Chosen Tricksters Chapter 5:
Disclaimer: Harry Potter and Co belong to Rowling
Author's notes: Mah.
I had most of this written a while back. Just couldn't get the last 6 pages or so finished.
Just didn't have the time/inspiration.
Finally got around to it now.
"I will revenge myself upon you." Harry's voice came crystal clear as he glared at the amused looking Sirius. "It shall be grand, it shall be all encompassing, and it shall be lasting!"
"Careful, Harry, you're starting to sound like a Malfoy," Sirius noted with a bemused grin on his lips.
"Who do you think I, ahem, 'borrowed' it from?" The boy's eyes shone with amusement before he stretched out. "Hmm, so, how're we going to make sure the Weasley's are there to see the look on the Malfoys' faces when Luci tells them how far up a creek they are?"
"Doesn't Arthur…?" Remus offered up with a quirked brow.
"And if I wasn't set on having her being trouble for Sirius, I'd make her spend the rest of the summer cleaning up the Burrow." Harry agreed with a nod of his head.
"I take it Arthur didn't much care for Lucius?" Sirius asked, his eyes dancing merrily while he stretched slightly and grinned.
"Well, the whole giving Ginny a cursed diary that tried to suck out her soul and revive You-know-what-he-smells-like?" Harry nodded again as he grinned slightly and shrugged his shoulders. "I don't think he liked how even when he was a guy, he acted like a bitch."
"Perhaps, only a few, select Weasleys?" Remus put forth hopefully as he shifted just a bit. "Like, say… the twins, your friend Ron, and Arthur? So we don't have to endure certain… tempers?"
"In other words, can we please, please not bring Molly into things?" Sirius clarified with wide, pleading eyes.
"And miss out on the self righteous anger?" Harry stared at Sirius for a moment, apparently completely in shock. "But… but she's like the Mother I never had!"
"… You had a mother, and she was scarier than Molly could ever hope of being," Sirius said flatly as he crossed his arms about his chest. "A mother who loved you very much."
"And who put Sirius in the dog house, literally, whenever he annoyed her." Remus pointed out with a grin.
"How she was able to trap me as Padfoot, I'll never know," Sirius admitted with a grumble.
"All, right, she's like the mother I never remember having, as I was left to grow up with my Aunt and Uncle," Harry countered crossing his arms with a slight pout on his lips.
"Ah, right, sorry about that." Sirius responded as he blushed along with Remus, before glancing slightly around the room. "So, we're agreed then? Those four of the Weasleys?"
"Well, that depends…" Harry pointed out was he suddenly let an innocent smile flow across his lips, sending a cold chill down the spines of his parents' friends.
"On?" The pair responded in unison.
"Why, just how we're going to pick them up of course!"
"… I was honestly just planning on kidnapping them," Sirius answered with a casual shrug of his shoulders.
"Well, of course we're going to kidnap them." Harry glowered at Sirius as he then turned his head and looked pointedly at Remus. "Was he always this dense?"
"More so I think." Remus agreed with a sad nod of his head.
"Terribly so, especially for someone who's so creative the rest of the time."
"Must you two treat me like I'm not even here?" Sirius glared at the pair of them, even as he fought down the pout that threatened to break out across his lips.
"Only when you're being foolish." Remus responded with a simple smile on his lips.
"Is he ever not?" Harry asked, curiously glancing at Remus with that overly innocent smile on his lips.
"Well, have we ever not made an aside comment about him, like he's not there, when he was?" Remus answered, curiously tapping his chin.
"I think we might've forgotten a time or two," Harry admitted with a slight shrug of his shoulders.
"Well, I suppose that might explain a few things," Remus agreed as he hung his head and sighed. "Well, I suppose we'll just have to try harder from here on in."
"... I will of course, have an appropriate response for this insult... eventually." Sirius' declaration rose into the air, just before the man huffed lightly and turned to stalk towards the kitchen.
"I suppose we really should be worried," Remus noted with a certain air of authority, before he couldn't help but let his lips curl lightly upwards. "Yet, for the life of me, I can't seem to bring myself to care."
"It was rather funny, wasn't it?" Harry noted rhetorically, smiling slightly as he nodded his head back to Remus, before the could hear the sharp crack of a particularly violent apparition before Nymphadora's voice rang out from the kitchen.
"Hmm, we better go see what Sirius did this time." Remus noted with a slight chuckle and a rueful shake of his head as he quietly.
A startled yelp broke through the air, followed immediately by a variety of crashes and clattering symphony of destruction. When the pair arrived at the entrance to the kitchen, they were treated to the sight of the pink haired girl throwing spell after spell at the wide eyed and fearfully dodging for his life and manhood, Sirius. A pink haired girl whose eyes were burning with absolute malice.
"This is all YOUR fault! ALL because of this stupid transfiguration you did to me!" the girl growled even darker, eyes burning as she finally paused her spell barrage. "I've got to put up with another 5 years of SNAPE because of you!"
"Err… Sorry?" Sirius offered up, his eyes wide as he glanced around and took careful note of the wide spread destruction that had formerly been his kitchen.
"Um, Nym? Not that I don't understand the urge to hex him into oblivion… Really, I do," Harry said quickly as he glanced at his godfather. "But what did he do this time?"
"Because he bloody made me a kid again, Director Bones is sending me back to Hogwarts!" The girl growled angrily as she suddenly stomped her foot on the ground. "I can't even exempt out of Potions either!"
"Oh." Harry immediately felt torn inside, on one hand, he definitely sympathized with her on having to put up with an additional vie years of Snape, on the other... "Why can't you exempt out of Potions? Why would they even send you back to begin with?"
