Chapter 11- Gone Too Soon
A/N- I am sooooo soo sooooo sorry this took so long but I have just had the worst writer's block and I haven't been able to write, I am so sorry I hope you can forgive me for this. As always please read and review. Thank You For Your Support.
Dedicated To Cmaus and GreyGoose Who Continuously Reminded Me How Much They Need Their Fix and Motivated Me To Get This Chapter Done. I Love You Both. Thank You.
Thank You To My Lovely Beta Lea For Fixing My Fanfiction and For Being The Best Beta Ever. I Love You, Thank You.
It had been two weeks, fifteen hours, twenty five minutes and eighteen seconds since Seth's death. It had been a week and a half since Leah had eaten, drank anything or had seen daylight. She has locked herself in her room and refused to come out, even Jacob couldn't get her to come out. Sam who was still grieving over Seth was also worried about Leah harming herself. He had never seen her so desperate his whole life. He knew that Seth's death has pushed Leah over her breaking point and he was worried Leah was going to hurt herself. Sam paced back and forth outside their bedroom. He tried everything, he begged, he pleased, he cried, he threatened to break the door down but nothing seemed to work. Sam was finally at his wits end. Jacob was still at the door trying to talk to Leah, trying to con her in to opening the door.
"Come on Lee, for me, do it for me…..please" Jacob begged as he pressed his forehead against the door in exhaustion.
But there was no answer, no noise, not even the soft sound of cries, nothing.
"Leah, please, please" Jacob moaned banging his fist lightly against the door.
"What do we do?" Brady asked.
"We get the hell out of here and let her wallow in her own misery" Paul stated in anger.
"Damn it Paul, she just lost her parents, her best friend and now her brother. She has every right to do this, this is how she grieves, so stop being such an insensitive ass." Jacob shout finally fed up with Paul's antics.
"If you want to leave Paul leave, but don't you dare insult my wife in my house." Sam spat in sheer anger.
Paul sighed realizing how insensitive he was being. "I'm sorry guys, it's just that I'm exhausted. We have been doing this for three days straight."
"Yeah well I have been doing this for two weeks Paul but you don't see me complaining. She is our sister and we are supposed to be here for her. She just lost her whole family; she doesn't have anyone left but us. If you don't want to be here Paul then just get the hell out. You are no use to us anyway." Jacob hissed through his teeth.
Paul clenched his fists in anger, his face turned red hot and he was ready to fight but Jared stopped him.
"Paul, go NOW!" Jared exclaimed.
Paul turned and walked out, slamming the door behind him but not before growling at Jacob.
When Paul finally left, Jacob and Sam returned their focus on to Leah.
"Leah?" Sam's voice cracked, he had hit his breaking point "please?"
Sam and the other's waiting for a response but just like the last time but they got nothing.
Hours passed and Sam, Jacob, Jared, Quil, Embry, Brady and Colin had fallen asleep on the couch after days and days of the same routine. They all were all snoring loudly, each one in their own pitch and with their own annoying sound. Suddenly the door slowly opened and Leah emerged from the room. When she opened the door her eyes came across six young men all sprawled in the living room, a smile came across Leah's face. They had done this for her. They had been here for that past week trying to get her out of the bedroom.
Leah slowly made her way back to the bedroom and grabbed a stack of blankets; she then went around to each one covering their bodies with the blankets. Leah went around until she stopped at Sam, she sat next to him on the edge of the couch and stroked his face. He looked pale compared to his normal glowing russet skin. Leah winced as she felt the rough stubble over Sam's once clean shaven face, under Sam's eyes there where black bags from when he would stay up night after night trying to get Leah to come out of the bedroom. Even with all these factors he was still handsome as ever.
As Leah stroked his face, Sam began to stir suddenly Sam's tired eyes flew open and met with Leah's.
"Lee, you came out." Sam stated in shock.
Leah nodded "I can't do this anymore Sam, I can't cope with Seth death, but at the same time I can't keep doing this to you guys. You guys have been here since Seth died and you have been trying to help me but I have refused and now look at you, you are all exhausted from trying to help me."
"Leah, we all love you and we are here for you for however long you need us." Sam said seriously has he stroked Leah's face.
Leah smiled as she placed her hand over Sam's.
"What did I ever do to deserve you?" Leah asked.
