Disclaimer: I have absolutely no rights to these characters. The italicized bits at the beginning and the end are from Breaking Dawn by Stephanie Meyer.
AN: I absolutely had no intentions of writing this when I wrote "Girl" but I'd always been curious as to what it must have been like for Edward. I'm not sure I completely nailed it or found the right balance between his distress, his being a teenaged boy and his heightened senses, but I do like how it turned out.
Also, thank you for your comments for "Girl" and for adding it as one of your favorite stories! I hope you enjoy this one just as much.
"I promised we would try," he whispered, suddenly tense. "If…if I do something wrong, if I hurt you, you must tell me at once."
I nodded solemnly, keeping my eyes on his. I took another step through the waves and leaned my head against his chest.
"Don't be afraid," I murmured. "We belong together."
I was abruptly overwhelmed by the truth of my own words. This moment was so perfect, so right, there was no way to doubt it.
His arms wrapped around me, holding me against him, summer and winter. It felt like every nerve ending in my body was a live wire.
"Forever," he agreed, and then pulled us gently into deeper water.
The water lapped at our sides silently as I held her as soft as possible in my arms, pressing her against my chest. The deep black water was warm and comforting around my body and I could feel every grain of sand between my toes, I could hear the subtle changes in the current. None of it compared, however, to the feeling of her breasts pressed against my chest. I inhaled deeply, drinking in her scent mixed with the scent of the ocean. I would do this for her. I would make love to my wife on our wedding night and nothing would go wrong. I had to. I wanted her to have as much human experience as possible and this was about as human as it got. I stroked her hair and she sighed so silently I doubt she even knew she'd done it. She was silent for a time and I strained to hear her thoughts, a habit I'd never been able to shake even though I knew it was fruitless.
She wrapped her arms around my shoulders, pulling herself up the length of my body to lock eyes with mine. I could stare at her eyes forever, my own brown pools of solace. Every time I looked into them there was something new, I noticed a new fleck of gold or green, understood more deeply a certain emotion she was trying to convey. Her look now was one of complete rapture and I couldn't help to smile as she placed her porcelain hand on my jaw and traced my lips with her thumb. I would do this for her. I had to.
"You're gorgeous in the moonlight as well as the sunlight," she whispered and she leaned in to kiss me, her lips grazing against mine every so slightly, but I felt it down to my toes which curled in the sand. And suddenly she was gone, she'd pushed herself from my body and sunk into the water. I couldn't stop my reflex to save her and scooped her up in my arms, pulling her up so I could see her beautiful face again. "I'm buoyant, I would have popped back up if you gave me a second," she chided. I couldn't help but smile. She was so different from every other girl I'd ever known; her mind worked in a different way from other's her age.
"I missed seeing your face," I muttered, opting to not explain my moment of unreasonable panic. She shook her head, a faint smile playing on those perfect bow-shaped lips.
"You have eternity to stare at my face, we only have tonight to stare at that," she said and wiggled out of my arms, floating on her back before me. I inhaled sharply and if I had the ability, my face would have been as red as a tomato. I drank in her perfect naked form and was instantly reminded of some ancient painting I'd seen in a gallery in Italy sometime ago. My memories were clouded with the sight of her. She was more perfect than I could have even imagined and I had to slip into the water and float next to her to stop myself from ravaging her right then and there. I wouldn't have been able to control myself if I started in that kind of trancelike state. I struggled uselessly to steady my breathing and twisted our fingers together, trying to keep a grip on reality. I was suddenly embarrassed at my reaction and hoped she wouldn't be upset with my looking at her, the mundane thoughts of my 17-year-old mind catching up with me. "Are you going to be ok over there?" she asked, her voice thick with a wicked smile. She knew exactly what she was doing to me.
"You're something else, Mrs. Cullen," I teased and nudged her as gently as possible. I could hear her lips contort into a smile and I breathed lightly. How did I get here? To have this beautiful woman take my name. I'd waited so long for her.
"Edward," she said my name so softly I'm not sure a human man would have been able to hear her. I turned my head towards her, careful to keep my head completely above water but I could have been 100 yards away and completely submerged and I still would have heard every word she uttered, every graceful movement of her hand or her leg through the water. She ran her hand up the inside of my arm and pressed her warm body along the side of my regrettably frigid existence. I drank in the warmth emanating from her pores.
"What is it, darling?" I asked, my eyes roaming over her face, she looked content, happy and it's the only look I ever wanted to see etched on her beautiful china face. My mind tugged me into a more morbid direction for a beat, a thought of her laying dead beneath me on a bed of roses; her face broken because I'd kissed her too hard. I instinctively wrapped my arm around her, steadying us both in the current and protecting her from myself. The demons in my mind would not scare me. I could do this, I had to.
"I'm just – I don't know. It's everything I never knew I wanted. This night, the sky, the beach, this place. You." The terrifying thoughts continued to bombard my mind and I tightened my grip cautiously around her waist. My breathing quickened but I wouldn't let that fear overtake me. The terror of the possibilities made me want to tell her to run away but selfishly I couldn't let her go. She turned her head slightly towards me, struggling to keep the water out of her eyes and I couldn't help but smile, her clumsiness warming my body and reminding me of one of the many reasons I absolutely adored this woman. It was enough to lock those wretched thoughts from my mind for a time.