Blinking slightly as she realized exactly who she was talking to, the girl's face immediately fell as she was suddenly nervously staring at her shifting feet. "Um, well, err… you see…"
"They're sending you as Harry's bodyguard, aren't they." Remus guessed as his eyes twinkled playfully as he glanced from the girl to Harry. "Oh, this should be rather interesting."
"… Bodyguard?" Harry blinked, owlishly as he glanced from Nym to Remus and back again. "What…?"
"Oh, I think Remus is rather spot on." Sirius spoke up his eyes twinkling madly. "This is going to be VERY interesting."
Nymphadora herself, merely blushed, brightly as she hung her head, before suddenly she glanced up, glaring with a flushed face at her cousin before suddenly she was again a pint sized pink coyote, and Sirius was suddenly wishing that he was wearing shoes.
"OW! Hey! What the bloody-? Stop that!" Sirius was dancing around as the transformed girl went to work, biting at his ankles, and leaving slight scratches on his feet with her tiny little claws.
"Um, Remus?" Harry turned his head and looked towards the thin, almost sickly looking man, his voice paused a moment as he glanced between him and where Nym was tormenting Sirius. "I think I'm going to need to sit down."
"Mmm? Oh, right." The man casually pulled out a chair and pushed the boy down into it, before Harry suddenly found a large bucket of popcorn in his lap. "Popcorn?"
"Mooney! A little help?" Sirius yelped lightly as he danced from one foot to the other, doing his best to avoid the angry little pup's assault.
"I don't know, what do you think, Harry? He did promise to have an 'appropriate' response to our 'insult' just a few minutes ago." Remus was lightly stroking his chin before he pulled out a handful of popcorn from the bucket and took
"This is true." Harry answered in a bit of a daze as he found himself munching on the popcorn without even quite realizing it.
"I take it back!" Sirius yelped again as Nym took a nip at his toes. "Just help me out here already!"
"Are you Padfoot, or not?" Remus offered up serenely as he smiled back at the man.
"Oh." Sirius blinked as he froze in place, giving Nym a chance to get quite the hold on his foot. "Ow."
Glaring down at the pink coyote cub, Sirius suddenly shifted into Padfoot, and the grim-like dog suddenly seemed to smirk at the much smaller, pink canine. At least, until said pink canine immediately reverted back to her human form and unleashed a string of spells on him. When his fur lengthened and curled, caught up in a series of black ribbons, he'd been outraged. When it turned an almost blinding yellow, he'd cringed. When the rhinestone studded collar slapped about his throat and nails were freshly manicured, he'd let off a whimper.
"Humph, serves the bugger right!" Huffing slightly Nym turned, plucked the popcorn bucket off of Harry's lap then plopped down, shifting into her distinctive other form just before she made contact and curling up into his warmth.
Harry merely turned, glancing from Sirius to the girl, and blinking several times over the course of several long seconds. "Well… That was interesting."
A flash of a camera went off, and Harry couldn't help but smirk a bit, as for once, he wasn't the subject under its lens.
"You know we love you, really..."
"Like our own, ickle Ronniekins, we do..."
"...But next time?"
"A little warning."
The twins looked up from the plastic swimming pool, filled with a vibrant green jello and four familiar red headed faces. At least moderately familiar as they stared back at Harry, Sirius, Remus, and a strangely amused looking pink coyote behind their jello caked faces. Looking from one to the other, the twins sighed before they smiled back at the three smirking males.
"Though, we do admit..."
"It was well played."
Turning his head, Harry looked pleadingly over at Sirius for only a moment, before the man sighed and grumbled a bit as he gestured towards the boy and instantly Harry was seated atop a chair of his own, the pink coyote fluffed up and resting on his lap. His jeans and shirt, replaced by a cool grey, high collared suit that reached up to where the suddenly sinister grin curled upon his lips. "Good evening, Messers Weasley, I do apologize for the suddenness, but it was felt that you'd much prefer to see this evening's proceeding's in person."
"Err... Harry?" Ron Weasley put forth carefully as he stared at the boy as he was caught in uncertainty if he should be afraid, or simply laughing at his friend's appearance. "What's with the pink dog?"
"Coyote, Ron, she's a pink coyote," Harry chided slightly as he lightly stroked his fingers through the soft fur. "A highly trained attack coyote to be precise."
"You sure about that, mate? She looks like a poofy pink dog to me." Ron shrugged his shoulders slightly as he looked at the suddenly narrowed eyes of the beast on his friend's lap. "I mean seriously, she's PINK!"
"Nym...?" Harry paused his scritching of the animal before he pointed towards Ron. "Sic'em."
The coyote languidly turned her head, and stared up at the boy, head cocked to the side before huffing pointedly and grabbing hold of his cuff and dragging it back to her fur. Frowning slightly, Harry glared softly back down at her. "Oh, I see, he goes and says you look like a poofy pink dog in a way that insinuates that you're not a highly trained professional, and all you care about are more scratching and pettings?"
When Nym nodded her head in response and casually settled back down into his lap, Harry sighed as he glanced over at the twins. "She's got a vicious streak a mile wide, she does. Sadly though, she's a lazy, spoilt little ball of fluff."
"Um, Harry, my boy?" Arthur spoke up finally, a touch nervously as he glanced from Harry to Sirius and back. "I don't mean to be rude and what not, but Molly was expecting us to be coming down to dinner." He paused again, glancing at the coyote in the boy's lap, before looking warily at a pair of amused looking faces in Remus and Sirius. "And they haven't been feeding you some of those odd concoctions like the twins like to play around with, have they?"
"Oh no, Mr. Weasley." Harry quickly waved his hand as he smiled back at the man. "I'm just having a bit of fun impersonating a muggle movie character. I'd never wear something like like this for real." He paused a moment, before grinning slightly. "Pink coyote fur stands out too much on it."