Sam smiled "I was just thinking the same thing about you."
Leah bent over and kissed Sam sweetly until she heard Sam's stomach rumble. Leah frowned.
"I'm sorry, I have been neglecting you."
Sam shook his head "Leah, you have every right to grieve over your family and besides we can fend for ourselves."
Leah snorted, "Yeah right."
"Seriously Leah, I'm still here aren't I?"
Leah frowned again.
"Please don't talk like that."
Sam sighed "I'm sorry, I just meant that we are still going, it's not like we are sick or anything."
Leah nodded. "Yeah I'm surprised you guys didn't get food poisoning or something."
"Yeah well we kinda cheated."
Leah raised an eyebrow "What do you mean?"
"I got my mom to make us a few meals, while you were in hiding."
Leah half smiled "I'm sorry, I just needed time to think, to figure out how to deal with this and now I know that I need you with me, I can't do this without you."
Sam's warm hand took Leah's. "Leah, I'm here for you for whatever you need, day and night, any hour, any place, anywhere."
Tears welled up in Leah's eyes. "I love you Sam, I'm so afraid of losing you."
Sam sat up and took Leah in his arms. "You are never going to lose me Leah, never; I am going to be here for a long time so don't you worry."
Leah nodded, "Okay."
Leah smiled and got up but Sam grabbed her wrist before she could go any further.
"Where are you going?"
"I'm going to make you guys something to eat, just to say thank you for everything you have done for me."
"You don't have to Leah." Sam told her.
Leah smiled warmly "I want to Sam…any requests?"
Sam thought for a second, "I could really go for some cookies since the last time you planned on making some you never came through."
Leah gasped "That was totally your fault."
Sam shook his head "ummmm may I remind you, you were the one that laughed at me first."
"And may I remind you that it wasn't my fault you looked like Santa with all that flour in your hair and on your face."
Sam pouted, "So I looked like a pasty faced, fat, bald man, thanks."
Leah giggled "Aww no, you looked more like a buff, sexy Santa."
"Oh do I now?" Sam grinned wiggling his eyebrows pulling Leah close to him. Leah smiled at Sam.
"So cookies it is then?" Leah said getting up and walking towards the kitchen.
"Need any help?" help Sam called out.
Leah chuckled lightly. "Okay, but if you make a mess your cleaning it."
"Yep" Sam said brushing Leah off.
"So where do we start?" Sam asked as he made his way towards the cupboard.
"Let's see; we need flour, sugar, chocolate chips, bowls and mixing spoons" Leah said.
"Got it." Sam breathed as he struggled with his full hands.
Leah laughed as Sam balanced each item in his large hands. "Be careful don't drop anything."
Sam nodded and placed each item gently on the table.
"Now, let's bake."
Leah and Sam sat quietly on the kitchen table with milk and cookies in front of them, no one was talking, no eye contact was being made, just painful silence. Sam's eyes darted back and forth between Leah and his hands, desperately trying to come up with something to say, to relieve some of Leah's pain. He opened his mouth to say something but he quickly retreated. Sam could see the pain and anguish in Leah's eyes, he reached over and placed his hand over Leah's. Leah looked up and tears fell from her eyes.
"Leah?" Sam started, but Leah shook her head.
"I'm fine, I'm just being silly." Leah wiped the tears from her red puffy eyes.
Sam immediately got up and kneeled beside Leah.
"Leah please I want to help you, let me in." Sam pleaded.
Leah slowly raised her eyes to meet Sam's.
"I can't do this anymore Sam, it's so hard, I feel like a part of me is gone, I don't think I can move on from this, I don't think I can go to Seth's funeral."
Sam nodded in understanding "I know this is hard for you, it's hard on all of us but we are all here for you Leah. We love you and we will help you through this but in order to heal you must let go and going to the funeral is the first step."
Leah shook her head violently. "No," she shouted. "If I go to his funeral then I have to face the fact he is really gone, I don't….. I can't, I can't do that."
Sam's hand rose to Leah's cheek brushing against it lightly.
"Leah, Seth will always be here, he's memories will live on through you but you can't keep him locked in there." Sam said pointing to Leah's heart, "he has to be free, remember what our legends say 'those who's souls run free, will be carried with the wind but they will always return back to us, Seth's spirit needs to be free Leah so he can come back and watch over you."