We were both quiet for a moment, staring into each other's eyes and my head cleared completely. "Let's head back to the house," I suggested, desperate to get away from this place where dark thoughts had tried to get the better of me. She sighed that sigh that only I could hear and turned her head back towards the sky, her heartbeat quickening considerably. That all-too-familiar ache in the back of my throat began to burn and I swallowed hard, determined to overcome it. She'd mistakenly took my suggestion to mean that I was ready, but that couldn't be farther from the truth. My mind was a roller coaster of doubt, despair, love and exuberance. I had to do something to take the edge off, to keep my head steady so I gently nudged her and said, "Unless of course you plan to float to Africa," forcing a smile into my voice. She laughed softly in the back of her throat and that's all it took. She brought herself upright, her arms and legs kicking to keep herself afloat and nudged me back.
"All right I get it, Mr. Cullen. Sorry for trying to set the mood," she joked and the love reflected in her eyes was almost too much to handle. The tension that had stretched my jaw and tightened my chest released little by little until I was able to bring my thoughts back to this moment, the feel of the current, the sand between my toes. I mimicked her movements, though it was purely for her benefit, I could easily stay afloat without moving at all.
"Race you back to the shore," I smirked, knowing full well I could be at the shore and in the house before she even realized what had happened. Joking with her was taking the edge off considerably and I was feeling at least somewhat normal again.
"Oh you're just so funny, aren't you?" she giggled, splashing water at me. The droplets were still warm from her skin as the left her hand and connected with me, bringing her scent with them. I inhaled and smiled then shook my head, becoming addicted to our easy banter.
"That was a bad idea, silly girl!" I said and slipped beneath the water, a mischievous smile playing on my lips. I swam in a silent rush back towards the shore, running along the sand silently as I found my way back in the house within seconds. My most hideous thoughts were successfully tucked away for the time being and a new fear clenched me. When she came up to the house it would be time for us to willingly and eagerly engage in the most life-threatening situation I had ever placed her in. I took a deep breath, pulling on a pair of black cotton shorts and staring at myself in the mirror, steadying myself on the dresser, my fingers denting the wood as I gripped it too hard. I almost absentmindedly broke a piece of furniture from the 18th century that had survived house fires and floods. My demons awoke and started to torment my mind again. I shook my head, looking myself directly in the eye of my best friend and worst enemy and muttered, "You will do this. You will do this for her and everything will be fine. You know you can do this. You've had about a year to kill her, don't you think you would have done it by now if you were going to?" I heard her heart racing from the place I'd left her in the ocean and I looked at myself one more time before grabbing a towel for her and walking back out to the sand.
"Edward?" she sounded panicked but just the sound of my name on her lips was enough to calm my nerves. Her heart was thudding in my ears.
"Yeah?" I asked, pushing myself back into the playfully calm place we'd been before I came back to the shore. Her undue panic actually made me giggle a little and my head began to swim in the dark humor of the situation, my ears welcoming the sound of her pounding heart.
"Edward? Where are you? I can't see you!" She was twisting around in the water, desperately searching for the source of my voice. I couldn't help but smile.
"Silly girl, I'm right here. Look along the beach near the house." I watched her intently as her eyes scanned the beach and suddenly locked on me. Her panic subsided and was replaced with a look of anger. I knew I was in for it and readied myself against the palm tree I was standing beside. She swam as fast as she could towards the shore but as soon as I heard the soft thud of her feet meeting the ocean floor, there was an unreadable change in her expression and she locked eyes on me, walking excruciatingly slow from the surf and little by little another inch of her body was exposed. I gripped the towel in my hand, fighting against a new urge deep in the pit of my stomach. I fought hard against the desire to run and pounce on her, throw her back in the surf and claim her body with my own right there.
I shook my head, restraining myself as I watched her emerge before me, I drank in every inch, trying my damnedest not to stare at the soft curves of her perfect breasts, her milky thighs leading to that perfect triangle between her legs. My entire body was electric and if so much as an owl hooted at that moment I would have jumped 40 feet in the air. She rung her hair out and walked up the beach towards me with a wicked smile playing on her lips. She knew the effect she was having on me, not that I could do much to conceal it. My jaw was clenched, the skin of my face was taut and I'd given up on breathing altogether. I couldn't put together a coherent thought as I wrung the towel between my hands, the tiny fibers weakening in my grip. I could have torn the thing in two.
She came to stand a few feet in front of me, that wicked smile never leaving her lips. I locked my widened eyes on her face; too scared to look down at her body again for fear that I wouldn't be able to control this new temptation. "Is that for me or were you planning to massacre it?" she asked with a smirk, placing her delicate hand over mine which was gripping the towel as though it was my last saving grace. I'd barely heard what she'd asked and then shook my head and did my best to snap out of it.
"I – um – yes. For you," I stammered and shook it out, wrapping it around her shoulders, wanting to cover as much of her body as possible so I could ease the tug on my brain that was telling me to grab her and ravage her right now. She readjusted it so it was hiked up beneath her arms like she did after she showered. Why had I never felt this dizzying rush to my groin before? I'd experienced arousal of course having laid beside her for months as she slept, seeing her everyday, her body pressed against mine as we kissed, but this sensation was altogether new and much more potent than the stirrings of a ravenous teenager. This feeling was as ancient as the world itself, the deep seeded desire to join myself with her, to make her feel how much I loved her. The feeling was overwhelmingly powerful.
I hadn't noticed she'd pushed past me and started walking towards the door when I broke through my reverie. "Stop," I managed to croak. Her body froze, her heart stopped for a beat and her shoulders slumped slightly in defeat. It wasn't hard to read her body language, she thought I was going to tell her this was a mistake, a bad idea, we should wait. But those were the furthest thoughts from my mind as my head was completely clouded with desire. I slid up behind her, my hands running along her arms, feeling the heat radiating off of them but not daring to press my flesh to hers. She began to turn her head to look at me when I continued, "I believe it's customary for the man to carry his wife across the threshold," I said, kissing her shoulder softly. The fragrance of her skin mixed with the salt from the water was an unexpectedly erotic scent.