"Where'd you find her?" The twins quickly spoke up, curiosity shining in their eyes as they looked at the Coyote before one of them continued. "By George..."
"Yes, Fred?" The second twin offered up, his eyes twinkling with a playful glee.
"Is it just me, or is does that particular shade of brilliant bubblegum pink remind you of someone?" Fred asked, his eyes dancing merrily he lightly flicked a piece of jell off his nose, and at his youngest brother.
"Why, I do believe you could be quite right, Fred! Could it possibly be that ickle Harrykins has gone and gotten himself a Tonksie?" George readily agreed, before frowning slightly as he suddenly remembered something. "And what's this? Getting away with calling her by a pet name?"
"And again, I remind the Messers Weasley that she IS a highly trained attack coyote," Harry answered with a sage nod of his head. "Antagonize her at your own risk."
Just as George opened his mouth to answer the boy, Fred's hand came up, quickly covering it as he cut in. "Yes, if that is indeed the esteemed Tonksie, then, my dear brother, remember just what it is she could do to us."
As Fred's hand left George's mouth, the previously censored twin made a show of rubbing his chin, before nodding back to his brother. "Quite right, quite right."
"... How dangerous could a pink dog named Tonksie or Nym be?" Ron asked, staring blankly at the twins before gesturing back towards Harry and Nym. "Seriously, I know you two like to mess with me, but come on, it's PINK."
Harry blinked slightly as he looked back at his best friend and lightly arched a brow. "And, is there something wrong with something being pink?" Unseen by Ron, the coyote's attention was now firmly fixed on the youngest Weasley boy. "I happen to think she looks quite fetching in pink."
"It's... Come on mate, it's just so... girly! I could see someone like Malfoy with one, he acts enough like a girl as it is..." Ron answered back as he stared helplessly back at his friend. "But, if the guys back in Gryffindor hear about this..."
"I think the fifth years and above would be applauding him, personally." Fred cut his brother off, his eyes twinkling with a knowing delight. "But, as we've said, continue antagonizing the Tonksie at your own risk."
"I advise listening to your brother." Harry quickly added in as he locked his eyes with Ron's, then pausing before he quickly amended his statement. "Well, in this case. I refuse to give them a blanket endorsement, Merlin knows what they'd do with it."
"Do we have anything planned that could make use of that kind of blind trust, Fred?" George as quickly as he lightly stroked his chin in consideration while he glanced over at his brother.
"Nothing worthy of it at least. Only a few little tricky treats," Fred answered back with a slight sigh. "A shame, really it is, we could've extolled a grandiose scheme where we would have used Harry's endorsement for the maximum benefit."
"Then changed it up completely so no one could see you coming?" Sirius spoke up for the first time, his eyes twinkling before he offered a hand down to the still bewildered Mr. Weasley. "Arthur, terribly sorry about the mess, but well... It was too amusing of an idea to resist."
"Um, yes, quite..." Tentatively, the man took Sirius' hand, after carefully making certain nothing was in it and allowed himself to be pulled free from the pool. "So, um, why exactly would we be here?"
"Mwahahahahaha!" Harry let loose his wicked laugh as he continued to stroke the coyote in his hand, drawing everyone's attention back to him, before he smiled innocently back at their watching eyes. "What? Never had the urge to laugh maniacally before?"
"Yes, well, we generally restrain it." Fred spoke with a dry smirk as he glanced at his brother.
"Indeed, the urge is all well and good, but actually acting on it?" George shook his head and chuckled slightly with eyes twinkling. "That's just bad form. At least, when you're not a Dark Lord."
"Are you a Dark Lord now, Harry?" Fred asked, his eyes glinting curiously.
"Nah, I just play one in the movies." Harry grinned slightly before he lightly nudged the coyote on his lap. "All right, enough fun, we've kept the Malfoys waiting long enough, off, Nym."
The coyote simply tilted her head to the side for a moment, before she made a show of yawning and shutting her eyes as she curled back up against him even more firmly. Frowning slightly, Harry held up a finger to the incredulous looking Weasleys. "One moment. Nym, up, or I'll be spending your next paycheck on chocolate frogs and make you watch us eating every single one, without sharing."
The coyote froze instantly before she opened her eyes and stared back challengingly at the boy, who crossed his arms about his chest. "Yes, I will. And I'll even make it those dark chocolate ones you love so much. And I won't let anyone share a single one with you."
Instantly the group could hear the slight whimper escape the coyote's lips, her eyes glistening as she stared back up at the boy, pleading as she worked to make herself as adorable as possible. Harry gave the look a moment's notice, his arms still crossed about his chest as he glared back at her. "That didn't work for Coyote, it's not gonna work for you."
Instantly the pleading melted away, before the coyote grumbled slightly as she hopped off his lap and scowled up at him with a huff.
Dusting the pink hairs off of his pants and jacket, Harry turned his head a moment and looked back at Sirius. "Could I have my old clothes back now?"
"Could you?" Sirius lightly seemed to taste the word, his grey eyes dancing playfully as he finally nodded his head. "Yes, yes you could. But the real question is, will I?"
Harry paused a moment, before glancing over at Remus. "Sirius doesn't really have a full wardrobe anymore, does he?"
Remus paused a moment, opening his mouth as if to say something, before frowning and lightly stroking his chin thoughtfully. "You know, you're right, he doesn't. We'll have to remind Romeda about that."
"So we shall. And, of course, you know what that means." Harry agreed, before the pair of them wore vicious grins on their faces as they turned to face the wide eyed Black as they spoke in unison.
Harry was back in his normal clothes as soon as the pair finished speaking.
