And now for something completely different! Hi again! Okay I know I haven't posted one of these stories before but i'm not doing it alone! This chapter (and the rest of the story) is co-written by me and one of my BEST FRIENDS! But she doesn't have an account here and she wishes to remain nameless. Nonetheless, she wrote most of this chapter, she's better at comedy things. I encourage my watchers to try reading this, it is a Twilight Fic but it doesn't really have much to do with Twilight. . .But anyway, we hope you enjoy "Every 28 Days". Thanks! We do not own Twilight, it belongs to Stephenie Meyer! Reviews are loved!

The Week Before - Part 1:

"Hey Alice . . . can I talk to you about something? Something . . . private?" I asked awkwardly, my eyes on the plush, white carpet of the Cullen home. I could already feel my cheeks starting to turn pink.

"Sure Bella!" Alice chirped, putting down the vase of flowers she was holding, and dancing over to my side. "What do you need? Oh! Maybe you need a new outfit? I know! There's this great store-"

"No, Alice! This isn't about clothes," I exclaimed, "this is more important than shopping."

Alice looked appalled. "What," she gasped, "could EVER be more important than shopping? Besides Jasper of course."

"Well," I answered, pausing for effect, "grades; Edward; my health; Edward; making sure I don't trip and kill myself; Edward…hmm…what else? Did I mention Edward?"

Suddenly Alice's hand appeared over my mouth. "I get it. You love Edward." I smiled under her hand. "Now what did you want to talk about?" She asked, kindly removing her hand. I looked away from her caramel colored eyes and back down at the carpet. I didn't notice when Alice's eyes suddenly drifted out of focus and her face shifted into a mask of horror. In a voice barely above a vampire whisper (much too low for me to hear, of course, being the human that I am) she said, "No."

I fidgeted, not hearing her and mumbled, "Well, um, do you know about," I ran my fingers through my hair nervously, "womanly issues?" I asked, hoping she'd catch my drift. Luckily she did…I think.

"Say no more Bella," she said hurriedly. "Esme! Carlisle! Rosalie!" She shrieked in a voice loud enough for humans to hear a mile away.

I groaned. What have I done? I thought to myself, my cheeks turning bright red. Once she tells Rosalie there would be nothing to stop Emmett from teasing me about it for days on end. Then another thought occurred to me, this one was a thousand times worse than any perverted joke that Emmett could create about me. Edward. He can read Alice's mind. What was I thinking? I have no time for this. I need to escape, and quickly too. Yes, escape. The door. Walk out quietly. Get in the truck. No! Screw the truck, too loud. I need to run for it. Run for everything I'm worth. Wait a minute, I'm surrounded by super fast vampires, and they'd catch me in two seconds. That was a stupid idea- knowing me; I would kill myself tripping over my own feet while trying it. I know! I could-

"Hey Bella," a booming voice interrupting my train of thought. I turned slowly to see the large form of Emmett standing behind me, a grin stretching from ear to ear over his face. "My, that's a wonderful impression of a tomato you're doing. Is it Halloween already?" He chuckled to himself, always happy to make a joke at my expense. I avoided looking at his face and tilted my face downward as if the carpet was especially interesting today, letting my hair hide my face.

"No, Emmett. I'm just here to talk to Alice." I said, still trying desperately to think of a way to escape.

"Reeeeeally?" He boomed, "I figured you were here to make out with Edward!" He laughed loudly again, clutching his sides as if he had just made the funniest joke in history.

"What's this about making out with Edward?" He asked, appearing at the top of stairs, looking every bit as beautiful as a Greek God. I automatically looked up when I heard his voice. He stood at the top of the stairs wearing a black tank top and an open white t-shirt. He wore simple blue jeans that were faded at the knees and ragged at the bottom. He smiled down at me with his most dazzling vampire smile, and for a moment I forget how to breathe.

"Well speak of the devil, here he is," Emmett said, still talking loudly. "In all of his male godliness, descending the stairs with such grace that I think I'm just a little bit jealous." He turned back to me, "Are you sure you didn't stop by for a quick make out session with Edward, Bella?"

Edward arrived at the bottom of the stairs and stood leaning against Emmett, looking at me with a mixture of love and amusement. I felt myself turning redder if possible; Emmett observed with great interest as the blush spread to my neck and the roots of my hair. Even Edward was chuckling, though he was trying to cover it with a poorly executed cough.

Suddenly I felt a wave of rage. "Shut up, Emmett. You too, Edward," I screamed, instantly silencing their laughter. "You don't know what's going on. You don't know what it feels like so just shut up!" I stared at them, my breathing short and ragged due to my extreme rage, tears forming at the corners of my eyes. I spun on my heel and stormed to the door, turning my back on their shocked faces. I reached the door, yanked it open…and promptly tripped over my own two feet and nearly collided with the wood floors of the Cullen's porch, ruining my dramatic exit. Luckily, Edward had recovered enough to catch me. Very slowly, he lifted me away from the floor and set me back on my feet.

"Bella, love?" He asked, I could tell that he was worried by the sound of his voice. "Are you okay?" I don't know why but I felt compelled to look at him. But a single look into his liquid topaz eyes, now filled with worry, sent me over the edge. I burst into tears, violent sobs escaping from somewhere deep inside me. I buried my face into the soft fabric of his black tank top. My hands held pieces of his white t-shirt; I only wanted one thing in that moment, and that was to bring Edward closer to me. Under me I felt his body go stiff with surprise, then it relaxed and his hands gently rubbed my back.

In the background I could hear Emmett screaming frantically. "What do we do?" He bellowed, "Carlisle! Bella's lost it! I think we broke her!" He paused for a moment, rethinking his thoughts. "Wait," he said. "Scratch that." He resumed screaming, "It's Edward's fault! He broke her!"

Suddenly I tore myself free from Edward's loving grasp. With tears still streaming down my face I launched myself at Emmett, screaming profanities. I must have caught him off guard because the next thing I knew I was sitting on his chest, I had somehow managed to topple him. I sat on his rock hard chest and punched his face to punctuate every word. "Take. It. Back. You. Jerk. You'll pay for that!" I knew I wasn't hurting him but it felt good to work off some of my rage.

In between punches Emmett was yelling to Edward. "Get. Her. OFF! What. The. HELL. Are. You. WAITING. For?!" The next thing I knew I was across the room, suspended in the air by Edward's iron arms. Yet I still kicked and screamed and struggled against his icy grasp, desperate to claw at Emmett. "I'll get you, Emmett," I screeched. "I'll get-" My threats were interrupted by Alice's shocked voice.

"What is going on over here?" She stood at the base of the stairs, mouth open in shock. To her left stood Carlisle with a face of absolute confusion, and Esme, who seemed alarmed by my actions. To Alice's right stood Rosalie, who seemed extremely pleased with what she saw.

"You go, girl."

I went limp in Edward's arms. "Hey Alice, Rosalie. Good afternoon, Carlisle, Esme." I smiled warmly at all of them.