She turned around to face me and I couldn't stop myself from cupping her face in my hands, kissing her lips fully. My demons woke from their slumber as I looked at her incredibly delicate face. I placed my forehead against hers as she lightly grazed my neck with her fingertips. I searched her eyes for a hint of fear but I saw nothing but love. After a beat she tensed slightly and pulled back to look me in the eyes.
"Edward, we can – we don't have to – it was wrong of me to push this –" She was trying to give me an out, trying to make this easier on me. I couldn't help but smile as I pressed my lips to hers softly. If I could create tears, my eyes would have been flooded. She was always so worried about me when all logic would say she should be worried about her own safety. I would do this for her, for us. I had to.
"I'm fine, I promise. I want to be able to do this for you. I love you so much." My chest felt full as the words crossed my lips. The scent of her skin, the soft pulsing of her blood through her veins, the soft caress of her hand on my arm, the plush feeling of the towel she was wrapped in pressed against my chest, her damp hair that was beginning to dry in those lovely brunette curls I loved so much, her deep soulful eyes staring at me with love and adoration. I kissed her again as she declared her mutual love for me and ran a soft hand through my hair. I purred deep in my chest as she stared into my eyes, trying to figure out what I was thinking, trying to be as supportive as possible for me. I grabbed her hands from my hair and pulled away from her lips.
"What did I tell you, Bella?" I asked, searching her face. She looked down at the sand for a beat, inevitably thinking she'd done something wrong and upset me. Such a Bella reaction, always unreasonably blaming herself for something grotesquely out of her control. "Before, when you came and met me in the surf. What did you promise me?" I clarified, my eyes searching hers, my gaze softening as she came to it and I couldn't help but smile.
"I promise to let you know if you hurt me," she repeated, her heartbeat fluttering silently.
"Don't try to protect my feelings like you always do. Please, you have to be honest with me," I said, pressing my lips against hers, another deep seeded wave of desire gripping me as I intensified the kiss. She nodded and pulled back from my lips.
"I promise," she uttered, the words falling off her tongue like a soft prayer and crushed her lips back to mine, her hunger for me enveloping both of us. Her arms locked around my neck. "I promise," she said against my lips, breaking away to kiss her way up my jaw and to my ear. I shuddered, needing to feel her lips everywhere, "Remember what I said. We belong together. Forever," she breathed. I nodded and pressed my lips back to hers, claiming her eagerly awaiting tongue with mine. Her arms clasped back around my neck and I could feel her towel start to slip down her body but I quickly gathered her up in my arms. If I'd seen her naked flesh at that moment, I would have been taking her up against a palm tree or whatever else may be nearby. Not the most romantic way to lose one's virtue to one's spouse. I carried her over the threshold, her hands running through my hair as we kissed. The dark clutch the demon had on my chest seemed to ease considerably and I sunk into her on the bed. I was laying over her, pressing her into the mattress and devouring her lips, kissing her neck, pausing briefly to inhale her intoxicating scent. My lips and hands didn't, couldn't stop. I hitched one of her legs around my thigh, my hand traveling over her, her hands gripping my hair. She moaned and my mind snapped back into my body. Was that a satisfied moan or a worried moan? I couldn't tell. My head was clouded with desire but I pulled back from her anyway, both of us panting. I searched her face for any sign of distress and smiled when I saw the look of lust etched on her features.
"Please excuse me, I lost myself in you for moment," I said, looking down to assess any damages. She seemed to still be in one piece and I smiled, looking back into her eyes. "You're just so lovely, Bella," I muttered. "Please help me keep this slow. I don't want to lose control."
"I don't know that I'm going to be much help, but I'll do my best for you. You're doing brilliantly, love. Not a scratch," she smiled, turning her arms over for me to see. It was comforting to know she was as lost in me as I was in her. I couldn't express this overwhelming need to feel every part of her and have her feel every part of me. I smiled and pushed my lips back to hers, softer and more controlled this time. I would slow my natural impulses and worship her body the way she deserved. I would make love to my wife, softly and sweetly. I would restrain myself, put her needs before my own. I would do this for her. I had to.
I left a trail of kisses from her mouth, across her face, down her jaw and to her neck. I briefly tempted the vampire out of his slumber and nuzzled her neck, drinking in the sweet perfume of the blood that pulsed just beneath the surface. My throat burned dully and I rested my lips against her flushed skin, slowly licking her neck. She inhaled sharply and I instantly pulled my head back, scared I'd hurt her, expecting to see fear in her eyes at my being so close to her life force. But her face was contorted in pleasure. "No, please, that's good," she said, licking her lips and sliding her fingers through my hair. I could feel her fingers on each individual strand as she tugged my head back towards her neck. I slid my tongue back out, gliding along her neck, sucking gently, testing myself then dropping kisses to her ear.
"You are so beautiful, Bella Cullen," I breathed in her ear. She was dazed in a pool of desire with me and opened her eyes slightly, leaning up to kiss me gently on the lips, her hand tracing my face, I could feel her in every pore of my body, could feel her fingernails as they passed over every hair on my face even though I'd shaved just that morning. I could feel her breath all over my face, my neck, my hair. This was an exquisite feeling and was more than I ever could have imagined.
