Disclaimer: I own nothing and make nothing from this.
It took all her focus, but Lily Evans did not collapse. She refused. She would not let everyone see her knees fold beneath her and the Gryffindor fall on her arse. She couldn't let it happen.
So she took a deep breath and rolled the parchment in her hands, squeezing it with her small hands. Damn teachers, she thought rebelliously. She narrowed her eyes at the ridiculous Divination teacher sitting behind the table full of scrolls and wished awful things. Instead of speaking or throwing the parchment to the floor - as she wanted, Lily turned and walked as quickly as she could from the Great Hall.
She did not stop until her feet were in the lake - wet, cold, rousing. She fought the urge to just plop fully into the water and let it wash over her. She knew she was red and blushing and overheated, but she focused on the cold water against her ankles and began to calm.
Finally, she felt calm enough to unroll the parchment and set eyes on it once more.
Compatibility Test Results for: Lily Evans, 6th Year Gryffindor
1. Severus Snape, Slytherin55%
2. Cormac Ginn, Ravenclaw41%
3. Alden Kingsley, Gryffindor39%
4. Remus Lupin, Gryffindor30%
5. Kelsey Kells, Hufflepuff30%
No matter how many times Lily looked at it, she could not wrap her mind around it. How was Severus the most compatible match in the school? Wait, she reminded herself, there must be some people who hadn't taken it---yes, she thought, trying to breathe easier, yes, that's it. Fifty-five percent wasn't much after all. It was probably just a joke anyway.
She didn't actually believe it and that was making the whole thing far worse. After all, she had been the one to tell him to go away - that he was no longer welcome with her. Potions was difficult - but this year, he had taken a different seat and seemed quite good at avoiding her overall. She briefly wondered if he had seen his results. Would she be at the top of his list?
She seethed for a moment at the idea of someone - anyone - other than her being number one on his parchment. She instantly felt ashamed at it - she had no right to be jealous or wish for anything of the sort. After all, they weren't friends and a compatibility test would not change that.
Lily did miss him though. Sitting in the library, especially studying Potions, meant she thought of him. Sitting by the lake, she thought of him.
With a start, she realised where she was. She stuffed the scroll into the pocket of her robes and sighed.
"Damn," she whispered to herself, looking down at her soaked shoes and socks. Without looking, she stepped back onto the shore and stepped on someone's feet.
She turned quickly - having not expected anyone. The mischievious grin and glasses were all she had to see to know who it was.
"Best to watch where you're going, Evans," Potter said with a smile. He was alone - which surprised her - and the expression on his face was something she had never seen before.
"Sorry, Potter. Just a bit preoccupied." She offered a slight smile to him and moved to walk past him. He grabbed her arm gently, releasing it as soon as she stopped and met his gaze.
"I didn't take the compatibility test."
She wasn't sure what to say. "That's too bad. Were you sick?"
His face scrunched a bit before he said, "I was in the infirmary for a Quidditch injury and no one brought me one. That's why I'm not on your list."
She narrowed her eyes at him then, realising his meaning. "Potter, I don't think we'd be a very good match any way."
He laughed heartily then, his face quite handsome suddenly. "That's funny. We're perfect for each other. If that test has any merit," he winked at her, "you and I would be one hundred percent compatibile."
"Well," Lily said, moving past him - rolling her eyes, "I suppose we'll never find out now will we." She continued walking even as he called after her.
"Can I see your results?"
"No, Potter. See you later."
"See you, Evans."
Lily did not get very far before she was stopped again - this time by a tall, thin young man with a steely expression and an icy glare. He was blocking her way down the path which led into the forest.
"Have your brains been pickled by all the time spent with those useless Marauders?" His arms were crossed and his chin set in a way Lily could recall well. Severus was angry.
"What ever do you mean, Snape?"
He winced at the use of his surname, but did not break his composure otherwise. "You were headed into the Forbidden Forest."
She cocked her head. "I suppose it seemed that way, but I was just trying to find a place to be alone."
Severus sneered. "Meeting Potter, are you?"
"What?" she asked, her eyebrows scrunching together. "No--"
"No need to lie to me Evans. I'm certain he was at the top of your compatibility results list and will now lay official and final claim to you, as has been his desire for so long." He sounded both angry and bitter, but his expression gave nothing away.
"You think you know so much," she said, her voice steady and calm, but without a drop of warmth, "but he's not on my list at all."
His arms dropped and for a second, his face was blank - no anger, no coldness. "What?"
"You heard what I said."
"But I thought--"
"You thought he was number one on my list?" She found her tone softening - he was obviously surprised at her admission. Maybe he hadn't forgotten how they were completely.
"Yes. I saw the two of you by the lake and--"
Lily interrupted. "Wait - were you following me?"
His eyes widened. "No!" His brows were so high, she nearly laughed. "I just wanted to speak to you and..."
She waited a moment, but he didn't continue. "That means you did follow me, Severus."
His eyes shut when she said his name and she felt her heart ache. It made her angry. "We have nothing to discuss. I should go." She turned to leave.
