Disclaimer: Tenipuri does not belong to me.
Warnings: Shonen ai, crack.
Author's Note: This was a birthday gift for argentum_luna on LJ. Slight InuiRyo.
The Laws of Shonen Jump Romance
"100 percent probability that she is your destined one."
Ryoma turned back to his senpai as the two girls walked away. "Who?"
"Ah, I should have specified which one. Ryuuzaki Sakuno."
The freshman blanched. "What makes you say that, senpai?"
"The data, of course."
Inui adjusted his glasses, tone quite serious. "That's right. I've been reading up on it."
"On relationships?" Ryoma's tone was faintly incredulous. "How did you arrive at that?"
"Well, the data says…" Here Inui flipped through a particularly thick notebook. "That in approximately 95 percent of all classic romances, the first girl met is the one the protagonist ends up dating."
"We're not dating."
"Not yet, of course. According to a wealth of material, these things take time."
Ryoma stared. A stray tennis ball flew over the fence behind them and rolled into the grass nearby. "She's not the first girl I've ever met, senpai."
"But the first one you exchanged words with in Japan, correct?"
"What are you talking about?"
"You asked her for directions."
Ryoma's eyebrow twitched. "How do you even know that, Inui-senpai?"
"But you did."
"They were wrong."
He made a note. "That has an insignificant effect on the pattern. You've eaten her bentou."
"Since when does that mean anything?" he replied in a deadpan.
"She watches all of your matches."
"So do you, senpai."
"What?" That part tripped Inui up briefly. Fumbling, he continued, "Well, naturally, but… She shows great concern when you're injured. For example, when you were playing Fudomine's Ibu Shinji."
Ryoma's brow furrowed. He appeared displeased at the recollection. "She came onto the court." The court was sacred.
"Another particularly common theme – the destined lover frequently pursues her chosen one into dangerous territory despite repeated warnings not to do so. See Rurouni Kenshin Kyoto arc and a number of instances in Bleach…"
"And ruins everything in all of those examples," Ryoma pointed out.
Inui adjusted his glasses. He'd looked quite deeply into this matter and was confident of his position, but was strangely beginning to feel out of his depth. "Regardless, the pattern holds."
"It's a stupid pattern."
Scrambling for firmer ground, Inui continued, "Another significant moment was your departure to America. She came to see you at the airport."
"She was late. She wouldn't have made it if the flight wasn't delayed."
"But in the end, the gift you received from her held the most meaning, did it not?"
"Actually, the data you gave me was more useful. I used it fix up the zero-shiki drop shot," he commented.
Inui was definitely not approaching this right. Ryoma was being stubborn. "The data doesn't lie."
The freshman tilted his head, golden eyes observing him curiously. After a moment, he crooked his finger and said, "Hey, I've got a secret." Obligingly, the data gatherer lent down so that the freshman could whisper in his ear.
No words were spoken, however – there was only the soft press of lips against his cheek.
Inui blinked, then straightened, staring at the freshman as though he was a completely unclassified specimen of the highest rarity.
Ryoma smirked and tugged on his cap. "What does your data say about that?" He propped his racquet up on his shoulder and sauntered away.
Inui remained still for a number of minutes before numbly closing his notebook.
He was going to have to start all over again.
BL novels this time, apparently. He'd have to borrow Gravitation from Tezuka.