I kissed down her neck and to her clavicle, tempting the beast again by taking the bone between my lips and using my tongue to slide up to her shoulder. The danger was great; I could bite and break the bone in a second. Just a little too much pressure and her collarbone would be mangled. I dangerously tested the waters, wondering where my limit would leave me. She heaved her chest up in response to my work and I couldn't help but grin into her shoulder. She was so close to danger and yet all she felt was an electric spark in every part of her body.
"I'll have to keep that one in mind…" I muttered, still smiling against her skin. I would start a checklist of places to revisit in the future, I would learn how she wanted to be pleased and I would do it for her whenever she needed me for the rest of our lives. I was capable of controlling my primal urges. I had to be. I slid across her body and did the same to the other side and she rewarded me with the same reaction. Her gentle tugging on my hair was making me shiver but the heat from her body warmed me greatly. This felt amazing to be so close to her, to inhale her deeply and know that I was eliciting those small moans that caught in her throat. I was making her feel things she'd never felt before. A rush of arousal pushed me further and my hands, which had lingered at her waist, waiting for their cue, fluttered towards her neck. I slid her hair away from the right side, tracing my fingers down the soft flesh and leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake. For a minute I regretted my cold flesh, wishing I could be as hot for her as she was for me. I pushed those thoughts from my mind and kissed over the bumps. I slid my other hand along her side and to her shoulder, gripping her there momentarily while I found my courage and then ran my fingers down her neck to the top of the towel that was covering her.
I waited for a second, wanting to make sure to give her ample time to stop me if she decided she wasn't ready but she heaved her chest up to me and gripped my neck tightly. The feeling sent shock waves through my body and I had to calm myself, I had to get her hands off of me so I could control the desire to throw caution to the wind and slam into her now. I pulled her arms from around my neck and clasped them above her head. I locked eyes with her, sliding my hand down the length of her arms, through her hair, over her face and lips, down her neck and to the top of the offensive towel. I stifled the desire to rip it off her body bury my face in her. She arched her back to me, beckoning me to continue and I could feel her heart rate pick up. I slid my hand under the towel and slowly pulled it back, still allowing her time to stop me if she wanted to. And then her left breast was exposed to me. I tried to steady my breath before she noticed but it was futile. I kept my eyes locked on hers as I slid my hand over and opened the other side of the towel. I didn't dare look directly at her exposed flesh but I could make out her exquisite frame in my peripheral vision. She was breathtaking and I had to gulp hard to keep myself together.
Her breathing became erratic and her heartbeat soared. I stared at her face, wishing to know what she was thinking. I kept my eyes locked on her face, bringing my hand up to push some of her hair behind her ear and run my hand along her gentle features. My abdomen tightened as my inexperience threatened to paralyze me. I'd done the necessary legwork, I knew what a woman's body looked like but I didn't know Bella's body. She was something all new for me to discover and I wondered if she would be pleased by me or if I would leave her wanting. I dipped my head to claim her lips with mine, pushing those thoughts from my head, strengthening my resolve.
"Please, Edward," she breathed into my lips. In my daze, she managed to pry one of her hands from my grip and grabbed the hand I'd placed on her face, turning it over so she could kiss the flat of my palm. I hadn't expected her next delicate move. She cupped my hand with hers and brought it down to wrap around her left breast. My body shuddered in response and her nipple hardened under my touch. She squeezed my fingers in hers, causing me to squeeze her soft flesh. I groaned deep, my excitement heightening. I buried my head in her neck and inhaled deeply. The rush of her scent down my nose and into my chest made my throat throb a little but I ignored it like I had so many times before. Nothing was going to stand in my way.
"I've been around for over 100 years and I have never in my existence felt anything as exquisite as this feeling," I murmured in her ear, my cold fingers gaining confidence as her hand left mine and invited me to explore this new territory on my own. My hand cupped her breast and then pulled back and circled my finger around her nipple. Her back arched off the mattress and she moaned. My mind swam, wanting to hear this sound again. "You're amazing," I breathed, moving to her other breast. She tensed and arched her back again as I rolled her nipple between my fingers.
I was so intent on eliciting that same soft moan from her lips that I barely heard her coo, "Look at me, Edward, please." She lulled her head to the side and kissed me softly. I knew what she was getting at but my apprehension was back and I was frozen between the desire to ravage my wife's body and the need to maintain my composure and be a gentleman and not gawk at her naked form.
"I only see you, love," I said against her lips.
"I want you to look at my body. I am yours, you can look," she kissed my neck as the words sang from her lips. I pulled back, her invitation dancing across her lips in a lazy smile. I hadn't wanted to seem impolite by looking, but it seemed as though I'd ended up being impolite for not looking.
"I didn't know if – "
"I know. I give you permission." My eyes clouded over with lust as I shifted my gaze from her face, down her neck, over her shoulders, down her chest to her delicate breasts, stopping there for a moment to drink in the details. Every freckle, the way her chest shifted as she inhaled and exhaled. I could feel her blush, her heartbeat quickening as my eyes shifted lower and before I knew what had happened she was shoving my shoulder, trying to roll me over. I was eager to see where this would lead so I allowed it, settling on my back as she straddled my lower stomach. Before I could stifle it, I groaned loudly at the feeling of her on me. I could feel her heat radiating from between her legs, could feel the dampness, could smell a new intoxication that I'd only ever experienced faintly as we kissed. She was aroused. I groaned again as she dipped her head down to slide her tongue down my jaw, following a trail down my neck, pausing to nuzzle me there and inhaled deeply the way that I had done. She'd told me once that I smelled like home and smiled inwardly at that as she kissed her way down my neck and dropping kisses along my shoulders.