Leah cried, "I love him Sam, I just don't want to lose him."
Sam smiled "You will never lose Seth, Leah he will always be with you whether it be in your memories, in photographs or in your heart."
Leah nodded "Yeah, it's just…" she trailed off.
Sam nodded "I know."
Leah and Sam embraced, no words where said, no eye contact was made, they just held each other as if everything was already said, that was until…
Five bodies violently hit the kitchen floor.
Leah and Sam pulled out of their embrace to see Quil, Embry, Jared, Brady and Colin all rubbing their wounds.
Sam rolled his eyes and Leah tried to suppress a laugh, as another voice bellowed out.
"Jeeze, you guys are about as graceful as giraffes on ice." Jacob sighed.
Leah looked up to see Jacob leaning against the doorway.
"Sorry, we didn't mean to interrupt but we could smell the cookies." Jacob smiled sheepishly.
Leah grinned "would you like one?"
Jacob smiled "yes please" He said stepping over his fallen comrades to get to the cookies.
"Hey." came a bellow from his fallen mates.
Jacob just shook his head and took a cookie from the plate, he looked up to see Leah's red blotchy face, it was clearer in the light.
"Are you ok?" Jacob immediately asked as he sat beside her.
Leah nodded "I will be."
Jacob nodded back as if to reassure himself.
Finally the others got off the floor and attacked the plate of cookies, nearly knocking Leah off her chair.
"Watch it!" Sam growled in anger.
The guys smiled sheepishly and each mouthed a 'sorry' to Leah.
Leah gave a little nod to indicate that she was okay, Sam reached out and took Leah's hand and brought it up to his lips.
"You want to go back to bed?" Sam asked.
Leah shook her head.
"I don't want to be alone, I rather have the company."
"Do you want to talk about it?" Jared asked.
"I don't know, it's too hard every time I think about mom or dad I feel like someone has just pulled out my heart and stomped on it, but Seth he is a different story. He was my little brother, he never did anything wrong to anyone. He was the one who was there for me when everything in my life was falling apart, I just I can't comprehend why this has happened."
"Leah, I know this sounds morbid but when it's time for someone to go, it is time for them to go. You can't stop it or ask why. You just have to understand this was the time that they were given." Quil told her.
"He was fifteen Quil." Leah's anger rose.
"I know Leah, but fifteen years of memories think about that, at least you have that, it's better than not having anything at all."
"I agree Lee, as long as you keep those memories alive, Seth will be alive as well." Jacob nodded.
Tears began to form in Leah's eyes. She felt her body tremble and her hands begin to shake.
"Leah, it's ok to cry too, you are allowed to cry." Jared soothed.
Leah nodded her head furiously.
"I just…" Leah said pausing for a second.
Jacob looked up at her "what is it Leah?" he asked.
"I just want to go to sleep because for a second after I wake up I don't remember that he is gone and I think he is still here and everything is okay." Leah sobbed, "then it hits me that he is gone and it's like I am hearing the news for the first time again, I just miss him so much." Leah's body shook in uncontrollable sobs, Sam stood up and gently pulled Leah towards him in a hug.
"Shhhh, Leah it's okay, you're going to be okay." Sam whispered in her ear.
Leah didn't say anything at all she sobbed and sobbed and sobbed until she was all cried out, until her eyes were red and face was pale white.
Sam lifted her into him arms and carried her out of the kitchen and back into the bedroom. He gently laid Leah on the bed and covered her with a blanket. He stroked her face as he whispered, "I am not going anywhere Lee, I am going to be right here, I love you."
Leah didn't moved, didn't make a sound, her eyes where glazed over as if she was in a drug induced daze.
Her eyes slowing began to close.
"Sam?" Leah whisper hesitantly.
Leah looked up at Sam.
"Seth's funeral is tomorrow?" Leah asked.
Sam nodded "Yeah, its tomorrow."
Leah nodded and took Sam's hand.
"I love you Sam." Leah cried.
"I love you too Lee." Sam whispered kissing Leah's forehead before she drifted off into a restless sleep.
"Leah?" a voice calls.
"Leah?" the voice said louder.