He stopped her with a hand on her arm - just as Potter had done not long before. When she turned, he did not remove his hand. Instead, he squeezed her arm through her robes with his thin fingers and pulled her closer. His eyes were trained on her feet as he pulled her closer. His voice was soft and...she thought he sounded remorseful. "Please, Lily. I..." He let out a long breath he'd obviously been holding. "I...miss you so much."
Tears came to her eyes then - unbidden - and she shut her eyes, scared of her reaction, scared that she would cave and let him break her heart again. She had few friends, but the ones she did have were special to her. Friendship was not something to play with. And Severus was still interested in the dark arts. He was still nothing like the boy she had known so well at nine and ten - the boy she had cried to during the first year of school when she was homesick. He was not even the Severus of fourth year who had been her confidante, her partner in Potions, her sounding board - and constantly surly and jealous. She even missed that Severus.
Who was he now? He was tall, thin - maybe too thin - with a purposeful stride that belied the self-esteem issues he had (though the hunched shoulders certainly indicated it). He was intelligent, clever and would be very successful in whatever he chose to do...
That was really Lily's issue. He was too smart to be seduced by the dark side of magic. She just didn't understand. How could he want to cause harm? How could he desire such destructive power and the ability to ruin even one life with a single word? No, she thought, shaking her head, she couldn't let him in again. Not if that was his great desire.
Her eyes were still closed as she began to speak. "Severus, I miss you as well, but---"
His lips met hers with a sudden pressure and she resisted the urge to open her eyes. Instead, she let him kiss her - or at least, sit there with his lips pressed to hers, his hands now clutching her upper arms with a near death grip.
She knew it was wrong. She knew it was stupid and the last thing she should have done, but Lily let her tongue slide press against the crease of his mouth. He opened his mouth and his tongue moved to hers, their lips moving, heads moving...
Lily focused only on the kiss. After a second, she realised he had released her arms and she immediately threw them around Severus. His body stilled as she pressed against him and his breathing became so labored and heavy, she couldn't help but pull back.
"Are you okay?" she asked in a whisper. He was still gasping for air, but put a hand on her shoulder to prevent her from moving further away.
"Fine. Sorry...please..." He turned back to her and she felt tears threatening again. The look on his face made it clear how much he wanted to kiss her again. She wasn't exactly against it, but...she knew it was a bad idea considering they couldn't even be friends, much less...more.
He moved in, but stopped before his lips met hers. They gazed at each other with heavily lidded eyes. "Please kiss me, Lily."
Maybe it was the deep tone of his voice, the firm hand on her shoulder or his warm - slightly cinnamon-flavored - breath on her lips, but she decided she would. "O-kay," she said softly, drawing the word out before pressing her lips to his. She didn't think when she slid her tongue into his warm mouth or when she unbuttoned his robes and her own. They were both fully clothed, but the lack of thick robes between them - just cotton and buttons and zippers - made Lily's heart ache. She slid her hands around his waist under the robes and leaned toward him - intent on feeling close to Severus - feeling something with him again - almost anything was better than the disappointment and pain that one word (the curse word) had caused. She couldn't understand it and she didn't take the time to try to analyze it.
He moved his hands to her waist, resting his long fingers there for a moment, even as his tongue slid slowly against hers. Lily surpressed a noise when his fingers slid under her shirt over the skin of her lower back. His fingers were cold, but the firm pressure and their softness made something inside her grow...she found herself pressing herself against him - his body so slim and firm and...
His breathing became heavy again and pressed so close, without the heavy robes, she felt the reason against her belly - sandwiched between them. He was still kissing her - his breathing coming heavily from his nose - and his hands were now sliding over her upper back, her belly exposed to the cool air by his hands raising her shirt. She shivered and tried to moved even closer, rubbing against him.
He let out a low noise she had never heard from a person in such close proximity to her and his grip became nearly painful. He pinned her against him, his hips moving ever so slightly against her.
She ended the kiss and pulled away, not quite looking at him. "I should go."
"No, please," he whispered, his hands pulling her close again. "Not yet...just..."
"I can't, Sev." She kissed his lips chastely and knew she would be crying herself to sleep that night. "I'm sorry."
His hands dropped and his face fell so his hair hung down, obscuring him from her. "Goodbye, Lily."
He sounded as sad as she felt. She stood there a moment longer - trying to think of something to say. Instead, she turned.
After one step, she turned around. He had not moved.
"You are at the top of my list."
"What?" he said sharply, his gaze meeting hers. His eyes looked red - but dry.
"My compatibility results." She pulled out the scroll. "You're number one." She tossed it to him and he caught it easily.
"Bye, Sev." She gave him one last look and turned around, heading back to the castle. She knew she had to forget about it - all of it. It could not mean anything. It had to mean absolutely nothing.
A/N: Random, eh? When I was in HS, there was a compatibility test as a fundraiser. Now, I think how strange that is to do in a school - at the time, I was barely interested, but figured the results were worth $1.00.
I haven't forgotten about Love of the Light and the Dark...I'm almost done with the next chapter.