My head was swimming, I could feel every fiber of my being open up to her to drink her in and keep her there. I was spinning with the irresistible feeling of her lips on my body and I couldn't stop my hands from traveling up her body, over her milky thighs, lingering at her hips, resisting the urge to grab them and lower her onto me, and then sliding up further to kneed her breasts again. She leaned over me, he hair tickling my sensitive skin as it cascaded around her face. He moaned as she kissed her way to my nipples and I suddenly felt her warm tongue on me. My body froze under her. Dear God that felt good, I thought. I could feel her grin into my skin and do it again and my breath caught in my throat. The rush of tension to my groin was a welcome distraction and suddenly I needed her in a way I never thought possible. She was tormenting me. She was taking it slow for me. Easing me into this uncharted territory. The enormity of her kindness threatened to level me as she flicked her tongue out over my other nipple and I groaned, my entire body tense as I pulled her back to my lips by her shoulders.
"You're driving me absolutely crazy, darling," I growled against her mouth, exploring every crevice, our hands fluttering around each other's bodies. This was the most decadent night of my existence and we were nowhere near finished. She sat up, driving her heat back to my stomach and let me drink her in fully. Her hair fell down around her shoulders, framing her perfectly delicate face, the ends of her hair brushing her nipples. She moved a little to get comfortable in her stride and moved her warmth around, her moist center coming in contact with my stomach. I moaned, jerking slightly at the feeling. She smirked and ground into me harder and it took everything in me not to scream expletives.
"I'll have to keep that one in mind…" she teased, replaying the same words I'd used on her. I couldn't reopen my eyes; I wouldn't be able to control myself if I did as she went back to torturing my nipples with her hot little tongue. I wanted her to move it down, past my stomach, lower still but I would never ask. I would take what she wanted to give me and experience the depth and breadth of the sensations coursing through me. My body was squirming, desperate for her to move lower, just a tiny fraction. My hips bucked off the bed as she pinched my nipple. I focused on my breathing, focused on the ceiling, anything to stop myself from pinning her beneath me and having my way with her.
I felt her warmth slide down my body and jump over the bulge in my shorts, the little tease. My hips bucked and I groaned, the heat radiating off of her was making me lose my mind. I had to struggle to stay cognizant of my surroundings. I stared at the white headboard, the gauzy fabric draped over the bed, the intricacies of the paint on the walls. Anything to keep myself focused. And then she kissed her way down my body, stopping at the waistband of the ridiculous shorts I'd stupidly put on. They suddenly felt very tight, too constricting against my skin and I wanted them off. My eyes locked on her as my breathing came in short spurts, my jaw clenched in a tight line. She looked up at me, asking permission with her eyes but I couldn't so much as blink for fear I would be consumed by these feelings. She teased me by sliding my shorts down a fraction of an inch. She looked back up at me again and I must have looked shocked to her, my eyes wide with anticipation and then she continued her work, freeing me completely of the shorts as I kicked them off at my ankles. I was having so much difficulty regulating my breathing that I gave up and stopped for a little bit. That was it, there weren't any secrets left between our bodies. She looked me over, a slight blush on her cheeks as she took me in and smiled to herself. I was desperate to know what was going on behind those gorgeous brown eyes but I didn't dare ask, the insecurities of an inexperienced teenager taking control. I had to have her, had to feel her. I grabbed her by the arm, possibly more forcefully than I'd intended and pulled her to my lips as I kissed her hard, holding her head to my face. Her right hand placed patterns on my chest and I kept my eyes clenched shut. The only way I would be able to finish this, to make love properly to my life, was to allow this. Allow this slow torture she was inflicting on my body, allow myself to get used to this new rush of emotion, of need.
She ran her fragile hand down my body until she came to the place I needed her the most. I kept my eyes crushed shut, my jaw clenched hard and I focused on my breathing. In and out, in and out. She stopped kissing me as her hand lingered beside me and I forced my eyes open to look at her, beg her to continue, but not trusting my voice to get the urgency across. With our eyes locked, she wrapped her hand around me and I snapped my eyes shut again, growling deep in my chest, an animalistic sound that I'd only heard myself make when I was hunting. Her heartbeat was through the roof, her hair tickling the side of my body as she stared at the contorted expression on my face. I licked my lips as she said "I love you," so gently and then moved her hand up my shaft. Her fingers trembled slightly at first but then she gained the confidence she needed when she heard my reaction and she started to move at a quicker pace.
My eyes were screwed shut, I couldn't look at my beautiful wife doing these incredibly erotic things to my body, I didn't want my animalistic side to come out as anything more than a desperate growl deep inside as she pumped her hand up and down the length of me. I reached for anything to hold onto and found a clump of sheet twisted in my palm, my other hand gripping her tighter to my body, her breasts pushed up against me and I gasped, bucking my hips up to meet her movements.