Leah stirred in her sleep and shifted away from the voice, it was working up until she felt a hand on her shoulder and then the hand shaking her gently. Leah's eyes fluttered open to see Sam's face, Leah smiled but when she saw Sam wearing all black she realized what was going on and what was happening. Leah pushed her body away from Sam.
"No" Leah spat.
"Leah, please you have to get up, we need to get to the church."
Leah shook her head again.
"No, I can't I can't do this."
"Leah, you have to. This is your chance to say goodbye."
Leah shook her head pushing Sam from her body.
"No, if I don't go then maybe I can pretend he is still here and that he is in another place."
"Leah, if you keep pretending like this, you'll never grieve and then when the realization finally hits you that he is gone, it will be like you are hearing it for the first time again."
"I'm not ready Sam, I am not going. I don't care what anyone thinks of me. I'm not going and that's final."
Sam sighed but he respected Leah's wishes.
"Okay Lee, but if you change your mind, you'll know where to find us."
Sam left closing the door behind him, leaving Leah to sit all by herself in her empty bedroom. As Leah looked around the room, flashes of Seth came flooding back and memories started to re-emerge from when she and Seth were kids.
Leah *5 years Old*
Leah was happily walking around in the park with her mom and dad and two year old brother Seth. Leah had a two scoop ice-cream cone in her hand 'cookies and cream' her favorite. Leah was hopping on the hop scotch with her ice-cream in her hand when suddenly she dropped it on the floor.
Little Leah immediately started crying.
"mi ice- ceem" she cried hysterically.
"Oh Leah, I told you to be careful so you don't drop your ice-cream." Sue shook her head.
"Come on Lee, let's get you cleaned up." Harry said as he gently grabbed Leah's tiny arms.
"But, but, but mi ice-ceem, my ice ceem "Leah cried out.
Little Seth Clearwater smiled walking up to his big sister.
"Here" he said thrusting his half melted ice-cream in Leah's face.
"have mi creem."
Leah immediately stopped crying.
"reelly?" she smiled.
Leah smiled pulling Seth into a big hug.
"Tank yooo, Sethy" She said hugging him tightly.
xxxEnd Of Flashbackxxx
The another memory came to her
"Seth, I'm so nervous, what if he doesn't like me?" Leah said as she nervously played with the end of her knee length dress.
"Leah, if this guys doesn't like you then he is a douche bag, you are everything a guy wants, you're smart, beautiful, original and have a great sense of humor. You're perfect Lee." Leah smiled.
"Leah, if I can find a girl like you, with the same qualities as you all be the happiest guy in the world."
"Thank you Seth."
Suddenly there was a knock on the door.
"That's him." Leah smiled.
"Yeah, I'll get it." Seth said as he walked to the door.
Leah smiled as Leah saw Seth and her date Sam Uley shake hands.
"Take care of her, Sam."
"I will Seth, I promise."
Seth gave Sam a look.
"Don't try anything."
Leah had to laugh at Seth's attempt to be tough.
"I won't, I promise."
Seth smiled. "Have a good time, then."
Leah smiled. "Thank you Seth."
Leah leaned towards him and kissed his cheek before taking Sam's hand and walking out the door.
xxxEnd Of Flashbackxxx
Finally the last memory came to her
"We can pull through together Lee, we can get through this."
Leah shook her head.
"I don't think I can Seth."
Seth smiled and took Leah's hand.
"Leah, Mom and Dad aren't gone they never will be, as long as we think about them and celebrate their lives they will live on within us."
Leah nodded. "I'd give anything to see them again Seth."
Seth nodded. "Me too Lee, but Mom and Dad are in a better place, together and they are probably up there wondering what all the fuss is all about. We will see them again Lee, this isn't the end. It's just a pause until we will see them again."
Leah smiled. "When did you get so smart Seth?"
Seth smiled. "I'm not smart, I just learn from the best."
Leah leaned forward pulling Seth in a tight embrace. "I love you Seth."
" I love you Leah, always."
xxxEnd Of Flashbackxxx
Tears streamed down Leah's face, she quickly wiped away the tears and jumped up from the bed.
"I have to go to the funeral, I can't miss it, I owe it to Seth."
Leah hurried around the room grabbing any plain black dress she could find.
"Do you guys think Leah will change her mind about this?" Jacob asked standing outside the church.
"I don't know she was really determined not to go." Quil said looking up at the darkened sky.