"Harry, mate, why, exactly, are you taking us to meet the Malfoys?" Ron shifted about, slightly as he glanced around. "I mean, after this year at Hogwarts…"
"Yes." Arthur's face darkened visibly as his fingers clenched slightly. "I've been wanting to have a few… words with Lucius."
"Luci." Three voices chorused back at him, accompanied by a matching bark from the coyote next to Harry.
"Luci?" The twins chorused, eyes suddenly gleaming with curiosity as they glanced at one anther then the widely grinning Harry.
The boy merely grinned back at them, before glancing over at Sirius, rubbing his hands together gleefully just before he gestured to the door in front of them. "Are they inside?"
"Now, Harry, remember we talked about this." Remus scolded lightly. "It's not nice to revel in the abject humiliation of your victims."
"Have you forgotten the greatest pleasures of life, Mooney?" Sirius stared back at his friend in wide eyed outrage before continuing, "To crush your enemies! To see them driven before you and hear the lamentations of their women!"
"Ignore him, Harry." Remus shook his head and chuckled softly as he lightly placed a hand on his shoulder. "He's seen too many muggle movies, and well, he DID pick up some bad traits from his mother."
Sirius immediately stiffened before he narrowed his eyes at Remus. "Mr. Padfoot would like to remind Mr. Mooney about the rules on mentioning that individual."
"Might I remind Messers Marauders, that if they keep this up, I will get Rommie and send them to escort her on a shopping trip." Harry cut in before grinning slightly.
"… Mr. Padfoot thinks that the Prongslet likes using that threat entirely too much, wouldn't you agree, Mr. Mooney?" Sirius eyed the boy with those grey eyes of his while a frown curled down his lips.
"Mr. Mooney does indeed agree with Mr. Padfoot's assessment." Remus nodded his head quickly back at his friend.
"I only use it when you go on tangents and need to be brought back on track," Harry immediately objected as he eyed the pair, before pausing as he lightly tapped his chin. "Though, I do have to admit, the sheer horror on your faces when I do is terribly amusing."
When the coyote at his side yipped in agreement, the pair of Marauders glared slightly at the pair before glancing at one another before Sirius spoke. "You know, if I wasn't completely and absolutely against the idea, I'd start going shopping with my cousin regularly just so he can't use that bloody threat anymore."
"Oh, are you volunteering?" Harry perked up and smiled at Sirius. "I'm sure she'd absolutely love the company on a shopping trip!"
"Um, Harry?" Ron spoke up hesitantly as he glanced at his friend. "Don't take this the wrong way, but.. Have you gone round the bend?"
The coyote at Harry's side barked in affirmation and nodded quickly in agreement to the Weasley's question. Seeing the action, Harry scowled slightly as he responded. "I have not gone round the bend." He paused there, before reluctantly admitting. "I might've peaked around it though."
"So, Harry, old boy…" One of the twins quickly cut in as he glanced from the boy to his younger brother.
"What exactly is going on?" The second twin finished.
"Well, you know how… I have a certain… talent we'll say, for cards?" Harry offered carefully as he ignored the sudden glare directed at him from the coyote at his side.
"We'll get you your money, Harry, we promise." One of the twins spoke up quickly before the other picked up after him.
"We've just hit a momentary… set back."
"Only momentary, we assure you."
"We'll have your money right quick."
"… Wait." Arthur Weasley cut in as he glared at his sons. "You two owe Harry money?"
"Just a smidge."
"Nothing terribly much, honest!"
"I was honestly just planning on making them my minions if they couldn't pay anyway." Harry cut in with a shrug of his shoulders. "But, you see, they aren't the only ones who owed me money."
The twins glanced at each other, before opening their mouths only to be cut off by Harry. "I said owed. You two still owe me."
When they both snapped their fingers in unison, Harry shook his head, a grin on his lips as he continued. "Anyway, a certain ponce, who shall remain nameless, managed to lose a sizable sum of money to me." He paused there, before scratching behind Nym's ears as he continued. "And since I got into the practice making sure people signed contracts to insure proper payment…"
"How much did you…"
"Take Malfoy for?" The twins quickly asked, their eyes shining hopefully.
"It might've been for a very, very significant sum." Harry answered back vaguely, before yelping as Nym bit him. "Hey!"
"Harry, can I please get a straight answer?" Ron asked pleadingly as he looked back at his friend. "I mean… This is all so bloody confusing."
"Yes, and we don't want to keep Molly waiting too terribly much longer," Arthur agreed as he nervously glanced around.
"Long story short…" Sirius quickly spoke up, grinning from ear to ear. "Dear cousin Draco lost the Malfoy fortune, and then some, to my most beloved of all possible godsons."
"…And then some?" Arthur's eyes widened at the implications as he stared back at Sirius.
"And then some," Sirius agreed with a grin. "Dear Luci was actually right there when we got the goblins involved and found out firsthand how much had been lost…"
"Then, you made me make a bet with him." Harry's face turned into a glower as he glared back at Sirius. "You tricked me!"
"I tricked both of you, and it was hilarious." Sirius corrected with a grin before he winked at the twins. "I mean… really, it's hardly my fault that you didn't think through what it would mean to win their manhoods and servitude."
"Wait does that…"
"Mean what we think it does?" The twins eyes gleamed before they turned back to Harry expectantly.
"I thought Ron might appreciate the look on Draco's face when he finds out exactly what's going on," Harry agreed with a nod of his head and an innocent smile on his lips.
"You mean, while he's still a he and not a she?" Remus offered with a smirk on his lips as they stopped in front of pair of double doors.
"Indeed." Harry paused a moment, before glancing back at Remus. "Wait, is she going to be decent?"
"It's Luci, I doubt she'll ever be decent." Sirius offered with a completely straight face.