"God Bella, please – " I squeaked, the voice didn't sound like mine but I knew it had to have been me that said it. She kissed me quickly, leaving my lips still puckered, wanting more as she slithered down my body, bumping me all the way down with her heat or her breasts. I felt her warm breath hovering over my lower half, her hand still tensed around me. My eyes flew open as I felt her hair tickling my thighs, cascading around her perfect breakable face. I wanted to stop her, fearing I would completely lose control any second but I couldn't speak, I couldn't make any noise. She looked up at me, her eyes searching for approval. Something in my face begged her for more even as my head begged me to make her stop and she bent down to place a kiss at my tip. My hips bucked wildly off the bed. If she hadn't jerked back, who knows what catastrophe could have occurred. She did it again and I had to wonder if this woman had a sick death wish. I couldn't control the bucking of my hips. I wanted her lips around me and I wanted to scream for her to stop at the same time. There was a brief pause and I closed my eyes again, hoping she was done until I felt her lips open and I felt her take the end of me into her mouth, her tongue sliding around on my sensitive skin. I yelped, and grabbed her, throwing her on her back on the mattress. I didn't know what had happened until I was hovering over her, my tongue in her mouth, kissing her feverishly. She locked her arms around my neck as I crushed my lips to hers. The morbid image of her cracked face crept back into my thoughts and I pulled away from her, my whole body shaking in an effort to steady myself, to pull myself back together.
"Damn girl," I groaned after a time. Not the most eloquent statement, but the only thing I could manage to say at the moment. I wanted to rain praises upon her, let her know how amazing she made me feel, but I couldn't think of the words. She slid her tongue along my neck and smiled into my skin.
"And here I was just getting started," she purred as I wrapped my arms around her gently and laid her back on the bed. My breathing was still coming out in spurts and I was desperate to regain control of myself but the overpowering need to please her the way that she had pleased me was clouding my mind and pushing me back to a place where I couldn't think straight. I needed her, my body physically ached to be sheathed in her warmth, to join our bodies and show her how much I loved her. To prove that I was strong enough to do this for her, that I could be the man she fancied me to be. That I deserved the undying trust she showed me, even if I wasn't convinced I deserved it myself.
"We have our whole lives for foreplay. I need you now, my Bella," the words rolled out my mouth, again sounding as though they'd come from a stranger's tongue. Without my permission, the fingers on my right hand trailed along her soft neck and down her chest, pausing to place my hand over her heart, feeling her heart thumping against my hand and then down further to pinch her nipple. She moaned and wiggled beneath me as she buried her head in my neck, her breath cascading over me in warm bursts as my fingers danced down her stomach, over her hipbone and to her left thigh. I leaned down, reclaiming her lips as my and slid up and down her thigh, tempting the monster out of his cage, daring him to stop try to stop me from making my wife feel all the things she deserved to feel. When the torment inside my mind didn't come as expected, I reach my hand down, cupping my hand over her heat. The intense warmth filled my hand and I felt like my skin may be boiling. "You're on fire," I breathed into her lips.
"Only for you," she squeaked, her eyes heavy, yearning for me, begging me with every inch of her body. I shut my eyes and ran the tip of my finger up the length of her and she bucked her hips up and I couldn't help but chuckle manically at her reaction. Now she knew how I felt. The intensity of her reaction gave me a newfound confidence but I still needed to maintain as much control over the situation as possible so I used my other hand to pin her hip to the mattress. She squirmed against me.
"Easy, darling," I cooed in her ear and, feeling emboldened by her reaction, slipped my index finger between her folds. She trembled in my arms and for a moment I thought I'd gone too far but then she was squirming around again and my head was buzzing with her scent, the little moans that were escaping her lips. I swirled my finger up around her clit and she started muttering incoherently. I studied her face with a grin, proud that I had the ability to do this to her, that I alone could make her feel this way. My breathing became heavy as I moved my finger around her most sensitive area faster and she clenched her arms around my neck, her hips rolling in circles below me. I had to make her stop squirming, I had to keep my control so I laid my body fully against hers, her breasts pushing against my skin and she attacked my lips, causing me to moan into her and inadvertently slip a finger into her sopping center. She broke away from my lips and yelped and I stopped moving instantly, terror gripping every part of my body, my mind instantly snapping back to the danger of the situation.
"I'm ok. I'm fine. Sorry, it just – I mean, it's supposed to – you know, the first time…" She sputtered the words, her eyes conveying that she was fine and begging me to continue. I sighed, feeling a wanton desire to stop, to say I couldn't control myself, we'd tried it didn't work out and I understand if you have to get your kicks somewhere else for the rest of our existence. But I couldn't, I didn't want to. I had to do this for her. I had to. I pulled myself together, letting go of the tension infinitesimally.
"Remember your promise," I whispered in her ear, fraught over trying to make her understand the immediacy of the threat I posed.
"I won't forget, but please – " she begged and I crushed my lips to hers, not wanting to here her beg for another thing in our time together. She should have what she wanted and if she wanted this then so be it. I pressed my finger deeper inside of her, knowing that it would be at least uncomfortable for her but her muscles relaxed quickly around me. I gave her time to adjust and then pushed further in still and she gasped and clutched my shoulders. I stared at her face, looking for any indication of pain there and she looked like she was straining to relax her muscles. Once her eyes fluttered back open, I pulled my finger out and then pushed it back in. Her hair splayed out beneath her, her face completely flushed red as I stared at her and moved in and out again. Her breathing was inconsistent and I closed my eyes, feeling my finger so completely drowned in the depths of her heat made my cold body feel warm for the first time in decades. I leaned down to her ear, wanting to say something, to express what she meant to me but the words didn't come as I watched the look of pleasure stretch across her face. I lashed my tongue out and licked her earlobe and her hips bucked against my hand. My mind snapped back and I pinned the lower half of her body to the mattress. I couldn't bear her doing that, I wanted to throw her legs in the air and slam into her and I knew that would break her in ways that I'd never be able to explain away and would haunt me for the rest of my miserable lonely existence.