The day was unusually dark for La Push, not only was it an overcast day, but there was a eerie cold breeze that every time blew past gave you chills down your spine.
"I don't think we should have left her by herself, she could harm herself." Jared stated.
"Nah," Embry shook his head, "Leah isn't like that."
"I hope she is okay." Jacob said looking out into the distance.
Paul put his hand on Jacob's shoulder.
"She is a strong girl and she knows she has our support."
Jacob nodded. "Yeah, I'm just worried."
"Guys?" a voice called from behind them.
The guys turned to see Sam.
"They are starting."
They all nodded and made their way inside.
Jacob stood outside for a second.
"Leah, where are you?" he asked in the cold crisp air "Seth needs you."
Jacob sighed and made his way inside.
Sam glanced outside praying for Leah to change her mind before he walked inside as well.
Leah was ready; she was ready to do the hardest thing she would ever have to do in her lifetime, say goodbye to her little brother. Leah drove up to the church and saw the hearse parked outside. Leah felt her breath catch in her throat. This was real, she was really doing this and as much as it hurt, she owed this to Seth. She needed to do this for Seth and more importantly herself.
Leah looked around and saw car after car parked in the church parking lot and outside the church. These people have come to say farewell Seth. She sighed and placed her head back taking a few deep breaths to calm her nerves before she turned the car off and made her way out of the car and up to the church. She looked up to see the church doors closed. She dreaded going inside not knowing what to expect but she had to do this, Seth had been there for her when nobody else was. Now it was her time to do the same.
Leah took one last deep breath and made her way towards the church, each step that she took caused her more and more anxiety but she brushed it off.
"You can do this." she told herself.
Until she finally got to the church doors, Leah felt her knees begin to shake, her body was frozen she couldn't move. For a few minutes there was pin drop silence, and then she could hear voices from behind the door. She could here Sam's voice.
"Seth has always been an important part of my life, not only because he was Leah's little brother and my brother in law but because I always considered Seth to be a brother to me. Seth was an amazing person, I have never met anyone so kind, so caring and so loving he always looked out for others, making sure that they were taken care of and if they were upset he would be the one doing everything in his power to cheer you up. When I think of Seth I can only think of good things. He was never a bad person he never has one mean bone in his body he cared so much for everyone around him. He had a heart of gold. He could make you smile with just one look, he was truly an amazing human being and there will be no one on this Earth like Seth. So I stand here today and I wonder why him? I ask myself, why this beautiful person? Why was he taken away from us so soon? Even though I still don't understand why, I know that wherever Seth is, I know that he is happy and he is with people who love him. Knowing Seth he is probably looking down on us thinking what the commotion is all about, I know Seth wouldn't want us to be sad; he would want us to celebrate his life. I know that Seth as reached a better place and that he is happy and that gives me enough strength to keep him alive through our memories. I love you Seth, you will be truly missed, and I know you are in God's care now so I know you're safe. Till we meet again little brother."
Leah who had heard Sam's speech broke down crying; she didn't want to accept Seth being gone but as hard as it was this was she had to do just like she did with her mom and dad. So Leah opened the church doors and stepped inside. When Leah walked inside everyone turned and all eyes were on her. Her eyes darted from person to person, then her eyes landed on the casket where Seth lay, the casket was closed causing Leah to let out a sigh of relief. Her eyes closed for a second letting the image fill her mind before letting out a breath. She opened her eyes and made her way up the aisle and took her place next to Sam at the podium. Sam pulled Leah into a hug and whispered in her ear. "I am so glad you are here, what made you change your mind?"
"I had to do this for Seth." Leah whispered back.
Leah pulled away and smiled taking Sam's hand.
Leah turned to the crowd and when she did she saw all of La Push and most of the people in Forks. Her eyes fell on the Cullen's', Sam's mother, Quil Atera Snr, Billy Black, Charlie Swan, Bella Swan and all her girls.
Leah opened her mouth to talk but nothing came out, Leah's eyes fell on the casket on and she burst into tears. Sam jumped to Leah hugging her tightly; Leah brushed her tears away and began to speak.