"About time you finally showed up." A new voice cut in as Andromeda stepped forward, arms crossed as she glowered a bit back at the men. "I mean, really…"
"Sorry, Harry insisted on being a ham," Sirius apologized with a smirk on his lips.
"Nym was being lazy." Harry shot back with a huff even as said coyote voiced her protest by biting at his ankle. "Ooow."
As Remus opened his mouth, Andromeda just shot the man a look. "I'm sure you have some other, perfectly reasonable excuse, but to be honest, I don't feel like listening to it." As the werewolf began to pout, she turned her head towards the Weasleys. "Hello, welcome to the mad house, will you be staying, or is this just a visit?"
"Visiting." Came from Ron and Arthur, before the twins glanced at each other and spoke up in unison.
"Can we stay?"
"Visiting was the right answer." Andromeda noted with a bemused smile on her lips, before she offered her hand to Arthur. "I'm Romeda."
"Arthur." Arthur took the hand and nodded his head back to the woman, before looking at her, pleadingly. "Would you please be so kind as to tell us exactly what's going on?"
"Wish I could." Andromeda chuckled ruefully and shook her head. "But that would require me joining them and going completely nutters. They've already got my daughter, I'd prefer they didn't get me."
The coyote yipped in protest, earning herself a bemused chuckle as Andromeda reached down and patted her atop her head for a moment before standing up. "Shall we get on with this? If I remember my sister, she doesn't take too well to being left waiting."
"Ah, right then." Harry nodded his head in amusement before he bowed with a flourish. "Ladies first?"
"Why, what a gentleman." Andromeda smiled back at Harry before taking a step back and gesturing. "But as they still have their wands, why don't we throw my baggage handlers in first?"
"They do make good living shields," Harry agreed thoughtfully as he lightly tapped his lower lip thoughtfully.
"Baggage handlers?" Remus coughed politely as he struggled not to glare at Andromeda and Harry.
"I protest!" Sirius spoke up fervently. "That's what we have the Malfoys for!"
"Then you two can go in there and tell them," Andromeda responded mildly as she gestured to the door. "Do hurry as your other guests are apparently in a hurry."
"Humph!" Sirius huffed a bit as he glared back at them before striding up purposely to the door. "Fine, you cowards!"
When he pulled the door open, he promptly yelped as a he was forced to duck away from a string of curses fired at him. "HEY! Stop that!"
"Stand up and die like a man, Black!" A familiar voice called out shrilly.
Quickly ducking behind the door, Sirius called back. "Well, that's more than you can do, Luci! Having fun sitting down for the loo?"
"DIIIIIEEE!" The voice was practically screamed out, before it was cut off by a calmer voice.
"Stupify." There was a flash of red, then the sound of a body hitting the floor before a much more cultured female voice called out. "Must you always make my life so… difficult, Sirius?"
"Mother… you just…" A shocked boy's voice spoke up. "You just…"
"Stunned your…" There was a pause as the woman could practically be heard considering her words. "Well, we'll figure out what to call him…"
"Her!" Sirius corrected jubilantly without sticking his head out.
"…Her." The female voice grudgingly allowed. "Later."
Carefully peaking his head around the corner, Sirius made note of the unconscious, and covered in just a bed sheet, Luci, as well as the blonde woman standing over her and the 13 year old boy at her side. "Lo, Cissy. Been a while, hasn't it?"
"A time of ignorant bliss." Narcissa Malfoy answered back as she crossed her arms about her chest. "I trust you can explain exactly what's going on, without breaking into your juvenile sense of humor?"
"I can, yes." Sirius agreed with a sage nod of his head and a growing grin.
"Behave yourself, Sirius." Andromeda cut in as she strode, almost regally into the room, followed by Harry, Remus, and the Weasleys.
"What're they doing here?" Draco spoke up, his voice cracking as he jabbed his finger towards Harry and the Weasleys.
"They," Harry gestured towards the Weasleys with a placid smile, "Are here because I thought they might enjoy the show."
"The show?" Narcissa spoke with her brow arching before her eyes narrowed. "And what show would that be, exactly."
"Well, really, you should be asking Draco here, how it all started." Harry offered as he glanced down at his nails for a moment. "He was the one to lose such a… significant sum to me."
"… And exactly how… significant would that be, Mr. Potter?" Narcissa allowed only an edge of anger to drop into her voice.
"I guess I won't need to introduce myself then." Harry half pouted lightly as he set the pink Coyote down onto the floor before him before producing a parchment and holding it up, before glancing over at Remus. "Be a good chap and give this to her?"
"Don't you have a perfectly functional pair of hands and legs, Harry?" Remus noted as he lightly glowered at Harry.
"Yes, and I'd prefer to keep them that way." Harry agreed as he glanced back at Narcissa warily.
"Ah." Remus slowly nodded, before he crossed his arms about his chest. "So would I."
"Cowards." Andromeda rolled her eyes as she took the parchment from Harry's hands and strode over and offered the parchment to her sister. "Narcissa."
"Andromeda." Narcissa's voice was cool and wary as she took the parchment and began to read. For a moment, there was nothing but silence as her face remained blank, save for the flicking motions of her eyes. Then, the façade cracked as she made note of something and she turned and stared at her son in horror. "Draco… how could you be so utterly foolish?"
"He has plenty of practice?" Harry offered helpfully before shrinking under the glare Narcissa leveled at him. "Well, he does."
"Mother?" Draco asked uncertainly even as he spared a glare toward Harry.
Wordlessly, Narcissa turned the parchment towards him, letting him read it for a moment, before he blinked in confusion. "What about it?"
"Draco…" Narcissa fought down the urge to strike her child, before she very, very carefully spoke. "Do you know what happens when someone is unable to pay their debts as stipulated by a magical contract?"
