/Crisis.

One Shot

A man in a blonde crew cut was screaming at the top of his lungs. He was Henry Peter Gyrich, Avengers' liaison. Henry was also a control freak, and he often would give the Avengers headaches over government regulation and clearance.

Hawkeye grumbled,

"What is it this time, crew cut? Not enough in the monthly budget again."

Gyrich pressed his glasses to his face, glaring at the wise-cracking archer,

"Don't get me started on you, Hawkeye. I'll deal with you later."

Clint asked,

"Is it about that time the Daily Bugle was showered with toilet paper, purple paint, and garden hoses? I swear that was Spider-man's idea."
Steve shook his head,

"What is this about, Henry?"

The Avengers' liaison tried to speak in a calm voice, but failed miserably,

"It's about that woman Persiana. She is a menace and she's out of control."

Tigra, overhearing this, stormed in,

"Now, wait just a minute, Gyrich. Now, I admit, Persiana is a little hard to handle-."

Gyrich screamed,

Hawkeye smirked,

"Yeah, she is a born rebel. I remember one time she actually destroyed this governor's career by calling the FBI. Who knew that guy had so many call girls on his payroll. I guess that's what you get when a guy tries to grab a woman's butt without asking." (1)

The liaison rolled his eyes,

"She has absolutely no shame whatsoever."

Tigra folded her arms, growling,

"Persiana is a valuable member of this team. She also happens to be my adopted sister. I'm training her in the use of her abilities after her mother cruelly experimented on her. I think you can cut her some slack."

Persiana walked in, humming a song. With her was her boyfriend Leon, the hero known as Crisis. Farrah smiled and kissed him,

"I love you so much."
Gyrich stormed up to them,

"Persiana, I want a word with you."

The were-lioness rolled her feline green eyes and threw him through a window, out into the pool.

The Avengers were stunned, especially Leon. Cap shouted,

"Farrah, why did you do that?"

Farrah folded her arms,

"I don't like hearing grown men bitch about their problems."

She then realized,

"Oh, crap. We gotta get him out."

Tigra asked,

"You actually care about him?"

The lioness shook her head,

"Hell, no. I care about my lobsters."

At this, the Avengers could hear the sounds of claws snapping, and Gyrich in pain,

Farrah nodded,

"We better do what he says. There's no way I'm letting all that food go to waste. Besides, I'm in the mood for a lobster bake!"
She darted downstairs. Tigra licked her lips,

"Boiled lobster; yum."

She dashed after her adopted sister.

Hawkeye looked at the red-eyed Avenger,

"You have got one crazy girlfriend, you know that, Leon?"

Tony Stark marched in,

The archer smirked,

"With today's lobster prices, that's a lot of lobster."

He winced,

"Oh, that is NOT a pleasant place to get pinched."

Another series of loud snaps and pinchers were heard, following Gyrich's cries for mercy. Leon shook his head,

"Poor Mr. Gyrich. I hope he feels better."
Persiana's voice could be heard outside,

"Hey, Greer! Let's boil the whole pool and have a big lobster dinner!"
Tigra's voice responded,

"Cool! I'll clean out the butter and frozen French fries at the supermarket."

She dashed off,

"I'm sure Tony won't mind using his credit card."

The man that would be Iron Man shot his eyes open,

Captain America shook his head,

"Gyrich's superiors are never going to believe this."

Hawkeye smirked,

"Well, I'm goin' for free lobster. Who's coming?"

Leon and Cap had their faces fall like anime characters. Clint shrugged,

"More for me, I guess."


Gyrich, a complete mess, stormed out of the pool. His suit had lobster claw marks all over the place, seaweed on his head, and his car was a wreck. He shouted,

"You Avengers are going to be hearing from me."

Persiana and Tigra had satisfied grins on their faces. Their stomachs had swelled high, but they did not care. The lioness purred,

"That was a lot of lobster, but it was SO worth eating it."

The tigress nodded,

"I know I can't move, but I don't care right now."

The sound of a truck screeching to a halt and getting into a crash could be overheard outside the mansion. Gyrich yelled,

"Oh, great! More fish!"
He then started running, screaming,


The entire city's stray cat population was in hot pursuit of the Avengers' liaison, a wave of fur coming down the street. They were all in pursuit of the now fish covered Gyrich, who was running all the way out of New York.

Leon shook his head,

"I guess you're not hungry for dinner tonight."

Farrah looked up,

"Do me a favor, handsome; take me to bed. I need you to help me burn all of this fat off."

Crisis groaned; his girlfriend was totally shameless.

End of One Shot

(1) This is a reference to the corrupt politician Eliot Spitzer of New York. He was arrested in early 2008 for allegedly using public taxpayer dollars for his more…pleasurable…pursuits. No charges were ever filed.