"This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do, saying goodbye to my little brother, I don't understand, I can't comprehend how he is gone. He was here one day and gone the next. It's just so hard. I honestly wasn't planning on coming today, I knew it would be so hard to be here and know that I'll never get to see my baby brother again but I realized that this isn't about me coping with Seth's death. This is about saying goodbye to one of the most important people in my life. So it took everything for me to be here today but I had to because Seth has always been there for me no matter what. He would drop everything and be there for anyone who needed him that was the kind of person Seth was. He was always put others before himself and I realized that today I has to do the same. Seth was and always will be the most amazing human being I have ever come across. He always brought love and happiness where ever he went, if you were happy he would take pleasure in your happiness and celebrate with you, when you were sad he would be the first one trying to make you smile and if that didn't work, he would console you and cry with you. Seth taught me so much about life, he taught me to love every single moment whether it was good or bad, things that were good cherish it and be thankful for it and if things were bad accept it and learn from it. He did so much for me, so much more than I ever did for him and this is one thing I will regret for the rest of my life. Seth Michael Clearwater, you will never know how much you mean to all of us, I will keep you close to my heart and think about you always. I am so thankful to have known you and cherish all the memories we have had together. You are the best brother I could have asked for. I love you so much and I will see you again someday. Until then be happy wherever you are. I love you Seth."
Leah sucked in a deep breath and wiped away her tears. When she looked around the room she could see most of the people on the pews wipe away tears as well. Leah looked at Sam; he was crying to, she smiled at this. Leah then made her way down from the podium and towards the casket. Sam immediately jumped ready to be by her side by Jacob grabbed him.
"Let her go." Jacob whispered.
Sam nodded and stood firmly in his place. Leah made her way to the casket and placed her head on the top of it, tears ran down Leah's face and fell on the casket.
"I love you always little brother." she whispered before hugging the casket.
Leah let go after a minute or two and stepped back into Sam's waiting arms, she watched as the priest did the final prayer on Seth's body. Leah felt Sam wrap his strong arms around her body and kiss her forehead lovingly. As the priest finished off the last prayer he stepped back allowing the pall bearers to step forward to collect the body. Sam, Jacob, Jared, Paul, Quil and Embry stepped forward all taking their positions in front of the casket. They lifted it to their shoulders and once it was secure, they began walking with it outside the church, Leah watched as the last piece of her family was taken to be laid to rest. Leah's legs were frozen she couldn't move and she was in a state of shock, by the time she came too, the church was empty and as she walked outside she saw the car with the casket drive away. Sam made his way back to Leah and placed his hand in hers.
"Are you alright?" he asked in a worried state.
Leah just shook her head. Sam placed his chin on Leah's head and hugged her tightly.
"It will be all over soon." Sam said comforting Leah.
Leah nodded. "I know." Leah said simply.
Leah and Sam made their way back to their cars and drove to the cemetery where Seth would be laid to rest next to Harry and Sue Clearwater.
When Sam and Leah got there the priest was saying the last prayer and the coffin was about to be lowered. As Leah came closer to the coffin she could see the small space in which Seth will lay and she shuttered but she didn't turn away. The priest began to lower Seth's body once the body was down, dirty was sprinkled on the coffin as a sign of goodbye, once all Seth's loved ones did this, the grave was finally covered. Everyone said their goodbyes and Leah was left alone with Seth. Leah placed a rose on Seth's grave as well as her mom and her dad's.
"I love you all so much." she whispered.
When Leah looked up she froze because she saw them all standing in the distance, wearing white. Seth was walking towards Harry and Sue both with smiles on their faces. When Seth finally reached them he hugged them both and then turned to look at Leah as if to say he was okay. Tears fell from Leah's eyes as she watched her family together again.
"Leah?" a voice called.
Leah turned to see the Boys and the Cullen's' surrounding her.
"Are you okay?" Sam asked his eyebrows furrowed in concern. Leah turned to where her family was standing before but when she looked they weren't there anymore.
"Lee, are you okay?" Sam asked as his arms snaked around her body pulling him tightly towards her.
Leah smiled turning to Sam looking him directly in the eyes.
"I am fine, just fine."
A/N- Hey Guys just reminding you how much I love reading you comments. Please let me know what you thing, honestly I really appreciate all your reviews each one makes me determined and dedicated. Let me know if you loved it or hated it or whether you guys cried or not. You guys are awesome, you guys make me a better writer. Love you all.