"Of course I do." He huffed up as if insulted she'd even asked the question as he crossed his arms about his chest.
"Then why would you sign a magical contract for more than we could pay?" Narcissa hissed out as she dug her fingers into the parchment she held.
"What?" Draco stared back at his mother, confusion written on his face.
"The Malfoy vaults couldn't pay that much when I called it in." Harry offered cheerfully.
"… What…?" The stare on Draco's face only grew in confusion and incomprehension. "But father always…"
"Assets, Draco, the value was in the assets." Narcissa hissed out. "The majority of which are currently illegal. Which means that when the goblins discovered them, they disposed of them, and they charged the disposal fee back against the original debt."
She let those word dawn on Draco before she hissed out more. "Which means, we now have to deal with the penalties!"
Draco himself looked on the verge of fainting as he stared back at his mother with wide disbelieving eyes, before slowly he looked over and back to Harry.
"Oh, don't worry, dear, dear cousin." Sirius was grinning like a loon back at the mother and her son. "Luci worked out a deal with me to forgo the penalties."
While Draco's face lit up with hope, Narcissa took one look at the faces smiling back at her and immediately sat down, her face completely drained of color. "How bad?"
"Mother…?" Draco blinked back at Narcissa confusion written across his face. "But he just said…"
"I know Sirius. I know his friend. I know Andromeda. They wouldn't be smiling like that if it was that simple," Narcissa whispered slowly as she stared back at Sirius, Remus and Andromeda, before settling her eyes on her sister. "Well?"
Shaking her head, Andromeda plucked a second parchment from Sirius, before handing it over to Narcissa with the slightest pursing of her lips. "I do believe this sums everything up."
For a moment, Narcissa simply stared at the parchment, before slumping slightly as she negligently tossed it aside. "I take it that Lucius lost this… wager?"
"As spectacularly as his son," Harry admitted cheerfully with a nod of his head.
"I see." Narcissa closed her eyes for several moments. "That would explain her behavior."
"Wouldn't it?" Sirius agreed with a nod of his head and a grin. "Oh, just think of all the fun we'll have!"
"… If you think you're going to force me to faint in sheer horror, Sirius, you are bound for disappointment." Narcissa inclined her chin and glared up at her cousin.
"Mother…? What's going on?" Draco was shifting, his nervousness visibly growing at his mother's reactions.
"The Malfoy family isn't just ruined, Draco," Narcissa said quietly and slowly shook her head. "It's destroyed. Completely and utterly destroyed. There will be no more Malfoys."
"But… what!" Draco's voice broke into a shrill note as he stared wide eyed at his mother.
"Oh, must you be so melodramatic, Narcissa?" Andromeda shook her head before releasing an exaggerated sigh. "Really, it's hardly the end of the world."
"My husband sold himself and his family into slavery to try and recover some of the debt my son brought upon us," Narcissa countered with a hiss. "How is that not the end of the world?"
"S-s-slavery!" Draco's eyes widened fearefully as he turned and saw the almost serene smile on Harry's lips.
"As a girl," Harry agreed with a nod of his head.
"Wait, Harry, what's going on?" Arthur's eyes were wide as he looked at the three Malfoys, before pointing towards the unconscious Lucius. "You mean that's….?"
"Luci, yes," Harry said agreeably with a nod of his head. "It's going to be her job to make life difficult for Sirius."
"Are you still on that?" Sirius shook his head and sighed out. "Really, Harry, come on! I got you three hot blonde maids!"
"They're Malfoys," Harry stated flatly as he crossed his arms about his chest.
"He said it," Ron spoke up quickly in agreement and support of his friend.
"You know, I'm really quite conflicted. Fred?" George put forth as he glanced at his brother.
"Indeed, on one hand, it's the Malfoys," Fred agreed.
"On the other, Lucius makes for a disturbingly hot woman," George continued.
"And of course, Narcissa always was," Fred said with a nod before glancing speculatively at Draco, "So how do you think he'll turn out when he's no longer a he, but a she?"
"I'm almost afraid to find out," George admitted.
"Well, it is about that time to find out," Sirius said entirely too cheerfully as he grinned at Draco. "Any last words as a boy?"
"Wait, what?" Draco's eyes widened comically as realization finally worked its way through his shock.
"I thought it was obvious, you're about to be frocked," Remus noted dryly as he shook his head.
Nym barked eagerly as she looked back at Sirius. Sirius himself paused at the bark, then tilted his head to the side. "You know, that's not a bad idea."
"Mother! They can't just-! It's not-!" Draco struggled with something to say, his silver eyes growing wide with panic as he looked pleadingly back at his mother.
Narcissa arched her brow back at him and slowly shook her head. "Draco, my son, there's nothing I can do, there's nothing you can do, there's nothing your father can do. All we can really do is to try and make the best of it."
"Make the best of it?" Draco's voice was rising in pitch, growing into a high soprano as he failed to notice his hair growing down past his shoulders as it began to turn into shining curls. "They're talking about… about making me into a servant! A girl servant!"
"I was thinking Nym's personal coyote groomer," Harry supplied helpfully.
Nym barked again before nodding her head in sage agreement.
"This… no! Y-you can't do this! I… This…!" Draco stared, sputtering and unable to form the words to properly express the panicked denial as he actually grew an inch in height, though his body was rapidly losing mass. "I'm a Malfoy! Do you hear? A Malfoy!"
Narcissa palmed her face slightly and let out a slight groan as she glanced from the panicking Draco to the unconscious Luci and crossed her arms about her chest. "I do hope you're not going to try and force me into one of those ridiculous little mockeries of a maid's outfit."
