********UPDATED AS OF 10-09-2009***********

I now have found a fantastic fan who has selflessly agreed to Beta this story and clean it up for me!!!

I would like to give a shout out to Karma32 for her hard work at cleaning up my clumsy writing in this story!!!!!


A/N: This is my very first attempt at writing fan fiction, and I really hope you enjoy it! Please take the time to review and let me know how I'm doing!

This story originally started as a stand alone, but since has grown into a series. It begins shortly after Edward left Bella in New Moon, and is a love story between Jacob and Bella, as well as a few other characters. There are lots of twists and turns, drama, and some steamy lemons!!

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing of Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, or Breaking Dawn. Everything belongs to the talented Stephenie Meyer, with the exception of the plot that I have developed.

Bella's POV

Several months had passed since I "died," becoming this shell of a person, merely existing. Several months since he walked out of my life without a backward glance.

Charlie was at his wits end, threatening to send me back to live with Renee and Phil.

Poor Charlie, he didn't know what to do to help me anymore. I wasn't sure if I even wanted help. I wanted to do what I had to do each day, then go to my room and feel the gaping wound in my chest where my heart used to be. I wanted to wallow in my misery, because in my mind, I couldn't live without Edw-him. My whole existence had been wrapped up in him. I had given everything I had, heart and soul, to the point I had nothing left to give anyone else, let alone myself. I drifted off to sleep, these thoughts going through my head.

I jumped up, several hours later, shaking, covered in sweat, the invisible hand of my nightmare still choking me, the sobs coming out in high pitched gasps. I've always had nightmares, but since he left, they have gotten worse. Something about this dream was different from the rest. Normally, we were in our meadow. Edward would look at me and say those painful words to me, laugh, and walk away, leaving me shattered. In tonight's dream, he looked at me, his eyes no longer the beautiful topaz color. They were red with bloodlust. He looked at me, held out his hand and whispered in his velvet voice "I'm ready for you to be with me for eternity, I'm ready to give you what you want, Bella love. I'm ready to turn you so that we can be together forever". In my dream, I backed away from him, no longer wanting to give up my mortality. He laughed, and quicker than my human eyes could see, he had me pinned against his body, teeth glistening with venom, slowly moving his mouth to my neck as I struggled and fought him. It was at this point I woke up. I knew right at that moment that I wanted to live again. I needed to find who I was. I needed help, and I was finally willing to get it. I laid back down, trying to get a few more hours sleep before facing my new "life".

The months passed by quickly since I'd made my decision to try and live again. I started to see a counselor named Teri, who helped me sort out everything. She was an amazing person, so warm and caring, willing to listen to my crazy ranting, hugging me as I cried, slowly helping me piece together the shattered parts of my life. Charlie was thrilled, and as a result of me trying, our father/daughter relationship had become closer. I still hadn't fully reconnected with my friends at school, but I was slowly allowing them back into my life, especially Angela. She was always so compassionate and understanding, and she didn't have a mean bone in her body. I decided that I was going to make a better effort with my friendship with her. I knew I couldn't keep myself sheltered from friends and that I needed some other human contact, but I was taking baby steps, trying to be as gentle with myself as possible. I was still broken and scared, afraid of letting people in, afraid to allow myself to be vulnerable to anyone, afraid to care about people enough to be hurt. Something was still missing, some key piece that would make me whole again, but I didn't know what that was, or if it even existed. Maybe someday I would find it.

I woke up before my alarm, and went to take a quick shower and make breakfast for Charlie and myself. It was a nice day for Forks, the sun streaming into the little kitchen window. I closed my eyes and felt it caressing my face, warming the slight chill that still haunted me. It was after nine and I heard Charlie coming down the stairs. He looked at me, apprehension in his eyes, probably wondering if zombie-Bella would be back. I smiled slightly at him, trying to put him at ease. He smiled back, coming next to me to grab a cup of coffee before he sat down.

"Mornin' Bells! Something sure smells good."

"Just some pancakes Dad, nothing too fancy." I laughed.

It was a miracle Charlie hadn't burned down the house, hell, the whole TOWN with his horrible cooking. How this man had survived as long as he had was beyond me.

"Wow, actually looks like a nice day for a change Bells. Any plans for today?" Charlie was normally not so talkative, not being one for many words. That had started to change once he saw me trying so hard to live again, and he made an effort to be a little more open with me.

"Well, I think I'm going to wash the beast out there and then maybe clean out that thing you call a garden" I started calling my ancient red truck "Beast" because it was old, rusty, and loud. It had been neglected for way too long so it was time for a good cleaning. I'm pretty sure it was due for an oil change too. Maybe Charlie could call over to the Blacks house and see if Jacob would be willing to change it for me. I hadn't seen Jacob since my prom that Ed--ward made me go to, insisting that I not miss out on any "human" activities.

It was still so hard hearing his name, thinking about him and the rest of the Cullens, and the wound in my heart throbbed a bit. I was able to take deep breaths and get the ache to weaken. Teri had taught me several coping mechanisms to lessen the pain, breathing being one of them. See, I have this tendency to stop breathing when things become too intense.

"Hey Dad, would you mind calling over to Billy's and see if Jacob would be willing to change the oil in my truck?"

Charlie looked up at me, a huge smile on his face "Sure Bells. It will do you some good to go down to La Push for a while. Maybe take a walk on the beach while Jake works on the truck."

While Charlie called the Blacks, I lugged out a huge bucket, filled it with soapy water, and grabbed a bunch of towels. While dragging the hose from around the side of the house, it got tangled around my ankle and I went flying. Shit, that's going to leave a mark!

Have I mentioned that I am a total and completely hopeless klutz? If there was any way for me to hurt myself, it had a way of happening. I thought I would have grown out of it as I got older, but nope!

I picked myself up off the ground, muttering about how the fates must really have it in for me, when Charlie came out of the house to leave for work.

"Jacob said to come down anytime today Bells. He said he's just going to be working on some project in the garage, so he's free."

I went up and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Thanks Dad."

"Welcome Sweetheart" he replied.

"Listen, I'm probably going to be working late tonight, so don't worry about dinner. Billy said you can eat with him and Jake if you wanted to. I guess there are some plans for a bonfire later tonight too. Go and have some fun for a change!" He started to get into his squad car, waiting to see what I would say. He'd been trying to get me to hang out with my friends rather than isolating myself like I had been.

"Sure dad, I'm going to play it by ear though. The dinner thing I may take them up on, but the bonfire might be a little much. Anyways, be careful at work tonight. Love you."

"Love ya too Bells" he replied, while backing out of the driveway and heading into town.

My attention turned back to the task at hand.

"As for you" I grumbled to my truck "you are going to be scrubbed until you're shiny!"

I really loved my truck and I smiled as I got to work.