"Edward, oh God, I need you. Please!" she begged and her body started to shake. There was that begging again to pull me out of my trance and back to the present. I pulled my finger out of her and pulled back from her body completely. This was it. This was what she'd been fervently craving for the last few months. I kneeled between her legs as she struggled to regain her breath. I took the reprieve to look down at her, her face flushed red, pearls of sweat glistening on her perfect ashen skin, her lips full and parted, her breasts heaved towards the heavens, her legs perfectly draped over my thighs.
My eyes moved back to her flawless face and I prepared myself as she continued to fight to regain control over herself. I knew it would hurt her slightly and I had to be ok with that and not run away thinking I'd broken her. I'd done the necessary legwork, I'd done my research and I knew what it would feel like for her. The thought of having to willingly accept hurting my beautiful Bella was almost enough for me to say no but that would be cowardly. I had promised her and we were so close now that it would be dim-witted to stop now.
And I knew she would bleed and I had to come to terms with that as well. I was terrified of what would happen when I smelled it but I'd been around her blood for over a year and everyone was still alive. The venom barely materialized now when I smelled her fragrant blood and the throbbing at the back of my throat was barely a dull simmer. That didn't mean it wouldn't throw me into a state of shock when my mind would already be emptied in the throes of passion. This too I had accept and I did so willingly.
I looked down at my beautiful breakable Bella and let a twinge of fear course through every part of body and then pushed it aside as her eyes opened lazily and looked up at me, sitting up to pulled me down by my neck to kiss her. I hunched my back, her legs draped over my thighs, my hardness brushed up against her opening. She moaned and pushed her tongue in my mouth and I let it happen for the first time in our relationship. If I didn't snap and kill her now, I thought, I could definitely get through the next enterprise. I attacked her tongue with my own; her arms clasped around my neck and settled her back against the mattress. My hands roamed up and down her sides, my thumbs grazing her nipples as I went and then I stopped when my hands rested on her hips. I pulled back to look at her, her lips bruised slightly from my kissing but I knew that could happen to anyone. She opened her eyes to look at me and I stared right back at her about an inch from her face. I placed on hand on either side of her, propping myself up in a pushup position and her legs were wrapped around my waist. She wiggled her hips a little at the feeling of me at her entrance and I groaned deep, dropping my head to kiss her neck and nuzzle the soft skin there for a second. I had to be ready, there was nothing left. I pulled back and looked her deep in the eyes, begging her to ask me to stop to tell me to get lost, this wasn't worth the risk anymore, that she could be happy with a normal guy.
"I promise to tell you if you hurt me," she whispered, misconstruing my intent with her love and sincerity. I closed my eyes for brief moment, trying desperately to clear my head of the myriad of thoughts racing through my mind. I wanted to cry, she was far more than I deserved in this life. I opened my eyes and drank in the adoration etched across her face. I wanted to be deserving of that. I wanted to believe that I was justified in being here with her, that I was worthy.
"I love you so much my Bella," I whispered and brushed my lips against hers softly as the words left my mouth. I briefly hoped that this wouldn't be the last time that I would kiss her warm lips, but I abruptly pushed those thoughts aside.
"I love you too, Edward, more than words can say," she cooed and I believed her. I had to do this for her, for us, for everyone. I had to prove that I could have my cake and eat it to, that I wasn't a monster and that I deserved the love that this woman so clearly held for me. I locked my eyes on hers and slid my hand between us, guiding myself to push into her. Her eyes slammed shut and I could see how much she hurt, I could feel her body tremble beneath me. I had already made my peace with this and I had to just let her adjust, like the website had said. Inch my way in, letting her adapt every little bit until I was fully inside and then wait until her body relaxed and she gave me the go ahead. I would not rush this; I would not lose my senses and slam impatiently into her warmth. This could work; I just had to maintain control.
I slid further inside of her and her breath hitched in her throat. "Breathe, Bella, don't forget to breathe," I said and felt her relax around me. She opened her eyes to look directly into mine and I clenched my jaw tight, trying to stop my primal urges. "Does it hurt terribly, love?" I asked, kissing her eyelids as she squeezed them shut again. My chest tightened, guilt gripping my insides at the thought of hurting her. She shook her head, always so brave.
"Just give me a minute," she managed to choke out and I kept perfectly still like the stone statue she always said I resembled. After a minute, her eyes fluttered open and she smiled at me. That heart-wrenching smile of love and forgiveness and trust. Her eyes were watering and I wondered what she was thinking as she wrapped her arms around my neck, staring into my eyes. "Thank you for being patient with me, love," she whispered. I could say the same thing, I thought. She rocked her hips against me and I growled deep in my throat at the unexpected movement. I rocked my hips back into hers and we both moaned. The friction of our bodies felt incredible and I could feel every inch of her as she gripped me firmly with her body. Then, as if overcome by some outside force, my hips began to move in and out of her, maddeningly slow. I wanted to take all of her, to make love to her for the rest of my life, the feeling was otherworldly as I gyrated against her. This was no animalistic run to the finish like I'd heard in so many people's minds over the years. This was so much more, she was so much more. I could smell the floral fragrance of her blood and I could feel it inside of her. My throat burned slightly more than usual but I maintained control, taking a deep breath, tempting fate to make sure all parts of me would accept it and move on.
I shifted my weight onto my elbows, wanting to be closer to her and slipped my hands beneath to hold onto her shoulders to get more leverage as I quickened my pace, my head dipping to nuzzle her neck and drink in her scent. I brought my face back to hers as we moved and she pulled her legs tighter around my waist, slipping me further inside of her and eliciting a groan for deep within me.