"Weeeeeeeeeell…." Sirius paused, before shaking his head and sighing as he glanced at Andromeda. "Knowing Romeda, not likely."
"Depends on how well she behaves," Andromeda answered vaguely with a serene smile directed towards her sister.
"… I was under the impression we were to be serving… Mr. Potter," Narcissa said simply.
"I'm assigning you to Romeda," Harry said helpfully.
"Stop ignoring me!" Draco's voice was a light, airy whine, face and features now visibly that of a girl as his dark clothes were lightening and turning to a slowly intensifying red and gold.
"And… my… Luci?" Narcissa asked warily as she glanced towards Lucius, making a point to not respond to her son's demand.
"Harry is assigning her to Sirius," Remus said cheerfully.
"To insure he's properly punished," Andromeda agreed with a nod.
Narcissa stiffened lightly and glared back at her sister. "Haven't we been punished enough? We've just lost everything!"
"No, punish him," Harry said as he pointed at Sirius.
"I said stop ignoring me!" Draco actually screamed this time, causing everyone to look at over at the source the outburst.
Draco was now most assuredly female. Pale, curling locks of light blonde hair, with pretty silver eyes narrowed into an angry scowl and bow-shaped lips pulled back into a snarl. She didn't even seem to be aware of the fact that her previously dark and well cut robes had been replaced by a frilly, red and gold dress, complete with knee socks and shiny black heels.
"… I think you'll find it hard to be ignored for quite sometime, Draco," Narcissa stated blandly as she looked at her newly female child.
"Bwa?" Ron's statement was half way horrified, half incomprehensible as he stared at Draco, his mouth hanging agape.
"Oh… My," Arthur stated with a blink before looking over at Sirius and Remus. "And this is… permanent?"
"Got the paperwork and everything," Sirius grinned proudly, before pausing as he looked over at Narcissa. "You have had all your shots, right?"
"… What?" Narcissa blinked and stared back at Sirius in utter confusion.
"He's talking about a muggle thing they do to their pets," Andromeda stated simply with a bemused smirk curling over her lips. "Generally referring to their pet dogs."
"... I suppose it would be safe to assume he's calling me a 'bitch?'" Narcissa asked blandly as she sent a scathing glare in Sirius' direction.
"Considering who he is? I don't know why you'd assume anything else." Andromeda noted as that smirk never waved for even a moment.
Draco opened her mouth to say something new, only to release a startled squeak as a mirror suddenly appeared directly in front of her, forcing her to stare at the image of who she'd become.
"Wow." Harry blinked slightly, a look of pure amazement crossing his face. "Something actually shut him up."
"Her!" Sirius corrected absently in an overly gleeful tone. "Though, really, it is harder to come up with something appropriately feminine from Draco."
"So good of you to notice," Narcissa drawled back and shook her head in annoyance. "Must you be so...?"
"He's Sirius, of course he must," Andromeda responded in that same droll tone before glancing at the still gaping Draco. "So, who's idea was it to turn her into looking like a teenaged tart?"
"Coyote!" Sirius proclaimed innocently.
"Sirius!" said the greater spirit in question as he popped into place next to the man.
"Coyote!" Sirius proclaimed with a blink.
"If you expect me to partake in something as childish as saying our names back and forth..." Coyote paused a moment, tilting its head to the side in thought. "Well, ask me again tomorrow. This is a ser... Errr... Not so light-hearted occasion."
Sirius snapped his fingers lightly and huffed in irritation.
"My this must be serious," Remus noted with a somber nod. "He wouldn't even let Sirius get into a serious joke."
Immediately, Remus was caught under a baleful glare from everyone in the room, save a still insensate Lucius and Draco.
"Was it something I said?" Remus asked entirely too blandly.
"Yuck it up, wise guy, yuck it up," Coyote muttered sourly, before suddenly grinning almost wolfishly back at Remus. "In fact, please, do. I just remembered some of the IOUs I can cash in from Hermes."
"The wise guy has decided it would be in his best interests to remain silent," Remuse noted before shutting his mouth with an audible click of his teeth.
"And moving on," Coyote noted with a drawl and a nod of his head. "And really, she needs to get used to frocks and knickers, might as well start it out right away."
"Must it be so..." Narcissa gestured towards the dress and frowned again.
"Helps hammer the point in." Coyote stated simply with a half shrug at his shoulders. "Now then, to help save time, yes, they're stuck like that, yes, they have no further say in the matter, by your land's own laws and customs. So, enjoy your maid's outfit, I know the rest of us will!"
"... So, it was your idea?" Narcissa pressed as she glared down at the grinning canine.
"Nope! Oberon's, with Titania's full approval!" Coyote let out a sound that was disturbingly like giggling as he looked at Harry, eyes shining. "And they wanted you to know, if you ever get tired of her, they could use another maid!"
Narcissa paled visibly at the thought and glanced fearfully from her son turned daughter to Harry.
Harry noted Narcissa's response before glancing over at Remus. "I thought Oberon and Titania were good?"
"Mmph mmh maum!" Remus shrugged through lips that refused to open and held up his hands helplessly.
"They're fey," Sirius stated simply. "Which means, well..." He paused, glancing at a reproachful looking Andromeda and an uncomfortable looking Arthur. "I'll tell you when you're older."
"George, old bean, I do believe this smells of naughtiness afoot," Fred noted with a nod.
"And kinkiness, can't forget that," George agreed. "Which means..."
"Research!" the pair chorused in perfect unison.
"... I knew I should've kept Molly from trying to discipline you two so much," Arthur said with an audible groan and shook his head sadly. "Just leave Harry and Ron out of it until they're older."
"They have enough of a bad influence from those two." Arthur stated simply as he gestured towards Sirius and Remus, before pointing at the still stunned Lucius. "Could you please wake... her?"
