The Gulf That Grows.
Summary. . . . . . . Just a short tag to Sex And Violence, detailing what I think could have been going through Sam's mind.
Disclaimer. . . . . . Oh God I wish they were, but unfortunately they belong to Kripkie.
A.N. . . . . . . So me and Darksupernatural kinda got the same response to last nights episode and both thought it deserved a tag of some sort, so I believe we're both doing one. Here's my offering, I hope you enjoy. If you get chance, and she does post, check hers out, I have know doubt you'll have a really enjoyable read. Catch you later, Peanut x
"Why don't you. . . . . .cut him. Just a little on his neck. . . . . . .right there."
He could feel the knife pinch before slicing through the thin layers of his flesh, could feel the blood slowly leak from the wound to begin trickling down his neck, bouncing slightly askew as it hit his pulse, yet he felt numb; no pain originating from the site, yet his body throbbed, the siren's words echoing around his skull in a never ending loop, words that spoke of good brothers; brothers that looked up to siblings; brothers that didn't keep secrets, that could be trusted; brother's that would spend the rest of their lives together, that loved one another; and they cut deeper than any wound ever could, burrowing through flesh, bone and muscle to bury themselves within the center of his heart, expanding the chasm that had begun to grow between them even further, a chasm that had been created as the sound of the hell hounds still reverberated, a chasm that had been filled slightly with Dean's return, a chasm that eroded wider once again with every clandestine phone call to Ruby he made, with every demon he exorcised, with every use of his powers.
He'd tried lying to himself that things had returned to how they used to be after Dean's return from the dead, but that's all it had been, a great big pile of lies, a pile so high the top was hidden from sight. Things had changed, things were still changing, he had been left on his own, everyone he had ever loved gone, trying to survive in a world he no longer wished to be a part of, and no matter what he did, what he tried, what he offered, he couldn't bring Dean back, so he had turned away from the only near family he had left, and turned into the arms of her, breaking every promise he had ever made to Dean, and digging the first hole in the gulf that had once been so solid: a gulf that due to the sirens words, he now believed was irreversible, too many deeds had been done, too many hopes dashed, too many promises broken, too many secrets kept.
His heart broke as he listened to Dean speak, in some ways the words hurting more, as the thought that his brother felt that way about him shattered him. He flinched inside, yet showed no emotion on his face, as he heard Dean's accusation that he no longer had his brother's back, but even that speech paled in comparison to the feel of Dean's fist slamming into his face. He'd felt the power of his brother hands before, yet this time things felt different; the love that had always underlined every punch he had ever recieved previously no longer felt, and for the second time in his life he felt pure, unadulterated loneliness; his body and mind void and empty. He didn't hear the vile words he spat back, they would be remembered later; didn't feel his own hands pulling back before unleashing powerful blows of his own, the cracked and bruised knuckles smarting and stinging as he accepted Bobby's helping hand up would bring that memory back; he just felt vacant, hollow, saddened, dejected, alone.
A.N. . . . . . . . There's an episode picture out the on the net, that captures Sam just after the siren has been killed staring blankly into space with a look of pure loneliness on his face, if you can find it check it out, that was the inspiration for this short ficlet, that and the amazing episode. I hope that you enjoyed it, I'm thinking of maybe adding a Dean POV to this, what do you think? Catch you soon, Peanut x