"Oh Bella, that's…" The words tumbled out of my mouth but I couldn't complete the sentence. I felt like I was swimming in her fire and I needed more. I thrust into her faster, careful to keep my wits about me at the same time, but losing more and more control with every thrust. Her body awakened and her hips bucked up to meet me, my head was swimming. For the first time in my afterlife, I couldn't distinguish different feelings, different smells, different tastes. I couldn't even tell where my body ended and hers began. Her head lulled from side to side and I watched her from above as she begged me not to stop, sweat glistening on every plane of her body. Her hands were everywhere: she clutched my hair, grabbing fistfuls of it; she dug her nails into my shoulders and then raked them up and down my back. I couldn't understand these devastating feelings I felt encircling my entire being.
I stared at her face, not daring to break my eyes away from her and a deep desire made me groan and pull her legs higher around my back, giving more access as I slid deeper inside of her. Her body began to shake and the sheets beneath her were covered in sweat. She was moaning and groaning in an incredibly pleasurable way. I couldn't believe I was able to have that effect on her and I needed more. My desire threatened to take over as she ran her fingers down my back and I grabbed her roughly, pinning her arms down at her sides not giving any thought to how much or little pressure I applied.
"Edward, I'm going to – please don't – oh God!" she screamed and I could feel her walls clenching and unclenching around me as I slid in and out of her quickly. My head was completely immersed in this woman and I wouldn't have been able to stop if I'd tried. The sensations emanating from between us were mind blowing and her body started to shake violently and a new aroma washed over me. She moaned loudly as she reached her end and I cautiously quickened my pace, wanting to experience this with her. Her face contorted into a million different looks as I continued to move inside of her and I crushed my lips down to hers. I inhaled deeply and pulled away from her lips, moving to her neck, my mouth filling with venom. Just one tiny taste wouldn't do any harm, the demon thought and I slid my tongue along her, stopping to press my teeth against my lips and then I averted my face, slamming it into the pillow beside her head as I came hard inside of her. My teeth sank into the feather pillow as my body twitched and rocked violently.
I stopped moving completely and felt for her heartbeat against my chest, relief sweeping over me as I felt it there. She was alive. We'd done it. Then the realization of the shredded pillow so close to her breakable flesh hit me and I was disgusted with myelf. So close, I could have killed her, I could have slipped a couple of inches to the left and she would be gone forever. I had to push these thoughts from my mind until tomorrow. I had to be strong for her, to let her enjoy this truly human experience as much as fully as possible. I would flog myself tomorrow but for tonight, I would be the perfect husband. I would hold her as she fell asleep and then I would have the whole night to berate myself. I brought my forehead to rest against hers and kissed her softly on the lips, quietly brushing feathers away from her view. I locked my eyes on her perfect face.
"I love you," I said throatily and slid out of her, rolling onto my back next to her, putting my body over the destroyed pillow, hiding it from her view until morning. She curled up against my body, wrapping her arms tight around my body and nestled herself against me.
"Forever," she murmured and I could feel her body tense and relax in intervals. I ran my fingers through her matted hair, the smell tickling my nostrils and the demon reminding me of how close I'd been to losing everything. "Thank you," she muttered and I nearly lost all control. She was thanking me for nearly taking her life. "I must look like a total mess right now," she said smiling against my body. I pulled her closer to my body, protecting her more fully from myself as my anger at myself threatened to flair up. I suppressed it again, locking it away in the back of my mind until she went to sleep.
"You look gorgeous always. Especially in the afterglow," I said and captured her lips tenderly with mine. I pulled back, forcing a smile for her and she started giggling in my arms. "What's so funny, silly girl?" I asked, cocking my head to the side. She buried her face further into my chest and shook her head, still giggling. "What's got you?" I asked, my spirits genuinely lifted by the sound of her laugh.
She choked back more laughter as she pulled her head up to look at me, "You know," she said, a smile lingering on her lips, "you lasted a pretty long time for a 17-year-old who waited 80 years to get laid." I shook my head, mussing her hair and laughing. Bella always knew exactly what I needed without me having to tell her. I needed her to be normal, to make a silly joke and she did it without realizing what she was doing.
"Let's just say it took a lot of concentration, distraction and focus," I chuckled and pulled her closer to me, practically pulling her to lie in a ball on my chest, my eagerness to protect her overwhelming me again as the laughing subsided.
"Is that what the kids are calling it these days?" she asked, still snickering, the giddiness an obvious side effect of the excitement of sharing something so intimate and dangerous and both living to tell about it. I pulled her up so her face hovered just above mine and kissed her hard, rolling her onto my back. I wanted to feel something other than this disgusted hatred for myself. I wanted to feel her love. She deepened the kiss and I nearly pulled back, terrified to go down that road again so soon but I didn't want to disappoint her or have to explain myself so I went with her. I smiled onto her lips briefly. I had done it. I had made love to my beautiful wife and everyone was still relatively in one piece.
Her hands came to play with my hair and she rolled me onto my back, my mind shutting off as her hands explored me. The rest of the world, my worries, my concerns, slowly fell away.
The sun, hot on the bare skin of my back, woke me in the morning. Late morning, maybe afternoon, I wasn't sure. Everything besides the time was clear, though; I knew exactly where I was – the bright room with the big white bed, brilliant sunlight streaming through the open doors. The clouds of netting would soften the shine.
I didn't open my eyes. I was too happy to change anything, no matter how small. The only sounds were the waves outside, our breathing, my heartbeat...