A silent Ennervate from Remus restored the woman to a groggy consciousness.
"Hu-wha...?" Lucius stated blearily as she struggled to gain her bearings. "What... happened?"
"I stupidifed you before you could get us in even more trouble," Narcissa stated blandly and sighed as she shook her head.
"Oh." There was a pause as she glanced down and noted the heaviness on her chest. "... I didn't dream it then."
"No, you didn't," Narcissa agreed with a slight tilt of her head. "You and Draco have successfully done what no one else has before. Completely and utterly destroyed the Malfoys."
"Oh." Lucius blinked at that as he struggled to process what she was saying.
"Lucius," Arthur cleared his throat, drawing the still dull eyed gaze onto his own. "I can see you're still indisposed. I suppose I really should be the better man and just walk away, confident that you have gotten your proper comeuppance."
There was a pause, before he sighed and shook his head. "But really, I did want to be the one to catch you red handed. As that won't happen now... At least I'll be able to take a measure of satisfaction from your new roll in life. Have fun cleaning those high shelves."
He turned towards Sirius and Remus. "I thank you gentlemen for the opportunity, but I'm afraid we really must be heading back now. Boys?"
"Err... Right, talk to you later, Harry?" Ron offered hesitantly.
"Cya at Hogwarts!" Harry agreed happily, before his grin grew even wider. "And so will Nym!"
Ron glanced down at the pink coyote, who he couldn't help but feel was grinning, savagely back at him. "Err... right then."
"Cya, ickle Harry-kins!" The twins agreed with a pair of matching grins.
And then the four Weasley men vanished in a shimmering spectacle of lights, with a slight sound akin to tinkling glass.
"... Really?" Andromeda turned her head and stared at Sirius. "Star Trek? Really, Sirius?"
"Live long and prosper," Sirius agreed, holding up his hand, fingers grouped in pairs, outer and inner and then spread apart between middle and ring.
"You fail at being a Vulcan," Andromeda stated flatly. "I'm starting to wonder if your mother dropped you on your head
"No, that happened at Hogwarts," Remus said with a chuckle. "He had a tendency to.. upset the fairer species, I suppose you could say?"
"Yes, I remember," Narcissa agreed with a twist of her lips down into a frown. "He some how always managed to worm his way out of trouble with the staff."
"I didn't do anything wrong, and you can't prove otherwise." Sirius stuck his tongue out at Narcissa and huffed slightly. "Not my fault you all decided to blame me for everything perverted that happened to you. I know for a fact that at least half of them were caused by Moony and Pettigrew."
Instantly, Andromeda and Narcissa were glaring at Remus, and Remus and Lucius were now glaring at Sirius.
"What? You expected me to let you throw me to the wolves! Ha!" Sirius snorted softly and crossed his arms about his chest, before looking over at Harry. "This, Harry, is a fine lesson for you. Never throw anyone to the wolves when they can incriminate you."
Remus opened his mouth to say something, then frowned, shut it, thought for a moment again, then let his mouth click shut as he stared at him with narrowed eyes. "... I will get you for that."
Harry blinked a moment, then glanced from Remus to a smirking Sirius then back again. "... Don't you have proof he did them?"
Remus' continued glare and Sirius' triumphant smirk answered the question for them.
"... Really?" Nym popped back into her regular, 13 year old form and blinked at Remus. "You saying he didn't do anything?"
"No, I'm saying he never told me about any of it," Remus admitted grudgingly. "Peter and I used to try to impress them, so we told them about our stuff... but James and Sirius never told if whether or not they did... certain things."
"Certain things?" Narcissa slowly turned around and glared at Sirius. "Such as my 7th year, where I ended up in that ridiculous, scandalous muggle outfit?"
"Actually, the lime green mini was all Pettigrew," Remus said quickly as he looked meaningfully at Sirius.
"... Hmmm..." Sirius lightly tapped his lower lip, smirking softly but saying nothing as his eyes danced.
"... You?" Narcissa turned around and pointed her wand directly at Remus. "That was your prank?"
"Well, I was going to go with red, black or emerald, but Pettigrew insisted on lime green. I don't really want to know why and I didn't feel like arguing at the time."
"I'm surrounded by deviants," Narcissa muttered sourly as she glared at them all.
"Deviants?" The majority of the group chorused, save Sirius who merely nodded and grinned.
"Don't get me started on my... daughter and whatever you want to call Luci," Narcissa stated blandly before pointing towards Andromeda. "Nor do we need to get into you, which most likely rubbed off on her."
As her finger shifted to Nym for a moment, the girl scowled back at her, arms crossed about her chest, before her finger moved to Harry. "He's James and Lily Potter's son. And the werewolf already outted himself."
"Really, Narcissa, I would hardly call..." Lucius spoke up, struggling to maintain a modicum of his normal aristocratic air. "And really, it's not polite to air any kind of sordid tales in front of... well, anyone."
"I'm not a deviant!" Draco insisted loudly, her lip jutting out into an angry pout.
"Oh, really, Draco? You think I don't know about your... reading material?" At Draco's blush, Narcissa snorted softly.
"Sirius, am I a deviant?" Harry asked curiously, frowning slightly as memories from the Dursley's began to quietly pound in the back of his mind.
"You'll likely end up that way, as much as everyone else here is, Ms. High-and-Mighty included," Coyote said simply with a shrug as he answered for Sirius. "It's better that way. You'll have more fun."
"I am not...!" Narcissa began to protest, only to be affixed with simple look from the animal that she was addressing a being that was quite a bit above her in the cosmic food chain.
"Now then, moving on?" Coyote said helpfully. "I think you should start introducing them to their new... Roles."
The three Malfoys looked decidedly less than pleased at that.